Who: Nico di Angelo and Will Solace What: Nico tells Will about things that have been bugging him When: Several months back. Pre-Christmas Where: Nico's car, road trip back home from LA Rating/Warnings: PG/none Status: Complete when posted
Nico hadn’t realized it until they’d actually gotten to LA that he’d needed this trip, this time away, this break just him and Will. It had been nice, relaxing. And he’d loved getting away with Will and not having to worry about Cesare waking them up early to go for a walk when they both just wanted to stay in their bed a little longer. He looked over at Will driving them home and gave him a smile. “Maybe we can take the scenic route home? I’m not ready for our weekend to be over just yet.” Plus he needed to tell him what had happened in the Jungle Temple. What he’d seen so that Will would know that his mood was nothing to do with him. It had everything to do with the ghosts in his head.
***
Will turned and smiled at Nico, holding his hand out for his. It had been a long time since he’d seen his boyfriend as relaxed as he’d been on this trip, and he was really glad that they’d planned it. Not only did they have a lot of fun over it, but Nico’s mood seemed to have lifted somewhat. “The scenic route seems like a great idea to me, too. Would you mind changing the route on the gps for me? Maybe the longest way home, just to stretch the weekend out a little more?”
***
Nico slid his hand into Will’s squeezing it gently as he lifted it to his mouth to kiss his knuckles softly. “And maybe pick a place to stop for dinner along the way?” He asked, reaching out with his free hand to start punching in the instructions for the route home. Choosing longest route with a smile as he glanced back at his boyfriend. “It’ll give us more time to talk too.”
***
Will shivered slightly at that kiss to his knuckles. “Anything in particular you’re thinking of, Angel?” he asked. One of the best parts about road trips is discovering new restaurants you’ve never been to before. He gave Nico a curious look out of the corner of his eye. “About… what’s been bothering you lately?” he asked.
***
Nico didn’t let go of Will’s hand as he tried to think of an answer to that first question. “Is anywhere not attached to a gas station an acceptable answer?” He asked a little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’ll even agree to a place that doesn’t serve nuggets if you want.”
He swallowed, nodding his head. “About that. I...I didn’t realize how bad it was still bugging me until a few days ago. The Temples.”
*** Will couldn’t help but laugh at his answer. “I’m not sure what answer google will give us for that one, but we can still try? Although I’d also prefer not to eat gas station food, too.” Maybe in very crowded areas some of them did serve good snack food that was in date…. But along long stretches of road he wasn’t sure what exactly you’d get. Too many road trips to visit his Mom’s family in Texas taught him not to trust the food from those.
Will squeezed Nico’s fingers gently. “You can always talk to me about anything, you know that right?” He knew it didn’t come that easily to Nico, opening up. But he wanted him to know he was always willing to listen when he needed to.
***
Nico’s smile spread into a grin at the sound of Will’s laughter. He loved that sound. “Well - I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll keep an eye on the google results and weed out the ones that are gas station adjacent. How’s that?” He offered softly.
“I know. It was just...partly that I knew what you’d say. And you’d be right. When I was in that Temple...it showed me an image of my mother. The way Madre looked in the dream.”
***
“That sounds like a good idea, Angel. I’ll just keep listening to the gps in the meantime. And I think it’s your turn to pick the next playlist?” They had tried to keep it somewhat even between them the entire trip. Sometimes getting to learn new music the other hadn’t really heard before.
“Nico, even if I do say what you figured I would, it still doesn’t get it off of your chest. Just having conversations with me in your head, I mean. You can’t just… hold it in.” He looked at the other boy out of the corner of his eyes and squeezed his hand when he told him what he’d seen. He knew how much he missed his mom here, and that it was even worse for him in the dreams. “...I’m so sorry, Nico. That… I can’t imagine what that was like.”
***
Nico was already scrolling through the playlists he’d come up with for the trip, trying to pick the one he wanted to play for Will next and smiling when he found one full of songs he’d grown up listening to in Italy. Most of them were in Italian but there were a few French ones and a couple English songs tossed in for good measure. He hadn’t understand the lyrics on the English ones entirely but he’d liked the way they sounded. He hit shuffle and started playing the playlist softly they could keep talking over it.
“She told me it was my fault she died. Mine and Bianca’s because Father saved us and not her. That if it hadn’t been for me - she’d have lived.” He said, staring down at his lap as he talked. “It...I’d already been thinking that. That it was my fault she was gone in the dreams and hearing it from her….The people I was with - Xena and a guy named Billy got dragged in there at the same time and we found each other in there - told me it wasn’t my fault. That Madre wouldn’t really blame me because she’s my mom but it didn’t get rid of the guilt I feel.”
***
“Nico… what you saw in there wasn’t really her. You know that, right?” Will asked, looking at the other boy out of the corner of his eye. “Any parent would want their kid to be saved over themselves. Your mom would never have blamed you… And she wouldn’t want you blame yourself for it, either.”
***
“I know Will. I know. Logically what you’re saying, what they told me, it makes sense but...Emotionally? I blame myself.” Nico said softly. “A part of me feels that if Father hadn’t used his power to save me - he could have saved her.”
***
It broke Will’s heart, watching Nico blame himself over something that not only wasn’t his fault, but didn’t happen in this life. Something he doubly had no control of. “Angel… I’m sure your dad would have saved all three of you if he had been able to. And I’m sure he knew your mom well enough to know that she’d rather their kids survive over herself. Please, please don’t blame yourself. It happened in the dreams, and it wasn’t your fault here or there. There wasn’t anything you could have done.”
***
Nico gave Will a somewhat forced smile. “I hope so. It’s just...hard right now for me. Does that make sense?” He asked, running his thumb over the side of Will’s hand. “I think...how she acted here has made me doubt things I’ve always known about her. Things I always knew she’d want. Or do.”
***
Will nodded as he squeezed Nico’s hand tighter. “It makes sense. It sounds like you went through…. So much already in your dreams. And then with what’s happened here…” He sighed. His heart hurt so much for Nico. He didn’t really know how to help him, either. All he really could do was be there for him. “I wish I knew why she did what she did. It still doesn’t make any sense to me, either. ...Maybe she isn’t really sure why, herself. People are… weird sometimes. And that’s not the kind of doctor that I’m in training for. The kind that deals with that sort of thing.” If she wasn’t an ocean away, going to one of those doctors with her for family counseling probably wouldn’t be a bad idea. But that’s not exactly the sort of thing you could do over skype.
***
Nico glanced over at him almost shyly. “There’s more...the ADD is crossing over I think. And the dyslexia. I...can’t concentrate. And the letters keep moving.” He confessed to him softly.
***
Will looked at Nico out of the corner of his eye and gave him a soft smile before turning his attention back to the road. “We can figure it out together, Angel. There’s help for that. We’ll just… have to learn what we have to do to get you an official diagnosis. So we can get whatever help we need to. I know there’s medication for the ADD. Not sure about the dyslexia, but there has to be something that helps it. Even if it’s just… a different kind of studying with it.”
****
“I guess I just have to be glad I'm not in a reading intensive major right?” Nico asked, trying to break the moment of seriousness that was threatening their weekend at the end of it. This was supposed to be a relaxing get away and he wanted it to end almost that way.
***
Will laughed softly at that. “It wouldn’t be a good time to break into editing as your new career goal, no.” He agreed. He rubbed his thumb over Nico’s knuckles and turned to give him a small smile. “And I think you’re going to be a great designer.”
***
Nico smiled at him, unbuckling so he could slide closer to Will and take advantage of that middle seat the old car he’d gotten from his dad had in the front. He lay his head on Will’s shoulder as he buckled back up. “I don’t have madre’s talent as a sculptor but I got her eye for color and what shapes work well together I think.” He said softly, eyes closing halfway.
***
Will started to get nervous, eyes widening, when he heard Nico unbuckling, but his heart rate started to calm back down as his boyfriend rebuckled back up in the middle seat. He smiled as he felt the other boy’s head rest on his shoulder. “You really do have an awesome eye for that kind of thing.” he murmured back to him softly. “And maybe weirdly things spilling over from the dreams will help with that. If you walk into someone’s house and how they have it is distracting for you, you know what to change about it? ….anyway, we’ll figure all of it out.”
*** “Don’t tell me you were worried I was going to do something like jump out of the car Sunshine,” Nico murmured as he looked up and saw the obvious signs of his boyfriend relaxing. “I just...wanted to get closer to you.”
*** Will laughed and shook his head. “More worried about the people in front of us stopping while you were unbuckled.” He turned and kissed Nico’s temple softly. “I love being close to you. And I’m really glad we decided to take the scenic route home.”