Who: Stahma, Natasha and the NPC!twins What: Stahma has a Dream repeat that upsets her. When: Recently Where: Their home Warnings: Mentions of dream character death, otherwise relatively tame
It had been quite a while since Stahma had dreamt anything new of her life in Defiance. She’d concluded that her dreams had ended. Apparently it was a sort of happy ending as compared to what she’d thought she’d get. The Dread Harvest had been thwarted, and there was potential for making amends with Alak. Her family had been torn apart more than once during the dreams, and just when she’d thought it had been torn apart for good, she had been given hope. It was also a hope that she silently held on to in her waking life. That perhaps one day she could make amends with her son. However, Stahma knew that was unlikely to ever happen.
However, she’d had some repeats of previous dreams in recent times. She’d dreamt of Kenya again, and killing her. She’d dreamt of taking over the family business, nearly getting killed by Datak and having Datak severely beaten when she’d kicked him out of the house.
Tonight’s dream, however, brought her guilt and Alak issues back to the forefront. She’d dreamt of when Rahm Tak gave Stahma a choice, kill Christie or watch Datak die. She hadn’t wanted to kill Christie, and she’d hesitated on pulling the trigger. However, Stahma had noticed her grandson was hidden in the closet, and she exchanged a look with Christie. Christie willingly offered herself up to die knowing Stahma would protect the baby. And so, Stahma pulled the trigger and took Christie’s life.
Stahma woke, momentarily disoriented as emotions flooded her. Taking a breath, she slipped from the bed, not checking the time or if Natasha was still in bed, grabbed her silk robe and pulled it on before she headed down to the kitchen to make herself some tea. She needed to steady her nerves a little.
There were some dreams that she didn’t care to have again. That was one of them. She may have seemed a little distracted and her hair was uncharacteristically disheveled.
The twins were up late, having fixed themselves some sandwiches. Both tended to eat like they’d never eat again, and hadn’t yet broken the habit. Kisha looked up from hers, “Good morning, Tetka.”
Stahma quickly came back to herself when she heard Kisha’s greeting. She gave her a smile and bowed her head. “Good morning. I hope I am not interrupting you,” she said. Stahma had noticed how the twins ate, but she couldn’t blame them given what they’d been through before coming here. As such, she did try to keep the kitchen stocked with a variety of foods, and there were plenty of snack-type foods like chips and such in the pantry.
Stahma liked keeping her loved ones fed. And there was practically a stockpile of meat, mostly due to Natasha’s request, but Stahma also tended towards a meat-heavy diet. It was the Castithan physiology. She was an omnivore just as humans, but she tended to require more meat than humans did.
Two growing assassin girls. Nat sometimes wondered if there was programming that they weren’t aware of, but there was no way to know for sure. They couldn’t have been held long enough for that, right?
“We’re okay,” Catriona set down her monster sandwich. “Are you?”
Stahma took a moment to contemplate how to respond. “Just a bad dream, but it shall pass. I came to make myself some tea. Would either of you like some?” Having something to do would help get her mind off of the dream and off of her son. Or so Stahma hoped, even though she knew it wouldn’t quite work the way she wanted it to.
“I’ll take tea,” Catriona said, while her sister wrinkled her nose. They were alike in many ways but that was definitely not one of them.
The alien thing had taken some time to get used to, and Kisha never knew how to feel about it. It should be impossible. It would be something the Red Room would love to get ahold of. It made her uneasy.
Stahma smiled, chuckling softly at the way Kisha wrinkled her nose. She nodded and went to put the kettle on. It had been a risk to tell the girls what she was, but Stahma knew sooner or later they’d either figure it out on their own (Stahma didn’t move like a human, after all) or they’d have seen her without her disguise on.
There was much here in Orange County that should be impossible. Though if the Red Room wanted to get ahold of Stahma, they had another thing coming. Stahma was already a dangerous weapon when she wanted to be. Not to mention when she’d been human, her father had been a prominent KGB officer and she was more than versed in that lifestyle. Then she’d married into the Russian mob, another lifestyle that she had excelled at. All in all, Stahma was a dangerous snake awaiting the perfect time to strike at her enemies.
“Could I get you anything else to drink, Kisha? Coffee, perhaps?” She had noticed that Kisha had taken a liking to coffee.
And not Stahma was living with the Black Widow. The one that had gotten away. It made them targets, but dangerous enough that they’d so far been left alone.
“I’d like coffee, da.” Kisha perked up.
“It’ll stunt your growth.”
“Then people could tell us apart.”
They both started giggling.
“Then I shall make coffee for you,” Stahma responded with a smile. She then went and started to make some coffee for Kisha. “Coffee may stunt growth, but it also boosts productivity. Or is it hyperness?” She queried with bemusement towards the girls.
“Both,” Natasha said, coming down the stairs as she tightened her robe. Downside to the kids, she couldn’t just walk around nude. Not that she ever did that before. Not even a little.
Hearing Natasha, Stahma looked over at her and smiled. “Would you like some tea or some coffee?” The water for the tea finished boiling, so she fixed a cup for Catriona and gave it to her, then finished up the coffee for Kisha and gave that to her before she turned to see what Natasha wanted. She’d fix her own tea last.
“Tea is fine, I can get some coffee on the way to work later,” Nat assured her. She generally preferred coffee, but she wanted a slower wake up. She wanted to enjoy this little family they had. And she wanted to shoo the kids off so she could talk to Stahma. She brushed past her, giving her a knowing look.
Stahma looked at Natasha, reading that look she gave her. She inclined her head knowingly before she gave a nod and fixed two more cups of tea, giving one to Natasha. “Do you girls have any plans for the day?” She asked, letting her tea cool a little before taking a sip. She was rather certain the girls would need to sleep before doing anything, but it was nice to know if they would be around the house or not.
Catriona got up, stretching, “We’re going to play basketball. We made friends with some of the others at the youth center Natalia took us to.”
“We’re going to crush them,” Kisha declared.
“If you don’t get enough sleep you won’t crush anyone,” Natasha reminded them.
“Are you telling us to go back to bed?”
“Da.” Natasha smirked as the teens obeyed. Grumbled, but obeyed. Maybe they’d be okay.
Stahma had to chuckle a bit as the girls grumbled but obeyed Natasha. “Teenagers,” she said before sipping her tea. She then started to clean up the dishes the girls had left behind. It was mostly habit, but also a little bit to keep herself busy.
“At least they have the chance I didn’t,” Nat remarked. In no life had she been a normal teen and neither were those girls but they had some years yet to enjoy their youth.
She slipped behind Stahma. “Are you all right?”
“They have the chance to be carefree.” Stahma had not had that luxury either. While her upbringing wasn’t anything like Natasha’s, she had been groomed to fulfill a very specific standard and expectation. In this life, she was supposed to marry and help improve her father’s social standing. In her dreams, she was supposed to be subservient to men at all times upon pain of death, or worse. She had experienced repression based on her gender to an extreme degree in her dream life.
At Natasha’s question, there was a little hesitation before she responded. “Just a repeat of a previous dream.” She turned her head to look at Natasha out of the corner of her eye. “At least I did not wake up stabbed this time.” It was a teasing note towards how they’d initially met. Stahma sported two scars to her mid-section, both from stab wounds.
“I like our sheets,” Nat countered. She weighed her words before she asked, “Which dream?”
It was almost as though she were familiar with dreams repeating. She was just very good at ignoring them.
“So do I,” Stahma returned. Though at least Stahma’s blood was pink instead of red. Still, she drew in a breath before letting it out slowly. “The one where I killed Christie, my hanya tavo. The entire reason my son hated me and wished to kill me later on.” Of course, Alak didn’t know the entire context of the situation, but it wouldn’t have made a difference either. Which was why Stahma had never tried to explain or defend what had happened.
Nathasha took Stahma’s hand. “Remind me, what happened? Walk me through it.”
She didn’t exactly want to go reliving this point in time, but she knew better than to try and talk around it with Natasha. “Datak, Christie’s father Rafe and I were searching for Alak and Christie who had been kidnapped by Christie’s crazy mother. Of course when we found them, Alak and Christie’s mother were gone and Christie was alone in the abandoned house with her child. But Rahm Tak, a Castithan who absolutely hated humans to the point he tended to kill humans on sight, found Christie first. During a confrontation, Rahm put a gun in my hand and told me to kill Christie. I hesitated and attempted to get out of doing it, but Datak was grabbed and held at gun point and if I didn’t kill Christie, then Datak would die.”
Stahma hated the memory, hated the entire thing. She had never been a good person, but she had truly come to love and admire Christie. “I also caught a glimpse of where Christie had hidden my grandson, and Rahm had not found the child yet. If he had, he would have killed him for being half-human. Christie saw that I noticed where the child was and she offered herself to die knowing that I would protect my grandchild. I pulled the trigger. Rafe did not react well, of course, and Rahm’s men shot him dead.” Of course, that was also the beginning of Stahma being manipulated by Rahm Tak and ultimately becoming a terrorist because Rahm had held Alak captive and threatened to kill him if Datak and Stahma didn’t do what he wanted them to.
Stahma had done what Nat would have done in that situation. Of that, Nat was positive. Plenty of times she’d tainted herself in the eyes of friends and loved ones in order to protect them.
“I wish you could have killed Rahm then and there.”
“So do I. It would have saved Defiance much hardship.” It also would have saved Stahma some hardship, but she would never say that. At least not without being called on it. But she had to pay for her sins, and she’d paid for them.
“It would have saved you, too,” Natasha said for her. She slid her arms around her. “It’s nothing we can change now, and I’ve got enough experience with changing timelines to know it never ends the way you expect it.”
Stahma leaned into Natasha, and tried to pull herself from thoughts of things she could not change. “I know. There is much that I would change if I had the chance, but there is no point in dwelling upon it. I suppose no matter what life I am in, my son will always hate me for something.” Stahma had never killed Alak’s wife in this life, and even if he had one, she didn’t know about it. And she did believe he was better off staying away from her. He was not cut out for the lifestyle she and his father lived.
“And it will never fix your original life,” Natasha added. She lifted her hand to Stahma’s hair, stroking her fingers through it. As always, she marveled at the softness and the silky texture. “But you can make up for it here, in small ways. And maybe some day your son will be willing to forgive you some day.”
“Perhaps, though I do not think he will.” While Datak may have been the one to use physical punishment on Alak at times, Stahma was the manipulator. Even her kindness could be a manipulation. Her arms slid around Natasha as she gazed into her eyes. “What I should focus on is what I have in the here and now, which is you and the girls.”
It was something that Natasha was aware of, and something she understood. After all, she was a spy, and a spy was nothing if not a master manipulator. “Then we’ll focus on that. I never thought I’d be one to take girls like that in. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have.”
Manipulation came as naturally to Stahma as breathing did, and she excelled in multiple forms of it. It was part of what made her exceptionally dangerous, and why Nolan had referred to her as a snake at one point. “I would not have taken them in either. But I suppose both of us have changed a bit in recent times. Enough to take them in and give them a new chance at life.”
At worse, they would have found them homes, the way Logan and Neena had taken the others in. But maybe seeing her life through a prism had given Nat a new perspective, and perhaps it was the same for Stahma. “It’s terrifying.”
It was the same. After having gone through her dreams and seeing what could happen, Stahma had tried to change some of her behaviors. Also meeting Natasha had certainly helped. It had been a while since she’d felt love and been loved in return. That in and of itself was frightening, but Stahma was not one to shy away from things. She gave a little smile as she lifted a hand to Natasha’s cheek, gently stroking it. “It is, but would we truly be who we are if we didn’t stand up to meet it? I for one do not run away.”
Not unless someone was trying to kill her and they had the obvious upper hand, of course. Or if she was in danger of being arrested or something of the sort. Otherwise, Stahma never ran away from anything.
Maybe someday, Nat would want one of her own. It was a thought she rarely entertained, and something physically impossible for her. It didn’t bother her most days - not having her period while on a mission was invaluable. But sometimes, it did. “I could never picture you running away.”
Physically impossible was one thing, but science tended to generate miracles in that department these days. But that was a conversation for down the road. Right now, Stahma was more focused on them and their family that had suddenly grown around them. “Nor I you.” She brushed her finger tips against Natasha’s cheek, then trailed one along her jawline. “I think we make quite the pair.”
Far, far down the road. Though Stahma not being human would complicate matters. “We do. Why don’t we let the kids be on their own tonight and go on a date. I think it’s been awhile.”
Between work and being shot, they hadn’t had all that much time to themselves. Natasha legitimately worried she wasn’t there enough for Stahma.
Not being human was a complication, but humans and Castithans could interbreed without issue. Luckily, Castithan genetics weren’t all that different from humans. It was Irathients that would have a slightly harder time interbreeding with humans, though they could still do it.
Stahma smiled warmly. “I would like that. After everything that has happened recently, it would be nice to have a night out as just us.”
That might come in handy if someone could come up with a way to help them. Not that Natasha had been thinking about that or seeing if Jemma had any ideas or anything. Nope.
“I think we can trust them alone for the night,” Nat decided. It wasn’t like they they preteens.
It was something to look into, though Stahma hadn’t quite given it overly much thought. Largely due to her fantastic failure at being an actual mother the first time around. But so far she’d been doing well with the girls. Perhaps there was hope for her after all.
“Something tells me they will be just fine.” She slid her arms around Natasha’s neck, the little smile still on her face.