Ilia Amitola is color coded for your convenience (amitola) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-05-15 21:42:00 |
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Today, Blake was just spending some time with Ilia. It was a friendship that she needed for multiple reasons, not least of which was that she liked spending time with her. And at least in this life they didn’t have Adam screwing things up and turning the White Fang into something Blake didn’t agree with. Here, they could just be themselves without any of the dream crap getting in the way.
Well, so long as they talked about said dream crap when it became relevant. There were some conversations that she and Ilia would need to have, but today, Blake just wanted to have a nice, relaxing day with her friend. So it was getting tea, then going and sitting in a park. And as usual when leaving the house, Blake wore her black bow to cover her cat ears.
Reaching the café, she held the door open for Ilia before following her in and glancing over the menu. Blake already knew what she wanted, but she still liked glancing over the menu as she stepped up to the counter and gave her order, then she looked at Ilia.
“How would you like your tea?” Blake asked.
Ilia was actually surprised at how much she was adapting to Orange County, of the connections she was making. Okay, so it was mostly just Blake and Chloe and then Logan to some extent but after everything in Arkansas, she had been against immediately forming connections with people for fear it could end up with them using her. Well. Ilia didn’t always listen to herself in these situations.
She also tried not to think too much about the Dreams. The parallels were there and they hurt but it didn’t seem as though there were much that could be done about them on that front. Besides, she liked getting to know Blake outside of them. Which was why going to tea was a thing that often happened.
Ilia had been messing with her phone when Blake asked her question and so she answered without looking up.
“As dark and bitter as my soul.”
Blake had to chuckle a little under her breath at Ilia’s response. She turned to the cashier. “She’ll have a cinnamon chai with extra foam.” Because while Ilia could be bitter and angry, she was definitely a very nice person to those who got to see that side of her. At least that was Blake’s experience thus far with the other girl.
After paying for the tea, she moved over to wait for the drinks to be prepared, glancing at Ilia. “Are you playing a game?” Though what she’d wanted to ask was if Ilia was texting someone, a specific someone, to be precise, but she wasn’t going to put her on the spot like that.
Anger was often easier for her to handle, it was true. But there were a few people that Ilia didn’t put up defenses around, Blake just happened to be one of those people and thus she was aware that there was more to Ilia than most people seemed to. Which was both a good thing, and a not so good thing depending on her mood and the situation.
Still. Cinnamon chai with extra foam did sound good.
“Thanks.” Both for the order and for the paying. Following Blake to where they were to wait for their drinks, Ilia flushed ever so slightly.
“Um. No. Texting Chloe.”
Blake understood defenses. She herself had a lot put up around herself. And so far? Ruby was the only one who really got inside most of them, if not all. She had barriers still up that she wasn’t letting Yang past, but that was more tied into the whole being in love with her aspect. Which she really did need to talk to Yang about because she was starting to realize it was a problem that got in the way of her dealing with her other issues that needed to be dealt with. She just didn’t know what to say beyond needing distance from Yang, and taking herself off of team RWBY while she dealt with herself.
And yet even thinking that made her feel like a selfish bitch, even though she logically knew that it was what was best for her and she really never put herself before others. But in regards to her mental health? She had to put herself first.
Seeing that very slight flush and hearing the response, Blake had to smile. It was actually really cute. “That’s cool. You two are getting to be pretty good friends, it seems.” She had a feeling there was more to it than that, but Blake wasn’t going to just be blunt about it. She didn’t want to scare Ilia off the topic or make her think she couldn’t talk to her about it if she wanted or needed to.
Whatever Blake decided to do in regards to her issues with the pun making one, Ilia would support. She had offered to be a voice of reason - or really of being blunt and pointing out when something was an actual concern or if it was just Blake’s brain being stupid. But really, she had to take care of her mental health. She couldn’t be a good friend if she was in a bad place mentally. It all tied together in a complicated mess of life. Which was the way of things.
“Yeah, we are…. There’s just…” Ilia didn’t know how to put it into words, so she shrugged helplessly. “We just get each other.” That was the crux of it really. For all the times they just went to each other to be distracted, there was an honesty there and Ilia’s anger wasn’t so prevalent. Just like it wasn’t with Blake, but it was also different. She just didn’t know what to think about that or what it meant and there was a lot of complication involved as well.
No. She would just see how things played out for now.
Sometimes Blake knew that she needed to expand her circle of friends, but her anxiety tended to get the best of her on that front. She was just relieved that it hadn’t gotten in the way of her coming to be friends with Ilia. It was nice to have someone else to hangout with that didn’t make her anxious.
“We all need someone who get us, so I’m glad that you and her have that.” Blake said with a smile. It definitely helped a lot having someone who understood how a person was without really needing to explain things. Blake didn’t always have the words to express what she thought or felt, and it went a long way to have someone who understood that. Or even understood what she was trying to say without needing her to say it.
Ruby tended to be that person for her. Even though Ruby could be naive in some respects, she understood way more than a lot of people gave her credit for. And Blake would forever love how relaxed she felt around Ruby. She’d never really felt that with anyone before.
Not being anxious was always a good sign when hanging out with a person. And Ilia did have to admit that she was sort of okay with the fact that they were getting close. Well, she was more than okay though part of her still figured it was more on her side of things than mutual since that was just the way it went in her life. She’d gotten close to the gang but they had only seen her as a means to an end. So best to temper those expectations.
“Yeah, we do…” Sometimes there was only anger but Chloe seemed to get that, which was always appreciated. “Sort of shocked you didn’t invite the small one along,” Said Ilia who was basically the same size as Ruby, “Isn’t this your sort of thing with her? Tea and reading?”
She’d been around long enough now to pick up on that fact, that Blake and Ruby had fairly consistent reading picnics and that Blake never seemed stressed after them. It was information to file away.
“So says the other small one,” Blake gently teased with a little laugh. It definitely said something that she felt comfortable enough with Ilia to tease and laugh about it. Those things didn’t happen very often in conjunction with each other.
“To answer your question, yes Ruby and I have tea and read together. But it’s not like I can’t do the same with someone else.” Blake was rather oblivious that her reading picnics with Ruby could be seen as anything other than two friends spending time together. Because that’s what it was in her mind, two friends spending time together.
If there was more to it, Blake didn’t notice it, mostly because she couldn’t handle the thought of relationships. Relationships and feelings made her anxious to think about. But of course, her knowledge of them was that they only consisted of sex, and she really was repulsed by sex even without the trauma she’d suffered from it.
Ilia simply shrugged at the teasing. It was true, she was small so really had no room to talk in that regard. And Ruby was older than her but she would still call her the kid as well at times. It was just the way she was. Still, she was well aware that Blake at least seemed comfortable around her which was nice. She’d dreamt of them becoming friends in the dreams and it was...nice. She didn’t know much what else to think, but it was nice.
“Guess I can accept that. Still surprised you didn’t invite her along though.” Which would have been fine. But it was also nice just having it be the two of them as well. And there was nothing inherently more than friends about reading picnics, Ilia was just able to pick up on the fact Blake always seemed in a good mood after them.
“Maybe another time. This time, I just wanted to spend time with you.” Blake said with a smile. She definitely liked spending time with Ilia. Even if Ilia hadn’t gotten her faunus traits here yet, Blake did feel more at ease about being faunus with her around. While she knew Logan was a mutant, it wasn’t quite the same as being faunus. At least not Logan’s mutation, anyway. Blake was still trying to accept being faunus, but it wasn’t the easiest thing ever when she’d been the only one here.
Being faunus was something that no one else from Remnant could help her to accept because everyone else that dreamt of it was human. They didn’t know the struggles that faunus dealt with, the racism, the hate. But Ilia? Ilia understood. And maybe, just maybe, Blake was learning to accept herself a bit more already.
“Oh. Well. Thanks.” That was surprising. “Just glad I wasn’t interrupting or anything.” No matter. Ilia could go with it. Still, she could understand the feeling more comfortable around someone who had similar dream experiences. In this, the faunus thing. And Ilia knew at some point those traits were going to cross over.
Ilia was all too familiar with hate already, but there was that added hate from the dreams that she woke up to. The fact she had to hide who she was. Just as she’d needed to hide her sexuality back in Arkansas even as she couldn’t hide her race. But if she could help Blake come to terms with her faunus nature, then she would call that win.
“You’re welcome. And you’re definitely not interrupting anything. Far from it.” Blake gave her a gentle smile. It was definitely nice to have people that she felt comfortable around. No expectations of who she should be or being told what she should be. These were new experiences to her, and she was happy to have them, even if she didn’t always express it.
Blake had experienced racism in this life, though probably not to the degree Ilia had. But even then, it was still a shared experience. They weren’t white, and that was all some people needed to attack them. They didn’t even need to know their sexual orientation or anything else about them. Most people didn’t care to.
Then their drinks were ready and Blake grabbed them, handing Ilia hers. “Here you are. I hope you’ll like it, oh dark one,” she teased, obviously referring to Ilia’s earlier comment about her dark soul.
People were always going to be cruel. Ilia was more than aware of that fact. She saw it in people all the time. It was just one of those things that continued to make her angry. But right now she was relatively calm.
Taking the offered tea, Ilia rolled her eyes though she also did smile some at the teasing. She did have that one coming.
“So, staying here or heading elsewhere?”
She was flexible.
It was taking Blake a little longer to be angry about the cruelty of people, but given what she’d grown up in, she had to stop being scared first. And that fear was starting to give way to anger, though her anger was at the injustice that was running rampant in the world, not just in this country or this state. It was everywhere. So many people suffered cruelty in all of its forms. Blake was starting to find the desire to do her part to ease some of that suffering.
“Elsewhere. There’s a park nearby that I like to sit in and read or people watch. Plus I prefer being outside to being indoors.” Blake got uncomfortable when she was in crowded places, and sometimes the cafe could get rather crowded. So sitting outdoors it was.
“Outside it is.” It wasn’t like Ilia had any preference on the matter. Besides, it was nice outside as it was so why not? And people watching was always interesting. Ilia’d had plenty of time to do that when she’d been on the streets.
With that decided, Ilia led the way outside and then waited for Blake to take the lead given the fact she was the one who knew where the park was. While the teen had an idea on the direction, Blake would obviously know better.
Once outside, Blake took the lead and headed towards the park. She was grateful that the weather was cooperating so they could sit outside. It meant fresh air and people watching. Blake always found it interesting to see how people interacted with each other.
The park was only a couple blocks away. There were people around it, some running or jogging, some walking their dogs, others sitting and enjoying the day, even some young children running and playing.
“Any preference for sitting on a bench or under a tree?” There was a prime spot under a tree where they could see most of the park. However, there were also several benches around with room for them.
Following after Blake, Ilia periodically would take a sip of her tea. Okay so it was a good choice and she liked it. Still, it had been necessary to reply about as dark and bitter as her soul. She had appearance to keep up and everything. Or something like that.
“Hmm… under a tree sounds good.”
Because why be constrained to a bench? Okay. So Ilia was the type who would sit in weird positions just because, but less constrained even by a bench was the way to go in her opinion.
Keeping up appearances was necessary in some cases, and Blake wasn’t about to tell Ilia to lighten up. Ilia was who she was, and that was perfectly fine with Blake.
Nodding a bit at Ilia’s response, she headed for the tree she’d spotted, then sat down with her back against the tree. It was a good spot to people watch from and she sipped her tea.
“Now this is nice,” she commented, relaxing a little as she made herself comfortable. Though she did notice a guy looking at them, but she didn’t pay much attention to him. Blake well knew her cat ears were well hidden beneath her bow, so he wasn’t staring because of that. And besides, people tended to stare. It was human nature.
It was still strange people just… accepting her for who she was, no ulterior motive or anything like that. None of the homes that had taken her had been able to do that, she’d been too problematic, too angry, and so shoved aside, given to someone else to deal with when all manner of forms to control her had failed.
Following Blake to the tree, Ilia sat down and took a sip of her own tea and nodded.
“Yeah. It is.”
Now, normally Ilia was well aware of anyone who might be giving them a suspicious look. However, she was looking in a different direction in her own people watching and thus had missed it.
Blake understood how that could be weird. She herself was still somewhat trying to adjust to the fact that no one wanted to control her or push her down here. On her bad days, she fully expected someone to talk down to her and keep her in a state of fear and anxiety. But on her good days? She knew that she was free to be whoever she wanted to be, though she was still trying to figure that part out.
She sipped her tea and lost track of the guy she’d seen looking at them. Sitting in silence didn’t bother her, it was more about having the company and being comfortable than it was holding conversation. And given she didn’t have anything she needed to talk about right now? It was easy silence while people-watching.
Or it was until she noticed the guy that had been staring was coming towards her. Her cat ears twitched a bit, not enough to attract attention from anyone who wasn’t close by and looking right at them, but Blake stiffened a little. It was hard to tell exactly how old the guy was, but he was kind of tall and looked a little intimidating.
But of course, a lot of people could look intimidating to Blake just by how they carried themselves or by the look on their face. And the look on this guy’s face? Was not a kind one.
“You don’t belong here!” He snapped, pointing a finger at Blake.
“Uh, it’s a public park. Anyone can be here.” She responded.
“Why don’t you go back to your own country. We don’t want you here.”
Ilia was more than happy to give Blake the space she needed to figure out who she was. She might not know everything, but she knew enough.
Still, sitting in silence and drinking tea was oddly relaxing in a way. It was something she wasn’t really used to feeling unless she was with Chloe - but they had different ways of focusing their anger and issues. So it was actually nice to know that there were more ways for her to not be so on edge.
In theory.
Because Ilia had noticed both the twitching of Blake’s ears underneath her bow as well as the tensing and looked to see what had caused it as she had told Blake that she’d help her know if it was her brain being stupid or a legit reason. And….
Legit reason it was.
Nor was she one to just take this sort of shit sitting down. So standing up (to her oh so intimidating height), Ilia glared straight at that asshole. She was used to this sort of shit. Both she and Blake were in their country. They’d been born here. Just because they weren’t white?
“Hey asshole, why don’t you just fuck off with your MAGA bullshit. Because the only one causing shit is you and your idiocy.”
At least Blake hadn’t gone into a panic, even if she started feeling a bit on edge about it. But this wasn’t anything new. She’d experienced such comments here and there in this life, and she’d experienced it in her dream life.
When Ilia stood up, she looked at her, then looked at the guy. It definitely made a difference that someone was standing up for her and all. Blake wasn’t as freaked or anxious as she might have had she been here alone.
“No, it’s people like you who are causing shit in this country. We were fine until people like you came here!” He shot back at Ilia.
“You do realize that this country was founded by immigrants, right? This country, if you want to be technical, actually belongs to the Native Americans whom your people slaughtered for no reason other than greed and wanting this land.” Blake said as she stood up.
“You shut up you stupid Jap! You have no right to talk when your people killed good Americans in World War II!” He spat, gesturing at her like he was going to hit her or grab her or something.
Blake did take a step back, but his words also hit a nerve. “That doesn’t justify putting my grandparents in an internment camp when they were law-abiding American citizens!” She shot back.
“Oh fuck off, people like me were brought here on ships to be slaves to people like you!” God his arrogance was enough to make her want to scream but so far she was keeping it at least only yelling.
Of course when he made a move at Blake? That was it. So while her friend moved back some even while bringing up the internment camps, Ilia had decided to make this end. Which meant that she stepped forward and punched the asshole in the stomach.
Okay so Ilia stepping forward to punch the guy wasn’t completely unexpected, but Blake was still a little taken aback by it. She had wanted to avoid a physical confrontation, but that wasn’t an option anymore.
The guy grunted, doubling over a bit as some of the wind was knocked out of him from the punch. He glared at Ilia. “You fucking bitch, you’ll pay for that!” He straightened and threw a punch of his own, hitting Ilia in the face.
Of course by now the raised voices and punches being thrown was attracting some attention from people nearby. Blake wasn’t sure how much this would escalate, but she certainly didn’t want it to go on for too long. She didn’t want Ilia getting badly hurt, and as much as the guy was an asshole and deserved it, she also didn’t want him getting too badly hurt. After all, suing people was a thing and Blake didn’t want more trouble because of this asshole’s stupidity.
The jerk had started it, she was just defending both of them since he clearly had no qualms being an aggressive asshole. And really. It was Ilia. She wasn’t about to take this, even as he punched her. Yep. That was going to cause a black eye, though she really didn’t care about that right now. Instead she just kneed the guy and watched him drop.
“Let’s get out of here.”
Because she knew that even if he started it, she was the one more likely to get in trouble. She was still shaking in rage but she would handle it. It wasn’t like this was the first time she’d dealt with frail white egos. So picking up her tea and making sure Blake was close by just in case she needed to fight any other assholes, it was leaving the park.
Watching the guy drop after Ilia kneed him was satisfying. However, Ilia was definitely right. They should get out of there because Blake didn’t want Ilia to get in trouble. So she nodded and headed off with Ilia. Blake was feeling a bit on edge, but she was also a little proud of herself for talking back to the guy instead of just silently taking it. Perhaps she was finding her inner strength after all. That was a sign that she was making progress, right?
Blake stuck close to Ilia. They needed to get as far away from the park as possible. Once they did that, then she wanted to make sure that Ilia was okay. The guy had clocked her a good one, and Blake hoped that it wasn’t that bad.
Thankfully there were no sounds of police cars or anything and Ilia didn’t notice them as they left the park. Go figure she didn’t get the cops called on her but it was better that way. Instead if was just heading back to Logan’s.
“You handled yourself well back there.”
Ilia herself was still ignoring the fact that she had a black eye forming. She was just happy Blake was okay. Especially given she knew how stressed and anxious she what they had so far discussed in her sticking up for herself.
The lack of police sirens was a plus. Blake didn’t want to have to deal with the police. She was still a bit leery of police, but that was just her Scientology upbringing talking. Scientologists didn’t like the police poking around too much, so they tended to teach people not to turn to the cops for any reason. Of course, when suspicious deaths occurred and the police had shown up, the adults tended to cover up the situation as much as possible and ensure the investigation was over as quickly as possible.
“Thank you. I hadn’t actually expected to stand up to him like that.”
Apparently she was finding her back bone. And the guy had hit a nerve. People like him didn’t understand what people of color actually went through, and probably never would because they had no real wish to actually learn and feel empathy for people who were different from them. It was constantly tiring to be seen as less than human in both this life and the dream life.
Ilia nodded some. After all, it was a good step even if the situation was crap. Dealing with racist assholes like that was always crap. They just couldn’t accept that they weren’t the center of the universe and had to take it out on others.
“Hey, sometimes you can surprise yourself. Nothing wrong with that.”
It was a good thing. But Blake finding her backbone was also a good thing. The Dreams didn’t help. Not by a long shot, but what could be done about that?
“No, there isn’t. It’s just...a little strange.” Standing up to someone like that hadn’t been something she felt like she’d ever do in this life. In the dreams, she had more confidence and backbone to take a stand like that. Perhaps that part of her dream self was something to aspire to as she worked through her problems here.
So it was back to Logan’s. At least there they wouldn’t have to worry about racist assholes assaulting them for no reason. Once inside, she went and got some ice out of the freezer and came back over to Ilia.
“Can I see your eye?” She asked softly. Blake hadn’t even needed to look at Ilia to know she’d get a black eye. From personal experience, Blake knew that was going to be a given.
Ilia nodded some. She supposed she could see that. While standing up to assholes like that was a given for her, she knew not everyone felt comfortable doing so. And she knew it was definitely outside of Blake’s comfort zone just from everything she’d observed and pieced together. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t a good thing she did stand up nonetheless.
But back to Logan’s it was. At least it was safe there and they wouldn’t need to deal with anyone. Well. Jin-Wei and Logan but they were fine and Ilia wasn’t worried about that.
Or… Blake could ask about her eye and for whatever reason (mostly a lack of anyone giving a damn in the past when she got into fights) she blinked the nodded slowly.
“Um. Yeah. Sure.”
Blake had more of a backbone in her dreams than she did here, though she was starting to find one. But even with that, it was definitely out of her comfort zone. It would take time to adjust to asserting herself, but she hoped that going little by little she could do it more easily.
When Ilia gave her permission to look at her eye, she stepped closer to her, leaning down a little to get a better look at her eye. “You’re going to have a nice shiner.” Blake knew bruises inside and out, generally knowing how long it would take for the bruise to fully form and swell, and how long it would take to fade. She also knew how to expertly hide them with make-up. Neither were things that anyone should know, but there it was.
“This may sting a little, but icing it will help keep it from swelling too much,” Blake said gently, a heavy note of empathy in her voice and in her expression. She gently pressed the ice against the skin beneath Ilia’s eye. It went without saying that Blake definitely gave a damn about Ilia.
Ilia shrugged at the comment, “I’ve had worse.” And there was no need to go into that. It was just a statement of fact. The altercation really was pretty minor for things that she’d gone up against before. Still, like Blake, Ilia was familiar with how long it would take to fade, how to hide it with makeup. It was just the way of life.
So, she instead just gave a small nod.
“Yeah….” Even knowing and with the warning though, Ilia did hiss a bit at the contact. She was also getting flustered that someone seemed to actually give a damn. She was used to Chloe seeming to give a damn but there hadn’t been anything like this yet. Not really, at least with Ilia being the injured one. But she was used to that. So this was still very new and confusing to her.
“You and me both,” she responded. Blake also didn’t elaborate. Such things weren’t exactly good topics of conversation, and it wasn’t something that was easy for Blake to talk about in most capacities.
Blake hadn’t actually taken care of anyone like this before, but she wanted to help where she could. And it wasn’t much, at least not compared to how Ilia had stopped the guy from attacking Blake. She gently pulled the ice back a little when Ilia hissed, a little apologetic smile on her lips.
“Sorry,” she apologized and then gently pressed the ice against the skin again. She was gentle about it, knowing how sensitive bruises could be.
There was no need to say anything. Ilia had already had a figured out that Blake had been hurt, and bad, by someone. So she wasn’t going to press, especially since that would mean opening up about her own things and well...Ilia wasn’t there yet.
For someone who had never cared for someone in this way before though, Blake clearly knew what she was doing.
“T...thank you for caring about me…”
Because of course Ilia would thank Blake for that. And blurt it out like that because she was flustered by all of this and the newness of it all after everything in her life. Because that was all there was to it. Blake actually cared about her. No one who didn’t would be this patient or help like this.
Blake was a little taken aback by Ilia’s statement and she looked at her for a moment before she smiled gently. “I should be the one thanking you.” Because really, Ilia was the one who had interfered so the guy hadn’t hit her.
Yet even so, Blake understood the hidden meaning. Clearly no one had cared for Ilia like this before. Or at least not for a very long while. And as she did care, she was going to indulge in it and do what she could to help Ilia.
“You’re welcome, though. You’re my friend, and I like helping my friends when I can.”
Ilia just ducked her head down some - which difficult given Blake was tending to her black eye and shrugged, “I couldn’t just let that guy keep hassling you.”
And then Blake accepted the thanks and she breathed a little bit easier given how flustered she’d gotten.
“Yeah...well, same for me.. I mean….ugh. You know what I mean.”
Blake just smiled, knowing perfectly well what Ilia was trying to say. It was appreciated, though. Friends hadn’t been easy for her to come by after she left Scientology. But she definitely appreciated having Ilia around, and that they’d gotten comfortable with each other outside of the dreams.
“I know, and thank you. Some people are just assholes like that.” She pulled the ice away for a moment to get another look at the black eye before she gently pressed it back against the skin. “Do you want some ibuprofen to help take potential swelling down?”
“Yeah, they really are.” Ilia knew that one all too well. But she at least wasn’t fighting Blake helping her, so that was something. She was relieved for the friendship as well. She knew that they would end up meeting in the Dreams based on what she’d been told, but it still felt real here and that was important. “Um. Yeah, that might be good. Thanks.”
Despite the fact that Blake had known who Ilia was since finding her outside of the bookstore, the friendship they were developing here was natural and its own thing. It wasn’t the same as it was in the dreams, but it shouldn’t have been the same and Blake never expected it to be. She’d simply wanted to see how they interacted here and if they could have a friendship. And the answer was that they could.
“Your welcome. Here, I’ll let you hold the ice, and I’ll get the ibuprofen,” she said warmly. It was nice to have someone else to focus on, especially after a situation like that. Though she could shake off racist assholes a lot easier than she could some other things. All things considered, things had gone about the best that one could hope for given the circumstances.
And Blake would always be grateful for Ilia standing up to the asshole like that.