InsaneJournal

WHO: Margo and Roman
WHAT: Roman talks to Margo about his dreams
WHEN: Backdated: Monday, 26 March
WHERE: Roman’s
RATING: Mentions of dream related rape
STATUS: Complete

As Roman’s dreams repeated each night and as he grew more and more anxious to find out what happened in his life in another universe, he started to wonder what in this world was like his dreams. Peter was here somewhere, having run off with his tail between his legs, just like his dreams. Letha was here, his sister was here, so why not his daughter? Why not Nadia?

It was time, Roman thought, that Margo knew everything. She’d find out if Roman found Nadia and brought her home, so it was overdue. If Margo didn’t want him anymore, then so be it.

As per usual with their visits, Roman had a bottle of wine at the ready, but he wanted to be sober for it. When the doorbell rang, he went to the door, paused to take a deep breath, then opened it.

When Roman had asked her to come over, Margo hadn’t really thought anything of it considering they were dating and all, but it hadn’t gone unnoticed by her that something was bothering him. If there was one thing Margo was really good at, it was reading people; especially people she was close to.

Reaching Roman’s place, she rang the bell and waited for him to answer.

Behind the door, Roman knew Margo was standing there, but seeing her was something entirely different. Roman opened the door more for her. After he closed the door, he caught her by the hip and pulled her toward him, his free hand at her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her. She’d said that she wasn’t going anywhere, but Roman was still apprehensive about it. Despite what she’d said, she could very well change her mind.

When the kiss released, he took her hand. “Want something to drink?” he asked, almost an attempt to stretch his time with her.

As Roman greeted her with the kiss, Margo brought one hand up to rest on his chest to steady herself as she leaned into him, the heels of her boots meaning she didn’t need to stretch too much to reach him. “I’d love something to drink.” Margo could tell when someone was stalling, but she didn’t want to push so she decided to give him as much time as he needed.

Her hand was only released when they got to the kitchen bar where Roman had to fix their drinks. Something heavier than regular wine this time: brandy. He poured it into proper glasses and slid Margo’s over to her. He took a drink of his own, looking at her from over the brim. Usually, when there was something important to be said, Roman just said it, but this was a little more delicate than that. No, it was a lot more delicate. Finally, Roman lowered the glass from his mouth. He waited a few beats to start.

“My dreams gave me something recently,” he told her, shifting uneasily. It clearly disturbed him and not just because he had to tell Margo about it. He gave a soft sniffle. “And I don’t know if it means that someone exists here and I need to find her or if it’s just something to taunt me.”

Margo took her drink and brought it to her lips, taking a sip as she watched Roman. She waited until he spoke before quirking an eyebrow; intrigued. She couldn’t help but be curious about what exactly Roman’s dreams had given him and what exactly it meant. Whatever and whoever it was, it clearly disturbed him, “What was it?”

Losing someone had never been something Roman thought much about, not even when it came to his sister or, more worryingly now, his cousin. Now that he was thinking about it, he didn’t even know where his cousin was and he was taking a risk in telling Margo, but he couldn’t keep it hidden anymore.

“Come on,” he said, placing his glass down after he killed what was in it. He led the way upstairs to the spare room where he kept dream items. He slid the closet door open and removed the double headed axe, leaning it up against a wall so he could pull the cord for the light. Inside, leaning against the back of the closet, was Nadia’s crib. Of course, it was expensive, only the best for her, the wood a deep wash oak. The mattress was with it, covered in Nadia’s sheets, and her mobile hung from the closet’s rack. Roman stood aside and watched Margo, trying to gauge her response.

Stepping into the room, Margo’s brow furrowed slightly as she watched Roman remove and axe from the closet door and it deepened when she saw the contents in the closet. A crib was the last thing she would have expected and had she not known better, she might have gotten mad and thought that he was hiding a child from her, but Margo was well versed in the dreams and then things they gave people by now so she was simply curious.

“So dream you has a baby?” Now she knew what he’d meant when he’d said that the dreams had given him something to cause him to wonder if someone from his dreams was out there in the waking world.

“There’s more to it than that.” Had Nadia just been a baby by someone he’d slept with, it would have been easier to tell Margo about her. Now Roman pushed his fingers through his hair uneasily as he considered either not telling Margo or lying to her. Neither would do him any good. No one here knew about Nadia except now for Margo and Roman needed someone to know.

He slid the closet door closed. “I need a drink,” he stated, then left the room and headed downstairs again, assuming Margo would fall in behind him. Downstairs, he poured another drink, spiking this one with an extra shot. He knocked the drink back, gave it a few seconds to go down, then lit a cigarette before offering the pack over to Margo.

More to it? Margo didn’t know what else there could possibly be to it, but Roman clearly still seemed disturbed by whatever it was so she suspected that whatever it was, it wasn’t exactly good. And considering the drink he made himself once they were downstairs, she was pretty sure that confirmed it.

She declined the offer of a cigarette and instead took the pack from him then took his hand between her well manicured ones as she tried to meet his eyes, “Roman, whatever it is, it was in the dreams.” However bad it was, she wasn’t planning on going anywhere.

Roman stared down at their hands, thinking of how good it would feel to have those nails bite against the skin of his back just then, to make him forget for a little while. Not even the drink was getting him drunk enough not to be anxious. It was one thing to dream about it, to deny it all to himself. It was another to say it out loud, to his girlfriend.

Finally, Roman lifted his gaze to her. “I don’t remember making her,” he said, feeling anger well up inside him, that ugly thing that lived in his gut. “Not even in my dreams, I don’t remember. It’s like a dream inside my dream.” His hand slid from Margo’s, disconnecting them in this world as Roman allowed his head to fill with those memories.

“Fuck,” he exhaled through gritted teeth. His gaze searched the room and his hands gripped the edge of the bar. When he spoke, he let it spill out in a deluge of pained words, tears pricking at his eyes. “Her mother is my cousin, Leetha. She thought I was an angel when it happened. She told me about it when she told me she was pregnant, I didn’t know it was me because I didn’t fucking remember. I raped her, we made a baby, and she died giving birth, and I don’t know where she is here. I don’t know if Nadia exists here, if I did the same thing here.”

Because why not? Everything else was fucked up, so why not? He looked at Margo again. To Roman, she seemed far away just then. “She’s dead because of me.”

While Roman had said before that it was bad, Margo hadn’t been expecting anything quite like that and for a few moments she simply watched Roman, unsure of what to say, which was strange for Margo since she almost always had an instant response to anything. She understood now why Roman had looked so haunted since she’d gotten there.

“The dreams are all bullshit. I don’t know why they like to torture us, but apparently that’s how someone out there gets their fucking jollies.” She stepped a little closer to Roman, closing the space between the, that he’d created when he’d moved away from her, “Just because you did something awful in your dreams doesn’t mean you’re going to do it here. Fuck, when Eliot’s magic manifested in the dreams, he accidentally killed someone, but he hasn’t done that in the real world cause the real world is different than the dreams.” She placed her hand on his forearm as she watched the side of his face. She felt for him. She really did, but at the same time, she didn’t want him to start believing that he was some awful person when it was only his dream self that was.

Roman stared at Margo. How could she even want to be in the same room as him after that? He searched her gaze, but all he found was her earnest desire to comfort him. “I’m not Eliot,” he shook his head, then swallowed dryly. “I’m a monster. What’s in me, Margo, it’s ugly. “ She hadn’t seen it yet, but it was there. If the dreams were bull shit, that side of him would be bull shit. It would be gone and Margo’s abilities wouldn’t exist either.

After an uncomfortable pause, Roman asked, “Do you love me?” He needed to know. It would be easier to hurt her, to send her away because that was the right thing to do, if she didn’t love him.

“Not to me you aren’t.” It felt so teenage romance monster movie, but it was how Margo honestly felt and she was sure that Eliot would bring that up later and tease her about it, but she didn’t care if Roman thought he was a monster, because she needed to try and make him see that just because he might have been in the dreams, that didn’t mean he had to be in the waking world.

She hadn’t been expecting his question, but the answer was easy and she didn’t hesitate, “I do. Roman, I love you.” It had been a long time since she’d felt this way about someone, but she couldn’t deny her feelings for him.

Having never seen a teenage romance monster movie, Roman thought nothing more of it than it was the shit situation they were in. For now, Roman felt like a monster. Whether he’d be convinced he wasn’t or continued along the same path of his dreams remained to be seen.

But none of that mattered much when Margo answered his question. Part of him had almost been expecting it, but the other part of him hoped she didn’t love him. When those words fell from her lips, Roman moved to her, one hand at the side of her face, the fingers of the other buried into her hair as his mouth crushed against hers.

He held her there, even as he spoke gruffly against her mouth. “Don’t love me,” he insisted, barely above a whisper. “You shouldn’t love me.” He tipped his head and exhaled, “I love you, too.” More importantly, Roman had only ever loved his sister and his cousin, but he knew he didn’t deserve either of them, and he didn’t deserve Margo. That didn’t mean he was going to let her go. Not now. Not even when every part of him wanted to scream at her to leave and never come back. It was stupid, but Roman kissed her again, this time a little less demanding. It was more so that he wouldn’t say anything else, so that he could let her love him.