InsaneJournal

Who: Blake and Ruby
What: Checking up on a friend
When: 8 December 2017
Where: Blake’s hospital room
Warnings: Mentions of the events leading up to both Yang and Blake getting hurt. Otherwise lots of feels
Status: Log | Complete

Ruby was not a fan of hospitals. She hadn’t been when Yang had lost her arm (something she now knew was because of the dreams and not a motorcycle accident like she’d been told), she hadn’t liked the hospital when she’d been in it after the Grimm attacked Orange County, and she didn’t like being in the hospital while Blake was in surgery because of the dreams. She also felt slightly awkward that she was the only team member to know but she also understood that it was because of the fact they were close and there were apparently confusing things in the dreams.

She hadn’t understood what Yang had meant in the dreams when she angrily had said that Blake had just left after the Fall of Beacon, she was their friend. But that was what had happened and Weiss had been taken by her father and Yang was in no shape to fight and didn’t want to leave and so Ruby had gone off with the remains of team JNPR in some attempt to find answers and stop what was happening.

At least in the dreams. Here, Ruby was just trying to get through each day, prove that she was fine and the leader her team needed and do her schoolwork. So while Blake was in surgery and then talking with her therapist, the teen sat in the waiting room, hugging a ladybug plush pillow to her chest as if it would make things better. For all her supposed wisdom that Blake saw, Ruby still felt like a scared child when she wasn’t pushing forward and had time to sit and dwell.

Still, eventually she was told she could go see Blake and Ruby got up and headed to her friend and teammate’s hospital room, knocking on the door to Blake know she was there before stepping inside.

“Hey, Blake.” Awkward shifting because well, she was uncomfortable with hospital rooms, “I got you this so you have something you can hug, and because hospital beds aren’t comfortable so I thought it might help.” With a small smile, Ruby moved to Blake’s bed to give her the pillow. Given her injury and everything, Ruby wasn’t sure Blake would want a hug yet so ladybug plush pillow it was and if she was hugged? Well, if Blake hugged her then Ruby would definitely return the hug.

If Blake hadn’t woken up with the injury, she most likely wouldn’t even be in the county anymore to have a conversation with anyone. Her instinct upon waking up, and the reality of how Yang had lost her arm had sunk in, had been to run, just as it had been in the aftermath of the attack on Beacon. She couldn’t handle being anywhere near Yang right now, and the thought of Yang tended to make her panic. Weiss was probably not the best choice to talk to right now either. Partly because Blake wasn’t certain where exactly she was in the dreams. So it had been Ruby that she’d asked for. Also partially because she knew if she hadn’t specified anyone, Logan probably would’ve called Yang and then Blake would’ve jumped out of the window of her hospital room and not cared if she landed on her feet or not.

Talking with Harley had been difficult, of course. The dream had hit on several of her trigger points, and given her a whole new one with Yang’s arm and the intense guilt she felt over it. But Ruby was also the team leader, and Blake felt that she should give her the chance here to yell at her if she wanted to. Ruby, Weiss and Yang were all undoubtedly going to hate her in the dreams now for just leaving the way she did. But it was better that way. They deserved better.

Hearing the knock, she turned her head and looked over at Ruby. Blake undoubtedly looked like shit, having gone through surgery and all. But she at least had some color to her cheeks, probably from the blood transfusion. Though she was confused by the offer of the ladybug pillow. Ruby was ahead of her in the dreams, right? Shouldn’t she hate her or something?

“Thank you, Ruby, you didn’t have to bring me anything,” she said as she took the pillow. Blake didn’t make a move to hug Ruby, mostly out of not wanting to jarr her injury. Though she was on painkillers, she still didn’t want to accidentally pull the stitches or something. She held the pillow to her chest.

“I do plan on telling the others, I just...wanted to talk to you first. I’m sorry for leaving the way I did, and I don’t blame you if you hate me for it.” Ruby didn’t exactly seem to hate anyone but Blake felt like she deserved to be hated for just up and abandoning the rest of them.

As Blake said that she hadn’t needed to bring her anything, Ruby just shrugged. Why wouldn’t she bring her something? Blake was her friend, and she knew how lonely and uncomfortable the hospital was. Still, she didn’t think anything of Blake not moving to hug her as she had already figured it was unlikely to happen given injuries and everything.

Though when Blake seemed to think that she would hate her? That definitely caught the teen off guard and her eyes widened in shock. True, it wasn’t like Ruby was known for her poker face or anything (though she had mastered smiling and laughing and acting like things were fine, even if sometimes the smile and laughing seemed to be forced), still it was clear that the idea of hating Blake had never crossed Ruby’s mind.

“Why would I hate you? I was confused but I could never hate you. I’m just happy you’re okay and alive.”

This time it was Blake’s turn to stare at Ruby in shock. She hadn’t anticipated that she wouldn’t be hated. Which was why she needed to press the subject further.

“Because I just up and left without a word and wasn’t there when you needed me. I chose the coward’s way out like I always do. Besides, it’s my fault Yang got hurt, so I don’t understand how you couldn’t hate me.” Blake lowered her head. Her cat ears even drooped, though they were hidden by her black bow (one thing she’d managed to do before Logan had hauled her here). “I should’ve been there with you and Weiss. If I had, Yang never would’ve gone looking for me and gotten hurt.”

The flash of Adam’s sword cutting through Yang’s arm flashed through her mind and she flinched a bit, then hissed as that jarred her wound. She cursed under her breath as she tried to stay calm.

Ruby bit her lower lip worriedly. She could tell that Blake was having a panic attack and she remembered the advice… talk about something calmly and it would break through. She also knew Blake needed to know it wasn’t her fault. Because it wasn’t. Ruby might not know a lot about what had happened, why Cinder would betray them like that… but it wasn’t Blake’s fault.

“We were trained to be Huntresses, Blake. We knew the dangers. There’s always going to be a risk that we get hurt. Or that we die…” At that, Ruby’s voice caught but she pushed forward, making sure that her voice remained calm and measured like Blake had said to do in these situations. She had to. Because Blake needed her to, she needed to know that no matter what her brain was saying, that didn’t make it right. “Sometimes things just happen, really bad things and we deal the way we know how. You left because you needed to think,” Because Ruby would never see Blake as a coward. She was hurt and confused in the Dreams and wished she had stayed behind so that they could all help one another, but Blake got spooked and ran. “And even if you’ve run before, you came back. No one blames you for what happened to Yang, not her, not me. I promise.”

Even if Yang was hurt at Blake leaving, but that was more the leaving and not the getting hurt.

“....I left, too. After a few months, I mean. I wanted to find answers and stop what happened at Beacon from happening elsewhere. The people behind it? They don’t care who gets hurt or dies. And it’s their fault. Whoever hurt Yang? That’s on them. Not you.”

Blake was taking some slow breaths, trying to keep herself as calm as possible. After all, she didn’t need to rip the new stitches on her stomach. Still, she was thankful for how Ruby spoke to her, and it helped her focus more on Ruby and less on the trauma her dream had given her. At least, to a point, anyway.

“That’s just it, Ruby. The man who hurt Yang is my ex-boyfriend Adam. He’s the leader of the White Fang, the one who turned them into a terrorist organization. The instant I found out that he might actually be there at Beacon, I left to confront him instead of staying with you guys. I thought I was strong enough to take him down, but I was wrong. And because of my mistake, Yang got hurt.” And there were tears in her eyes.

“And you all should hate me for leaving. A friend doesn’t just abandon their friends when things get tough, but that’s exactly what I did. I couldn’t handle being around Yang or being there for any of you, so I just ran.” Blake didn’t know what she’d find upon returning home to Menagerie, but she knew she didn’t have any intention of going back. She hadn’t thought her team would even accept her back, or if they were even still a team since their school was a pile of rubble now.

Ruby sighed softly. There was always something, wasn’t there? For her, it was the fact she should have been faster. Should have been there to save Pyrrah but she hadn’t been. And now whenever she closed her eyes, she saw Pyrrah die, or Penny die, or the injured Blake and Yang, or Weiss in peril. She couldn’t shake it.

“Maybe you should have. But everything was so chaotic, there was no one centralized place to be… That doesn’t change the fact that it’s Adam who hurt Yang, not you. We all make mistakes, Blake. You went to face Adam alone, I wasn’t fast enough…. But the people who did the hurting? That’s Adam and Cinder.”

The trick would be listening to her own advice because Ruby still felt that guilt for not being fast enough.

“Maybe not. But you don’t get to decide how we should feel, Blake. I know I’m bad at the whole..socializing thing… but I know that real friends also forgive when mistakes are made. So I know for me? I don’t hate you and I’m not going to hate you.”

Deep down, Blake knew Ruby was right, but Blake wasn’t exactly in a position to be logical or rational currently. She had painkillers in her system, and she was still a little fuzzy from the anesthetic that had been used during the surgery. As such, she didn’t exactly have the ability to hold back her emotions and such any longer.

When Ruby told her that she didn’t hate her and that she wouldn’t hate her, it broke a dam and Blake started crying. She would’ve started sobbing, but she was trying to hold it in a bit so she didn’t jarr her abdominal injury too badly. “I’m sorry, Ruby,” she managed to get out. Whatever else she had to say was currently waylaid by her crying.

There was always that dynamic of knowing something on a logical level but not being in a place to really acknowledge it or believe it. Emotions were high and so of course Blake wouldn’t believe it right now. That’s why she needed people to remind her of that fact, which Ruby was more than happy to do for her.

Of course, then Blake started crying and Ruby started to flail internally because normally she would hug her but given the high emotions and everything.

“It’s okay. Um... I can hug you if you want?” So she would just ask instead since she wanted to help but she didn’t know how now. Thus, giving Blake the choice of being hugged or not as she could nod or shake her head even if she couldn’t speak because of the crying.

Perhaps one day Blake would believe it, but it would take time and work to get there. Especially if the dreams kept triggering her traumas and giving her new traumas. But with plenty of patience by others and hard work on her part, she would get there.

At the question, she gave a nod, not completely able to vocalize a response right at that moment. But she was in need of a hug. So much had happened in the past several hours and she just needed something to help keep her centered. Perhaps a hug could give her that.

Ruby still struggled with her guilt from the Dreams. She knew that Yang was right, that no one would blame her for being too slow, but she still felt that guilt. That she should have done more. Instead, she just had to keep moving forward. But she had faith that Blake would be able to get through it and believe it as well. And it wasn’t like any of them were going to abandon her. They were friends.

Still, the teen hadn’t been completely sure if Blake would accept the hug but once she got the nod? Ruby moved quickly to the bed and wrapped her arms around Blake to hug her so that she knew she wasn’t alone and that she didn’t have to deal with this on her own.