InsaneJournal

Who: Rainbow Price
What: Reuniting
When: A few days after Ilia was rescued
Where: Train tracks
Warnings: References to torture and brainwashing
Status: Log | Complete

Ilia’s head was a mess. She supposed that it made sense after everything she’d been through recently but that didn’t mean that she had to like it. The good thing at least was that she was no longer at the Agency under observation. She understood the reasoning. She’d been drugged and brainwashed and turned into a weapon. They needed to make sure that she was safe to let out into the public.

What a laugh. She was always going to be seen as dangerous because of the color of her skin. Yes she had anger issues and was ready to fight anyone at the drop of a hat, but she had never been an actual threat and now….. Now Ilia didn’t even know. All she did know was that she needed to get out of the house. The hovering, the worry. It was suffocating. So when she saw the opening to get out of the house? Ilia took it.

Admittedly she didn’t know where she was going. The teen was tense, aware of her surroundings and people, all potential threats. She was also cold. She shouldn’t be cold, not like this. She’d been in the most northern part of Russia where the sun never set this time of year and that was cold. Yet she couldn’t get warm even now unless she used the bracelet Ruby made. So for now she was in a turtleneck, jeans and her hair up in a ponytail.

It probably shouldn’t be surprising that she ended up at the train tracks where she first met Chloe. There was a peace there. She could scream and no one would hear. Scream the anguish out, scream the pain. She could question what she was. Because no matter where she went, she was nothing more than a weapon. What did that make of her? Her movements were more lethal now, even the way she held herself.

For now, she was walking along the tracks in silence. She didn’t know when the next train would come. She didn’t care when the next train would come. She didn’t even know if she’d move out of the way. All she had were her thoughts, a loneliness and the cold.

It had been a rollercoaster ever since discovering that Ilia had been missing. At first, Chloe’s abandonment issues came into play because they didn’t know if Ilia had just left or not. And, well, Chloe had past experience with people leaving her without a word. Though after discovering that Ilia had been kidnapped, the abandonment issues had subsided, but had allowed her to only worry even more. And Chloe felt extremely helpless. She wasn’t a fighter and couldn’t help on the rescue mission.

Instead, Chloe had been waiting for word from Blake about how things went. Of course, part of her was afraid that Ilia would be coming back in a body bag, or worse. Chloe was relieved when Blake texted her that they’d successfully rescued Ilia. She didn’t get details on what exactly happened, nor did she want them, but she was told that Ilia was going to get help from someone who knew how to handle such things.

So then it was playing the waiting game to see Ilia again. She parted from Rachel and started heading towards the train tracks she and Ilia hung out at. Chloe wasn’t certain if, or when, Ilia would show up there, but she headed there just in case. She was anxious to see her friend, even if she had no idea how to even begin to help Ilia work through what had happened. Chloe had never dealt with anything like this, but she wanted to be there for Ilia as much as she could, show her that she cared. Chloe didn’t expect Ilia to talk about it, she knew the other teen didn’t always explicitly talk about such things. But at least Chloe could just be there and be a presence for her.

Walking along the tracks, she spotted Ilia, a wave of emotions hitting her. Her first instinct was to run to Ilia and hug her, but she wasn’t sure if a hug was a good idea right now. So she’d just let Ilia initiate a hug if she wanted one.

“Hey,” she greeted, unable to keep a smile from her face. It was just really good to see her again, even if Ilia had a lot that she needed to work through, she was really happy to see her alive and back home.

Ilia hated that she had disappeared on Blake and Chloe. Oh, she knew that she had no say in the matter. But she had promised both of them that she’d be there for them and then she’d been gone. Then there was the reasoning behind why she had been taken. To be a weapon for yet another group of people who didn’t care about her just like everyone else had in her life.

There were flashes of pain, the feeling of drugs coursing through her body that had been flushed out by Dr. Simmons as the first phase of the deprogramming that she could still sometimes feel as if just remembering it. Her head felt like it was swimming.

Then she became aware of a figure walking towards her and Ilia tensed but despite the darkness, her eyesight was better than it had been before. There was still bruising on her face and around her eyes from the training and her eyes being forced to remain open. The smile did...something to her. She couldn’t place it. Was it relief? Calm? Chloe had been one of the people she had clung to so desperately when trying to retain her humanity in that place. It was like she couldn’t breathe.

“Hey…”

Once Chloe knew what had actually happened to Ilia, she definitely didn’t hold anything against her. She’d had no say in leaving, and Chloe definitely wouldn’t be upset with her. No, she was upset with the assholes that had taken Ilia in the first place. She wished that she could fight them, but she’d settle for just having her friend back.

Even if maybe there was something more to it than that, but Chloe wasn’t completely aware of that at the moment. Right now, she was just focusing on Ilia and doing what she could to help her. Which she didn’t exactly know what that help could be, but she’d definitely be here for her. Chloe didn’t know what Ilia was going through, but she did know what it felt like to have no one there when you needed them the most. And she wasn’t going to leave Ilia to her own devices.

“It’s good to see you again,” she said. Chloe felt a little awkward because she didn’t quite know what to say. She lifted a hand and scratched at the back of her neck. “Do you want a hug?” She figured she’d ask because she definitely wanted to hug Ilia, but didn’t know if that was actually a good idea or not. So it was asking first and accepting whatever answer Ilia gave her.

Chloe might not blame her, but Ilia was still angry about it all. Of course she knew it wasn’t her fault and she wanted to kill the people who had taken her. While she’d always been quick to anger and throw around threats, Ilia knew she could actually kill them now and she didn’t know how to handle that.

There was definitely more to it than just friendship, but it wasn’t something Ilia thought about. There was the Rachel situation and she knew that if things were put into words and in the air, she might not be able to handle casual or the mess that was Rachel and she didn’t want to ruin what they had. And she didn’t know if that would change thanks to the shit that happened in Russia.

“....I saw you there. I mean, in my head to try and…” Well, she was trying to put it into words. Which wasn’t Ilia’s strong suit in the first place, let alone now. As for the hug? “Yeah...yeah I think I do…” Maybe then she would really believe that Chloe was there and this was real. Sure she had gone through the beginnings of deprogramming, and Blake helped. But a hug would help.

Chloe could understand Ilia being angry. And anger was good, right? It meant that Ilia hadn’t been hollowed out by what those people had done to her, and that she was at least still in enough of her right mind to be angry about it. Not being angry over it would be more worrisome to Chloe, really.

And, well, Chloe’s life was a giant mess, and not just because of Rachel. Chloe’s feelings about Rachel were complicated on a good day, but she had accepted that Rachel didn’t love her anymore, so she was distancing herself in that emotional respect. But it was still a messy subject altogether.

Though as Ilia mentioned that Chloe had been there, she thought she had an idea of where Ilia was going with what she was trying to put into words. “I was trying to help you?” Chloe only hated those people even more, but was glad that she did help Ilia hold onto something during the whole thing, if that was what Ilia meant, of course.

Chloe nodded at Ilia saying she wanted a hug. Okay, good. Chloe could definitely give her a hug. She closed the distance between them and pulled Ilia into her arms, hugging her tightly. It felt good to hold Ilia in her arms again.

In the end, it had been anger that had truly broken through and Blake had used it. Because if Ilia was angry, then she was still herself. And oh the teen well knew it could have been much worse. She could have hurt Blake or the others who had come to save her. Instead Blake had played into her anger and here she was. Uncertain of what to do or feel and her head a mess.

She didn’t even know what propelled her to tell Chloe that she had seen her while she’d been taken. She just felt she needed to know that she meant something to her. That she had helped. It certainly didn’t make sense to Ilia, just that it had happened because she had said ‘see you again’ and it wasn’t like Ilia had stopped seeing her. Even if it sounded completely crazy.

“Um, yeah. I mean I knew you weren’t there… but just...holding on to my memories of us helped.” At first. But even then, they had still managed to break her.

Even though she had said she was okay with a hug, Ilia tensed at first contact given her only physical contact in weeks had been abuse and fighting but she quickly relaxed into it and clung to Chloe, shivering from the cold or shock or just finally letting her walls down even briefly. She didn’t know.

Chloe didn’t know the details of the rescue, and she didn’t want to know, but she knew that it could’ve gone worse than it had. She’d been afraid that Ilia would’ve come back in a body bag, or not come back at all. But now that Ilia was here and she could see her, she was more than relieved. And now she could work on calming herself down after being so stressed and emotionally worked up over Ilia’s disappearance.

“I’m glad that the memories helped.” And, well, Chloe could tell that she meant enough to Ilia that she’d hold onto the memories of them to survive what those people had done to her. It made her feel a bit emotional about it, but she didn’t let that go too far.

She did feel how Ilia tensed at first, then relaxed. She felt her shiver and couldn’t tell what was causing it, but for the moment she wasn’t going to call attention to it. Instead as Ilia clung to her, Chloe tightened her hold of Ilia.

There was still part of Ilia that felt it would have been better for everyone if she had come back in a body bag. She wouldn’t be a threat to anyone she cared about because really, who was to say that the deprogramming would even work? It was just one more thing that she had to wonder how she had even managed to survive it.

Chloe meant a lot to Ilia, too much where there weren’t any words for it. Not really. All Ilia knew was that Chloe was something she’d held onto in the darkness even if they had eventually broken her.

“They did.”

Because she wasn’t always the most vocal or verbose of people. She just knew she was cold and now that she was hugging Chloe, she clung to her desperately. Both to remind herself this was real, but also as if trying to warm up. As if the closeness would make it so she wasn’t so cold. She figured it was shock. It had to be given how much warmer it was here than it had been in Russia.

Chloe wasn’t certain if the saying what didn’t kill you made you stronger was true, but she knew that Ilia was strong. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be in her own mind. Even if she was dealing with the trauma of what they’d put her through, the fact that she was able to stand here with Chloe was a testament to her strength.

It was one of the things Chloe liked about Ilia. Of course, there was a lot that Chloe liked about Ilia. And being reunited with her like this only solidified those feelings for her.

While Chloe tended to not have a filter between her brain and her mouth, sometimes she did get tongue-tied, or just didn’t have the right words to express what she was feeling. So she did the same as Ilia, and expressed it through the hug. She gently rubbed her back, holding her tightly. She also wasn’t going to let go until Ilia wanted her to. After all, for as much as Ilia may need the hug, Chloe needed it too, to help solidify the fact that Ilia was actually there.

“I’m just...really glad you’re back now.”

That was supposedly the saying but Ilia would appreciate a break. She was born into a world that wanted people like her dead and had been fighting it since. Just one break.

Ilia just buried her face against Chloe. She could stay like that for a while really. Forget all the bullshit and just focus on Chloe and how real she was. She knew that she should let go but part of her feared letting go and finding herself strapped to a table with her eyes pried open.

“Yeah….”

It broke Chloe’s heart a bit to see Ilia like this, but she’d be damned if she didn’t want to help her however she could. When Ilia buried her face against her, she held her tightly and gently stroked her hair. She pressed a kiss to the top of Ilia’s head and closed her eyes. It felt good to have Ilia in her arms again.

“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” she murmured. And she meant it. She wasn’t going to leave Ilia’s side until Ilia wanted her to. Chloe just wanted to do whatever she could to make her feel better.

It just felt wrong, all of it. While Ilia wouldn’t declare herself the epitome of strong or put together, she was better than this. The world constantly tried to kill her just for existing - here and in the dreams and she pushed back and refused to let them win. Right now though, nothing made sense, all she saw was that she was nothing more than a weapon for people and it was just… a lot.

She did recognize that Chloe was saying the same thing to her that she’d said to Chloe before. And in that haze of everything, it meant a lot. Because right now she didn’t want Chloe to leave her side. She didn’t necessarily trust herself at the moment and maybe that was the scariest thing of all for Ilia.