(ಠ_ಠ) (break_the_cycle) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-03-29 00:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, commander jane shepard, miranda lawson |
Gay crisis.
Who: Shep and Miranda
What: Miranda talks to Shepard about romantical things
When: Recent
Where: The Normandy
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13
Miranda was actually rather excited to get back on the Normandy. It felt like home in a way. And as she wasn’t certain if Shepard kept the bar stocked on the ship, Miranda had brought a bottle of alcohol for them to share. She’d been drinking a bit more recently to try and cope with her emotions. It wasn’t helping, but drinking tended to distract her and she didn’t like thinking about some of her feelings while being sober.
“Ah, home again. Far emptier than it is in the dreams. Is EDI functional or did she not crossover with the ship?” She asked, looking over at Shepard.
“She’s not EDI, not the way you remember,” Shepard explained. “She’s more of a VI than an AI at the moment. Part of me thinks it’s because she’s down there, on Earth somewhere.” She waved her hand below them. “Like a Cylon or something.”
Jane led Miranda to the lounge, and took a seat.
“That would be interesting if she was down there on Earth. Joker might enjoy that far more than an AI yelling at him.” Miranda said with a little chuckle. Once in the lounge, she went to the bar and grabbed a couple glasses, opened the bottle and poured them both a drink. She brought them over, handing Shepard hers before she took a seat.
“It must be hard for you to not stay on this ship all day, every day.”
“Yeah, but I would miss the AI yelling at him.” Though human EDI? Probably hot. Shepard could see a Tricia Helfer look for her.
“There are days I do. I’m not as bad as Jim at that though.” Jane pointed towards the Enterprise. It was far enough away that all they could see were some of the running lights and the red glow from the Nacelles.
“Someone has to keep Joker on his toes,” she quipped as she took a sip of her drink.
Miranda gazed out at the Enterprise. “Ah yes, he showed me the Enterprise and the view from it. Also took me to Jupiter. Nice ship, but the Normandy is better. I may be biased in that opinion, though.”
Shepard wondered if he’d gotten laid for that. She’d used the Normandy to get into at least one woman’s pants.
“Damn right the Normandy is better. She can fly circles around that collection of tin cans and saucer cups.”
Alas, Miranda had chosen to make Kirk work for it a bit harder than that. And then she’d gotten completely derailed by the Isabela stuff and now she didn’t actually know what to do.
“She most certainly can. She’s a good ship, and I wouldn’t want to be on the crew of any other ship.”
Good thing for Kirk, he could be persistent as long as the lady was willing.
Deciding that Miranda might not yet be ready to talk about things just yet, Jane asked, “Where are you at? We go through… a lot together.”
Part of Shepard had wished Miranda had chosen to come back to the Normandy, but she’d been very effective as a free agent.
Miranda did have half a mind to contact Kirk, but she wasn’t certain it would be entirely healthy at this point in time to do so.
“Let’s see, the last thing I dreamt we went to recruit the krogan warlord and instead got his engineered krogan. So we’ve recruited Mordin Solus, Garrus Vakarian, Jack, and Grunt, I believe his name is.” Miranda recounted. “We are making good strides there, even if I’d rather flush Jack out of the airlock, but that’s just me.”
Kirk and healthy relationships weren’t always as much of a thing as he’d like them to be.
“Ah. So you’ve met my son.” Jane put her hand to her chest and sighed dramatically. The scary thing was she wasn’t entirely joking. She loved her big Krogan son.
“You and Jack are like oil and water, but you’ve got to work together.”
Miranda eyed Shepard, a little smile crossing her face. “You would have a krogan for a son.” It made perfect sense to her, and she sipped her drink again.
“I can play nice so long as she stays out of my way.” Miranda wouldn’t go anywhere near where Jack had taken up residence on the ship. And she expected the same from Jack to stay away from her room.
“My girlfriend and him would get along like crazy,” Shepard decided. She could picture the headbutts. Bystanders would probably die. It would be great.
“At least she’s not around here. We kind of turned your bedroom into a surveillance center.”
Miranda had to chuckle a bit. “You would date someone who’d get along with a krogan.” It just made sense, given who Shepard was.
“It’s best she’s not around here.” She then looked at Shepard and blinked. “You turned my room into a surveillance center?” She wasn’t sure if she should be offended or impressed.
“Well. Liara did.” Jane got a fond, somewhat wistful smile on her face. It was probably for the best she’d never meet Liara. It would complicate things too much. Much like with Regina, she’d never fully shaken her feelings for her. “Ever hear of the Shadow Broker?”
“Yes I have. Why?” Miranda asked. Most people had heard of the Shadow Broker. At least those who dealt in information or anything of the sort.
“We killed the old one and Liara took his place,” Jane said, waiting for Miranda to take a sip of her drink before she actually answered.
Sometimes Miranda questioned why on god’s green Earth she brought Shepard back from the dead. One of those moments was right then when she choked on her drink. She sputtered and coughed for a few moments, giving Shepard a pointed glare before she could breathe again. “What the fuck, Shepard? And what do you mean we killed the Shadow Broker?”
Grinning like she’d won the lottery, Shepard waited for Miranda to be able to breath again. “Liara and I. We had this big adventure. Care chase on Ilium, then we found the Shadow Broker’s base and killed his ass. Liara’s the new Shadow Broker.”
Honestly she was so proud.
“Well. That’s definitely something. So what’s next, putting others on your team on the Council? Because you seem to be inserting yourself everywhere.” Miranda said. “Though I’m sure having Liara as the Shadow Broker gives you a leg up on pretty much everyone in the galaxy in terms of knowing things.”
“I couldn’t have stopped her if I wanted to,” Shepard replied. She shrugged her shoulder. “Liara was always stubborn, and… two years with me dead hardened her.”
She wasn’t sure how she felt about that, and she didn’t want to talk about it too much more. “Enough about me.”
“I’m sure it hardened everyone who’d known you before.” Miranda hadn’t known Garrus before recruiting him, but he definitely seemed rather...severe, even for a turian. And here Miranda had thought that she could be severe, but it didn’t quite compare to Garrus.
“Oh, great, is this where conversation turns to me?”
The war did that too. But Shepard had no doubt her death had affected people, and that wasn’t ego talign. “Yes, yes it is.”
“Great. Well, where should I start?” Miranda didn’t know what to start with. There was Corvo and the so-lovingly-pointed out daddy issues. Then there was Isabela. She felt that Corvo was the easier topic at the moment.
“Start with whichever feels easiest,”Jane would actually try to not respond like an asshole, even. It would be hard, oh so hard.
“Corvo, then.” Daddy issues it was, and she swore if Shepard responded like an asshole, she was going to get punched. Or, at the very least, smacked. “I still can’t believe I slept with him.” Miranda rubbed her forehead a bit, then down the rest of her glass before she poured herself another.
Her liver was taking a beating of late. She hoped once her perfect genes kicked in, that would help repair whatever damage she was currently doing to her liver.
Interesting that that was the easier one, and not Isabela, but Shepard just nodded. “I would have in your place. Probably sooner. Are you worried shit’ll get awkward with him?”
Of course she was. Jane added, “Or that he’ll want.. More? Or you’ll want more?”
“Yes, I’m worried that it’ll make things awkward. I’m not worried that either of us will want more.” Miranda sipped her drink and gazed into it as though there were answers in it. “I mean, the sex was good, but the man was more of a father to me than my own father ever was. I’m not going to jump at wanting a relationship. And I don’t think he wants one with me either. Something tells me if he did, he would’ve made a move years ago.”
By which she meant between the ages of 18 and her current age, of course. Anything else and it would’ve just been creepy.
Better be between the ages of 18 and now, or Shepard would shoot him. Even the youngest person she’d ever been with had been in her low 20s.
“Well, you gotta talk to him about that. Set the parameters, tell him where you both stand. But I don’t think either of you should apologize for it. Mistakes happen.”
“Yes they do. I’m not going to apologize unless it’s actually detrimental to him in some way. But it’s also one of those instances where you should be careful how much alcohol is consumed. I don’t think we would’ve slept together had we both been sober.” At least, that’s not something Miranda would have chosen to do while sober. She would’ve chosen someone else to make a mistake with had she been sober.
Shepard scratched her jaw, and hoped they’d used protection. “So … obviously you won’t talk to him tonight.”
She gestured at Miranda’s drink with a wry grin. “But you should soon.”
“I know. I will. And hopefully it won’t be nearly as weird and awkward as I fear it might be.” Which meant that it most likely would be as weird and awkward as she feared it might. Miranda sighed again and took another drink.
“So Moving on.” Jane topped off their drinks, leaning back in the couch and giving Miranda an expectant look. “Gay crisis.”
Miranda looked at Shepard. “You are way too eager to hear about this, aren’t you.” It was a statement and not a question. Because Shepard almost looked like she was a kid about to go into a candy store.
“It’s showing, isn’t it.” She flashed Miranda a grin. She didn’t have anyone else from her dreams she could possibly tease or gossip with, and honestly it was interesting to see someone she knew going through something she’d struggled with fifteen years ago.
“You’re practically glowing, Shepard.” Miranda commented. Which she certainly was. It just wasn’t going to be a talk that ended with ‘And I got the girl’ because she most definitely did not have the girl. And she didn’t believe there was hope to ever have the girl.
Yeah, Miranda was a little more depressed than she actually expressed. Which was where the drinking came in.
“I’ve got lots of reasons to glow.” She shifted, sticking her feet into Miranda’s lap and getting even more comfortable, like you do. “I was a lot younger than we’re both now when I started questioning myself. And even when I started figuring it out, believe it or not I wasn’t always this smooth.”
Shepard was never smooth.
Miranda glanced down at Shepard’s feet in her lap, but didn’t do anything to push them off. However, she had to laugh at the comment about being smooth. “Shepard, you are definitely not smooth.”
“I am smooth! And I can dance, and I can drive.” She could do none of these things.
“I could give you tips. I could get a girl in my sleep.”
“Ohmygod, I don’t need tips on how to get a girl.” Miranda bemoaned as she ran a hand over her face. That was not where she needed or wanted this conversation to go.
“First things first,” Jane said, making it sound like she was going to talk about Miranda’s catsuit and her ass. “Be yourself.”
“I have that covered. I’m not even good at pretending to be an icy bitch for very long. Unless I just plain don’t like someone.” Which was definitely not the case where Isabela was concerned.
“See? You’re off to a good start!” Jane grinned at her and poked her in the stomach with her toe, “Step 2. Don’t be afraid to talk to women. This is by far where most people fuck up.”
Miranda playfully swatted at Shepard’s foot after she poked her with her toe. “I’m not afraid to talk to women. I just happen to want one specific woman, which isn’t going to go anywhere.”
“So I should beat her up then?” Shepard asked, looking entirely serious. She knew where to bury bodies so they’d never be found. In space.
Not that she’d done that before or anything. Honest.
“No, I don’t want her beaten up. She doesn’t deserve it. It’s just a difference of what we want. Nothing to hurt anyone over.” Except that Miranda was hurting, and it was kind of upsetting her that she was hurt over it.
“You’re hurting already, Miranda. I hate that I can’t really help with that.” They couldn’t even make a mistake - while Shepard had always nursed a crush and serious attraction for Miranda, she’d never been someone to stray from her lover.
Miranda gave a half-hearted, sad half-smile to Shepard at that. “Guess it’s just my luck, really. But probably for the best. At least I won’t tie her down into something that wouldn’t make her happy.” She didn’t know if that was more commentary on thinking she wasn’t good for a relationship, or commentary on putting preference on someone else’s happiness over her own.
She did have a self-sacrificing streak in her, though she didn’t exactly admit that.
Shepard didn’t think that was the end of it. She knew every well what it felt like to be into someone and not have that returned. Or worse, be into someone and think they were into you only for everything to fall apart in such a way that now, years later, she was still not over Regina, damn it.
But she didn’t say anything, just gave a toast to heartbreak.
Miranda felt like it was the end of it. Isabela didn’t do commitment, and in this case, Miranda couldn’t do no strings. There wasn’t much wiggle room there for either of them to be able to have something more than friendship. She gave a toast to heartbreak.
“At least Kasumi’s not here. I don’t need that little gossip-monger all over this.”
“We’ve got someone worse.” Rita Skeeter. Shepard was going to break her face. Repeatedly.
“Don’t remind me.” Miranda had already been a target of Rita’s. And she was going to murder that woman if her father found her or her sister because of it.
Jane frowned, then decided they needed a change of venue. She hadn’t been able to relocate the Citadel after the Reapers had come, though not for lack of trying, but she had a few ideas. “Hey. Want to go land on Mars?”
“Mars sounds good to me.” She wondered if there were Prothean ruins on Mars in this universe. At the very least, at least it was something to distract her.