"Think about your anger. Think about why you need to let it go."
Who: Meetra and Dani What: Jedi training and letting go of anger. Meetra also slips and gets Obi in trouble. when: Tuesday! Where: Dani’s house Status: Complete Rating: PG
Meetra parked in front of Dani's house. She was now somewhat familiar thanks to the mission to save Neena, though obviously not as acquainted with it as Obi was. She pulled out a backpack and then walked up to the door, ringing the bell.
Dani's dog was the first person to greet Meetra, which wasn't at all unusual. Ho'nene was friendly, and had a love for both of Dani's Jedi friends even though Meetra had only been over once. Dani thought it was amusing. She wasn't sure what to expect from this meeting, but had put on a pair of light sweatpants and some tank tops in case they were going to do any training.
Not that she was up for much strenuous training, but she wanted to start getting into shape as quickly as possible. Her wound was still healing, but it was healed up enough at least that she could walk around without falling over. She shooed Ho'nene out of the way as she got the door, and grinned at Meetra, "Hey! Glad you could make it!"
She moved out of the way so that Meetra could enter.
There were still some exercises they could do. Meetra thought they could start with the mental exercises, and light physical exercises. The last thing she wanted was to reopen a wound. Besides, she was using a crutch still! She smiled at Dani as she entered, “Hey. I’m glad I could come. How are you feeling?”
Dani took in the fact that Meetra was still using a crutch and smiled a bit sheepishly, "Probably about as good as you're feeling, really. Do you want some coffee before we start?"
She got the door and told the animals to give them some space for a while, then offered to take Meetra's bag for her, so that she could better navigate things.
"God, you read my mind." She navigated through the room after Dani, "Is there a place with a lot of room and a sort of calm sense to it? If not, we should go outside."
While navigating into the kitchen, Dani did a mental inventory of the various places available for them to train in, then shook her head, "I have a few spare bedrooms, but they aren't as spacious as I'd like, and one of them is reserved for Neena. I don't think we'd find peace in that room."
She walked over to her counter and got out coffee mugs, grabbing 3 by rote. The third mug would have been for Obi, who wasn't living there anymore. Or hadn't been, ever. She frowned, and put it back in the cupboard, then started pouring coffee, "I have a really nice back lawn, so that should work. It's a gorgeous day."
She didn't sound genuinely cheerful about the weather, so much as trying to convince herself that the weather would cheer her up.
"Is everything okay? I sense a great amount of distress within you. We'll need to work through that. A calm mind is necessary for a calm body."
It wasn't a level of distress that Dani displayed physically, accustomed as she was to burying her darker emotions as deep beneath the surface as possible. Sure, Meetra might have picked up on the fact that Dani had originally selected three mugs instead of two, but Dani doubted she'd voice her concern with that particular wording if that had been the case.
The only possible explanation for Meetra's words was that some part of the Jedi in front of her could sense her emotions. The realisation turned her distress into equal parts curiosity and anger.
Dani handed Meetra the coffee mug, and tilted her head to the side, "Is that something Jedi can do? Sense the emotions of others?"
"Yes," Meetra replied, nodding her head and taking the coffee mug. Somehow this seemed to upset Dani, but she wasn't sure why. Her force powers had been a lot stronger the past few hours. She supposed she could thank some of the dreams from the last night.
"You're angry."
"Yes. I am. But not with you," Dani admitted. She took a long sip of her coffee and paced the kitchen a bit, while trying to master the rage that was running through her. Obi was a Jedi, too. If Meetra could do it, then so could he. It was likely, anyway.
She probably shouldn't be so quick to judge. Maybe he couldn't sense her emotions. Maybe he hadn't been keeping that to himself, or maybe he didn't have that ability yet.
"I'm probably overreacting."
Meetra took a sip of her coffee and peered at Dani over it. She realized she might have made a mistake with her innocent comment.
"I don't know. Are you angry with Obi?"
"He never mentioned that..." Dani frowned, "Not a word about it."
“Oh boy.”
"So I'm trying to figure out how long he's been able to do that, or if he hasn't picked it up yet, and telling myself that there's an explanation for why he hasn't said anything about it."
They were on rocky enough footing as it was. There didn't need to be other things getting in the way of that. But truthfully, Dani was sick to death of Obi and his secrets. Not that she'd been 100% open with him at first either, not with the things deep within her. There was a great deal about his past she didn't know the details of. But something like this...
She'd always been up front about her powers. What they could do, what they could make people do. It hadn't been lost on her that people had died in that warehouse, simply because she'd caused them to panic. And he had never been up front with her about that.
It made her want to toss her coffee mug out the window, and she realised suddenly why it was that the Jedi were all about cutting out physical attachments, "So this is the dark side, right?"
She could lie. She could say her powers were farther along than his. But that would be a lie, and this, she thought was something that needed to be said.
"He was stronger in the force than I was. Mine have only recently become stronger. Dark side?"
"This anger I'm feeling. I don't know everything about the Jedi, which seems odd considering I used to live with one. Or maybe it seems completely normal. Maybe you Jedi like keeping your secrets, but I think I understand a bit more why love might be something you guys avoided." Dani frowned. She'd seen Anakin, seen what he'd become - though not what he'd been, before. Only that you could feel the evil. She couldn't imagine Obi becoming that. Was that even a possibility?
Why she should care about that when she was so angry at him right now was beyond her. She shook her head, "You said I should be calm. That's the part of the Jedi thing I think I could apply to my powers the most. How do you get this anger to go away?"
"You realize the anger is pointless, and you let it go. The anger can't solve your problem. Most of the time it won't make you feel better, only make things worse. Let go of the anger."
Meetra took her coffee outside, leaving it up to Dani to follow.
Dani watched her go with a puzzled expression on her face. She mouthed the words Meetra had just spoken, like they were some kind of foreign language. Let go of the anger. Was it that easy?
She wasn't sure it was, but she resolved to give it a try while taking her coffee mug up and following Meetra outside. Being angry with Obi really wouldn't solve her problems, but she felt like sometimes anger pushed you to do things you needed to do, that you otherwise would leave alone, "Doesn't anger sometimes force you to act, though? Not always in a negative way."
It was that easy. And yet it wasn't that easy. Anger was a strong emotion, and one that could latch on and grab hold and be impossible to shake. But it had to be ignored. Risen above. It had to be let go.
Meetra's philosophy was simple, if a little unorthodox. Emotions weren't meant to be suppressed. They were meant to be controlled. Fear, anger, love, grief and happiness were all necessary to be a balanced human being.
"Yes. You still have to let it go, though. Anger can be a catalyst but you shouldn't make a move without calming down first, if it at all can be helped."
That made more sense than Dani was willing to admit, and her lips thinned into a line as she thought what Meetra was saying over. If she acted on her emotions right now, what would she do? Call Obi up and scream his head off. Send him an angry text. Break something.
Breaking something sounded really, really good. But would it solve anything? Would it? Sometimes you just had to punch someone. Dani had done a lot of making her point by punching people in her former life. She was probably known for it. It made her scrunch up her nose a bit, "I may not be cut out for this. I still want to try."
"Just don't let the anger fuel you and you'll be fine. It's simply an easier pathway for the dark side to get hold of you." Meetra pointed at a spot on the grass, "Sit there, meditation style."
Dani set her coffee down and followed Meetra's hand with her eyes, noting the place her instructor was pointing at and silently taking a seat. Meditation style, just as asked.
There was something about the act of sitting that way that instantly made her more calm.
"Think about your anger. Think about why you need to let it go. Think about balling it up and letting it blow away in the wind." Meetra sat down in front of her, cross-legged, "Don't try to force it."
Thinking about her anger was easy. Dani had a lot of anger that sprung up the second she thought about it. Anger at life, anger at Obi. Anger at her parents for dying so early, anger at death in general for taking everyone she loved away. Her hands balled into fists and she felt for a second like she wouldn't actually be able to contain that anger. Not inside herself, let alone in a ball.
But the more she thought about that, the more she thought about the fact that it was destroying her from the inside out. If her anger couldn't be contained, then the only thing for it to do if she let it alone was explode. That wasn't what she wanted.
So she thought about breaking it up into smaller chunks, ones that would be easier to let go of. Like smaller bubbles breaking away from a larger one, or seed pods scattering off the head of an old dandelion.
Anger was like a ball of fire. It burned and consumed and gave very little in return. It might illuminate, but it mostly destroys. The flame must be put out. It must be let go. Smaller chunks was a good way to go about it. Probably the only way.
Meetra closed her eyes.
Smaller chunks, and smaller chunks, blowing away on the wind in the back yard. Dani wasn't sure if the anger would stay away, but for now, she was trying to get it out of her. The process was physically exhausting, and Dani felt like a balloon that was slowly deflating.
But the things that had inflated the balloon to begin with weren't good things. She took a deep breath and let it out, when she felt like she'd finally managed to let it all go. Then she went looking around for more anger, just in case, and started the process all over again.
It didn't take nearly as long, the second time.
Meetra was smiling as the last of the anger ebbed away, "Exhausting, isn't it. It gets easier the more you do it. This one is so hard, because there was so much anger squirrelled away."
"I'm discovering that I'm a very angry person," Dani whispered. She nodded, though, and agreed vocally, "It's very exhausting, yes. I'm more worried that it won't last very long."
"This technique can be used throughout the day. Get angry? Ball it up and throw it away. I'm not saying analyze everything or become a robot, however." She glanced over at Dani, "Maybe pick and choose what to be angry over."
"I don't want to be a robot, no. But I had some issues over the last few months." Dani tucked some hair behind her ear, "I was attacked, and then my powers manifested. Since they're born from fear, they made me even more afraid. I let my feelings control me, and overused a device that's supposed to inhibit the kind of powers I have. It was killing me slowly. Obi was furious."
She held up a hand, "With good reason. I could have died. I'm okay now, but I can't go back there. I don't want my fear to control me. And I think anger might be just as bad. I don't need to be emotionless either, but I don't want my emotions to own me."
"That's the first step. Don't let them control you. Control them. You own them. They're your emotions. You own them."
Dani took a deep breath, and let it out, "I own them. I own my emotions."
She nodded, then smiled at Meetra, "Alright, what's next, Jedi Master?"