Freya Mikaelson is Tired™ (frelsi) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-03-02 08:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, evie frye, freya mikaelson |
Who: Evie and Freya
What: Talking about things
When: 3 February 2018
Where: Evie’s apartment
Warnings: Low
Status: Log | Complete
When Freya had come to crash on her couch after that near brush with the apocalypse, it had frightened her just how wiped out her girlfriend was after using magic. She didn’t let it show more than simply being concerned and doing whatever Freya needed, but seeing how much magic could take out of Freya was an eye-opening experience. In more than one way. While Evie had been basking in the joy of a new relationship, now reality was setting in and that the relationship was real and actually happening. It made Evie think about things, and things she should talk about.
After all, while they had moved past the whole jumping out of the window incident, Evie felt that she should explain why it had happened in the first place. Explaining how she was raised and how she didn’t deal with emotions well would no doubt help Freya understand her better. Things got complicated when her dreams took place in Victorian England, and some of how she was there had bled over, lending more emotional complications than was strictly necessary. But she also felt she owed Freya an explanation of some sort that was better than just ‘I’m an idiot’ because while it was true that Evie was an idiot, she had reasons for acting the way she had.
Evie had brewed some tea for them both, dressing Freya’s how she liked it, then brought the mugs over. Eden was currently curled up in her dog bed that was in one corner of the living area.
“Made some tea,” she said, handing Freya’s mug to her. “Are you feeling any better?”
Even with Vincent and herself channeling one another, along with the boost from Merlin, the magic required to destroy a star hurtling towards Earth had been extremely draining. Perhaps if she had her full strength from the dreams, it would have been easier. As it were though, Freya knew she wasn't’ there yet. She was getting stronger but not to the place where such a spell would be easy to manage as long as she had someone to channel. Which was quite a shame. But she would just deal with it.
Now, Freya could have gone back home after she made sure that Vincent was taken care of, but given Klaus had already been on a ‘let the other magic users figure it out’ because of his overprotective and overbearing nature, she had decided that avoiding siblings was the best course of action right now. So it had been asking Evie if she could crash there and letting Klaus know she’d be back later but that she was fine. She had been worried since she wasn’t sure if her girlfriend would be working or not but as all she wanted was sleep? It would have worked out. Admittedly she could barely remember getting there or really anything of what had happened seeing at how exhausted she’d been. The second her head hit the pillow she’d been out.
And of course there had been another Dream. One where she’d been poisoned, had to do a spell to save Rebekah from a curse, and then Christmas. Because why would any holiday be normal in her Dreams? Still. Eventually Freya did wake up, wincing as she held her hand to her neck. No needle mark, that was good. And it was entirely possible that the stiffness and soreness came from overtaxing herself the day before.
Rolling her neck to work out the kinks, Freya smiled in thanks as Evie walked into the living room and handed her the tea. Just what she needed.
“Thank you.” Letting it cool down some, the witch nodded, “I am. A bit sore, but that’s to be expected I think. That or Dream thing. Here you never really know.” At least she hadn’t started bleeding from the eyes or coughing up blood as she had in said Dreams. That was a plus.
That whole thing with the earthquakes, the moon, stars and sun all disappearing had been entirely unnerving. Evie hadn’t known what to do because she couldn’t fight disappearing stars. Though she’d seen those embryo things and the feathers when all was said and done. She hadn’t known what to make of that entire thing other than an apocalypse that had been averted. One that had been averted thanks to the efforts of Freya and the others she’d worked with.
Evie had been home when Freya had contacted her, and she’d made certain to not disturb Freya until she woke up herself. It was evident that her girlfriend needed the rest. Hopefully nothing like that needed to be done again for a while so that Freya could recover.
She sat down, holding her mug in her hands as she let it cool a bit. “Sometimes it is hard to tell, I agree. It certainly seems as though you slept well. I kept quiet so I didn’t disturb you at all.”
Freya definitely would have preferred something she could actively fight. Magical neck snapping was a specialty of hers after all. But she was a witch and had the ability to do something about what was happening. She just knew it could have been easier if she had the full strength of magic as she did in her Dreams. The timing just didn’t seem to work out that way. This time because in the five months that she had been back in Orange County, it was clear that this wasn’t a one time type situation.
Still, she had been thankful that Evie had been home when she had texted in the haze of exhaustion. It was just less awkward than it might have been otherwise even if all she planned to do was sleep.
“Mm.” It would have been easy to tell if she hadn’t gotten a Dream but it was what it was. Also there wasn’t much that needed to be processed from the Dream besides the poisoning thing and that had been dealt with already. Sure, there was the concern about Finn and his hatred of their siblings but that was simply the Dreams so she didn’t pay it mind. Nor did she talk about her Dreams all that much besides the magic aspect. “I did, though it’s probably just because of how exhausted I was.” Which nothing wrong with that. Sometimes your body forced you to sleep whether you wanted to or not. “But thank you.”
Taking a sip of the tea, Freya reached out and took one of Evie’s hands and squeezed it.
“I’m just happy you were okay in all of that.” Because she worried and Freya knew that she had more or less been unreachable during it all thanks to being buried in her spells and working on something that would work. Which meant she wasn’t exactly sure how those she cared about fared, things she’d check on in a bit.
With a lack of not being able to fight anything, Evie had instead focused on trying to help people. Though it was probably a miracle that she hadn’t gotten sick from drinking water. Considering how often she made tea, it was quite the feat that she had gotten the warnings about the water before she’d consumed any water from the tap. As it was, everyone had gotten through it, and now they just had to collect themselves and move onwards in life as best as they could.
Evie never pried about Freya’s dreams, aside from asking about magic and anything else that Freya offered up first. Evie herself kept her dreams rather private. She only spoke about them when they became pertinent to something else in conversation or in her life.
Smiling softly, she squeezed Freya’s hand back. “Me too. That’s not a situation I’m able to easily deal with. It’s highly strange not being able to fight, but I concentrated on helping others where I could. And I knew you’d figure out what you were doing to help stop it.” Evie had faith in Freya’s abilities. She’d been healed by her, which had made her a believer. Not that she’d been skeptical of magic before, but she simply had not been the beneficiary of it or been able to see it in action before.
“Though I did get a call from my brother somewhere in there. He’d sensed something was wrong.” A bond between twins was something that went a little deeper than typical sibling bonds. Evie had been scared at what was happening and highly anxious, something her brother had sensed even half a world away.
Freya was just thankful that this had been something she could help with. While Klaus had been content to let the other magic users handle it, Freya preferred to do things on her own. Okay, part of that was just she trusted very few people to get things right - a trait that she’d had since school and group projects - but also just the general need to feel like she was doing something. Still, it was life, especially in Orange County, that things happened and all that could be done was to move forward once it was said and done.
Freya herself though didn’t often talk about her Dreams, being herself relatively quiet. Like Evie, unless there was a reason to talk about something (pertained to something going on, or she woke up injured and couldn’t get out of giving some form of explanation), it didn’t seem necessary. That and usually there was something else to do and despite the crossover of abilities, emotions, or injuries, there was a life here to focus on.
“Well, helping people is important.” And it was. She hadn’t worried as much as she might have about Evie as she had given her the protection amulet but when she had let her know that she was going to most likely be distant as she worked on figuring out a spell, Freya had told her to contact her if she needed help just as she had Kol about Mareena. “Your faith means everything.”
She did quirk a brow at the comment on Jacob calling though. “Did he?” She had read about the Twin Bond but she wasn’t a twin even when there were jokes sometimes given how close in age she, Finn, and Elijah were. Irish Twins. “I’m sure it was good to hear from him though.” Being half a world away from your siblings was never easy, even when everything else was going well.
It had been a good thing that there was something that could be done to stop that whole apocalypse from happening. Evie didn’t have the skills necessary for dealing with it, and she was more than glad that Freya did. She worried from a distance about what Freya was doing, but she’d kept it to herself. She knew Freya worried about her as well, the amulet being evidence of that. Ever since Freya had given it to her, she hadn’t taken it off except for when she showered. Otherwise, she wore it at all times like she did with her dog tags.
“It is. I don’t have superhuman strength or anything, but I did what I could in getting people out of collapsed buildings and so forth. While I’ve seen this place look terrible, after those earthquakes, Orange County looked like a war zone.” Which had brought back some memories of her time in the army. Not all of them were good, but she could handle it.
“Yeah, it was really good to hear from him. I miss his stupid face.” She brushed some hair behind her ear and sipped her tea. “Sometimes he can surprise me like that. Being thoughtful is not his strong suit. Though perhaps our physical distance and my recent fluctuation of emotions over the past several weeks made him finally break and talk to me about it.”
If there was one thing that could be said about Orange County, when something went wrong? There was at least someone who knew what to do. From what Freya had seen, there had never been a situation where something happened and absolutely everyone was powerless to do anything.
“Given the state of emergency services, that’s definitely a good thing.” It was unsurprising that emergency services had been overworked in the situation. There wasn’t exactly training for what to do when the sun, moon and stars went out. Oh, there were earthquake regulations for buildings and drills but the intensity of said earthquakes had probably exceeded those. Let alone the poisoned water. “But I saw.”
While Freya hadn’t been in battle, she’d travelled to places torn apart by war, the refugee camps, mass graves from genocides. There were some things that could never be unseen.
“Isn’t that the way of siblings? They can surprise you. But that would make sense… even the most obstinate of siblings can show they care, even if it’s in less...conventional… ways.” Such as Klaus’ rantings about her involving herself in the chaos. “Should I be concerned about this emotional fluctuation?”
Quirking a brow, Freya took a sip of tea. She did hope that it wasn’t a bad thing, but she figured it might be good to talk about if Evie wanted. Especially as Evie had been the one to mention fluctuating emotions.
After the mention of the fluctuating emotions, Evie let the topic about the state of Orange County during that apocalyptic event go. There were more pressing things to discuss about Evie’s emotions and how she dealt with them. Or didn’t deal with them, as was the case in many aspects of her life. One could make a good case that she hadn’t actually fully dealt with the emotions stemming from her father’s death, but that was not the focus currently.
“No, at least not in how you mean it,” Evie responded about the worry. “I never really handled emotions well. By which I mean sorrow, love, emotions like those. I’m rather too English for my own good in keeping it all bottled up. Pair that with the fact that dream me lives in the Victorian era, and I have double the emotional constipation at times.” She smiled a bit, obviously being self-deprecating at that.
“But I think I more than owe you an explanation for why I reacted the way I did after the mistletoe thing. Jumping out of a window is not how any mature person should react to that. And it really was not you, it was completely me and how I was raised. Also probably a bit of how my last relationship ended that leant to my freaking out.” Evie looked at Freya, expecting a comment about the window incident. “I also just want it to be clear, I’m not making excuses because there is no excuse for that. I just want to open up about what was going through my head, which ties into the whole emotional constipation thing.”
Obviously, Evie was capable of not being emotionally constipated, as she’d ensured to show Freya since they’d started this relationship. But Evie had some problems that she was trying to overcome. Her father’s teachings were not easy to train out of her despite her best efforts. Yang had also reinforced that whole notion of ‘don’t let personal feelings compromise the mission’ thing. Plus her dreams had made her intensely paranoid on that front as well for a time.
Well, at least it wasn’t something that required her to worry. Because it was Freya, of course she would worry. It was ingrained in her DNA as the oldest siblings out of seven. But given everything that had happened as of late, she figured it was a good thing to at least try to talk things out if they needed to be.
It did make sense that Evie might have issues expressing emotions in general based on how she was raised and her dreams. Freya was similar in that regard.
“I know how that can go.”
And then the infamous window incident. Smiling some, Freya shook her head as she looked at her tea before looking back to Evie. Obviously she had been fine at showing emotion since the two of them had gotten together. But really, it was quite a memorable experience.
“On the one hand, an explanation would be nice. On the other, I wasn’t exactly in the best headspace that day myself. Though yes, you were the one who jumped out of a closed window. I just stood rooted in place.”
Reaching over again, Freya squeezed Evie’s hand.
“I’m here to listen though. So say what it is you want or need to.”
Talking about this wasn’t exactly easy for Evie, but she knew in order to make things work, she should open up. Freya deserved to know, and maybe they could come to a better understanding of each other through it. Which was the entire point of a relationship, right? Right.
Evie had to smile at Freya’s quip. She was glad that they could make quips about that incident instead of letting it be a sore spot. She sipped her tea, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.
“In both of my lives, my father gave my brother and I many lessons that he drilled into us. I took to them far easier than my brother, but that is besides the point. One of the things my father always drilled into my head was ‘don’t let personal feelings compromise the mission.’ It made more sense in my dream life given the work us Assassins do is to protect humanity from being controlled by the Templars. If we fail, people will suffer, and emotions can distract us from that duty if we aren’t careful. In the dreams, I was falling in love with Henry Green. He and I went on a mission together where we were supposed to acquire a map that would lead us to the Piece of Eden we were seeking to keep from the Templars. However, during the mission something went wrong and Henry got captured by the Templars. I promptly abandoned the mission and went to rescue Henry instead. By doing that, I let the map fall into the Templars’ hands, and I was angry at myself for going against what my father had drilled into me. And I knew that he had been correct. My feelings for Henry had allowed the Templars to get the upper hand, and even potentially get the Piece of Eden before we could stop them.”
Evie took a breath. “Granted I had that dream a few months before the window incident, but after Yang broke up with me, then having that dream, I went into the mindset that emotions were dangerous. I became more of a workaholic than I normally am, and convinced myself that it was better that way. I didn’t want to get into a situation where I’d have to choose between saving someone I cared about or doing the greater good again. But then the kiss with you happened and it made me feel things and I couldn’t deal with it. I panicked and that’s when I jumped through the window.” She looked at Freya. “Obviously, I know you can handle yourself. More than handle yourself, as I know Henry could. I just hadn’t wanted to follow the same path my dream self did. I took my anger at myself out on Henry and Jacob, though Jacob actually earned most of my ire towards him. I never wanted to do that to you.”
But things had changed. Things had been resolved in Evie’s dreams, and it had allowed her to loosen up enough that when Freya had given her the amulet, she decided to take the Leap of Faith in a metaphorical sense.
Freya was all too familiar with how hard it could be to actually express certain things, or to open up about certain things. So she waited until Evie was ready and then stayed quiet, just holding her tea mug and taking periodic sips. She could also understand being angry at yourself for letting personal feelings interfere with your mission. Her missions in the Dreams may tie into keeping her family alive but she took it seriously. Desperately even after so long apart.
“I can’t say that I wouldn’t have responded the same as you did in the dream.”
Placing her mug on the table, Freya folded one leg under her as she looked to her girlfriend.
“I also know that the Dreams have a very annoying habit of seeming to coincide with real life situations. Such as your break up with Yang and then the Dream where Henry was captured and reminded you of your father’s lessons and how that would…. Complicate matters here.”
Shrugging, Freya looked to Eden who seemed perfectly content and then back to Evie.
“So I get it.” And she did.
God, Evie was intensely relieved when Freya said she understood. That had apparently worried her more than she’d actually realized. It was like a little weight had been lifted off of her shoulders in that moment. She took another drink of her tea, and gave Freya a little thankful smile.
“I’m glad you do. But I promise you that I am working on it to make that into a non-issue. My dreams have helped in that I basically said to hell with what my father taught me and I made up with Henry.” Evie tucked some hair behind her ear.
“In retrospect, I’m fairly certain my father only taught us that because I don’t think he ever got over my mother’s death in either life. Part of me thinks that he didn’t want us to potentially suffer the way he did, especially in the dreams where an Assassin could die at any given time.” Which was something Evie was going to avoid here as long as she wore that amulet. Which she always did now. “But I’m not going to let fear of what-could-be keep me from being happy.”
Freya gave a small nod, “Well all we can do is work on our issues, right? But that’s good that they helped you as well.” In their own way, Freya’s dreams had helped. The scars of Dahlia would always be there, but the woman was dead. Both here and the Dreams. It was easier to move on when she didn’t have the threat of the woman randomly showing up looming over her.
“That does make sense though. He saw what happened with him and didn’t want it to happen to his children and just went….very extreme because it seemed better than potential pain.”
She smiled brightly at the comment Evie then made.
“Well I’m glad to hear that. Obviously.”
“Precisely so.” Evie was bound and determined to not make the exact same mistakes her dream self had made in the whole romance department. Of course, she’d still made one, but at least it hadn’t actually ruined her chances with Freya. She was going to ensure she didn’t do something like that ever again.
“He was a military man through and through. He didn’t do the emotional stuff. I take after him in many ways.” Evie had followed in her father’s footsteps going into the military and then the SIS. “But I know he loved us in his own way.” Really, if he hadn’t he could have easily just not ever come back into their lives and left them to be fully raised by their grandmother.
She smiled warmly, lifting a hand and resting it against Freya’s cheek. “Good, I’m glad for that. Thank you for giving me a chance when you could’ve just held the window incident over my head forever. And thank you for listening.” She probably didn’t need to say the last thing, but she felt like she should.
“Well add in military man and there you have it.” Because really, there were certain traits that did come from specific training. Being focused on a mission was military and could explain why Evie’s father was the way he was. And there was nothing wrong with that, he showed that he cared in his own way. The important thing was that his children understood that - which it was clear that Evie did.
Leaning into Evie’s hand, Freya just put her hand up to cover it then moved the hand to kiss Evie’s palm.
“Well, I will probably hold it over you as well. But of course. I’ll always listen to you.”