Long Road Home (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} the_wolverine) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} valarlogs,@ 2018-12-26 01:36:00 |
 |
|||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Who: Logan and Kitty
What: Snowglobes and angst
When: 12/25
Where: Logan's front steps during a break in the storm
Status: Complete
Rating: PG
It seemed innocent enough, the snow globe. There was nothing Logan could smell that seemed wrong, and when he picked it up it was about as heavy as he expected. He shook it, watching the snow spin and twirl around in patterns.
But what Logan didn't expect, couldn't have expected, was to see the face smiling back at him. Alyssa's cheeky grin, the snowball in her hand as she snuck up on him.
Memories were a tricky thing for Logan. He'd lived two lives without them, and so he knew what it felt like to always be on the cusp of remembering something. Of being a blank slate. This was different. The memories hit him like a freight train, because he'd never lost them. The taste of Alyssa's lips, the feel of her body under his, her laugh, the way she'd tease him.
God, he missed her.
The scenes shifted. There was Vel and Ame. There was Kurt, his fuzzy blue self. There was Laura, and how proud he was of her. There was Rogue and Ororo and Jeannie. Him and Scott beating the shit out of each other and drinking. Remy. Mariko. Three life times, so many friends, so many lovers. People who'd left him.
The snowglobe shook in his hand, and Logan was torn between laughter and tears. This thing was a curse, because as good as these memories were, it only served to remind him of the things he'd lost. The people he could never have.
Logan walked slowly, numbly to the door. He didn't know if Ilia and Blake were home, and didn't really care. He went outside, and sat on the steps, and stared into the snowglobe. There was a break in the storm, and he needed air.
Someone was standing on the sidewalk, but he didn’t look up as footsteps approached him, or say anything when Kitty sat on the steps next to him. She leaned her shoulder against his. “Your butt is going to get cold sitting here in the snow.”
He snorted, and leaned back against her. “Take it you got one of these too?”
“Yeah.” Kitty’s eyes were downcast. “Mixed feelings about it. Like these are good memories but…”
“But it just makes it obvious they ain’t here to make new memories with.”
She nodded, sniffling. “First thing it showed me was the lighthouse. Brian and Kurt in the kitchen bickering while making breakfast, Ray and me cuddled on the couch while watching Meggan fiddle with the tv.”
Excalibur had been an important time for Kitty, and he knew she missed that time fiercely. “Saw Lyssa an’ Jeannie. An’ so many others.”
She nodded again. “Showed me Xi’an. That’s when I started crying. It was such a good memory, just watching it again.” Kitty sighed, closing her eyes. “We shouldn’t look at this as a curse, old man.”
“Sure feels like one.”
“Yeah well…” Kitty pulled hers out of her coat and shook it. Images swirled, this time showing the two of them. “They’re good memories. And maybe they’re dead, or gone, or we’ll never meet them, but they live on in our hearts. And now we get to see them whenever we want. The twins got some too. So they can remember Xi’an whenever they want.”
He turned towards her, putting his arm around her shoulders. “So what you’re sayin’ is we shouldn’t be depressed ‘bout this.”
“I say that after spending three hours in a depressed funk, yeah.” She smiled at him. “We wallow, Logan. We’re X-Men, that’s what we do.”
Logan found it in himself to actually laugh.
“I really miss her.”
He looked down at his snowglobe, where Alyssa and Kitty were dancing while mocking him. “Yeah. Me too.”
They sat like that for a little while longer, watching memories on their snowglobes, before Logan got up. “Think the storm is gonna pick up again.”
“Yeah, I wanted to get to Diana’s before it got any worse. Dad’s in town so he’s with the kids.”
“Think you can drop me off at Dommy’s on the way?” Logan looked down at his globe again. “Don’t think she should be alone today.”
Kitty smiled. “Yeah, I can do that.”