WHO: Eliot and Felix WHAT: A long overdue talk about feelings WHEN: Pre Diablo Crisis WARNINGS: ...For once with Eliot I think I can actually say none STATUS: Closed and Complete
Eliot had asked Margo to go out for a little while, leave him alone in the apartment to talk to Felix about the things he’d told her that he was feeling. This was a conversation he didn’t want anyone around to overhear or interrupt so he’d invited the older Brit over to talk. And even he’d been able to pick up on the difference in his voice, how serious he sounded. Not the normal carefree attitude he tried to display around Felix. He had done something Eliot like though - he’d mixed up some drinks and picked up some weed from one of the contacts Felix had introduced him too. If the conversation went well - celebration might be good. If it didn’t - well it wouldn’t be the first time he’d smoked and drank pain away for a night.
He heard the knock on the door and went to grab it, stopping a moment to glance at himself in the mirror and make sure he looked more put together than he felt before opening the door and letting Felix in. “Hello darling.” He sounded like himself. Or almost like himself. He could do this. He could do this. It would be fine.
***
When Eliot had asked him to come over because he needed to talk, Felix couldn’t help but get a little worried. They had been casually seeing each other for a few months now and Felix really liked the other man, so the words, we need to talk, weren’t exactly ones Felix wanted to see or hear. Those words made him nervous, because they were the words that had preceded his and Josh’s breakup and he really didn’t want to go through that again.
For this occasion, Felix had dressed casually, black jeans and a v-necked t-shirt an unzipped hoodie. He had forgone the makeup except for lip gloss, because he was never without that. Reaching Eliot and Margo’s apartment, Felix headed upstairs and knocked at the door, only waiting a few moments before the taller man answered the door, “Hey, how’re you?” Felix had known Eliot long enough now that he was fairly certain he heard a bit of a waver in his tone, but he tried not to jump to conclusions.
***
“Honestly - terrified of how you’re going to react to what I need to tell you. But not telling you is clearly making me even more of a wreck and bringing out my less attractive qualities.” Eliot said, waiting until Felix was inside before closing the door behind him. His hands were shaking a little bit and he busied himself with pouring himself a drink at their bar. “Want a drink? Or - anything?” There was definitely a little bit of a waver in his voice that time and the smile he shot at Felix wasn’t steady at all.
He swallowed before moving over near him. “Like my jealousy. That is definitely one of my less attractive qualities. And one of my more ridiculous ones at times I know.”
***
Well that certainly didn’t make Felix feel any less nervous about the reason that Eliot had called him over. “Yeah, I think I’ll take a drink.” If Eliot was about to end things between them he was going to need that drink.
When Eliot moved back towards him, Felix couldn’t help but quirk a brow at him, “Your jealousy? About what?” Felix hadn’t read too much into Eliot’s reaction when Felix had told him that he was sometimes a prostitute, in his dreams, so he hadn’t realized that the other man could potentially be jealous over that.
***
Eliot handed him the drink, his own hands empty of a glass because Margo had been right - alcohol wasn’t what he needed right now to get through this. He needed to be relatively sober. Or at least as sober as he ever got at home. “Here you go darling. Don’t ask what’s in it - it’s one of my original concoctions and I just threw some things together for it so I’m not entirely sure.” That was true of most of Eliot’s mixed drinks. He just threw things together and was surprised by how it turned out. Normally they were pretty good.
“Feel free to laugh at me when I tell you - I know how completely ridiculous it is. But - I got jealous when you told me about making money sometimes in your dreams as a prostitute.” He sat down on the couch as he finished speaking, laying his head back so he was staring at the ceiling. No matter how many times he said it outloud - it never stopped sounding stupid of him to have been jealous over it.
***
Felix had had a few of Eliot’s various concoctions over the last couple of months and he hadn’t been disappointed yet. So when Eliot handed him the drink, he took a sip, dark brown eyes watching the other man as he began speaking. When it was revealed, what Eliot had been jealous of, Felix moved towards the couch and set his drink down on the coffee table before sitting down beside Eliot and reaching out to take one of Eliot’s hands, “You were jealous of blokes that don’t even exist? Why? Was it because I slept with them or got paid to do it?”
***
Eliot turned his head to look at Felix when he felt the other man take his hand that way. “I told you - I know how ridiculous it is.” He said softly, looking down at their joined hands. “I was jealous because you slept with them. Which I know I shouldn’t have been because they don’t exist and I’m hardly celibate in my dreams.” Margo had made a good point when she’d said that to him. “I wasn’t expecting to be jealous and when I was it kind of took me by surprise and I - didn’t know how to handle it.”
***
A slow smile spread across Felix’s full lips as he watched Eliot, “You bloody, silly man.” He’d never actually thought someone would be jealous of people he’d slept with from his dreams and he couldn’t help but be somewhat amused by it, “I can guarantee you that none of them caught my attentions quite the way you have.” He squeezed Eliot’s hand, reassuringly, “And if it would make you feel any better, I can be jealous of the men you’ve shagged in your dreams.” He gave Eliot a wink.
***
Eliot couldn’t help but laugh when Felix offered to be jealous of the men in his dreams that he’d slept with, squeezing his hand back. “You don’t have to do that darling. So far there’s no one that comes anywhere close to getting my attention the way you do. Even if you didn’t have that accent...Pretty sure no one else would come close to you. There or here.” Most of the men in his dreams had been one night stands. If even that much.
***
“In that case, was there anything else you wanted to talk about tonight?” Felix had a feeling there was a little more than simply Eliot being jealous and he figured that if he was getting the other man to open up about that, he should probably prod just a little more to see if he could get him to continue to open up.
***
Wanted to? Not necessarily because he shied away from emotional confessions and conversations. Needed to though? That was an entirely different thing and a part of him knew that he needed to tell Felix the other part. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and counting to ten before looking back at him. There was no mask, no wall up now and the fact that he was letting Felix see him so bare and unguarded spoke silent volumes about how serious he was about what he was about to say.
“There is something else I need to tell you. I really like you Felix. More than I thought I would when we first met. Actually - I’m nuts about you.” Or as Margo had put it - nuns could tell he had a hardon for the other man but he wasn’t about to tell Felix that he’d talked with her about this first. If Felix guessed it? That was fine. “I...It’s not just about having fun with you anymore. Not for me. I mean it’s still fun but - it’s more than that.”
***
Felix’s smile widened as Eliot continued speaking and he couldn’t help himself as he leaned in and kissed Eliot. He kissed him properly before pulling back, one hand on Eliot’s neck, the other on the back of the couch, “In case that wasn’t clear, I’m pretty bloody crazy about you too.” When Josh had left, Felix hadn’t thought he’d fall for someone so quickly, but he couldn’t deny that he had feelings for Eliot that also went past just having fun.
***
That kiss was the best response Eliot could have hoped for and he was happy to return it, smiling at him when Felix pulled back. “It was definitely clear darling but - I liked hearing it too.” He said reaching up with one hand to rest it on Felix’s neck.
***
Still smiling, Felix adjusted his position until he was practically in Eliot’s lap, “I’m glad I could oblige.” He leaned in and kissed Eliot again then rested his forehead against the other man’s, “So, does this mean you want me to be your boyfriend?” His fingers played with the hair at the nape of Eliot’s neck as he waited for the answer.
***
Eliot wrapped his free arm around Felix’s waist when the other man slid into his lap that way, pulling him closer as he kissed him back. He stroked his back lightly, nodding his head slightly with his eyes closed before opening them to look into Felix’s, hand stilling on his back. “That’s exactly what it means. Do you want to be?”
***
Felix pretended that he needed to think about it for a moment, but only a moment, before nodding, “I’d have to be daft to say no to a question like that.” He leaned in to kiss Eliot again, enjoying the feeling of his fingers on his back, his own fingers still playing with the hair at the nape of Eliot’s neck.
***
Eliot made a sound that was best described as a happy hum into the kiss as he returned it, pulling Felix closer to him, that knot in his stomach relaxing as he realized - Felix had just agreed to be his boyfriend. Stupid jealousy and all. But he’d work on that. Later. Right now he was just going to enjoy spending time alone with his boyfriend.