Who: Neena and Rose What: Blowing up a bar. When: On Easter Sunday, during The Great Peepening Where: Neena's Bar Rating/Warnings: Uh... PG-13 to be on the safe side? Status: Complete
Neena had no idea what she was dealing with when she’d gotten the call that Sunday. It was Easter, of course, but that didn’t stop her bar from being open. What did anyone else expect of a place called The Inferno? The guys had started to open up for the day and she’d received a panicked phone call. ‘They’re everywhere’, Jose had said. ‘And they’re screaming!’
It was definitely a job for two, whatever it was, because that phone call had sounded exactly like Typical Orange County Bullshit. So she’d texted Rose, armed herself, and headed for the bar. From the front, it was hard to see what the problem was, exactly. Only when she’d stepped into the back did she understand it.
Peeps. Peeps were everywhere. They’d spilled out of the kitchen doors and into the back parking area, and Neena could actually hear them making noises. Worse, they seemed to be multiplying.
She glanced over at Rose. “So… this is a thing. You think we should have brought more ammunition?”
Rose had been thankful that Neena had given her the day off (even if she didn’t celebrate Easter...how could she?), but her phone erupted in a burst of buzzing and she didn’t hesitate to grab a coat and head out. She didn’t really have any useful weapon but a baseball bat she had picked up at a thrift store. Armed the best she could be, she hopped onto the next bus that came up, heading towards the Inferno.
Neena hadn’t given too much information, but Rose had a feeling it was just the usual for around the area. With the holiday upon them, she was ready for something, but nothing prepared her for what awaited them inside.
She couldn’t help but laugh out loud, grinning as she turned to look at Neena. “I dunno, is it too weird if we just start eating them?” She nudged one with her toe and watched as it tried to flat away, making the most adorable sound with it.
“Jose said they were screaming?”
"Apparently, if you try to kill them, or eat them. Basically when they die or sense danger. Yup." Neena said, while putting a cigarette in her mouth and lighting it up. She shrugged a shoulder and poked one with her boot. The problem needed to be contained, and quickly, but she was kind of at a loss as to what to do. "Are you gonna be okay with this? We can't exactly let them roam free. Plus I think a whole new pile of them just erupted from the corner, which means they're definitely breeding somehow."
This was the weirdest shit she'd seen yet, and she had to look at her paper white face every morning, which was already weird enough. "I've got some ear plugs if you want to drown out the screams."
Rose held her hand out, her gaze still taking in the scene in front of her. As Neena mentioned them breeding, Rose spotted one split into multiple ones and she made a face. “How can something be so cute and nasty all at the same time.”
She started to roll the earplugs, shaking one of the peeps from her shoe. “So...we’re just gonna step on ‘em?” There was something unsettling about this, but she had to just keep telling herself they were just candy, not real birds. She glanced at Neena for confirmation before she started to roll the second plug.
"Step on them, shoot them, set them on fire..." Neena had a flamethrower on her if it got serious, but that was definitely not strictly legal by California standards. She held up some of her pistols which had been speed-rigged to turn them into smaller versions of automatic weapons, then pointed them in the direction of the crowd of peeps, mimicking what she intended to do once they got started. "Bam bam bam, you know? And you can club them to death with your baseball bat, and then... I have no idea how we're getting them out of there if they're going to keep multiplying like this."
As she'd spoken, another entire pile of them started spilling out of the doors. This was ridiculous. Neena knew it'd be harder for Rose, who actually enjoyed eating the peeps and probably thought they were adorable to boot. "Just don't eat them. You won't like that and you'll never forget you did it, too."
The language that Neena used to describe what they were going to do with these little guys made Rose wince. They were a bit unsettling in their ways, but when you looked at them...okay, well not when they were doing that weird respawning thing. Rose made a face and sighed, idly swinging her baseball bat. “No, I don’t think eating them would be quite as good either.” She thought about them used in Neena’s festive drink and their Peep microwave wars. She immediately felt guilty.
She took a step back as they continued to spill around the room, not noticing her step as she stepped on one. The piercing scream that seemed to fill the bar shook her and she brought her foot down on it to stop. She looked over at Neena, a startled look on her face.
“Didja know they did that?”
Neena's lips thinned into a line, and she shrugged one shoulder, "I don't think Jose ever mentioned that, but I guess I figured it was possible. I mean, they're already making noises, if they're... alive at all they're probably going to object to anyone ending their existence."
She took a long look at Rose and side-stepped another pile of peeps, realising that this situation was growing rapidly worse by the second. It needed to be contained, but even Neena wasn't heartless enough to go forcing her best friend to murder something that was so cute. It was clear to her that Rose wasn't going to like any of her options, and she started coming up with plan B. Neena holstered her pistols and unzipped a weapon bag she'd brought with her, then pulled out a brick of explosives.
"Okay. Listen. I think we need to face the facts here. This place is completely overrun. And I'm getting the feeling like smashing these things one by one is gonna end up giving us both nightmares. Do you think you could get to my office from here?"
Rose watched Neena move around the Peeps, afraid to make any sudden movements herself in case she stepped on another unsuspecting Peep. Her eyes widened as she watched her pull out the explosives and she looked up at her friend.
“Whoa, wait. You’re not thinking of blowing this place up??” Rose couldn’t let her do that, this was her bar! There had to be a way they could get rid of these things…”Maybe we could just, I dunno, scoop ‘em into a bag and toss them into the ocean so they dissolve or something?” That didn’t seem very reasonable as she watched another self populate so the Peeps were now standing on one another; Rose couldn’t see the floor anymore.
"Eeeehhhhh" Neena's face screwed up into an extremely doubtful look as the other pile spawned. There were areas of the bar where the peeps were stacking high enough not to see the legs of chairs or pool tables. Scooping them up into a bag just didn't seem like a practical solution.
Neena carefully nudged a few more out of the way of her foot so she wouldn't step on them, and shook her head. "It'll be okay, Rose, but this has to be contained. If they keep this up, even if we do bag them they'll keep on spawning in the bags and explode in our cars on the way to the shore."
Rose chewed on her bottom lip, not sure how she was feeling about letting Neena go through with this. On one hand, that was a lot to give up! Rose knew she was doing some other kind of work that took her away from the bar, but this was her baby! Wasn’t it? Rose certainly felt a connection to it and was loathe to give it up. On the other hand, she watched as the Peeps continued to multiply and she knew they would be wading through heaps of squeaking, screaming marshmallows unless they took action and NOW.
“Alright boss, this is your call. I’ll follow where you lead!” She glanced at Neena, waiting for instructions. “What do you need me to do?”
"If it makes you feel better, maybe we'll rebuild it." Neena said, shrugging her shoulders. "Okay. There's a bunch of charges here. You take these two."
She separated two pieces off the block, and inserted detonators securely into each one. It had been her 'last resort hail mary' idea; Blowing up the entire bar, Peeps and all, just in case it couldn't all be contained. Neena didn't see any other choice, especially not as she noticed the Peeps were starting to fall into her weapons bag. She'd have kick them out before they lit the place up.
The charges were placed in Rose's hand. "Put one in the office, and another on one of the pool tables. I'll place the rest. We should only need a few more to send the whole building down. Meet me outside when you're done, alright?"
Rose couldn’t help but give Neena a hopeful smile when she mentioned rebuilding the bar. Rose hadn’t really realized how much it had come to mean to her and that she would miss it. Still, she steeled herself and nodded her head at Neena’s instructions. As much as she would miss the bar, she would be happy to stop the screams that seemed to issue from all around them.
Trying her best to suppress the noise, Rose hurried off to set her charges, skipping here and there if it meant not stepping on a Peep. She was back out the door in a couple of minutes, spotting Neena setting everything up. “I feel like we should say a eulogy or something,” she joked, stopping next to her. She glanced back at the bar and shook her head as she saw the Peeps grow past the windows. “Blimey, they’re going to fill the whole bar!”
Neena had run the detonation cords out into the street and was waiting across from the Bar when Rose showed up. She had a grim look on her face, instead of the usual cheerful one she put on even in the darkest of times. This was, after all, her 'getting over that one asshole' baby, and it had been quite an investment.
But hey, she thought to herself. Yolo.
She nodded at Rose and then pursed her lips together, thinking of the right words to say. "I wish I'd brought some alcohol, we could have toasted to her. So instead, we'll just say... Farewell bar, we knew you well. We've had awesome times, and some kind of weird ones too, but unfortunately all good things have to get blown up sometimes. And today, that's you. Because you're filled to bursting with terrifyingly sentient marshmallow easter snacks."
Rose scowled when Neena mentioned the lack of alcohol and held up her hand, as if in toast to the bar. “To you and your great times bar. We knew ye well and ye knew us.” What were they going to do with their Friday nights? The thought of not seeing the usual faces was actually kinda sad and Rose dropped her hand, her foot scuffing against the pavement.
“Alright, let’s get this over with,” she said, a nod to Neena. As she pulled the trigger, Rose turned her head at the explosion, her hands coming up to cover her ears. It was louder than she would have thought.
After the dust settled, the ringing still in her ears, she glanced at Neena. “Wanna get a drink?”