Who: Caroline and Marguerite What: Caroline breaks down and Marguerite comforts her When: 23 March - before the funeral Where: Caroline’s house Warnings: References to cancer and death Status: Log | Complete
This was it. The day of her mom’s funeral. Time to say her final goodbye. Ever since her mom had passed all of Caroline’s energy had been spent on the funeral. It was easier that way. Not only because she was an event planner by trade, but also because it kept her from thinking about the fact that she would never see her mom again.
And now, the day was here. After today she would just be alone. Alone in the house that she once shared with her mother. But right now she wasn’t alone, she hadn’t been all week. Between how Marguerite and Tyler were taking care of her it was clear that she had some amazing friends. She wasn’t sure she would have managed without them.
Caroline was in the kitchen with Marguerite, getting some breakfast before the funeral. “I’m a little worried,” Caroline admitted. “About singing today.” The plan was for her to sing ‘Go in Peace’ at the funeral. “What if,” she paused swallowing a lump that began to form in her throat. “What if I can’t get through it?” Of course Marguerite was the perfect person to ask. Tyler certainly wouldn’t know what the hell to say about singing.
This was something Marguerite was all too familiar with, right down to the loss of a mother due to cancer. Of doing all of the preparation for the funeral to keep busy and not think, dealing with the estate. It wasn’t easy by a long shot and while she’d gone it alone so as to let Armand not interrupt his studies, she wouldn’t let Caroline go through this alone. Yes, she knew that Tyler had also been a constant presence for the blonde, but that didn’t mean she was going to sit back and let him shoulder all of it. No, the more people there to support Caroline the better.
Which meant that she had been staying at Caroline’s most of the week and was there for breakfast. With the coffee being made, Marguerite leaned against the counter as her friend spoke.
“It’s perfectly normal to be nervous. But if you can’t get through it, no one will hold it against you, they’ll understand.”
Because really, if people didn’t understand, than they were just heartless and needed a swift kick off a cliff.
It wasn’t so much that she was nervous. Just that she was worried she might burst into tears. As much she had prepared for this day, she wasn’t sure how she was going to get through it. “Thanks,” Caroline replied attempting a small smile at Marguerite. “But if I can’t. If I get too emotional or choked up. Do you think you could take over?” Liz would like that. She loved Marguerite’s singing. As much as Caroline wanted to be the one to pay tribute to her mom with a song, there was a chance she might not be able to manage. Caroline couldn’t think anyone better than Marguerite.
Well, that was unexpected. Marguerite supposed in some ways that it made sense but Liz was Caroline’s mother, not hers. So she hadn’t expected to be asked. Still it was also on the chance that Caroline wouldn’t be able to finish. So she just nodded.
“Of course I will.”
With a small smile of her own, the actress blinked as her attention was diverted.
“Coffee’s ready. Do you want a cup as well?”
Hopefully Caroline could get through the song. She wanted to. But it was nice knowing Marguerite would be there to take over if Caroline got too emotional. “Thank you,” she replied with a genuine smile this time. Still small, but genuine.
Coffee, yes. She was going to need it to get through this day. “Yeah,” Caroline replied going into the cupboard to grab some mugs. She saw a mug she made for her mom. One you get online with pictures of the two of them all over it. She left that one where it was, not even daring to touch it. But tears began to form in her eyes. She tried to blink them back as she handed Marguerite two other mugs.
Marguerite had a feeling that Caroline would be fine and would be able to get through the song. But it always helped to know that you had someone on standby. A way to take off the pressure that might otherwise make it more difficult. And this day would be hard enough, so anything Marguerite could do to help ease the pressure? She would. “You’re welcome.”
Even as Caroline tried to blink back the tears though, Marguerite saw them. So once she had the mugs, she quickly put them on the counter and just hugged the younger woman. Honestly, coffee could wait.
Caroline took comfort in the hug. The last thing she wanted was anyone’s pity. The blonde knew she had a long day ahead of her, trying to be strong, pretending to be okay. But Marguerite, she wasn’t just anyone. She knew it wasn’t pity from her friend. It was genuine sympathy. Not only that but Marguerite knew Liz. They had gotten close since Caroline moved back. Hell Marguerite had even taken care of her for a few days and gotten trapped in the house. Yes, she was Caroline’s mom, but Marguerite lost Liz too. “I can’t believe she’s gone,” Caroline said finally letting those tears fall from her eyes.
It was Marguerite’s nature to get close to people so it wasn’t all that surprising that she would easily bond with Liz in the time she had known her. Which was definitely too short but it wasn’t like there was anything which she could do about that. She was just thankful for the time she had gotten to know the woman. But it was never pity with Marguerite. Pity was a thing she hated, but as it was something she herself had lived through? It was genuine.
“I know.”
And she did. She had too much experience losing parents, even when it had happened suddenly or was prolonged. It didn’t make it any more easy to deal with. It didn’t make it any less hard to believe. While children outlived their parents as a general rule, they were part of a club no one should be in. The one that involved watching loved ones die from a horrible disease. It connected them.
She knew it wasn’t pity with Marguerite. Which was part of why Caroline was able to be vulnerable. She didn’t have to pretend to be strong. “It hurts,” she admitted when the hug broke. More than Caroline thought it would too. “It hurts so bad I can’t breathe, I can’t,” she paused her words getting caught in her throat, tears falling freely from her eyes. “I can’t do this. I just want the pain to be gone.”
This was one of those times where Marguerite wished that there were some simple answer, something she could do but there wasn’t. All she could do was call on her own experience while letting Caroline be vulnerable because it was needed, no matter what she might think. It wasn’t easy to be vulnerable but there were just those times when there were no other options.
“Yes you can do this. You just need to focus on each breath. Each step. Yes, it hurts, but that hurt is part of life. You find something to hold onto, be it the support of your friends or just something you know is true, to get you through it.”
So it was entirely possible the Marguerite was referencing a song she almost had done at her cabaret performance, but it was fitting and it had been the song that had gotten the actress through both the death of her parents by car accident and then the death of her adoptive mother four years ago.
Caroline totally missed the reference. To be fair though her brain wasn’t exactly functioning properly. All she had thought about for the past week was preparing the funeral. Other than the morning Liz died, she hadn’t given herself a chance to grieve. Apparently now was the time. Well better to get it out of her system now than at the funeral. At the funeral she had to be strong. Put on a brave face for all her mother’s loved ones.
“What happens after today?” Caroline asked her voice soft, scared even. “When the funeral is over and I’m just left here all alone?” She knew Marguerite had experienced this. She hated that someone else had to go through this, but there was something about it. How Marguerite could understand what Caroline was going through the way no one else really could.
Well, it wasn't as if it were a song from a well known musical. Nor was Marguerite trying to make it obvious. It just had fit the mood and situation.
Still, she hated how scared Caroline sounded, especially when there was no easy answer. Nothing to make it better. Only the truth.
“You call your friends when you need them. Because no matter how it may feel, you're not alone. You just figure out what it is you need to do. For me, I stayed busy. Make sure to take time for self care, whatever that is for you.”
Stay busy. Caroline could do that. Busy was practically her middle name. Actually it was Elizabeth, after her mom. That thought caused a few more tears to fall. “Thanks,” she told Marguerite. “For being here.” Not that Marguerite needed the thanks, but Caroline wanted to know it meant a lot. Even though they had just broken from a hug she reached out to give Marguerite another one. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” And she wasn’t. Even if she wasn’t at the house all the time, it wasn’t like Caroline couldn’t reach out to her or that she was going to vanish. So she just returned the hug and then pulled away and held Caroline’s hands. “Well you don’t need to think about that. Instead we’ll just get through today and from there, one day at a time.”
Because at the end of the day, that was all they really could do.
Speaking of getting through today, Caroline pulled away from the second hug wiping the remaining tears from her eyes. “Thanks,” Caroline said for like the millionth time that week. “Coffee first, then getting through today.”