Chloe Price hates emojis (no_emoji) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-08-03 21:38:00 |
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Max was here. Chloe had so many feelings in response to that that she didn’t even know where to begin to try and handle it. So she decided being drunk would be a good way to start. Being drunk and being around Ilia. She really didn’t understand this place, how the two people who had once meant the world to her before leaving and forgetting about her both showed up here.
After texting Ilia, Jaina and Rachel, Chloe headed off to steal some alcohol. It definitely wasn’t easy, but she did manage to steal two bottles of whiskey and get away without getting caught. Sometimes she thought she was getting too good at stealing for her own good, but she also knew not to press her luck on the matter.
With the alcohol procured, Chloe headed off to meet Ilia at their usual spot. While she felt the need to scream, she also just felt like she needed to lose herself in alcohol, music and Ilia. Max’s presence was another layer of complicated, and it had ripped the bandaid off of the wound Max had left her with. She was raw and emotional, and she needed to get that under control for when she’d meet Max. Because she’d agreed to meet her for coffee.
But that hadn’t been so unexpected. Despite the anger and hurt and everything related that she felt towards Max, she had missed her. It was almost pitiful just how much she missed Max, but the girl had been such a large part of her life when they were younger. They’d been inseparable until Max had moved away. And everything changed. Chloe didn’t know how Max’s life had gone, but Chloe’s had gone completely for the crash and burn aspect ever since she’d moved to Seattle.
For once she didn’t have a cigarette hanging out of her mouth as she walked along the tracks to meet Ilia, but it probably wouldn’t be long before she did light one up. But upon seeing Ilia, she headed for her.
“Sometimes I swear this place fucking trolls people,” she sighed. She then held out a bottle to Ilia. “I hope this is acceptable? I didn’t really look beyond ensuring it was hard liquor. I just grabbed and went.”
Ilia had been back, what...a couple of weeks? And already the dreams were back. Because of fucking course they were. She had spied on Blake and her family, fought Blake and stabbed her friend and then left with a warning before returning to the damn Albain brothers and just like here, taken the fall for them. Seriously. It was all she was good for apparently. Taking the blame for others and being their weapon. It was hard not to see that or feel it even as she tried to focus on anything but and just live her damn life without people hovering or worrying. It was why she was so grateful for Chloe who mostly seemed to treat her as she always had. Blake did as well but it was just...different.
So when she’d gotten the initial text from Chloe, Ilia had worried but already knew she’d agree to getting drunk. She could use the alcohol after all the bullshit of her dreams. And wasn’t alcohol supposed to warm you up? She was pretty sure she’d seen a story about a cook from the Titanic surviving the icy water of the Atlantic because of drinking.
Then she got the second text, the why of it all, Max showing up, and if Ilia had been hesitant before, would have agreed. So she had grabbed the bluetooth speaker she’d managed to get, put it in her bag and headed to the usual meeting spot she and Chloe went to and had set up the blanket and stereo when once again her she picked up Chloe in more detail than she would have before Russia.
Despite the summer heat, she was in jeans and a sweater this time. Still, she could appreciate the sentiment about this place trolling people. Wasn’t that what it was doing to her with these damn dreams?
“It wouldn’t surprise me.” Though not much could surprise her anymore. Taking the bottle, the teen examined it before opening the bottle and taking a drink, “Well, I was born in Tennessee so whisky is always appropriate. Even if we preferred our bourbon in Arkansas.”
Considering that Rachel was here, maybe Chloe should’ve expected that Max would show up at some point. But it was hard enough some days just knowing that Rachel was here. She did still harbor some resentment towards Rachel for leaving her, but even when her anger and pain over it were at their worst, it was still nothing compared to the anger and pain she had from Max’s absence. Rachel had been gone for six months, give or take, before they’d reunited here. It had been five years since she’d last seen or heard from Max.
So it was understandable why she was having a lot of feelings at the moment over Max’s arrival. Yes, she was happy on some level to see Max, to know she was at least alive, but her anger and pain vastly overshadowed that at the moment. Working through it would be one hell of a difficult task, and right now? Chloe preferred to avoid working through it and just get drunk and be around someone who wasn’t complicated to be around.
“Well, consider it a nod to where you were born,” Chloe said as she sat down on the blanket, opened her bottle and took a drink. “Sometimes I really hate this place. Though I can’t hate it too much because I wouldn’t have met you otherwise. And I like having you in my life.”
Orange County did like to end up having people show up with whom you also shared Dreams with. It made her worry that the Albain brothers would come for her, seeing at how they were also in the Dreams. Still given the fact that both Max and Rachel had just abandoned Chloe, it was no wonder there was resentment and complicated feelings.
“I’ll take it.”
Ilia didn’t care. The whiskey was good and it burned on the way down.
“Yes. You’re definitely one of the positives of this place. Life would be much shitier if I hadn’t met you so despite the bullshit, I’m still glad I ended up here.”
Even with the kidnapping. There was a lot she was having to work through with that, a fear of herself at what she was now capable of. The anger from her Dreams. But Chloe was one of the good things here and one she would hold onto.
That actually made Chloe smile a bit. Ilia was the only person who could say that and Chloe would believe her. Jaina was close behind. She wouldn’t quite believe it coming from Rachel, and she definitely wouldn’t believe it from Max for the foreseeable future.
“I’m glad we’re on the same page there, then,” she said with a nod followed by a drink of whiskey. “You’re the only person I can actually trust and believe around here. It’s refreshing to have someone around who won’t bullshit me.”
There was a part of her that feared that Ilia would up and leave her, but given her life experience thus far with her best friend and her girlfriend both leaving her and forgetting about her existence, it was understandable why she was afraid. Perhaps that was why she wasn’t quite aware of or putting a name to her feelings for Ilia. She’d rather go day by day and see where things went.
“It's a good page to be on.” At least according to Ilia. Following suit, Ilia took a sip of her own whiskey and felt herself flush at the comment even though there was no reason to since it was a statement of fact. “Well I'm glad you can trust me. It helps when all the bullshit hits the fan to have that.”
And Ilia was more than happy to be that for people. It sure as hell was better than being their weapon. Her features darkened as the thought crossed her mind and she took a longer drink.
It made sense to fear her leaving. Even as she felt the same way about Chloe, that there was at least someone she could trust, there was always the worry Chloe was going to end up using her like everyone else. But at least being used on this way….hanging out, drinking, dancing, sex, talking….well she didn't mind being used for that at all when it was Chloe. Which really meant just more things to add to the list of what she felt but was afraid to put words to.
“It really does. And shit seems to hit the fan more often than than is necessary.” Which was an understatement for how this place was. Invasions and whatever the hell else happened here, then there were the kinds of assholes that kidnapped Ilia and tried to turn her into a weapon.
Chloe liked doing everything she did with Ilia. It was definitely nice to actually have a friend for once, someone she could trust and just spend time with. And Ilia understood her, or at least understood the need for honesty. They did get along quite well, and they had a lot of fun together, no matter what they ended up doing.
She took a drink of her whiskey and was silent for some moments. “I just don’t fucking understand why Max has to show up now. Five years of nothing and suddenly she’s here.”
“It does. Especially here.” Oh Ilia was still far from okay with everything that had happened, but she could focus on Chloe here and well… it was nothing short of true. While shit constantly hit the fan before, it was at a whole different level here.
Still, she liked the time she spent with Chloe, no matter what it was they were doing. There was something...stilling about being with Chloe, calm, quiet. Which given both of them seemed impossible but in her head it was true. Plus, the honesty always helped.
Figuring Chloe would speak up when she wanted, Ilia took another drink.
“I have no idea. Because this place is fucked up.” That was about all Ilia had on the subject at any rate.
If she was honest with herself, Chloe felt calm around Ilia as well. And she’d started to notice that she didn’t smoke weed around Ilia either, she only smoked cigarettes. She didn’t quite know what that meant other than the fact that she didn’t feel the need to get high while around the other teen. She genuinely enjoyed spending time with her, regardless of what it was they did together.
“I just really fucking want to know why now of all times. And also why she seems to still give a fuck despite forgetting my existence for five years.” Chloe took a drink and stared at the bottle as though all the answers she was looking for were in it. “I really fucking needed her, and she wasn’t there. She never picked up her phone or responded to me when I needed her to. And yet...I still care. Why do I still care?” That was more a rhetorical question than anything.
“She offered to buy coffee so we could talk, and I agreed. I don’t know what I’m expecting. She has a lot to make up for. Though to be honest, I don’t know what’s worse. Max being silent for five years and seemingly still caring, or Rachel dumping my ass without telling me.” There was a lot of anger, but it needed to be said that she didn’t include Ilia in it. After all, Ilia being gone hadn’t been her choice. But Rachel and Max had made conscious choices to not talk to her.
Ilia wished that she had the answers for Chloe. Why now of all times. Why it had all happened as it had. But she didn’t. All she could do was be there for the older teen and let her vent and drink. Which was fine by her. It gave Ilia something else to focus on and well...she did get it. Sometimes just getting it out in the open was all that was necessary.
So she just took a drink of her whisky and shrugged.
“No idea. Then again, I’ve never been in a relationship so...it’s not like I have any real experience to know about that.”
She still didn’t know what she thought about Rachel but that was probably to be expected.
“Both suck though because they hurt in different ways.”
Ilia did notice she wasn’t listed and it did mean a lot given they both knew if she’d had any say in what had happened, she never would have left. Not like that and she definitely would have found ways to talk with Chloe if something happened and she did need to leave Orange County.
“Yeah, they really do. Max ignored me and everything went to hell. Then Rachel came along and for a little while things were better. Then Rachel fucked off and things went to shit again. I just don’t get it. Do I have a sign on my back that says ‘Please hurt me’ or something?”
She took a long drink of whiskey, coughing slightly as it burned its way down her throat. “Or maybe I’m just shit at picking people to keep in my life, save for you.” Even if there was still a part of her that was afraid Ilia would hurt her, but she was trying to not let it control her.
“Sometimes I wonder if I should have just kept on driving through here. I never would’ve run into Rachel or Max again. But then, I never would have met you either.” She sighed heavily. It was intensely complicated.
Leaning back as Chloe mentioned having a sign on her back that said ‘please hurt me’, Ilia made a show of looking for one before turning her attention to the taller teen.
“No sign that I can see. People just suck and I’ll fight them for you if I need to.”
Ilia had always been angry and prone to fighting but she knew in the back of her mind that the fact she was more apt to jump to a fighting position since coming back probably wasn’t healthy. But she also didn’t necessarily care about that at the moment.
“Well speaking on a completely selfish level, I’m glad you stopped here so that we could meet.”
Life would….. Well, Ilia didn’t know. If she hadn’t stayed, she never would have been taken to the Red Room. She also wouldn’t have met Blake and Chloe and even with all that bullshit, they were worth it for her.
So instead she just reached over with her free hand to take Chloe’s and squeeze it.
Chloe appreciated Ilia making the effort to look for the sign on her back. She took a breath and let herself relax a little.
“Well, I’m definitely glad there’s no sign you can see.” She looked at Ilia with a little smile. “And thank you. Fighting them right now isn’t necessary, but maybe in the future.” Because who knew when people would turn into assholes towards her. Rachel had already offered to fight Max, but Chloe had turned her down on that. For now, no one was going to get punched. Or if anyone was going to do the punching, it would be Chloe herself.
She squeezed Ilia’s hand back. “So am I. I’m definitely glad that we met. Without you in my life, I’d most likely be in a gutter somewhere or some shit.” She’d definitely be more alone than she currently was, that was for certain.
Hey, it could seem completely childish to have pretended to look for a sign, but Ilia did have her moments. Like singing outside Blake’s door and threatening to sing in public to make her go talk to Ruby. Sometimes it was just necessary. Like now. But she could tell that Chloe was relaxing and she counted that as a mini victory.
“Mm, and I have amazing eyesight so you know, I’d notice if there were.” It had been unsettling when her vision had gotten better while in Russia, but it was what it was. “Just say the word.”
Interlacing their fingers, Ilia took a drink of her whisky.
“Yeah. As someone who literally was living in the gutters? Definitely glad I get to spare you that bullshit.”
Chloe had to chuckle a bit at the eyesight comment. “Well then, I can definitely trust you when you say there’s no sign on my back.” Not that she didn’t trust Ilia anyway because she did trust her. But still. Sometimes Chloe felt like she was the punchline of a joke that she didn’t know about.
But Ilia’s observation was correct, Chloe was relaxing. She was still upset, of course, but being around Ilia was starting to soothe the rough edges a bit. Or at least enough where Chloe didn’t feel like punching people.
Though the whiskey was also probably doing a bit to help in mellowing her out. She took another drink of it before she looked down at their hands.
“So am I. I mean, I don’t know what it’s like from personal experience, but that’s most likely where I was heading if I didn’t stop here.” Because Chloe well knew that with her bad habits, she probably would’ve gotten caught up with some drug dealer somewhere and overdosed. Or possibly just straight up murdered because those kinds of people weren’t always nice, after all.
“Yes, yes you can.” Grinning some, Ilia kept their hands linked as she leaned back to rest on her elbows, whiskey bottle still in hand. She was just happy that Chloe was in fact relaxing even slightly. For someone who sometimes seemed to only know how to survive because of her anger, she knew that it wasn’t healthy to hold onto so if she could help Chloe with that….all the better.
Whiskey did help though.
“It’s shit.” Ilia didn’t talk all that much about her past and the like, but it came up sometimes in small ways like that. She didn’t hide it, it just wasn’t something she felt the need to talk in depth about. “So we can be happy that you don’t have to suffer it since you stopped here and we met.”
She liked the physical contact with Ilia, it gave her a grounding so maybe she wouldn’t get lost in her emotions. Or at least she wouldn’t get lost in them right this moment. Her mood had a tendency to fluctuate rather quickly at times, and while she may be upset about Max being here right now, that could easily shift into depression suddenly. There had been five years of wishing Max had picked up her phone and sent her a text. Or called her. Or sent an email. Or something that said she cared. But she hadn’t, and Chloe had spiraled further and further into depression.
Would it have been as bad if Max had kept in contact with her? Chloe didn’t know for certain, but she did know it would’ve been nice to know that someone had cared. Because until she’d met Rachel, there’d been two years of no one giving a damn about her.
“Yes, we can. It’s definitely nice to have someone who cares here.” It was kind of an alien feeling to Chloe, but she also knew that it was the same for Ilia. Having someone who cared wasn’t an everyday thing for either of them. Until after they’d met, of course.
Physical contact was a good thing in regards to it helping to ground both of them. Ilia also found that it helped sharing body heat given if she didn’t have the bracelet that Ruby made on, that she could seem to keep her body heat anymore. Definitely not a fun thing as she wasn’t exactly happy about basically always being cold. Still, if it could help Chloe and keep her present instead of jumping moods then that made Ilia happy.
“Yeah, yeah it is.” Because Ilia knew all too well what it was like not to have people to truly care. Blake showing up to save her had been shocking and helped get through to her that here there were people who cared. So she absently just picked up Chloe’s hand as they were interlocked and kissed her knuckles. Chloe usually was the only one who really got to see the soft side of Ilia, at least in this regard.
This was definitely helping her to unwind a little. Though Chloe had no idea what to expect when she actually met Max face-to-face again. But for now, she wouldn’t worry about that. She’d just drink and enjoy Ilia’s company. Though when Ilia kissed her knuckles, she felt butterflies in her stomach. But she tried not to read too much into it.
Chloe gave Ilia’s hand a little squeeze, then she gave a slightly lopsided, alcohol-influenced little smile as she raised her bottle. “I’ll drink to us!” She toasted Ilia, then took a drink. Ilia was here, and she was going to indulge in that. And for the rest of the night, she wanted to push Max and Rachel out of her head.