Who: Lara and Bo What: Bo dreams of Kenzi's death. There are Feels. When: This morning Where: Their home Warnings: Talk of dream-character-death and lots of feels
The impending sense that something horrible was going to happen in her dreams had been proven right. Rainer had been killed by Massimo, then Bo had killed him in turn using Kenzi’s sword. An army of the dead was rising and coming out of a gate to the underworld, or something of the sort. But all of that paled in comparison to one single thing.
Kenzi had died.
Bo had watched her walk into that gate, had tried to go to her to stop her but Dyson had grabbed hold of her and kept her from doing so. Kenzi’s death closed the gate, and the army of the dead ceased to be. They had won the fight, but Bo didn’t feel like they had won anything. Tamsin had taken Kenzi’s soul to Valhalla, and there was a glimmer of hope to find her and bring her back.
But even as Bo vowed to find her, the cold of the gravestone bearing Kenzi’s name was colder than anything she’d felt before as she touched it. Hale, Rainer, and Kenzi were all gone now. There was a chance to bring Kenzi back, but when Bo woke up, all she could focus on was the loss she had suffered.
Bo woke with a start and a pain on her chest. She looked down to see the handprint there glowing, but it faded after a moment. She pressed her hand to her chest, rubbing at it for a moment before the emotions kicked in. And then she started to cry. It was deep and painful, and Bo laid back down on her side and curled into a ball as she cried.
No matter what, they couldn’t catch a break. Lara had woken early, Bo’s tossing and turning and cries of distress too much to sleep through. When Bo woke up, she didn’t have to wait long for the emotions to become obvious. She put her hand on Bo’s back, then curled up behind her and held her.
This kind of crying could only mean Kenzi.
No, they definitely couldn’t catch a break. Kenzi was dead, had died to save the world, but that didn’t mean it was any easier to take. All the death was weighing on Bo. She hadn’t really lost people she cared about before. And now she’d lost three people she loved in quick succession.
As Lara held her, it only made her cry harder. It hurt, and it seemed to be more than Bo could take right now. Especially when confronted by mortality and once again remembering that she’d outlive the majority of people here, Lara included.
“I’m sorry,” Lara whispered. It felt like it wasn’t enough, but something inside her hardened. She never wanted to have Bo break down like this - in some ways, she thought, her death would hit Bo harder. Maybe not as hard as Kenzi dying in Orange County, but hard.
So she held her, and thought and planned and plotted. It was a lot harder to die if one was immortal. And for Bo, Lara would sacrifice her humanity if she had to.
Lara dying would definitely hit Bo hard. Being immortal wasn’t for the soft hearted, and Bo had the softest of soft hearts. And the squishiest of squishy hearts. Losing people hit her hard, and she definitely didn’t like outliving so many who meant so much to her.
“She’s gone, Lara,” Bo managed to eventually say. Of course, ‘gone’ did have more than one meaning, but with the way Bo was crying, and after previous events in her dreams, this was definitely the meaning that Kenzi was dead.
“I’m so sorry.” Lara forced Bo to roll over and face her, then resumed holding her. She stroked at her hair, and rocked her and just tried to provide a presence to comfort Bo, somehow.
Soulmates were a tricky concept to Lara. Part of her didn’t like the idea, but she was forced to believe that sometimes a bond could be so strong it stretched between lives. Kenzi and Bo had that kind of bond, and Lara’s heart was broken for her.
Bo pressed her face into Lara’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around her, holding her tightly. Some days Bo believed in soulmates, and the bond she had with Kenzi was a deep one. One that she’d thought had been broken in the dreams by recent events. But Kenzi had given her a sad smile before she’d walked into the gate.
She cried into Lara’s shoulder a while longer, but eventually the comfort she was being given started to win over and her crying started to subside. At least this time around, she wasn’t going to make the mistake of trying to work.
“Could you call Logan for me later?” It was obvious she was in no shape to work, and Bo needed a couple days to try and get herself back in order. She also needed to ensure Kenzi was alive here. She definitely couldn’t handle it if Kenzi was dead here, too.
That was probably one of the worse parts. That they’d had a fight and never resolved it before Kenzi had died. Lara swallowed. Later, she’d tell Bo to talk to Kenzi, and to repair things with her, avoid that same mistake in this life. But for now, she let Bo cry. “I’ll call him. You now he’ll understand.”
There had been some resolution, but not anywhere near enough in Bo’s opinion. Kenzi had let her be the one to go after Massimo, had given her her sword to use, but even that had tension in it. Bo was hopeful that they could talk out the dream issues here. Or at least she would be once she was past this initial emotional outpouring.
“I know he will.” Bo hated playing the Dream Crap card, but she couldn’t exactly help it. There was no way she was getting out of bed today if she didn’t have to.
“Do you want something? Tea? Toast?” She thought they should at least put something in their bellies. Lara also wasn’t sure they should stay home, but she doubted that Bo would be in any emotional condition to go anywhere, even somewhere relaxing.
“I don’t know. Maybe?” Food was about the last thing on her mind currently. A change of scenery might be a good thing, but Bo really didn’t have it in her to really go anywhere. Right now she was favoring staying in bed and pulling the covers over her head.
Lara did just that, getting out of bed and tucking Bo under the covers, before disappearing from the room. While she was taking care of making some tea, one of the cats hopped onto the bed and curled up next to Bo’s shoulder, purring.
Bo sniffed and remained curled up as Lara got up and went to make some tea. When the cat curled up next to her shoulder and purred, Bo shifted a bit, reaching over and petting it. She’d never really realized just how calming a cat’s purr actually was until she’d started dating Lara and spent time with her cats.
Roth, Alex and Grimm. Three cats after three people important to Lara that she’d lost. Though their living version would never guess why she’d picked those names. Lara preferred it stay that way.
She came back, setting the tea on the end table. “I think Grimm likes you more than me.”
Considering that Bo had played those video games, she could definitely guess at why Lara had chosen the names she had for her cats. It was also not something she really brought up either. It was a sore spot for Lara, and Bo knew more than enough to not poke it unless it was absolutely needed.
“He doesn’t do this for you?” Not the clear attempt at comforting, but more generally just snuggling up to someone.
“I named him well. He’s the more gruff, standoffish one.” Lara sat down next to Bo, one hand in her hair and the other petting the cat. “But maybe that’s one of your types.”
Lara objectively knew that Logan would probably be someone Bo would jump, and frequently, if she had the chance. She was honestly glad that was just an emergency thing, though she’d sometimes wondered if it was better for Bo to have an open relationship.
“You may be right, there.” Bo certainly had a type for gruff, standoffish people. Dyson was one. Logan was one. But Bo had several types. Well, if she was honest, she didn’t have much that qualified as not being her type. She wasn’t certain if that was the succubus nature, or if that had been there before she’d become a succubus.
Either way, almost everyone in Bo’s dreams would undoubtedly tell Lara that it was healthier if they had an open relationship, but Bo refused to play by the rules, and she refused to let her nature dictate her life. She would never betray Lara, and she would never ask her for an open relationship. She wanted to be with Lara and only with Lara.
With Lara sitting next to her, Bo shifted and rested her head in Lara’s lap. “There is something to be said about the calming effects animals have.”
Whether it was the succubus or not, Lara loved Bo for Bo and wanted her to be happy and healthy. She couldn’t do much about one right now, but she knew she’d have to keep an eye on Bo’s eating habits. “Well, we know I can’t purr to save my life, so it’s a good thing we have the cats.”
She started to stroke Bo’s hair, thinking that might just be calming in its own way.
Bo rested a hand on Lara’s knee, taking a slow breath as Lara stroked her hair. It was definitely calming, and she liked the feel. “The cats can do all the purring, and you can make a nice bed.” It was no secret that Bo liked to lay on Lara. Sometimes she even fell asleep on her. Her wife was comfortable, she couldn’t help it.
Lara laughed, and the sound was almost a little wrong under the circumstances. She caught herself and quieted down. She did enjoy being Bo’s bed. And the reverse, too. Some nights were spent with one of them on top of the other while Lara read.
She glanced over where their phones were charging, but couldn’t tell if there were messages. She figured if something happen Killian or someone would have called.
Bo laid there in silence for a little bit, one hand on Lara’s knee, the other on Grimm. The entire scene of Kenzi’s death playing through her head again. “Kenzi died a hero. A gateway to the underworld had opened up and an army of the dead was pouring out of it. The Per Apice, allegedly my father, was rising. It was said that only The Queen’s heart, my heart, could close the gate. Well, I always said that Kenzi was my heart.”
Of course, Bo would have willingly flung herself into that gate if it had meant her literal heart was what could close the gate. “Tamsin took her to Valhalla.”
“Oh.” Lara leaned over, resting her cheek on Bo’s head. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. But that wasn’t your fault. We can’t help the people we love, and if it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else.” Maybe in this world, it would have been Lara. She’d make the same choice, though she’d probably have been doing all the research she could first.
“That’s an honor.”
“I know, I’m not blaming myself. It was just hard to watch her walk into that gate. I tried to go after her, but Dyson caught me and didn’t let go. It was the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make it any easier to handle.” Bo sniffed and closed her eyes for a few moments.
“Yes, it is. And there is a chance that I can go there and bring Kenzi back. Which was Kenzi’s idea.” So it wasn’t as bad as Bo simply refusing to let her friend stay dead. She had permission to find a way to enter Valhalla without dying and to bring Kenzi back.
“That’s not going to be easy.” It had been hard enough to get Thor’s belt and hammer so she could kill a god. But then Lara was willing to go to extreme measures too. “How do you plan on getting there alive?”
“No, it isn’t.” Bo had no illusions about that. She knew it would be difficult to accomplish, but considering it involved Kenzi, she definitely wasn’t going to stop trying. “Tamsin can get me there, but there’s some artifacts or something I need to help me crossover into the realm of the dead without actually dying. Kinda hoping it’ll be a better experience than crossing into Baba Yaga’s domain or involving the memory loss I suffered when I leapt off the interdimensional train.”
“I’d wish you luck, but all this has already happened, you’re just now learning it.” Lara didn’t think it ran in real time. Not with how the dreams repeated or suddenly stopped and started again. If there was a rhyme or reason, it wasn’t obvious. But it had to be something…..
Bo turned her head to look up at Lara. “You mean like dreaming of a past life?” That certainly was one explanation of the dreams. And it was kind of a good one, really. It did make Bo wonder how her dreams would end. Would they end with her death? Or would they just fade to black like some movies?
“Maybe. I just don’t think we’re dreaming at the same time these events are happening. As much as it feels like we’re there, it also feels like we’re reliving it, rather than living it. And if I dream of a video game that already exists…” Lara pursed her lips. “I suppose it makes sense.”
“There could be something to that,” Bo said. It did feel as though the events of the dreams had already happened. That was probably part of the whole inability to actually do anything to change it because people couldn’t change the past.
“Otherwise,” Lara unconsciously echoed Bo’s thoughts. “Otherwise we’d be able to go and change it.” In what she’d learned about the video game at least, the story still happened. There was no saving Alex, no saving Roth. No going back and helping Sam instead of her mad obsession with immortality.
The irony was not lost on her, but she had her reasons here.
“Precisely. Doesn’t make it any easier to take, though.” Bo just hoped that there was some sort of light at the end of the tunnel of her dreams. She really hoped that she could bring Kenzi back, but she didn’t know what things would be like. Would Kenzi stay? Would she leave? Would they finish mending their friendship? Or would it remain in some sort of limbo?
“If there was one thing you could change, what would it be?” Kenzi was the obvious one, but if one went back far enough one could make additional change.
“Aside from saving Kenzi?” Bo phrased as she thought about her answer. There were a few things she’d go back and change. The real question was, which one would have the most impact? “Probably either keep myself from letting things get so bad with Kenzi, or make it so I came back in time to stop Hale from dying.”
Lara nodded. Both options made sense. “For me, I’d never have gone on that expedition with Sam. I would have canceled it, or chosen something else. I don’t know who’d I’d have become, but the trauma and loss of life wasn’t exactly worth it.”
Bo could certainly understand that. She lightly rubbed Lara’s knee. “I understand that. I’d like to say I’d go back and change my sneaking out and fleeing instead of accidentally waking Kenzi up after I’d saved her from being roofied, but then I wouldn’t have started dreaming in the first place, and I probably wouldn’t have stayed here long enough to get anything going with you.” So, basically, Bo wouldn’t trade anything for the life she had with Lara.
Even if her dreams really sucked sometimes.
Taking Bo’s hand, Lara squeezed it. She appreciated the sentiment, even if she didn’t entirely agree. Lara would sacrifice her own happiness for Bo. Her own life. But perhaps the thing she could give her that was the most important was her soul.
Anything so that Bo wouldn’t be alone ever again.
It was probably dumb to risk what Lara was going to risk for one person, but there were other benefits. History and learning and so much time to do all the things she wanted to do.
Bo squeezed Lara’s hand back, turning her head and looking up at her again. “I love you, and I’m glad to have you in my life.” And she was more than glad to have the support she needed in times like these. Sometimes she wondered if it would ever be too much for Lara to handle, but she didn’t focus on that right now.
“I love you too, and I’ve no intention of ever taking myself out of your life.” And if all went according to plan, that would never be an issue. “And if I can find a way to never leave you, I will.”
“Good because I don’t want to be without you.” For the moment, Bo wasn’t thinking about literal forever. She was just thinking about their future together. They were still newlyweds and she didn’t want to lose Lara so soon.
“Understood,” Lara teased. She suddenly picked Bo up and carried her towards the bathroom. But now they were going to take a bath and she was going to make Bo forget anything bad had ever happened in the history of ever.
Bo yelped in surprise when Lara suddenly picked her up. She slid her arms around Lara’s neck as she was carried to the bathroom. A bath sounded amazing right about then. Relaxing in general sounded good. She didn’t have the energy to do it on her own, but she had plans to lay on Lara in the tub. Maybe the hot water and her wife would help ease the pain she felt in not only her heart, but also her soul.