¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (chakram) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-04-04 02:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, gabrielle, xena |
Who: Gabrielle and Xena
What: Discussing appearances
When: Recent
Where: Gabrielle’s
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13
She'd had a busy day, her most active since the stabbing. The doctor insisted everything was healing nicely. She was managing better on her own, which unfortunately meant Xena had gone back to sleeping in her own bed. Gabrielle missed her company, missed the warmth of sleeping beside her.
At least she was still visiting. Not that Gabrielle was appreciating that right now.
No, Gabrielle was pacing. Trying to pace. She would have liked to pace, but she didn't have the energy. It was exhausting. She gave up and leaned on the counter for support, still gesturing with her free hand, clearly upset.
“I can't believe they think they can just control me like that, like I can’t make my own decisions.” Gabrielle wasn't a child, and she didn't care for being treated like one.
It was meant to be a simple phone call after seeing her doctor to keep them updated on her recovery. She did still want a job to come back to after this.
She gave Xena a look that said she didn't understand why she wasn't just as angry, but then she realized she hadn't actually explained anything yet. “Xena, they think I shouldn't see you anymore.”
And then they'd had the nerve to tell her it was only a suggestion and she shouldn't overreact.
“Who’s they?” Xena asked, leaning back and taking a sip from a beer. She’d been watching Gabrielle fume since she’d arrived, but at least she was up and about.
“My bosses. Apparently, there were complaints.” She didn’t understand why everyone was so caught up with appearances anyway. “They don’t even know you.”
Xena straightened up, “Who was complaining?I’ll show ‘em…”
That probably would only make people complain more, but Xena wasn’t about to give up Gabrielle now that she had her. The only person that could make her would be Gabrielle herself.
The look Gabrielle was giving her. But there was real affection behind it. Xena’s idea of problem solving would probably only make things worse, but she loved her willingness to fight for her, for them.
“Some of the parents. They think I’m setting a bad example.” And she thought they didn’t know what they were talking about. It was ridiculous.
It was a good look,Xena thought. She’d missed that look, and she gave Gabrielle a clever, teasing smile in return. “You’d think people in this state would be more tolerant of differences. I hope it’s just the… “ She gestured at her leather, and one of the tattoos on her arm.
She hadn’t yet let Gabrielle see the godkiller one, but she’d started adding a bit of ink based on her dreams. A chakram on her left wrist, as an example.
Gabrielle’s smile was automatic. “They think you’re a bad influence.”
At least, she thought that was the problem. Someone had looked at Xena and decided what kind of person she was, and then they’d decided she wasn’t appropriate company for Gabrielle to keep. She wished they could see the Xena she was getting to know.
Pushing herself off the counter, Gabrielle moved to sit next to her. She was still stiff but in noticeably less pain. Taking Xena’s arm in both hands, she studied the chakram on her wrist, only looking up after she spoke, “You know it doesn’t change anything?”
As if she would even entertain the idea of letting them dictate her relationships.
“They’re right. I am a bad influence.” Xena was nonchalant, her feet up on Gabrielle’s table and looking like she’d already half moved in she was so comfortable.
Though if Gabrielle started tracing that tattoo things were going to get interesting.
“They’re wrong.” She didn’t doubt Xena could be a bad influence, exactly, and she did like to push her outside her comfort zone. But ultimately, it wasn’t for anyone else to decide. This choice was hers. “And I happen to like your influence.”
Gabrielle’s fingers did in fact begin to further explore the tattoo. She couldn’t really help herself.
Shivering, Xena watched Gabrielle’s face. “What if I lead you down the wrong path? Instead of you leading me down the right path.”
Xena’s reaction to her touch didn’t go unnoticed, but it was very tempting to play with fire. Gabrielle’s thumb made a soft, smooth circle around the edges of the chakram while she considered the question. “Is that what you think you’re doing? Xena, I haven’t been led anywhere I didn’t go willingly.”
How could anyone know what the right path was anyway? More importantly, “Who says we can’t make a new path? Together.”
Gabrielle wasn’t unaware she had a habit of falling fast and hard, half the time for the wrong people. That seemed to be holding true in her dreams, too. But she felt something with Xena she’d never felt with anyone else. She might not understand it yet, but she thought maybe it meant whatever path they were taking was supposed to be the same one. Something had brought them together again.
“Most of the time you invite yourself along anyway,” Xena conceded. She nodded, biting her lip a moment but not pulling her arm away from Gabrielle.
She smiled, her fingers stilling briefly on Xena’s wrist before sliding down to take her hand. “That sounds like me.”
Today was a good reason Xena didn’t drink too much around Gabrielle any more. WIth a little less inhibitions she’d probably start something she didn’t think Gabrielle was ready for.
That didn’t stop her from tucking some of Gabrielle’s hair behind her ear. “You know, I never could decide if I liked you better with long hair or short hair.”
“I had short hair?” That was different. She hadn’t ever really considered cutting her hair shorter. It felt like she was learning something new about herself every day lately. “I think I like it this length.”
“You go through a couple of different hair styles.” And outfit styles. Shorter skirts, more exposed bellies. Xena had never complained.
Gabrielle’s eyes lit up with just a hint of amusement when she smiled. “I guess some were better than others?”
Her thumb brushed Xena’s hand, taking advantage of the casual contact. Sometimes things felt so easy and familiar between them. Like the way Xena made herself at home in Gabrielle’s space, and the realization she didn’t mind that she did.
“You’ve known me for a long time.” Maybe not in this lifetime, but she saw enough of herself in her dreams to still believe it was true.
“Some were definitely better than others.” Xena ran her fingers down Gabrielle’s cheek. “You went through this yellow sari phase. Wasn’t your best look.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” She said it quieter than she’d meant, still distracted by the way Xena’s touch lingered in her mind. After a bit of staring into Xena’s eyes (it was going to become a bad habit, that) she got back control of her thoughts. “Was it the yellow or…?”
Gabrielle definitely wasn’t taking notes on what Xena did and didn’t like. Nope.
“Mostly the yellow, but the style didn’t really suit you,” Xena explained. She also didn’t like a lot of the other things that had happened at that time. She’d always been uneasy about Gabrielle’s brush with pacifism. Torn on the entire idea, as on one hand she wanted Gabrielle to be innocent but on the other hand sometimes you just had to fight.
Gabrielle had a hard time picturing herself, here or in the dreams, making that clothing choice. She wondered what had led to it. There must be a story there. Of course, she thought that about most things. “Hopefully I didn’t wear it for long.”
Xena made a face, “Long enough.” Too long. But she didn’t usually complain about it. “But it made you happy so who was I to say anything?”
And that was why they’d never convince Gabrielle that Xena was bad for her. They just didn’t know her, that was all.
It had been a long day. Moving hurt. But she thought Xena’s concern for her happiness was sweet, and she couldn’t resist leaning in to kiss her. She was glad she was allowed to do that now. Gabrielle almost wanted to ask if they’d ever been more than friends in the dreams.
Instead, she said, “It’s good to know I can count on you to support my poor fashion choices.”
Xena grinned against her lips, unable to help but reply, “You make up for it with some of your other outfits and their lack of coverage.”
Gabrielle had to laugh. “So that’s why you keep me around.”
“Exactly, that’s entirely the only reason.” It was killing Xena, but she fought the urge to kiss Gabrielle the way she’d been wanting to. Like she’d kissed her so many times in their dreams, in the quiet of the night, curled together in a sleeping roll next to a crackling fire.
She smiled, absently trailing her finger down to Xena’s wrist. “Then I guess I should thank you for not ditching me during my yellow sari phase.”
“I almost did.” The lie was evident in Xena’s voice. She could lie about a lot of things, but not that one.
Gabrielle kissed her again, light and chaste, amusement still obvious in her tone. “It’s funny you think you could get rid of me that easily.”
Even if Xena really had tried to ditch her, Gabrielle had a feeling she’d have found her way back.
Gods, she loved her. Xena rubbed her thumb across Gabrielle’s lips, and cheeks, and then pressed her forehead against hers. “I stopped trying pretty early on.”
Sometimes Xena still managed to leave her at a loss for words. Not many people did that. But it was only temporary.
“Xena, in the dreams, were we ever…?” Like this? More?
“Depends on what you mean.”
It took her a second before she tried again, “Were we ever…together?”
Xena gave Gabrielle the most innocent of looks, “That also depends on what you mean.”
Xena was making this much harder than it had to be. Gabrielle wanted to be mad at her for that. There was a significant silence before her third attempt at the question. “Were we…intimate?”
“Yes,” Xena said, brushing at Gabrielle’s hair again. She could have been vulgar, but she didn’t like being like that with Gabrielle - at least not when they weren’t being intimate, anyway. Gabrielle was a bard and there were times she managed to burn Xena’s ears off.
Which was not a memory she should be thinking about right now. In fact, Xena had decided that they shouldn’t be yet, anyway. Not until after Hope, and all the fallout from that.
She just didn’t want Gabrielle regretting it, even if part of her wanted it before that. As if it would somehow be more pure.
The answer didn’t exactly come as a surprise. Gabrielle had already suspected or she wouldn’t have asked. But somehow, having confirmation, that made it real.
She was starting to realize how hard this must be for Xena. To have known her for so long and so well only to find her and know she didn’t remember any of it, it must have been torture. Gabrielle knew she wasn’t ready, not yet, and she knew that was okay. She thought maybe Xena already loved her. Even if she hadn’t said it, she gave herself away in the way she looked at her sometimes.
“Xena, I think I’m going to fall in love with you.” In this world. Knowing they’d explored their relationship in the dreams only made her more certain of it.
This time the kiss lingered just a little longer, and when she pulled back, she lightly stroked Xena’s cheek. “Thank you for waiting for me.”
“Well…” Xena ducked her head, looking down at the floor. She hadn’t exactly waited. There’d been lovers, friends with benefits. But she hadn’t loved anyone. For Xena, that was a key difference.
That hadn’t been exactly what she’d meant, and she really didn’t think she wanted to know, but she wasn’t upset. Still a little jealous, maybe. But not upset. She gently lifted Xena’s head back up so she could look at her. “You’re waiting for me now.”
“I have been, even with some really nice temptations,” Xena replied. There’d been one person, shortly after she’d run into Gabrielle, but nothing since. It wasn’t the same.
Though a good number of the women she’d been with in recent years tended to be shorter blondes…
Definitely still a little jealous. But that was something she could live with, as long as she was the one who counted.
Gabrielle smiled, inching closer and shifting into a more comfortable position, her hand sliding across Xena’s stomach. “I think I’m worth it.”
“Me too.” Xena almost stopped Gabrielle’s hand, but it wasn’t dangerous, just yet. But it could very quickly go dangerous.
Xena’s agreement gave Gabrielle a warm feeling. “Are you going to stay awhile? I know I haven’t been very good company lately.”
She was really just starting to feel like herself again.
“I’ve got nowhere else I’d rather be. So just hope there isn’t an emergency somewhere.”
What Gabrielle hoped was that Xena wouldn’t mind a few more quiet nights, until she was really back on her feet. In the meantime, “So what do you think we should do?”
“Dance naked in the woods and summon spirits.” Xena got to her feet and stretched, like she was preparing to do just that.
As fun as that sounded, “Maybe another day.” To make her point, she held out a hand for Xena to help her up.
“Settle for dinner and a movie?” Or dinner and a story. She had some ideas to run through for her next book, and there were always the dreams to talk about. But that was all they’d been able to do for days. She was willing to accept counter offers.