Stahma Tarr is no one's fool (noonesfool) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-05-31 21:56:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, stahma tarr |
Who: Stahma
What: Reflecting on things.
When: This evening
Where: Her home
Warnings: Pretty tame
Status: Narrative, complete
Life was certainly strange in how things worked out differently than one anticipated. Stahma had done everything she could to steer her life in the way she wanted it to go, but to do that she'd had to use and manipulate people along the way. Did she regret it? Not in most cases, though sometimes she did regret losing her son despite knowing that he was undoubtedly better off in whatever life he was building for himself now. She had secretly longed for another chance with him, or to even be a mother to another child, but she'd never voiced it. It was a frightening notion for her, all things considered. Having attachments and family wasn't always the best when one was involved in the things she tended to be involved in business-wise. People she cared about could be used for leverage and other terrible things if someone was so motivated.
And yet she found herself rather enjoying having a partner who treated her as an equal not as a subordinate. Natasha was every bit as dangerous as Stahma could be, perhaps even moreso in some ways, but Stahma was incredibly ruthless and vicious. When she went after someone, she typically went for the jugular after ripping them down. But perhaps it was the mutual respect and love between them that helped their relationship to flourish. For as much as Stahma had once loved Datak before she'd soured on him, she could definitely say she loved Natasha far more. And it was a genuine love, not one born of manipulating her way out of her father's intentions for her.
And now they had the twins, girls Natasha had brought home after her last mission. It was sometimes strange to have the girls around, but Stahma liked it. She was more than happy to buy them whatever food they wanted and keep their favorite snacks in stock. It was a little frightening to her, of course, but she was more than willing to rise to the occasion of course. Stahma never was one to back down from something, and even if she did initially, she would come back fighting eventually. While she knew she wasn't their mother and didn't try to force herself into that role, she was a natural caretaker, something her Castithan upbringing in the dreams had instilled into her. No matter how ruthless she could be, she would always ensure that her family was taken care of.
The fact that some of her dreams were repeating of late didn't make her think they were pointing to anything specific, but they still served to make her think about her life here. She had learned lessons from her actions in the dreams, and she was determined to not make the same mistakes here. At least Christie wasn't here, Stahma would not like being forced to kill her again. So as it was, she was learning to enjoy the moment because in the end, the present was all they ever really had. And no matter what dreams she dreamt again, or if her dreams would ever continue from where they left off, she would be more than content with the life she had now. And there wasn't anything in the world that she would trade it for. She was where she wanted to be, and she was where she belonged.