The Hellion (collateralshot) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-03-02 11:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, dan smith, olivia moore |
Who: Dan and Liv
What: Dan decides to risk becoming a zombie to be with Liv
When: Mid-February after Dan has come back from being dead
Where: Liv's home
Rating/Warnings Low, little bit of angst if you squint, otherwise kind of sweet
Status: Complete!
Dan had spent the last two nights at Liv’s place. She had barely let him out of her sight since the afternoon at the morgue in which Dan had literally come back from the dead. On the one hand, Dan was grateful that Liv had insisted he stay with her. He didn’t exactly want to be alone at the moment. Nevermind the fact that he was certain his apartment would be a mess and he was not at all prepared to return to the place where he had “died.”
But even though Liv had taken him home with her, there was a constant reminder that they weren’t together anymore. She told Dan he could sleep in her bed and she took the couch. While the intense pain from his resurrection had passed, Dan’s body still ached, and especially his chest was sore. As though someone had punched him as hard as they could. So he had taken the bed, but he wasn’t sleeping. Instead he was lying awake and staring at the ceiling. All he could think about was seeing Liv in the morgue and how just having her there had chased his fear and panic away.
He had already died and in doing so had lost her. Death was common in his Dreams and even though he knew he was coming up to their end, there was no promise that something like this wouldn’t happen again. There was no guarantee that the next time Dan would come back. Dan did not want to lose her again. Not again. They had been given another chance and Dan would be an idiot not to take it.
Dan got out of bed. He pulled on the set of clothes Liv had gotten for him and made his way towards the living room where Liv was. “Liv?” He said carefully, “darlin’? Are ye still awake?”
Having Dan stay with her, it wasn’t easy. This was why she had avoided him after their break up. Seeing him every day knowing she couldn’t be with him. It hurt. A lot. But it was nothing compared to the pain of completely losing him. It was something she was determined to make sure it never happened again. Hence the barely letting Dan out of her sight. Even if it was painful.
Like Dan, Liv wasn’t really sleeping. How could she? It was all she could do to remain on the couch and not walk into her bedroom every few minutes to make sure he was still alive. She heard him walk out. Her usually slow heartbeat sped up just a bit, worried. Was he okay? Had something happened? He had to be okay. Then he spoke and Liv couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He sounded okay at least.
Hearing him call her darling again, her heart did a little flip. Not long ago it was something she thought she’d never hear again. “Yes,” Liv replied her voice soft as she sat up on the couch wrapping the blanket around her. “What’s up? Do you need something?” She would do anything to make sure he was okay. Get him whatever he needed.
Dan had stopped just inside the living room. Liv was beautiful and his heart ached just looking at her. Dan had never wanted anything as much as he wanted the chance to be with her. It no longer mattered to him the risk. He would far rather be a zombie than potentially lose her again. He quickly crossed the living room to sit next to her on the couch. “Liv,” he started carefully not wanting to frighten her, wanting to explain himself the best possible way he could. “I cannea sleep. I’ve been thinkin’. ‘Bout you. ‘Bout us.” He reached for her hands. “I love you. I want to be with you. I donnea care if being with ye means I turn inta zombie. I don’t. I’ve died once already, and the idea that I could’ve never had the chance t’ see ye again is worse than anything that could happen t’ me now. I donnea want to lose this chance that I’ve been given.”
Liv could hardly believe what she was hearing. For the past month it was what she had been hoping to hear. Dan wanted to be with her. No matter the cost, even if he became a zombie. As hard as it was being apart from him. As much as it almost killed her when he died. Liv couldn’t let him do that. She wouldn’t wish what she was on anyone. Especially not the man she loved. “Dan,” Liv replied running her thumb over the back of his hand. “I love you,” she began. “I’d give anything to be with you. But I can’t let you do that.” She loved him too much. Saying it though, forcing the words out of her mouth, it hurt.
Dan’s heart twisted, making the ache already present from earlier in the day more pronounced. He knew what she was doing. She was trying to protect him, prevent him from making some kind of mistake. But for Dan, there was no mistake. He knew exactly what he was agreeing to. Well, maybe not exactly, but he had been with Liv long enough by now to have a pretty good idea. It wasn’t as though he was just agreeing blindly. He knew his diet would consist of brains and hot sauce, that he’d get visions from the people whose brains he’d consumed, that he ran the risk of turning into a literal monster if he went too long without eating, or if the right buttons were pushed. He knew all that, and he didn’t care. Being with Liv meant more to him than anything else.
“It’s ok,” Dan insisted, giving her hands a squeeze. “Whatever happens is ok. I Dreamed of a world in which I had nothing. I was just a tool. Someone brought back from the dead to serve someone else’s agenda. After that it was worse. I was just a personality, I didn’t even have my own body, but I still had to serve someone else and in the end that couldn’t even save me.” He let go of one of her hands to place on her cool cheek. “I was dead, Liv, and I came back. After that, nothing else matters. I would rather be alive and with you, even if it means I have to eat brains forever. As long as I’m with you.”
Why was Dan making this so difficult? She was doing this for him. It wasn’t fair to ask this of him. No matter how scared she was to lose him again. How much it had hurt. “Dan,” Liv said again. “I love you. You know I do.” She placed her hand over the one he had on his cheek gently pulling it back down. It hurt being this close with him knowing they could never be together again. Despite everything Dan was saying at the moment. She couldn’t let herself believe there was hope. She had to stay strong. For him.
“But you don’t know how much,” Liv continued. “You have no idea. I could never ask you to do this.” A brief pause as she tried to figure out how to say what she wanted to. “Yes, you’ll be getting me.” Perhaps that sounded a bit cocky, but Dan had just said he didn’t care about anything as long as he was with her. “But think about what you’ll be giving up. Tasting foods. Having your own personality.” Because with every brain came new personality traits. While Liv was still the same at her core, her personality fluctuated all the time. “And most importantly the chance to be with anyone else. There aren’t that many zombies around.” That she knew of at least. “I know you want to be with me, but do you really want to only be with me for the rest of your life?”
Dan understood why she was so resistant. If their roles were reversed, Dan couldn’t say that he wouldn’t have been either. He had to make her understand that his love for her overpowered everything else. What was the point of being free or able to taste food or having his own personality traits if he couldn’t be with the woman he loved? Sure, he’d be able to eat whatever he wanted and his own personality, but was that worth being miserable for?
Dan shook his head. “You aren’t asking me. This is what I want. I want to be with you. Until I met you I didn’t understand love. I thought it was something people talked about but never really had. But you -- you’ve shown me that I was wrong. When I’m with you, I understand what love is. I feel loved. I’ve never felt that and I want to share that with you. I want to be a better person because of you. Please, Liv. Please give me the chance.”
Everything Dan was saying, Liv wanted it too. She wanted to be with Dan more than anything. Needed to be with him. The thought of losing him from her life again made her heart ache. But this was a big decision he was making. This would change the course of his life. What if he regretted it someday? What if he ended up resenting her? There were so many thoughts and doubts running through her head. But Dan, he seemed so certain this was what he wanted. Hell he was practically begging her. How could she refuse? Especially when it was exactly what she wanted too. More than anything.
“You’re sure?” Liv finally asked, her eyes searching his for any trace of doubt. “Are you absolutely positive this is what you want?”
Dan’s eyes met her’s. There was no trace of doubt anywhere on his face. Rather there was only conviction. “Aye, darlin’,” he said softly. He touched the side of her face again, brushing her hair back behind her ear. “I’ve never been more sure of anythin’. If yer willin’ to give me the chance, I want to take it.”
Liv wanted to take it too. In the two weeks they had been apart Liv was completely miserable. It was the most miserable she had ever been in her entire life. “Okay,” Liv replied. “I’m willing to risk it if it’s truly what you want.” She couldn’t deny herself or Dan the love she had for him any longer. With that Liv placed her hand on the side of his face, bringing him in for a kiss. It wasn’t full of lust although that was definitely there. How could it not be when it had been weeks since she had last truly been with him? But it was more tender, romantic even. Showing just how much she loved him with that kiss.
Dan smiled into that kiss. He had never been more happy than he was in that moment. He returned her kiss lovingly and tenderly before putting his arms around her and just holding her. He’d wanted to hold her so badly the last two weeks and now he had the chance to do just that again. “Thank ye, Liv,” he said softly against her hair. He let her go only so he could kiss her again just as lovingly as he had before. “I love you,” he said, the smile bright on his face. She had made him very, very happy. He had every intention of making her just as happy, no matter what it took. Maybe he would become a zombie. He’d take that risk. He’d retire again. That all went without saying. He never thought his life would turn out this way, but he was greatly looking forward to this next chapter, so long as Liv was with him.
“D’ye want to come back to the bed?” He asked. “All I wanna do right now is hold you.”
“I love you too,” Liv replied just as happy as Dan. She could barely believe this was happening. Dan was risking so much just to be with her. She had never felt so loved in her entire life. How had she gotten so lucky to find such an incredible guy?
“Yes,” Liv agreed. She would do anything Dan wanted at this moment. And honestly, spending the night back in the arms of the man she was madly in love with sounded pretty damn amazing right now.