Clara Oswald is going the long way round (alwaysbeenthere) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-12-30 20:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, bucky barnes (winter soldier), clara oswald, twelfth doctor |
Who: Bucky Barnes, Clara Oswald, Twelfth Doctor
What: Getting Bucky back
When: 4 December 2017
Where: Undisclosed location
Warnings: Low
Status: Log | Complete
This whole thing of finding Clara’s boyfriend was exhausting, but Twelve was going to remain hopeful that they could save Bucky without anyone getting hurt. Sure, he may not like the guy based on the simple fact he was dating his daughter, but he didn’t want the guy to be harmed or do harm himself when he was brainwashed. So he’d helped where he could with finding him.
Eventually, Natasha had found out about an assassination that was to take place. The plan was Natasha would take care of the intended target and any other Hydra operatives there, and Clara and Twelve would try to get through to Bucky.
Well, mostly Clara. Twelve would be there for moral support and to try and intervene if things started to go wrong. Which he hoped they wouldn’t, but he was prepared to. He ensured Clara had the moral support she needed because he could tell it was weighing heavily on her. Not to mention that it had started on her birthday of all days.
Still, the dreams and the effects thereof were out of their hands to control. All they could do was to stop Bucky before things got bad.
Meanwhile, Bucky was in position, sniper rifle in place and ready to take out his target once the man came into view. He was on the high ground, the rest of the Hydra operatives in their places to ensure this went as they had planned.
Except he heard the alert go up over their coms. Something had gone wrong. The target had never arrived there, and someone was starting to attack the Hydra operatives. Bucky looked through the scope of his gun, looking for this troublemaker.
“Alright, sounds like Natasha is doing her part. Let’s go find Bucky.” Yes, Twelve was using Bucky’s name. If things weren’t so dire, he’d probably call him some silly nickname, like he had with Danny Pink. But right now it was going with the actual name.
Nearly two weeks. Bucky had been missing for nearly two weeks. And all they knew was that his dreams had gone and messed with him. Because wasn’t that what they always did? Clara could remember the haze from when she’d been in the Doctor’s Time Stream. The chaos of Oswin. She knew how hard it could be to break out of that. So she worried.
All while trying to ignore the parallels with Danny. Bucky as a mindless and efficient assassin. Danny as a Cyberman.
When he first disappeared, she’d been unwilling to leave the flat, worried he’d come back and be himself again but alone. But of course that hadn’t happened and the longer it went on, the more worried Clara had been. All while she, her dad, and Natasha had searched for who Hydra would want him to kill, and if there was any chatter to say which target was the likely one.
And Natasha had learned the identity and now they were all in place. Or well, the places they could be. Natasha was handling the fighting, Clara was there to break through the haze of Bucky’s mind (she had to believe she would be able to. Somewhere, Bucky was still there and she would find him) and her dad… well, her dad was there because of course he was.
At the comment that Natasha was doing her thing, Clara nodded and it was searching for Bucky. She made no comment on how her dad used his name (well, what he went by) and not some ridiculous nickname. Now wasn’t the time, it was too tense, too serious. The gravitas just made her more worried but she would succeed.
That was when she noticed the glint of the sniper rifle and quickly did a mental calculation, stepping into the line of fire. After all, it wasn’t like she could die.
Bucky paused when he saw the brunette step into his line of fire. He stared at her through the scope for a few moments. It was her, the woman he kept seeing in flashes of memories that he still couldn’t completely grab onto. He didn’t know why she haunted his mind, or why he felt some emotional pull towards her. He was intensely confused, and he didn’t like being confused. So perhaps he should confront the woman and take her out if need be.
Twelve glanced around, then noticed Clara seemed to be looking somewhere specific. “What? What is it?” He asked as he stepped closer to her and followed her line of sight. That’s when he saw Bucky standing up in his elevated perch. And the gun. But the gun wasn’t what got his attention, it was the metal arm that got it. “Oh, that’s not a good sign.”
Understatement, but he couldn’t tell if the metal arm was just some highly advanced prosthetic, or if it was something closer to turning Bucky into a Cyberman. Or something of the sort, at any rate. The rifle was still being held in both of Bucky’s hands, but he wasn’t pointing it at anyone. Though he’d undoubtedly use it at any given moment if there was reason to use it.
Did anyone really like to be confused? Though that was the point. Try to break through whatever was happening in Bucky’s mind so that he would snap out of this. That he would come back to them and that no one would get hurt. Okay so it was also entirely possible that Clara hadn’t thought any of this completely through but she had to believe that it would work.
Of course when her dad said something was not a good sign, Clara was confused and looked first to him and then followed his line of vision and noticed it. The metal arm. Seriously!? She knew it wasn’t a Cyberman arm simply because Bucky shared a dream space with Natasha and thus wasn’t from her and her dad’s. But that didn’t make the parallels any less troubling.
Right. Focus. Besides…. Even with his emotions turned off, Danny had remained himself. So the same could be said for Bucky. Just like with Danny, she would be able to break through.
Bucky got down from his perch, and he stalked towards Clara and Duncan. He needed answers, and he also felt the need to try and accomplish his mission. Even if it seemed like it wasn’t going to be completed now.
Duncan was suddenly glad that Bucky had a metal arm as he stalked closer. It meant he could use his sonic screwdriver to render it useless if need be. He pulled the sonic out of his pocket and held it in his hand, but didn’t activate it. “I believe this is where you come in. But if he tries anything, I’ll render that arm useless to him.”
Perhaps it was odd that Duncan was letting Clara take the lead, but he knew that she was the one who could actually get through to Bucky if anyone could. Duncan was just there for support and to run interference if needed.
“Who are you?” Bucky demanded, more than asked, as he looked at her, coming to a halt a little distance away yet. He still carried the sniper rifle in his hands.
It was certainly rare that her dad let her take control. However in this particular situation? It made sense and she was grateful for it. After all, they needed to break through to Bucky and she had the best shot at that. Even if her mind was racing with memories of Danny. But that wasn’t here. So she just gave a slight nod at his words, her gaze never leaving the form that was walking towards them.
“Clara.”
Simple. Straight to the point.
There was a slight wind, which blew her hair in her face and the brunette brushed her hair aside and behind her ear, lips pressed together tightly.
“And you’re my boyfriend, who is scaring me right now.”
Because why not just get to it. If he asked for more, she would give it. But that was the short answer of it all. Something to try and get through to him. She had faced so much in the Dreams. A Carnivorous god-planet and defeated it with a leaf of all the stories left untold. Sang to an Ice Warrior and seemed to reach some part of him even if it had been the arrival of his people that eventually saved them all. She had faced angry gods and monsters and could see the same man with a different face just by looking at his eyes and know his heart no matter what survivor’s guilt and self loathing might be there.
She could do this.
It wasn’t easy for Duncan to step aside, but he knew it was better this way. He didn’t exactly have the people skills to talk Bucky down, especially knowing the man was dating his daughter. He remained in place, also occasionally glancing around to make certain no one had slipped past Natasha to come after them.
Bucky stared hard at Clara. Images flashed through his mind, images of her. There was dancing in what looked like a World War II era place. He shook his head momentarily as he looked at her again, his flesh and blood hand gripping the rifle a little tighter.
“Why are you here?!” He demanded. Part of him wanted to attack Clara and the old man, but a little part of him refused to let that happen.
Clara watched as Bucky shook his head as if trying to ignore what he knew to be truth. Watched as the grip on his rifle seemed to tighten almost desperately because it was a mission and that was known and so that made sense. But it didn’t make sense. Not for who Bucky was. She knew that this was dangerous. She knew that the wrong thing said or done could make this turn bad very quickly. But she knew that the man she had gone and fallen in love with was still in there.
“Because I know you and this isn’t it. The man I love isn’t just a mindless killer.”
So… she probably hadn’t said it out loud before because Clara was bad at relationships and also scarred by them, because of losing people. Samuel. Danny. She wasn’t adding Bucky to that list.
“Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, but you go by Bucky. You grew up in New York and were a sergeant in the Army where you saved people’s lives. You moved to California for a change and walked into my diner and helped me realise I was ready to open my heart again. You helped a stranger on the side of the road because you could see that she was in trouble and people were after her. Last month you rescued me from the very people who are now telling you to kill someone because they were experimenting on me.”
As she spoke, Clara had started to move closer, slowly so as not to startle him.
“I’m here because you would never forgive yourself for what you’re about to do.”
Duncan looked at Clara, surprise on his face. The fact that love was part of this equation now had not been expected. And it only made him remember Danny Pink even more. Well. He supposed that it was a good thing Missy wasn’t involved in this current mess otherwise Clara would probably not be anywhere near as calm on the outside. So now with love out in the open, Duncan kept a very close eye on things.
Bucky stared hard at Clara. The mention of her loving him stirred something inside him. It was the real him trying to breakthrough the brainwashing that his dreams had brought him. Hydra in this world didn’t have the same mind-wiping technology they’d used on him in the dreams, which made things simpler on Clara’s side of the equation. Bucky’s real memories were already breaking through to the surface, it was just a matter of opening the floodgates more.
“No! I have to complete the mission!” Not that there was a mission to even save at this point, but he had his orders. And like any good soldier, he needed to obey those orders.
Clara was ignoring her dad for the time being. Yes, she did just admit that she loved Bucky while he was there but given the circumstances? It was sort of necessary. As such, she kept her gaze focused solely on the man before her. Though it was a good thing that Missy wasn’t there. With everything she had done in the Dreams? Clara definitely wouldn’t be calm.
So she just kept her eyes locked on Bucky’s. She could see that something was trying to break through and she wasn’t going to let this moment pass. She refused to.
“Your mission is to come back home to me, Sarge. That’s an order.” She had to try. Anything that was just them. So calling him Sarge? It was worth a shot. Still she once again had moved forward, closer that she could reach his hand. She might not be crying yet, but anyone who knew her face, knew how her eyes worked knew she was getting close.
“No, don’t call me that!” Bucky practically hissed. But it was working. Bucky shook his head again, trying to shake off the internal war that was going on. But it was getting harder to keep to his mission, to do what Hydra had wanted him to do. The real Bucky was pushing through and there was conflict that was now evident in his eyes.
Duncan was watching things closely. His thumb was still ready to turn his sonic screwdriver on if things went that way. But for all of their sakes, he really hoped that Bucky would listen and come back to them.
That look on Clara’s face was making his heart clench in his chest. Bucky couldn’t stand it because he knew her face well enough to know that she was on the verge of tears. The Winter Soldier was cracking and emotion was breaking through to his face. As Clara was close to him now and the conflict was rising, he finally dropped the rifle. It clattered on the ground beside them, and luckily it didn’t fire off a shot in the process.
She could tell she was getting through to him. Just as Clara could recognize the Doctor no matter his face because of his eyes, so too could she see the inner turmoil and conflict within Bucky’s. And she did remember how it felt. True, she hadn’t been brainwashed because of her Dreams, but when she had dreamt of being Oswin, of how deep that trauma had gone and not knowing where or who or what she was. The struggle to hold onto something real.
And what had done it and helped her come back to herself? What had helped her dad when he’d been lost in the chaos of regeneration? The opening was there as the rifle fell to the ground. So given she was close enough, Clara just hugged Bucky, voice quiet.
“Please…. Come back to me.”
Duncan had to admit that so far this was going far better than he had anticipated. Of course, despite how Bucky was reacting, with an increasing amount of personal conflict, mostly noted from the whole dropping the gun despite still protesting, Duncan was still waiting to see if something else would happen before he could actually relax.
And then Clara hugged Bucky and yet again Duncan was reminded of the scene in the cemetery when Clara had hugged Danny.
As he was hugged, Bucky’s eyes went wide. It sent a bit of a shock through is system. The simple act of touching someone had been non-existent the past couple weeks. No hugging, no handshaking, nothing. Bucky had been isolated from human touch. Which was why the hug was so powerful and the cracks suddenly grew wide enough that the real Bucky could push through.
“Clara…?” His voice was equally as quiet, but it lacked the coldness that had been there before. He didn’t move away from her nor did he try to push her away.
It definitely was going better than it might have and Clara was relieved about that fact. Yes, it was emotionally draining on her. There were far too many parallels for her liking but if this was what it took then she would gladly put up with the pain. She refused to let it play out exactly as it had before. It was going to be different. So the fact that Bucky was clearly fighting to break through and was conflicted was a good thing.
She could feel the shift in his body even if he remained still and she could hear the change in his voice. Which was why she closed her eyes in an attempt to keep the tears from falling as she just tightened the hug as she didn’t trust her voice at that moment. She was trembling ever so slightly. Really just enough that Bucky would feel it. But it was real. This was real.
Bucky could feel that she was trembling slightly. He would love to say that he had no memory of the past couple weeks or that it was hazy, but everything was crystal clear. The only thing he had to shake off was that mindset he’d been in. And Clara being there hugging him definitely helped. After a few more minutes, Bucky lifted his arms and wrapped them around her. He was careful to not squeeze too tightly with his metal arm.
The whole having the metal arm is about the only thing that he didn’t understand where it came from. If he thought about it too much, it would no doubt trigger some sort of panic attack over the trauma of how he’d lost the arm in the first place, and then Hydra giving him the metal arm.
“I’m so sorry, Clara,” he whispered, feeling like he was going to cry himself.
Duncan watched, and as soon as Bucky hugged Clara back, that was when he finally relaxed, certain that Bucky wouldn’t hurt Clara. And it really seriously reminded him of Danny and Clara. This was also yet another demonstration of what he’d watched in that cemetery. “Love isn’t an emotion. Love is a promise. And he will never hurt her.”
She felt herself relax ever so slightly as Bucky returned the hug. It had worked. Not that she was all that surprised by that fact. It had worked for her and her dad so of course it would work for Bucky. Yes, it could have backfired but it hadn’t and so she was just going to focus on the fact that Bucky was back and that they would get through this.
“I know.”
She didn’t blame him. How could she? It wasn’t like he had wanted to do this. The dreams had messed with him as they did most people and Hydra had taken advantage of it.
“We know someone who can help. So, let’s go home.” Because she really wanted to go home. And they would get Jemma to look at him and help start the deprogramming process. And things would be fine.
Once he was further removed from the current situation, Bucky would know that it wasn’t completely his fault. He couldn’t control his dreams. However, what he’d done since waking up with no recollection of anything? It was still him. He remembered it all, and even if he hadn’t completely had a choice, he’d still intended to assassinate the man Hydra had told him to. He was more than glad that Clara and Duncan had shown up when they did, obviously with some help given what he’d been hearing over the comms. If they hadn’t come, he would have killed someone who was most likely innocent.
“Okay,” he responded. Then thinking of the comms, he pulled the bud out of his ear, dropping it on the ground and crushed it under his boot.
“Should be safe now, I don’t hear much of a fuss. We’ll meet Natasha back at the rendezvous point.” Duncan spoke up. He was very glad that everything turned out so well. Oh he’d had his doubts, but he’d still held to hope that things would work out. He was ever the optimist, even in his darkest moments, light always had a way of shining through eventually.
No need for comms to be tracked. Keeping an eye on Bucky, Clara just took his hand once he was ready to leave and nodded to her dad to lead the way. No need to stick around any longer than necessary.