Logan Echolls (loganecho) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2018-01-25 20:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | leon orcot, logan echolls |
Who: Logan Echolls and Leon Orcot
What: Discussions after Leon killed a suspect
Where: Leon’s Balcony
When: Christmas Day (backdated)
Rating: Light language
Status: Complete
Christmas had never been a particularly happy season for Leon. Not since he’d gone from having both parents for his 17th Christmas to having neither of them for his 18th. He didn’t mope around for Christmas; he did the secret Santa at work (always getting his match a bottle of liquor), and a smaller gift exchange with Logan, Veronica, and Sharon, but he always made sure that he was working Christmas so he didn’t have to worry about spending the holiday by himself.
This was the first year that he’d actually been a little upset that he was working. It was his first Christmas with Chris, and he had wanted it to be special. People over, a big Christmas feast, Christmas cheer. The whole shebang. And so a late Christmas it was going to be. At least until he’d been told to take some mental health days after he’d finally brought down the Religious Killer. And now, he had the day off, and friends over, and Chris was clearly enjoying himself and the new remote control Transformer car that Leon had got him, and Leon, frankly, just wanted to be by himself. Still, he didn’t want to ruin everyone else’s Christmas, and so he filled himself with liquid cheer and didn’t let the smile leave his face.
At least, not until he slipped outside to the balcony. He missed being able to smoke inside, but since Chris moved in he’d stopped doing that. At least he didn’t have to go all the way outside anymore. For a moment, he watched the scene inside. Chris was laughing, zooming his toy all over the apartment. Veronica, Logan, Keith, Sharon and Alex all seemed to be having a good time, laughing together as Keith bounced baby Liam on his knee. Leon had, at first, thought that the two-bedroom apartment he’d moved into so Chris could have his own bedroom was too big, but it didn’t seem that way when it was crammed full of people. It wasn’t hard to pretend to be filled with Christmas cheer when he was surrounded with all the people he hated least in the world.
Then, he turned away from the cheery scene, lit a cigarette, and, rum and eggnog in hand, leaned on the railing, looking out over the rest of the city.
Logan wasn’t sure what was going on with Leon lately. There was something that was off about him, and there had been distance that he wasn’t really used to. Now he’d show up with Chris and some other kid who was entirely too young, and Logan was concerned. He gave his baby a kiss and scratched Chris’ head, and followed Leon outside. Motioning to Veronica, he let her know where he would be.
He only smoked once in a great while, as Veronica didn’t really like it. It was always with Leon that he had one - just one. He held up an open palm for one, and then a light. The first drag made him cough. He didn’t say anything at all at first. He was picking through words, but the only question to tumble out was simple. “How are you doing really?”
Leon glanced behind him when he heard the screen door open. He nodded in acknowledgment at as Logan came out and wordlessly handed him a cigarette. He snorted in amusement when Logan coughed, but didn't say anything. Leon could have told him he didn't need to smoke to hang out with him, but Logan already knew that.
He shrugged at Logan’s question. At least with Logan he didn't have to put up a front. He didn't need to worry about ruining Logan’s Christmas the same way he did Chris’s. But answering Logan’s question… well, Leon had never been good at figuring out the things he was feeling, and the last few months had been more overwhelming than Leon could admit. He felt like he was losing his damn mind some days. Most days, really. He took a deep drag of his cigarette, and exhaled through his nose.
“Good,” he said, after a moment. “I mean, as well as a guy can be two days after killing a man. But hey, it's the job, right?”
“Yeah, that it is.” Logan nodded, reaching over to pat Leon on the back. “That doesn’t mean it’s easy though.” Something with him wasn’t right, and that explained a lot. Logan took another drag of his own. “What happened?” Maybe it was easier to talk to someone who understood the job, or at least a good friend.
They could talk about his new kid fetish later. That part was also unexpected, and Logan wasn’t sure what to make of it. He was really trying not to revert to the judgmental asshole he was back in school, especially when something struck him as wrong. He wasn’t expecting it out of Leon.
“Max and I were pulling surveillance on Diggs after getting a tip that seemed to have panned out. Lost sight of him around the docks so we decided to split up to find him again. We'd radio each other if we caught up to him. I guess we could've just watched his car, we weren't anywhere near a church where he normally would kill his vics, but I had a bad feeling.
“Anyway, I found him. He had that new rookie, Hopps…” Frankly, this is where the whole night started to get foggy. He'd written his report as soon as the other cops had arrived on the scene, but he could only assume that it was accurate and coherent. He hadn't had a chance to look at it since, and now he'd been given time off until he could be cleared for duty again. “He would have made her his eleventh victim. I'm sure of it. I had to do it, but…”
But didn't he spend hours every week practicing his shooting just so he didn't have to take kill shots? Hadn't he always sworn he'd protect any one of the seven billion idiots on this planet that he hated, whether they were Mother fucking Theresa or Jack the Ripper? He clenched his teeth.
“I doing regret doing what I had to do. I just wish that I'd been able to find another way to do it.”
“Hopps didn’t die though, did she?” Logan asked gently. He knew Leon, and Leon was a good guy. He could be a little out of touch, but that was just Leon. The man wanted to do the right thing, really more than Logan had. Logan was an ass, raised by a bigger ass. Fatherhood was doing a lot for him, but there was still a side that was cynical, much like Veronica. “No one else is going to die either now. If one death saves 20 or more it isn’t a bad thing.”
He took another drag of the cigarette. “None of us goes into the force to kill anyone. We all have our reasons, but that isn’t it. You like to help people, and I don’t want to see kids get abused by their fucked up families.” At least that was true for Logan, who suffered abuse at the hands of his father. Thoughts of the man, and the anger at him made him pause and take another drag. “We are better without a psycho on the loose. It happens, but at least he’s done and won’t be able to kill anyone else. Those victims deserved to live, Leon, not have their lives taken by that guy.”
Logan wasn't saying anything that Leon hadn't already thought over the last two days, but hearing someone else say it, saying it out loud, helped loosen the knot that had been his insides for the last few days. Coming from a cop that Leon respected, and, to some extent, admired, it sounded less like the weak justifications of a murderer and more like, well, a cop doing his duty to protect and serve.
“You know, I went in there thinking that he wasn't our guy. All the evidence pointed to him, but I had this gut feeling that it wasn't right.” Leon always had relied on his gut instincts to solve cases more than anything else. “Seeing him with Hopps… It was obviously him. I mean, in my head I know that it had to have been him. The evidence leaves no doubt. But there's still just that feeling that I got it wrong somehow and that I shot an innocent man. That's pretty fucking stupid, isn't it?”
“No, not really stupid at all. Do you know how many times I’ve looked over case files at least five times just in case the evidence is wrong? I totally do it. There’s always that what if, you know, like that one little thing. The dreams don’t fucking help at all with that.” Logan didn’t talk about dreams much, except that they were from high school and Veronica was in them, along with his dad. However, they were full of mysteries with a lot of red herrings. The evidence had pointed to him on occasion, but he knew that wasn’t the case. His ex-girlfriend had been murdered by his own father, and the kid that blew up the bus was one of his friends. They exhausted him, but in both cases, the evidence always pointed the wrong way until the end. That affected the way he looked at things. There was always one last chance that they were wrong.
“You did what you had to do, and if I was in that situation, I would have done the same thing.” He didn’t know what it was exactly, other than the guy had one of their own, and was likely ready to kill her. That was enough information to make that choice. “If it wasn’t him, he wouldn’t have had Hopps like that, you know. He would have been screaming that he was innocent, and not holding an officer hostage. Don’t beat yourself up over it. More people will live than die, and you did what was right. If Hopps would have gotten hurt, you would be a lot worse off.”
“Your high school dreams?” Leon asked, only a little incredulously. He didn't know much about Veronica and Logan’s dreams, other than the fact that they apparently shared dreams.
“You're right. Of course you're right.” Innocent men didn't take hostages, especially not police officer hostages. That was beyond stupid. And if Hopps had come out of the other side of the confrontation, Leon really wouldn't have known what to do. Not only would he have been the officer who choked and got a rookie killed, but he'd also have to live with the knowledge that the only reason Hopps was out there was because Leon had shown her his notes on the case. He hadn't known she’d be a dumbass that would run after a man with ten bodies to his name with no backup and no plan, and he hadn’t thought she'd even be able to read his writing, but it was still on him.
“Thanks man. I don't know where my head’d be at right now if I didn't have you and Alex talking me down. I half expect Keith to have words with me before the night’s through too.”
Keith was always pretty sensible about their line of work. He had been in the business for a long time. He was hard on Logan for Veronica’s sake, but his heart was in the right place. Logan begrudgingly respected him. “You should talk to him a bit. He’ll set you right.” He’d skip addressing much about the dreams for now. It was best to stay in reality.
He studied Leon for a minute, then looked back for another second. “Who’s the guy? I didn’t expect another guest. What’s up with that?” It wasn’t approval, or disapproval really. He just hadn’t expected it, or did he really understand what the young guy was doing there. It was awkward.
Leon glanced through the balcony window at Alex. “He’s… a friend,” Leon said after a moment. Logan, Veronica and Sharon were the only people who'd earned that title since Leon has graduated high school, but there really wasn't any other way to describe Alex. “We’ve kissed a couple of times, but it didn't really mean anything. Flying mistletoe and bullshit like that. I guess he's seeing someone.” He rapped his knuckles against his balcony railing, hard enough that it stung. “But I invited him over before any of that happened. It doesn't sound like he has family to spend it with.” Leon had never asked, but then, he had never really liked people asking after his dead parents either. If it came up it came up.
Logan’s eyes narrowed a little. It was a surprise. He didn’t expect Leon to be… Leon did sleep with women. He wasn’t some homophobe or anything. Logan was pretty cool about people’s different tastes, although he’d been an asshole in high school most of the time. “Awkward.” Very. “I didn’t know you were interested in guys.” Yeah, take drag instead. “Why are you trying to damage your balcony?”
“It doesn't happen often. I've never been with one. Alex is the only guy I've ever kissed.” Well, Alex and Dan the barman, but neither of them has expected the mistletoe that came out of nowhere and Dan had bribed Leon with a month’s worth of free drinks if he never mentioned it again. But Leon had known he was capable of being attracted to men since he'd fallen for his best friend in high school. He'd never told Harry how he felt, and then Harry had moved across country, but despite all the girlfriends he'd had, Leon had still never felt as strongly for someone as he had for Harry.
Leon blinked. Other than the slight sting in his knuckles, he hadn't even noticed what he'd done. For lack of a better answer, he shrugged. “Just a lot to deal with the last few months. How's it been with Liam?”
Logan looked back at Alex with a strange look on his face. He didn’t try to show a reaction, but Logan was Logan. “I - wasn’t expecting that. Sorry.” He was awkwardly silent for a moment. “I used to think when you eventually got a girlfriend that she and Veronica would hang out while we watched the games on TV or some shit like that.” Okay, that was stupid, but wasn’t that what the older set did while the kids played outside?
When the conversation turned to Liam, he smiled. “You should see all the cute faces he makes. He’s getting a personality now. He’s going to have my sense of humor so watch out. That kid is life. He really is.” There was nothing like being a dad, and Logan had taken to it immediately.
“Yeah, I don't think Veronica’s ever liked any of my girlfriends. Seems more likely they’d claw each other's eyes out before they painted each other’s nails.” Or whatever it was that girls did when they hung out together. “But like I said, none of it meant anything. It’s just this damn county making people act like loons. Me and Alex are just friends.”
A small smile crossed Leon’s lips while he watched Logan talk about his son. “So long as he gets your sense of humour and not Veronica's. Don't think I could handle a three year old that was that much of a smart-aleck.”
“I’ll tell you a secret, Veronica has this sweet side when she looks at that kid, and it’s unlike anything else. Liam is this perfect little guy. He smiles and it’s like nothing else matters.” He laughed at himself and looked away. “I’m sounding seriously mushy, I know. I’m treading into feelings territory.”
He reached over and patted Leon on the back. “Don’t lose your head, you know. Think, and don’t let this stuff stress you out. You’ve got enough without the creepy shit this county throws at you. I still owe you a punch for kissing Veronica. Look how that turned out.” He offered a smile. “We have a lot. Friends, family. You and I are definitely brothers, so you are stuck with me.”
“Could’ve fooled me. All she ever does when I’m around is scowl.” She still hadn’t let Leon hold his godson. Not that Leon had ever pushed that hard for the honour. Frankly, holding babies freaked him out. They were just so breakable. At least Veronica’s vehemence on the matter meant that he didn’t have to think up excuses to put it off until the kid was old enough to walk.
Leon smiled. It was hard not to think about the shooting, especially not when he couldn’t pour everything he had into solving a case. But he knew he’d be back at work soon enough. Until then he just had to remember that Logan had his back. That he actually had friends here. He looked fondly through the balcony doors, at the strange, mismatched family that he’d somehow managed to acquire. “Thanks, man,” he said, gently knocking his knuckles into Logan’s bicep. “I think you might have missed your window for punching me. But I’m glad you’re around. You’re the best brother a guy could ask for.” A beat. “Well, except for Chris.”
“I’ll punch you later for something else. Your day is coming,” Logan teased, giving Leon the friendly nudge. “Brothers for life, you know. That doesn’t change.” He meant it too. The family you create was often better than the one you were born with, and that was true in both their cases. “We are dangerously close to hugging it out, but we’ll chill. Give me another smoke before I have to face the firing squad.”
Leon grinned. He really wasn't the type of guy to hug it out, well, “Aw hell, it's Christmas,” he said, pulling in Logan for a hug and patting him on the back. When he pulled away, he pulled out two more cigarettes from his pack and handed one to Logan. “Thanks again, man,” he said.