(ง •̀_•́)ง (ember_celica) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-04-04 18:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, blake belladonna, yang xiao long |
Is that bad? That I was tempted?
Who: Bumbleby
What: Yang needs to talk about her mother and things
When: late 4/1
Where: Logan's
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13
It been an emotional week for Yang. Or month. Or decade. But this week especially had left her feeling raw and a little empty inside. And right around her birthday too.
She’d met her mother, she’d learned more about a side of her family she’d never really questioned before than she’d ever wanted to know. And she’d almost...she’d almost…
Before she really knew what she was doing, she’d parked in front of Logan’s apartment. Loosening her helmet she ran her hand through her hair. There were things she needed to tell Ruby, but before she did that, she needed to see Blake. There was no one else in either the real world or her dreams that she trusted enough to listen. Ruby had to wait, especially with what Yang had to tel her. Weiss wasn’t there yet in the dreams to really understand. And if Yang was honest, Blake was usually the first one she thought of anyway.
She got off the bike, and walked up, knocking on the door. At least it wasn’t late. And boy did she have questions about peeps.
Blake was reading, trying to keep calm. While she’d told Ilia she woke up screaming more often than not, she was trying really hard to not have that happen as often. She tried different relaxation techniques, but as always, her subconscious had other ideas. But she was still trying. It had also been nice having Ilia around. Even if she hadn’t started dreaming yet, Blake was relieved that, eventually, she wasn’t going to be the only faunus here. She wouldn’t feel as much like the odd one out because of that, as well as having grown up in Scientology and not having experiences everyone else did.
Hearing the knock at the door, she marked her place in her book, got up and went to answer the door. She was wearing the bow in her hair to hide her cat ears. She’d made it a point to keep them covered at all times now until Ilia started dreaming. Opening the door and seeing Yang, she blinked a little, not having expected Yang, or really anyone, to come over.
“Hi Yang,” she greeted.
Yang smiled when she saw Blake, feeling a little better. She rubbed the back of her neck, “Uh hi. I hope I’m not bothering you. We got in earlier and I ….” Needed to talk? Vent? She noticed the bow and her brow furrowed a bit, but she knew better than to ask about it. If Blake wanted to mention something, she would.
“No, I was just reading. Come in,” she said as she moved aside to let Yang in. She didn’t even think about the bow being weird to see while she was home, but that was because she was just used to hiding her cat ears. “Would you like some tea or something?” It sounded like Yang needed to talk, and tea was good for talking.
“Tea sounds pretty good actually.” Yang moved past her. Logan’s place was always weirdly comforting. She didn’t know what it was, something about the atmosphere. She glanced at Blake and grinned, “It’s kind of the apeepcalypse out there, isn’t it.”
Closing the door, she headed into the kitchen to make some tea. While she was turned away from Yang to fill the pot with water, she rolled her eyes at the pun. “Don’t remind me. The bookstore was overrun with them and the vorpal rabbits earlier.”
Yang bit her lip, “I’m sure you had a rabbit response to all of that.”
Snickering to herself, Yang wandered a little around the living room. She noticed someone had managed to keep the apartment peep-free, and suspected Logan had probably microwaved them all or something.
“More like Pyrrha arrived at a very opportune time and helped me trap the peeps.” Putting the water on to boil, Blake went into the tea cupboard. Yes, tea cupboard. She had definitely taken over one with her love of tea. She had her favorite kind well stocked, of course, but there were many other kinds of tea as well. Such as relaxation tea, tea to help put people to sleep, tea for colds, so on and so forth. For this occasion, she pulled out the tea for relaxation, thinking Yang could use that right now.
“Remind me to send her some flowers for saving you,” Yang replied. “My hero.”
Had anyone even told Pyrrha? Or Jaune. That wasn’t Yang’s place. But shouldn’t they know what was coming? Yang shook off the memory of that day, and rubbed at her shoulder. “I always preferred cadbury eggs to peeps.”
“It wasn’t that dire. I just needed more than myself and my semblance to trap the peeps.” Blake grabbed two cups and fixed the tea before bringing them to the living room, handing Yang one before she sat down. “I never got the taste for cadbury eggs or peeps.”
“I need to hear the story of the epic peep hunt sometimes,” Yang replied, taking the tea and sitting next to Blake. She looked down into the cup, “I tried one on the trip to Nevada. Sweeter than I remember. Kinda made my teeth hurt.”
Like somehow cadbury eggs were a symbol for a childhood that she’d grown out of. She sipped the tea, closing her eyes and letting the smell and warmth relax her.
The question of course was where to start, and she looked at Blake, “My uncle told me a bit more about his side of the family on the way up. I’d never really thought much about it before. I guess I just wasn’t curious enough.”
A smile passed over her face, “I might need a book on Romani people.”
“Perhaps, but it’s really not epic-worthy.” It hadn’t even been much of a hunt, and more desperation to keep them from overwhelming her.
Blake sipped her tea and listened to Yang. Romani? That was an interesting heritage. Blake didn’t know much about the Romani herself. “Sometimes things just don’t register with you until you’re older, or until someone points it out to you.” Like Blake’s own heritage. She knew her grandparents had been in Japanese internment camps during World War II, but beyond that and her family having immigrated from Japan, she’d never been curious about the details.
Though that was mostly Scientology’s influence and the fact she’d been disconnected from her parents for years, and she hadn’t really known her grandparents.
“I think we have a couple books on Romani. Not certain if they’re any good, though.” Given Blake’s lack of knowledge on the subject, she couldn’t give any review of the books.
“I’ll have to check them out,” Yang said. It couldn’t hurt, right? Maybe things hadn’t gone the way she’d hoped, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t research. “We found Raven, my birth mom. She wasn’t all that forthcoming with details.”
Yang frowned, gripping the cup tighter, “About anything really. Looking back at it she kept..saying things she thought I wanted to hear. Things that would convince me to stay with her. I couldn’t tell if she actually wanted me around or if it was the principle of the thing. Like I was a mark of pride, like she’d expected me this whole time. I think she was a little disappointed it took so long to find her.”
Blake listened to Yang, mulling things over while they were explained. “It does sound like she was waiting to see how long it took you to come. Perhaps she’d thought you would have found her years ago. But likewise, she didn’t really make an effort to find you or reach out to you, did she? She just sat and waited to see if you went to find her.”
That right there certainly sounded a little manipulative to Blake. It also seemed like Raven hadn’t quite wanted Yang around. Or perhaps it was a test, but Blake wasn’t so certain about it being a test.
“She said it was time to join her, and the clan.” Yang scrunched up her nose, then took a careful sip of her tea. “It didn’t matter that I’d be leaving Ruby, or my dad or you. Or the ice queen.”
Yang’s voice shook, and she wanted to bring up the other thing. That Summer, her real mother, if not birth mother, was still alive. And that she didn’t remember her at all. But she needed to tell Ruby first. If she could figure out how to even tell her.
“She thought I’d just drop everything. It was like she knew the words to get me to think about it, make me feel ...wanted and part of something.”
“Did you think about joining her at all?” Not that Blake thought Yang would’ve dropped everything to do that because that wasn’t Yang. But she wondered if there had been a part of Yang that wanted the chance to get to know her birth mother.
“You mean forever like?” Yang nodded her head. “For a hot second or two, before I decided to give her a couple of days at least. Pretty sure I left Uncle Qrow in suspense, but I didn’t want her thinking I wasn’t entirely sincere.” She rubbed her finger on her knee, “They’re bad people. They hurt people, steal, all those kind of things. And they look at my mom like she’s some kind of … bandit messiah. Qrow left them because he wanted to be a better person.”
“I didn’t think you would leave everything forever.” Blake sipped her tea. “Good for Qrow. Being bad people aside, it sounds like a hard life to live.” Of course, Blake didn’t know details, and she didn’t know much about Romani, but she also knew that generalizations of an entire group of people based off of a few was not the thing to do.
Yang's mother was probably not the best window into that world, no. She leaned forward, setting the tea on the coffee table. "It looked it. But probably not as hard as like, wandering the wilderness as a huntress."
Or wandering the wilderness trying to find her little sister. "I don't want anything to do with her now. But it really was tempting." Especially after seeing Summer. Yang just hoped some old memory jogged in Summer's head. "Is that bad? That I was tempted?"
“Yang, she’s your birth mother, I think that’s perfectly normal to have been tempted. If you weren’t tempted to take the offer just to get to know her, I’d think that wasn’t normal.” Not that Blake could speak from personal experience. She knew who her parents were, she just...hadn’t spoken to them in years. But she could see where someone who hadn’t known one or both of their parents would be tempted.
She almost hugged Blake. “I...actually I think I needed to hear that. I feel like there’s been this… shift in my life, or at least how I understand it. But if she ever wants to come here. Actually try to be with her family? I might give her a chance.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. Learning new things about your family will have that effect.” Blake sipped her tea again, keeping it between her hands. “Time will tell if that happens or not. Either way, you did at least meet her and see her for yourself.”
“I guess that’s all I can do. Hope a little, but don’t expect much.” Yang got a determined look in her eyes. “My real family is here anyway. Ruby and my dad and my Uncle. You and Weiss. Even my ex is more family than Raven.”
Looking at Blake, Yang asked, “Is it okay if I lean against you?”
Her natural impulse was to be touchy feely with literally everyone, but she’d trained herself to ask Blake first.
“You have who you need here, and that is what really matters.” In Blake’s opinion, the ball had always been in Raven’s court for being part of her daughter’s life, not the other way around. She didn’t expect anything to come of it.
At the question, she drew in a breath and nodded. “Yeah.” Touching and her personal bubble were very touchy subjects for Blake. She was at least having a relatively good day, so the touching wasn’t minded as much. It still made her tense up a little, but that was what always happened.
“Yeah, I have who I need,” Yang said, leaning lightly against Blake’s side and carefully letting her head drop onto Blake’s shoulder. Not making any moves beyond that(though she really wanted to hold her hand), Yang closed her eyes. She knew Blake couldn’t just get over her intimacy issues any more than Yang could just get over her PTSD, but she hoped that, over time and with gentle exposure like this, Blake could adjust to those close to her being this close.
But that could also be wishful thinking and Yang’s cuddlewhoreness speaking.
“...Thanks for listening. It really means a lot.”
Blake remained still as Yang slowly dropped her head onto her shoulder. No matter how much time passed, Blake doubted her intimacy issues would get much better. That was the thing about being raped and abused for years, it left its scars, and Blake had to carry them for the rest of her life. And sometimes, there were people that just triggered her no matter how hard they tried not to. But that was life, and Blake was trying to deal with it as much as she could.
“You’re welcome. Even if it didn’t go the way you wanted, I am glad that you at least finally met her.”
Yang was silent for a long moment, before she said, “Now I know where I got my hair. Not the color. But the volume.”
It was a stupid thing to latch onto, but it kind of amused her. “Also how stubborn I can be, but that’s partly my dad’s fault too. Definitely didn’t get the mother hen thing from her though. I’d probably be the worse kind of helicopter mom.”
“We do tend to be some blend of our parents, for better or for worse.” Blake was essentially the mirror image of her mother, right down to the cat ears, as far as the dreams went. “Yeah, probably, but that’s what makes you you.”
Yang just hoped that she kept the good parts of Raven, like her dad had told her she had, and not the bad ones. “Well, we can thank my dad for how punny I am. His dadtacular made me Yangtastic.”
“Of course the puns are his fault,” Blake commented deadpanly. She finished off her tea, but kept holding the cup, thumb rubbing against the rim a bit.
“You okay?” Yang noticed what might have been a nervous gesture, and lifted her head reluctantly from Blake’s shoulder.
“Yeah, why?” She asked, looking at Yang. And she was okay at the present moment. She wasn’t lying there.
"Okay," Yang smiled, believing her. Sometimes she loved the other girl so much it hurt. She gave Blake a bit of space, no longer leaning against her. "Couldn't tell if you were being contemplative or like fidgety because I'm so close."
“Just contemplative, I guess.” Blake responded. “Aside from meeting your mom, did the rest of your trip go alright?” She asked.
“Mostly.” Yang held up her hand and gave Blake a thumbs up, “Ate like 3 bags of jerky. It’s a proper road trip snack. There was… one more thing, but I have to tell Ruby that first. It’s kind of an important thing for her. I’ll tell you once I’ve talked to her”
She figured Blake would understand without asking for any more details. Yang had had time to think about Summer and she still didn’t know how she felt about it herself.
“I didn’t get a chance to look in that bookstore though. I’m sorry.”
“That’s a lot of jerky,” she commented. Blake nodded a bit about whatever Ruby needed to know. And she wasn’t going to ask, though whatever was so important for Ruby she felt it was more Ruby’s business to tell her instead of Yang’s.
“It’s alright.” Blake hadn’t expected anything. She actually never expected anything from anyone.
“Half the fun of going on a trip is finding things for your friends.” Yang reached for her tea, though what was left was probably cool now. “Maybe someday we could all do a road trip of our own.”
A week or two in a car with the four of them? It might be a good way for them to get to know each other, as.. Whoever they were in this world. Yang figured she needed to start approaching things from a different angle. But a year and a half of dreaming alone made that hard.
Like really, she’d stay as long as Blake could tolerate it. “If you wanted to get back to your reading, I could go. Or stay, or whatever. I always like how calm it feels when you’re lost in a book and I’m chilling.”
“Maybe.” Though that would only happen if she and Weiss managed to get on talking terms. Blake could’ve overreacted when Weiss had called Ruby a moron on the network, but name-calling was one of her many trigger points, and she wasn’t going to just let her get away with it, especially when it was directed at her friend. She’d maintained distance ever since, but could be polite whenever they did things as a group. But friends? She was a long ways away from being friends with Weiss.
“I was planning on trying to get to bed a little early tonight.” Keyword being try, of course. She didn’t exactly sleep well, and that was without nightmares and night terrors.
“Since I doubt that you want me tucking you in and reading you a bedtime story, I’ll get out of your hair.” Yang got to her feet, feeling a little guilty and selfish for taking up so much of Blake’s time. And feeling guilty for feeling vulnerable and alone and wanting one specific person to hold her because she knew Blake couldn’t do that.
But she kept a sunny smile on her face, because that’s what Blake deserved. Smiles and being treated like a human being. Yang was usually happy to just be there for her. “Thanks again, Blake. This… really meant a lot to me.”
“You’re welcome, Yang. And I am glad that you found some answers.” Blake said as she got up as well. She gave her a little smile in return. Blake would probably make another cup of tea, then get ready for bed. Sometimes she hated being an early riser, but she couldn’t help it. She just hoped that she could get somewhat decent sleep that night for once.
She gave Blake some fingerguns, before turning to head for the door. Maybe it was her starting to believe her own smile, or Blake’s parting smile, or just the whole conversation finally starting to marinade in her head(or all of the above probably), but she actually felt good by the time the door had closed behind her. It was a lot off her chest, and while there was still something huge she had to do with Ruby, she could at least focus 100% on that.