Ruby Rose | Team RWBY (eyesofsilver) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-11-20 18:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, qrow branwen, ruby rose |
Who: Qrow and Ruby
What: Collecting the half asleep niece
When: 20 November 2017, following these texts
Where: Emerald City Cafe to Qrow’s
Warnings: Low
Status: Log | Complete
Ruby was doing everything she could to just keep moving after the Grimm invasion of Orange County and everything that had happened in her dreams with the fall of Beacon. While no one had died here, they had died in the Dreams. Pyrrah because she went into a fight she knew she could never win because of her belief that if there was even the slightest chance to help someone then she would take it. Penny… Penny just because someone wanted to make a statement. Yang had lost her arm. Blake had been stabbed. Weiss had been injured here. And she couldn’t save any of them. But she had to keep moving. Had to keep going forward. So that was what Ruby did. She pushed it all down and threw herself into school work and projects and making sure the others were okay. It was a precarious balancing act, but one Ruby at least could manage.
So what if sometimes she seemed to smile just a bit too much and a bit too strained. So what if sometimes she laughed too hard or long at something. She was fine. She was doing what she needed to do and all the concerns and fears in the back of her mind stayed there, locked away so she could keep moving. One foot in front of the other.
Between the end of the quarter coming up, thus finals that needed to be studied for and projects that needed to be wrapped up, her internship at Future Industries and everything else, it wasn’t all that shocking that Ruby wasn’t sleeping much. It certainly wasn’t because she was trying to avoid sleeping. Of course not. It just happened that there was so much going on that an added benefit was that she didn’t sleep and thus didn’t dream and see what was happening and all the guilt and fear that would accompany it. There were things in the dreams that were terrifying, whomever was behind the Fall of Beacon where they didn’t care who got hurt in the process. No, if she didn’t have to see that because she had too much work? Who was Ruby to argue?
Of course the trouble with pushing oneself in such a way was that it always would end up catching up to a person. So while Ruby had been studying at Emerald City Cafe, at some point in the process she eventually just fell asleep in her notes.
Qrow’s purpose in life was to make sure that his nieces grew up to be happy young women who could look out for themselves, be confident and happy, and be successful no matter what they chose to do. He wasn’t their father and he had never attempted to usurp Tai in that department, but they were his family. They really were his only family that wanted anything to do with him anymore. Yang and Ruby (and yes, even Tai, though Qrow would never come out and say it) were important to him. He loved them. And even though they were both grown up (mostly) and out on their own (more or less) he still wanted to protect them. That was his job.
And he’d failed.
He had failed spectacularly. Everything he had told Ruby and Yang after the fallout was true. None of what had happened was their fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. No one had control over what bleed through the Dreams and what didn’t. He knew that. He believed that. The girls had done well. It wasn’t the first full-scale invasion for some of them – most of them – but it was the first time fighting anything directly from their Dreams. The first time it had become real and Qrow was proud of each and every one of them. Yes, Weiss and Blake had gotten injured and Yang lost her arm (again), but they’d fought well and as a team.
He should have been there.
Instead of peeling off from the group to distract one of the larger Grimm on the lower floors, he should have gone up the tower with them. He should have prepared them. He knew something like this was possible. He knew what was coming. Yang had told him what their Dreams were going to be like. He should have known. He should have made sure they were ready. He should have been in that damn room…
He should have been, but there was a part of him that nagged at the back of his brain telling him that if he had been, it only would have been worse. Much worse. Just his presence there would have made sure of that.
He was a burden and a curse…
Now Qrow was desperately trying to help his nieces pick up the pieces and make sense of what had happened. The problem was that it didn’t make sense. It was hard enough for him to get his mind around. But he couldn’t let them fall. He would not let them fall the same way he had.
He wasn’t doing a very good job.
He got a text from Ozpin just as his last class for the afternoon had wrapped. Ruby had fallen asleep at the café and could he please come and get her and bring her home for a proper night’s rest. Qrow let out a breath and made his way towards the café. And sure enough, there was Ruby, face down among her books and notes and fast asleep. Poor girl.
Qrow made his way to the table, nodding a silent thank you at Oz seated in his usual spot. He gently placed a hand on Ruby’s shoulder as he crouched down next to her, “hey, wake up, kiddo,” he said gently. “Time to go home.”
Sometimes when Ruby did sleep, it was Dreams about travelling with Jaune, Nora, and Ren. No real answers. Just walking and fighting Grimm. Mostly though it was such an exhausted sleep from how hard she was pushing herself, that there was nothing but darkness. And if there were dreams? They weren’t the ones that lingered with you. The ones that seemed to turn everything upside down in this place.
Thankfully, the only thing Ruby had been vaguely dreaming about was accidentally deleting an essay before she was able to turn it in and random animals. You know, typical non-Orange County Dreams but just dreams that were more related to her current stressors (like school) and then just randomness.
As such, when Qrow touched her shoulder, Ruby jolted awake. Well, not really awake. She was still in the fog of dreams where nothing quite made sense if you were awake but made perfect sense in context.
“Don’t let the horse delete the file.”
Qrow blinked at the command and then relaxed and smiled faintly. “I won’t,” he said. He gathered up Ruby’s books and notes and put them in her bag for her, letting her catch another few moments of snoozing before he gently helped her up out of her seat and with her bag over his shoulder and her leaning against his side, he gently steered her out of the cafe and towards his car.
Tai was not going to be a fan of this. He was going to have questions. Tai had a lot of questions these days. Anxious questions. What had happened to Ruby? Why had she been in a coma? Why had her eyes changed color? And now: would her falling asleep at the cafe be some kind of lingering side effect of what had caused her to go into a coma in the first place? Qrow had done his best to answer Tai’s questions without actually answering them. He knew neither Yang or Ruby wanted to lie to their father and Qrow really didn’t want them to lie either. But there was no way Tai would believe the truth. He wouldn’t have been able to. It was better for Qrow to lie than either of them. And if he could avoid the questions all together, well, that was just better.
“Why don’t we head back to my house,” he told Ruby as he bundled her into the front passenger seat of his car. “You can sleep in your room.” Your room being the room made up for her and Yang whenever they wanted or needed to use it. “I’ll call your father and tell him you’ll be spending the evening with me.” It wouldn’t have been the first time.
Oh school stress related dreams. But they were better than the Dreams. That much was certain. Still once she had reassurance from Qrow that the horse wouldn’t delete the file and thus ruin her grades (it was very important, okay?), the teen seemed to relax some and nodded. Not that she really knew what she was nodding to.
“M’fine…” The comment was mumbled as Ruby was helped to standing position from her usual table at the cafe, still not really aware of what was going on. She had been saying some semblance of that sentence since she’d been released from the hospital. She needed to keep the others from worrying. And it wasn’t like she could explain to her dad what had happened, she barely understood it herself. But even in her half asleep state, the instinct to reaffirm the fact that she was fine remained strong. It was better than trying to hide away from everyone though and go back to her tendency to keep to herself. That had to count for something. “I can walk.”
In theory. Really it was a good thing that Qrow was keeping her upright until they got to the car. She was starting to become more coherent of what was going on and where she was.
“When did you get here, Uncle Qrow?”
But then he was talking about her staying at his place in the room she used on the nights when there usually was some sort of experimenting and building and tinkering that went late into the night. And she just looked a mixture of confused and tired while also completely okay because that was what she felt she needed to be.
“Um. Okay?” Yes, she was still confused by just what had happened. Last she remembered, she had been reading notes about linear regression modelling and then vaguely walking and definitely getting into the car.
“You fell asleep in the cafe, squirt,” Qrow filled in the blanks for her. “Oz texted me to come get you.” It was obvious to anyone paying even the slightest bit of attention that everything wasn’t “fine” or “okay” here. People didn’t usually fall asleep at cafes. It certainly wasn’t a habit that Ruby had been into until recently. And Qrow could guess the reason why.
He was relieved that she hadn’t withdrawn from the new friends she had made, it was a step in the right direction. However, in a way, she was still hiding. Pretending everything was fine so the others wouldn’t worry. Qrow understood what that was like. He’d done it himself for years. That is, when he’d actually had friends who could be bothered to worry. There hadn’t been many and eventually all of them had left, unable to tolerate the little “accidents” that always seemed to happen whenever he was around. It was always the same story. The faces changed, sometimes promises were made, but the end result was always the same. The one and only exception had been his nieces; the little family in California he’d somehow managed to stumble into. The people he’d do anything and had done anything for.
“Ya haven’t been sleeping much, have you?” He asked, sending a glance her way as he drove. “It’s the Dreams, isn’t it?”
Oh. That made sense. Mostly. Ruby couldn’t believe that she had fallen asleep at the cafe. There was caffeine to keep her up! And with all the studying she had to do, it wasn’t like she could really afford to fall asleep in the middle of it. Though it also seemed to be the only way she could sleep was by working herself to exhaustion. It wasn’t really a good long term strategy but for now it seemed to be doing the job. So while she was embarrassed about falling asleep at the cafe, Ruby nodded some at the answer. Because it at least answered how he had gotten there and why she was suddenly in a car.
And… of course her uncle noticed that she wasn’t sleeping. Right, the whole falling asleep in the middle of the day thing would definitely have something to do with that.
“Not really. Between catch up work and then studying and projects…” And decidedly not the Dreams. Though then Qrow was asking if it was about the Dreams and Ruby’s gaze dropped to her lap briefly. She was scared of what would happen next even if so far it was just fighting Grimm. But also when she tried to sleep, it was all there. She closed her eyes and there were Yang and Blake injured on the ground of Beacon. Penny torn apart. Pyrrah disintegrated. Or the vision of her mom she’d had when the temples were around. She didn’t like the images so she did what she could to avoid them.
“I guess sometimes the Dreams, too.” Because she’d been caught out and Ruby wasn’t known for her lying skills. Avoiding a topic and talking about anything else? Sure. That was what she’d attempted by focusing on all the school things that were keeping her up. But if the Dreams were mentioned, she couldn’t exactly deny it. At least not convincingly.
It was a good thing that Ruby didn’t share the Qrow’s ability to lie the same way she had somehow managed to share the way he tended to internalize things. The Dreams were scary, there was no doubt. Their Dreams were scary. Qrow could have sat there and told her it was all going to be alright. In the end they’d all be just fine. The goodguys always won, just like on TV. But he didn’t. He couldn’t.
“They bother me,” he admitted in a low voice. His dark red eyes were back on the road ahead. “I don’t like them. I don’t like how every time we close our eyes we find ourselves in some strange world that’s somehow familiar even though we’ve never actually been there. It bothers me that you and your sister are at the center of it all.”
“But being bothered and attempting to avoid them isn’t going to stop them from coming. Not sleeping is not good for you and it’s not good for me.” No matter how much alcohol he tried to dull himself with. “The last thing either one of us needs is to fall asleep in the middle of class.” He chuckled at his own attempt at humor.
He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Yang,” he said, “you’re not alone, Ruby. Yang, Weiss, Blake. Nora and Ozpin. Me. We’re all in this together. It’s important to remember that. You are Team RWBY’s leader. But being the leader doesn’t mean you have to keep what bothers you hidden away from everyone and putting on a brave face and pretending it’s all ok. That doesn’t do your team any good and it doesn’t do you any good. The four of you are a team. Part of being a team is that you help each other.” Not that Qrow had been a part of a team. At least not in this world. He had ghosts in his head. Fleeting ideas of what his own team had been like. Raven. Tai. Summer….but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make any of those notions or fleeing ideas congeal into anything solid.
“And I’m here,” he went on. “I’m not going anywhere. If you want to talk, I’ll listen. Just like I always have.”
Of all the things Ruby had not anticipated, it would be Qrow admitting that the Dreams bothered him as well. Mostly because he always seemed to have everything under control. Well. There was the drinking. But he still seemed to have things under control and didn’t seem as the type who let things get to him. Even as she knew on a logical level that avoiding sleep wouldn’t do any good, it still seemed like a good idea. Especially with everything else going on.
“I think it would definitely confuse your students.” Because a student falling asleep in school was bad enough, but for the professor? That would be even more awkward. Though it wasn’t really the meat of the conversation, the stuff that went deeper and had more meaning. A quip and throwaway comment.
Still, she did listen to what her uncle was saying and nodded slowly, absently fiddling with the hem of the hoodie she’d been wearing.
“I saw mom…” The comment was quiet as Ruby never really brought up Summer. She’d been young both in the Dreams and here when her mom disappeared and while she didn’t have any real memories of the woman beyond what she was told and glimpses that were more figment than memory, she felt her loss. One that could probably be attributed to why Ruby had always been fine not making friends. Because they could leave her just like her mom had. It was as if that idea had imprinted on her without her even noticing.
“Not in the Dreams. But in the tower. First when the different towers were showing up,” The day she’d ‘fallen out of a tree’ as she had told the health center despite the fact Weiss hadn’t thought it believable, “then when Weiss was in trouble. It was all...Yang lost her arm and then Weiss was in trouble then it was like I was back at Beacon and Yang and Blake were injured, and Penny was torn apart and Pyrrah…. Then mom was there and what she had said in the tower…. That everyone will leave or die on me and there’s nothing I can do to stop it…” And then she’d lost control and her head had felt like it was split open and then she had woken up in the hospital.
Those fucking towers. Qrow understood and accepted that there wasn’t anyone to blame when it came to the dream bleedovers that affected the county as a whole. He kept repeating to himself. But seriously. Those goddamn towers. Whose ever Dreams those belonged to…
Qrow glanced at Ruby again, looking at her with understanding for a moment before he had to return his eyes to the road once more. He hadn’t mentioned his own experience with the tower known as the Jungle Temple and had done his best to simply forget the entire thing. His Team. His Family. The Clan. Those who dared consider him a friend. Everyone he knew and loved. He would bring them nothing but pain, misfortune and ruin.
The booming voice hadn’t been wrong.
There was were a long few moments of silence when Ruby finished speaking while Qrow gathered his own thoughts in order to respond. He’d told Ruby she wasn’t alone, he was going to have to admit a few things he’d rather not in order to prove the point. “I saw her too,” he said in a voice that was quieter than he’d intended. “Your mother. I saw her too in that tower back in September. I saw her and Yang’s mother and your father. I saw you and your sister. And then one by one, all of you disappeared and I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t bring any of you back.” He did not tell Ruby about his semblance -- his curse -- and how it was the reason they had all either left or died. It wasn’t fair to burden her with the cross he was meant to bear.
“I don’t necessarily understand that tower’s purpose,” he went on carefully, “but I think it was to test us. Show us our greatest fears to gauge how we reacted. For me it was losing the people I care about. For you, your mother.” He glanced at her again. “What we saw there. It wasn’t real. Your mother would never say anything like that. Especially not to you.”
It was one more thing that Ruby had tried to push past, to put away and not think about. But after what happened in the Dreams and how Weiss was taken away by her father and Blake had left, and then what had happened in Orange County, it was hard not to think about it.
“What good is a speed semblance if I can’t get to the people who need me to help them in time though?”
It was the question that haunted Ruby. She hadn’t been fast enough. In any of the situations. And while things had worked out here - Yang’s arm had been retrieved and the two had worked on it so that it was useable, and Weiss’ injury was less than it would normally be because of her Aura…. She still hadn’t been fast enough to protect them. Maybe Weiss had been right all those months ago in her dreams, she wasn’t the right person to be leader.
And the fact that the tower was supposed to be a test of some sorts? How was she supposed to fail if she didn’t know what she was being tested on? She didn’t even understand what had been going on, or why the tower said she’d failed. Though she hadn’t been fast enough.
“It felt real, though…”
“I know it did.” Oh god, did he know. It had not only felt real, as far as Qrow had been concerned at the time, it all had been real. Whose ever Dreams those damn things had come out of, Qrow did not envy them one bit.
He glanced at her again. How could he answer her questions? How could he tell her everything was going to be alright when he himself had no idea? This was a conversation Tai would have been much better for. Tai was actually good at this stuff. Qrow wasn’t fit to be anyone’s mentor. He was good for goofing off and crafting shit. That was it.
But Tai wasn’t there. Tai couldn’t help. Qrow’s attention was back on the road. He hoped he didn’t fuck this up. God help him if Ruby really ended up just like him.
“You want to protect the people close to you,” he said finally, his grip tightening on the steering wheel. “There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s part of what makes you such an amazing person. But there are going to be times when you’re not able to. And you’re going to feel guilty about it. You may start questioning yourself. You may start doubting yourself. And that’s alright. What isn’t alright is allowing that guilt or doubt to get the better of you and keeping you from being the amazing person that you are.”
He glanced at her again. He had no idea if he was making things better or worse. “Have you talked with your team at all? Like, really talked with them?”
Well, at least she wasn’t being overdramatic or something when it came to the fact that the tower and fight and words from Summer had been real. All of that had been so confusing and she hadn’t known really what to believe.
All Ruby had ever wanted to do was help people. In the Dreams it was by becoming a Huntress and making things better for those who couldn’t fight. Because even if things weren’t good, there were those of them who would fight and protect those in need like the heroes in stories, just like she wanted to be. Then here? Here she wanted to be able to create things with her projects that would help people and places in need.
So all she could do was listen. Her uncle had never lied to her and had always been there for her. So she knew that what he was saying was real and important. Yes, Taiyang was better at these sorts of things but unfortunately for all of them (even if it was better for him), her dad had no idea what was going on and thus would be out of his element. Even if lying to him and trying to avoid questions was really hard. Instead she just gave a small nod, not really knowing what to say.
As for if she’d spoken to her team?
“About this? No…. they all have so much that they’re already dealing with.” Shrugging, Ruby continued fiddling with the hem of her hoodie as she’d been doing the entire car ride. Between Yang with her arm and the issues it seemed the fight had brought back, Weiss with her dad and all of that, and then Blake trying to find herself as herself and dealing with the PTSD from Scientology….well, Ruby hadn’t wanted to make them worry about her when she was supposed to be leader and okay.
“That may be true,” Qrow agreed with a nod, “but you are all friends, aren’t you?”
They’d arrived at his townhouse and Qrow pulled his old beat up car into the little narrow drive that separated his house from the one next door. He killed the engine and turned to give his niece his full attention now that he didn’t have a road to keep an eye on. “I think you should talk with them, kiddo. You need them just as much as they need you.”
The question on if they were all friends was met with a nod. Of course they were. It was just the talking to people about what was upsetting her. It wasn’t exactly a thing Ruby was good at. Yes, if asked pointed questions she would open up but otherwise? Well otherwise there was always something else. Still, she knew that Qrow was probably right.
“I’ll try.” It was something, at least. She knew it was a thing that she probably needed to work on, but she could at least try.
Qrow knew how hard it was to open up to someone else. He was very much the same way, however, he didn’t have the friends Ruby had. Even if she was still reserved when it came to people she didn’t know (and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that) as far as Qrow was concerned it was important that she forged bonds with the three other girls of her team. Her friends. He knew it wasn’t easy. These types of things never were for people like himself and Ruby. He gave her an encouraging smile. “I’ll take try,” he said. He undid his seatbelt and opened the driver’s side door. “In the meantime, let’s go inside. I’ll make dinner while you pick out a movie for us to watch.”