And there it was. Leon could avoid asking questions that he thought he knew the answers to, but he couldn't avoid it when the answers to those questions were laid out in front of him. He wanted to ignore what Alex said, to ignore the feeling of the sharp disappointment in his chest. He wanted to explore every inch of that trembling body and lose himself entirely in it. His entirely body ached for it.
And why shouldn't he? He'd been through enough tonight to justify it. He owed nothing to whoever it was that Alex was seeing. And he still had his excuse to fall back on: he just wasn't thinking straight.
But he didn't regret what he'd done tonight. He felt guilty, yes, but not regret. And if he did this now, well, he might regret it and he'd definitely feel guilty. His parents had raised him better. Sure, if there was ever call for a moment of weakness, this was it. But if he hooked up with Alex he didn't want it to be a moment of weakness. He was forced to admit to himself that he had wanted more. He was too old and too cynical to believe in waiting for the perfect first time, but his first time with another man, with Alex, well... it should be better than this. Leon should have called him after the snowboarding trip.
"Fuuuuck," Leon swore, his curse starting low and raising up with his frustration. He wanted to punch something - the mattress, the wall, Alex's lover - but he settled for removing his hand from Alex's waistband, rolling onto his back, and knuckling his forehand. He curled his other arm around Alex's back and pulled him in tighter. "I couldn't hate you, but fuck me if I don't wish you hadn't said anything."