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Orb Kaftan sings the everything ([info]songofcreation) wrote in [info]valarlogs,
@ 2012-03-06 22:08:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!complete, loki odinson, orb kaftan

Reason
Who: Loki and Orb
What: Loki's bi-monthly emotional breakdown, abridged.
When: Around 5:45pm, Tuesday, March 6th.
Where: Orb's apartment above Paramnesia.
Rating: PG; talks about sex/kink, nothing explicit!
Status: Closed, complete

Curled up in bed around a Moleskine notebook, Orb was lost in the distant mental fairyland that was song lyrics. She'd at least already written all of them, and for the most part even had them memorized; most of the purpose of rereading them was to try and get into the headspace in which they were originally written.

She'd also lovingly pasted the pamphlet covers of her two -- yes, two -- glorious new harps (the first of which Parry actually bought her at a whopping $38,000 which she certainly hadn't expected, the second of which she picked up on her own for the appropriately saved six thousand -- she'd saved for an acoustic-electric, the other one just couldn't be left behind) inside the large hardcover book's front pages.

Running her fingers along the open page, she hummed the melody of the song that went with the words, not daring to reveal them aloud a capella.


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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 03:24 am UTC (link)
Theoretically speaking, as Orb was his tenant, Loki was supposed to knock on the door when he went to visit her.

But over the years – year? How the hell long had it been that she'd been living there, anyway? – since she'd moved in, Loki had come to know a few salient facts about his tenant; among other things, that – until she was going to bed, at least – she never really bothered to lock the door to her flat from inside the building unless there was a show on downstairs and she wanted to make particularly certain that no one would try to come in.

Meaning, in a roundabout-logic sort of way, that she hadn't shut him out, and therefore – even more roundabout – she'd invited him in.

All of which was to say: when Loki went to see her, nearly tearing his hair out with nerves, he didn't actually bother to knock. He just let himself in, aiming for her bedroom on the grounds that that was where she had to be when she wasn't in sight just inside the door, and so he heard her humming, and stopped short at her bedroom door itself.

"Oh, now that's lovely," he murmured, when she paused, not wanting to interrupt her.

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 03:30 am UTC (link)
It wasn't like Loki ever particularly thought to ask about much; he and Orb, over the last year, had developed a relationship that shied away from really being employee-employer or tenant-landlord. It was much more like a confused blend between best friends and siblings.

Perhaps they best emotionally suited the attitudes of many fraternal twins.

In this case, though, Orb was never surprised when Loki (and often subsequently Jotnar) just showed up in her apartment at random. When he actually spoke, though, that was when she rushed the song to completion and then looked up at him and smiled.

"Thanks. I've only just finished it a couple days ago. You look like shit," all came out in one breath and uniform tone.

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 03:49 am UTC (link)
"... Thanks," Loki muttered, but meanwhile Jotnar was sad: she'd stopped the singing!

"Arooo?" the Irish Wolfhound asked, leading Loki to realise that not only had he not shut the dog out, but that he'd even managed to miss the monstrous creature following him up the stairs. Great.

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 03:52 am UTC (link)
"Hi, Jojo!" said Orb excitedly, and pulled her legs up so that the dog had room to inhabit the entire lower half of her bed, as he often liked to. Loki got a guilty sort of look, once she was done beaming at the dog.

"Sorry. Figured you wanted an honest opinion. You look like you're having another little meltdown, though, so if you wanted to get that out of your system --?" She gestured to the space on the bed: there was plenty.

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 03:56 am UTC (link)
Jotnar jumped, or maybe 'leapt' was even more accurate. He was terribly gifted at not causing any massive injury when landing on people, however, whether or not they planned it in advance.

There was decidedly less space on the bed once Jotnar was settled, but Loki crammed himself in, anyway; it wasn't like either of them retained all that much of a sense of personal space, after so much of their lives (independently or otherwise) being spent in theatrical environments. "I'm sorry," he mumbled into her shoulder, a moment later.

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:00 am UTC (link)
"Okay," was Orb's response, because she had entirely given up on telling Loki not to be sorry. He was going to be sorry. That was Loki -- the side of Loki most people didn't see.

But she knew most of his secrets, including that he probably had some undiagnosed mood disorder, and he knew most of hers. "It is okay, too, but you know that. I was acknowledging the apology." She nestled up to him, arm around his back.

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:05 am UTC (link)
"I know you're her friend, too," he told her, somewhat muffled. Then, he paused, scrunching up against her more, a little, until he could finish shoving his feet under the dog's chest.

(Jotnar looked at him, and didn't move, even though it was probably less comfortable than it had been, by far.)

"And I don't know what I'm doing."

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:10 am UTC (link)
Orb could've hugged the dog, if she could've actually, physically hugged the dog. Which, at present, wasn't possible, because she was completely tangled in Loki at that point.

"You're -- hugging me? I think that's pretty evident. She doesn't really think you're having an affair with me."

Not that Orb actually knew that, but she assumed that if Astrid thought so, she wouldn't talk to her anymore.

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:16 am UTC (link)
"I think she's starting to think I am," Loki contradicted, moping. "Although I don't know she thinks you're having one with me. But it's not like there's someone else I'm spending all my time with, is there."

Yet.

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:17 am UTC (link)
"How can you have a one-sided affair?" Orb leaned back far enough from Loki to be able to cock her head sideways at him, rather like the dog might have had he been confused.

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:18 am UTC (link)
"Emotionally?" he hazarded, eventually, and shrugged.

She had a key.

She didn't live with him.

They'd been together nearly five years.

"I just – do you think, maybe, I'm just not the marrying type?"

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:21 am UTC (link)
"You don't seem to be, no," Orb agreed, and patted Loki on the head lightly. "Either that or you're just not --"

With the right person fell right off her lips, because it was his job to say that. Always would be.

"Well, you're not sure what you're doing, are you. What do you want?"

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:22 am UTC (link)
The right person.

But he didn't say that; he didn't say anything, at least not at first.

What did he want? Truly?

"I don't – I don't think I can ask her to marry me," he admitted into her stomach, eventually.

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:25 am UTC (link)
Orb concluded for him, simply, easily: "So don't."

And, after a minute's pause, that may or may not have actually been a minute, "It's better to do what you actually feel is right, as opposed to proposing to someone because you think you're supposed to. I would totally hate if someone did that to me. I mean, if the someone who should've done it, societally speaking, had, I think I would've said yes, but that's not the point."

Mym hadn't even known, after all.

"The point is, you shouldn't ask her to marry you if you don't want to marry her, anyway."

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:28 am UTC (link)
"Have you ever – have you ever found yourself doing something because, because it seemed like the right thing to do, and what you wanted to do, except then you realised, later, that the reason you actually did it wasn't even remotely related to the reason you think you did it, and you don't like the real reason at all?"

And did you actually follow that sentence?

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:29 am UTC (link)
Orb had started to say, and even began to say, "Yes," because she had done something because it seemed like the right thing to do, and then Loki kept talking.

"Um, no, actually. Sorry."

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:31 am UTC (link)
He tried again, instead.

"Well – have you done something you don't like, even if you didn't mess up on thinking why you did it in the first place?"

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:33 am UTC (link)
"Of course I have. I've probably done thousands of things I don't like. Don't you remember me telling you what I was like for, oh, I don't know, seven years? Messed up druggie. Got knocked up. You know." Orb rolled her shoulders back, stretched a little, scritched Jotnar's nose with her bare foot.

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:35 am UTC (link)
Her bare foot, of course, promptly got licked. A lot. Hi, foot! You taste good!

"I do love her," he pointed out. Desperately.

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:37 am UTC (link)
Which, of course, lead to giggling -- at least Loki knew Orb wasn't giggling at him!

"But," she prompted, knowing it was coming.

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:39 am UTC (link)
"But," he agreed, and sighed. Fuck.






"I'm not in love with her, am I," he told her shirt. At least he didn't sound much like he was asking her shirt a question, or just trying to eat it...

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:41 am UTC (link)
"How would I know," Orb pointed out, gently, just as much not-asking as he was -- directed into the top of Loki's head, just as much as he was talking to her shirt. "You're the only one who can say that."

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:47 am UTC (link)
"What about her?" he asked when he finally pulled back. He wasn't sitting up, wasn't looking up – but he was, technically, on the pillow now, instead of her abdomen. It was, maybe, an improvement.

He'd reached some sort of conclusion. Theoretically.

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[info]songofcreation
2012-03-07 04:49 am UTC (link)
"What ... about ... her?" Orb didn't echo, because she had changed intonation. "I mean, what, are you asking me if she's in love with you? I don't know. It's not like she's ever told me she was in love with you. She wishes you'd propose already, but that doesn't actually mean she's in love with you. It means she wants the status of being engaged, for sure."

A beat.

"But being engaged doesn't actually mean being in love. People get married because they think they should, sometimes."

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[info]mischiefprince
2012-03-07 04:54 am UTC (link)
"Think you could find out, at some point?"

Jotnar started chewing on the hem of her trousers, absently, dozing; Loki, noting that, ignored the fact he was supposed to scold his dog, and instead chewed a little bit on the shoulder of her shirt, just enough to tease.

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