WHO: Haruhi Fujioka and Tamaki Suoh WHAT: Awkward dorks WHEN: Backdated to mid July WHERE: Tamaki's house RATING/WARNING: low STATUS: finished
Tamaki wasn’t sure how he was supposed to greet Haruhi now. Should he hug her? Should he shake her hand? Should he pretend that voicemail never happened? He hooked two fingers in Antoinette’s collar as he went to open the door when the doorbell rang. “Come on in Haruhi. Ignore how excited Antoinette is to see you.” He said, proud of himself for the fact that his voice came out almost normal.
***
Haruhi hated how awkward things felt between them right now. If only they had kept their mouth shut and not started singing about their feelings for Tamaki. Feelings that just grew more confusing. Not being asked to come to his graduation gutted them, especially seeing him say on the network that they wouldn’t want to come, without even asking first. But knowing that he wouldn’t be around anymore to have lunch with at school… Even if he does drop by, he would hopefully be going to start school in the winter or spring. Haruhi was glad for him, proud of him. But a little worried of losing touch after that.
They ran a hand back through their hair as they waited for the door to open and smiled when Tamaki answered. “I brought dessert, as promised!” Haruhi said holding out a shopping bag. “I’ve missed her, too. And you.”
***
Tamaki stepped back to let Haruhi in, trying his hardest to keep his dog from jumping on her. He gave her a smile and waited until she was inside to give her a quick one armed hug. “I’ll take that to the kitchen while you and Antoinette get reacquainted. And let Maman know you’re here. I’ve missed hanging out with you,” he admitted almost hurrying through his sentence so he couldn’t change his mind about telling her that. He knew Haruhi didn’t like playing games like people he’d spent time with in the past and he was trying to be upfront with her.
***
Haruhi hugged Tamaki back and laughed when they noticed Tamaki trying to keep Antionette from joining. “You’ll get your hug too, impatient girl.” they teased the dog lightly. “Tell her I’ve missed her, too? What are we having for dinner?” They asked as they turned their attention to the golden retriever. In a lot of ways, Tamaki reminded Haruhi of a golden. “Hi, girl.” They whispered as they stroked and scritched at Antionette’s fur. “Did he not let you come say hi? You just wanted to be the one to answer the door, didn’t you?”
***
“Maman is making something with chicken. I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have been when she was telling me.” He’d been distracted trying to put a melody that had popped into his head down on paper. And getting ready for Haruhi’s visit. He let go of Antoinette’s collar as Haruhi started loving on the overgrown puppy. “Antoinette - be good. No bothering your maman while she naps. She’s not feeling well today. You wore her out yesterday with your running all over.” Granted he’d had a part in encouraging Antoinette to run around and play but he hadn’t intended for his Maman’s dog to jump in and start playing with them the way she had.
***
“I’m sure it will be great, whatever she’s making. Does she need any help in the kitchen?” Haruhi asked, smiling up at Tamaki. They didn’t mind helping at all, especially when it sounded like his mom wasn’t doing too well right now. “How is your mom? Is she okay?”
***
Tamaki smiled back at her, trying not to be nervous. Or at least not let it show. “Maman said she didn’t. She wanted us to keep ourselves entertained and out of trouble. She’s fine! I told you didn’t I? Antoinette is one of the puppies from Maman’s dogs last litter. And has a bad habit of disrupting her naps to play when she just wants to nap in her little dog bed.” He blushed lightly. “It can get a bit confusing I guess.”
***
Haruhi flushed when they realized their mistake. “Oh! Antoinette’s mom… I thought you were talking about your mom.” Haruhi had thought maybe he referred to his mom as her’s as well. “I guess that makes more sense than your mom napping while she cooks. Although I have done that when I put a frozen pizza in.”
***
Tamaki couldn’t help but smile when he saw the way Haruhi flushed. “Non. My maman is up and cooking dinner for us. Although she has laid down sometimes in the past when she’s making something that has to cook for a long period and doesn’t need to be watched. Not so much since we left France although she is talking about getting a slow cooker? I think that is what she called it anyway.”
***
“What kind of things did she cook back there that she hasn’t here?” Haruhi asked as they stood up, still scratching the golden retriever behind the ears. “And a slowcooker is always a good idea… They have recipe books just for them. I’ve been thinking of getting one, too. I could toss things in it before school, and it would be ready when I get home. Sometimes it’s a rush to get things ready before Dad goes to work so we can eat together.”
***
“She has not made ratatouille since we moved. Or Coq au Vin.” Tamaki told her. “And I cannot cook anything so...I must wait for her to be in the mood to fix them.” He gave her an almost shy smile as he looked down at the bag in his hand. “I'll be right back. I should put this in the freezer before it melts. Stay with Haruhi Antoinette.”
***
“Isn’t that a cartoon?” Haruhi asked, never having heard of ratatouille before. Coq au Vin they were familiar with, but only because of a cooking show that was half recipe/half skits. “You could always learn. Might be fun to surprise her with them sometime? Or are you the kind that burns water when left to yourself?” Haruhi teased lightly. Their own dad was like that, the reason they’d been the one cooking since their mom passed away.
They nodded and continued to stroke the soft gold fur as he left to go put the ice cream up. “Tamaki said you missed me. I’ve missed both of you, too. A lot. Had to brave the last storm without a guard dog.”
***
Tamaki was confused for a moment by Haruhi’s question and then remembered the Disney cartoon. “Oui. They did make a cartoon with the rat chef? Is that the one you are talking about?” He asked, tilting his head slightly as he looked at his friend. “I’ve never tried cooking much. I do not have the attention span for it I think.” He admitted. And it had never been an issue before here. Maman’s cooking had been sporadic because the staff at the house did that. Or when she did cook they were always there to assist her and finish it up if she needed.
He left to go put the ice cream up, trusting his dog to follow his instructions. Tamaki knew that Antoinette liked Haruhi and that alone would make her stay. He just watched from the doorway for a few seconds as Haruhi loved on the golden retriever, Antoinette sucking up every drop of the extra affection and attention.
***
Haruhi nodded their head at the question. “Yeah, that was his name. So it’s a real dish?” It was genuine curiosity behind the question. Haruhi never knew much about French food. It wasn’t one of the kinds of food that they had there in California. At least no where they’d ever eaten before. They laughed softly at that. Tamaki did have a small attention span, it was true. “Even with help?” they asked, offering.
***
Tamaki stepped into the living room, kneeling down on Antoinette’s other side and rubbing her ear softly. “You could have come over. She’d have been happy to protect you during the storm. And oui - it’s a real dish. A vegetable casserole that according to Maman is easy to make but for me - I’d rather just eat it. And I’ve never tried cooking with help to keep me on track.”
*** “I guess… I guess I’ve been afraid. After the voicemail incident. ...I knew you were upset.” Not to mention Haruhi was embarrassed. Out of all the ways for Tamaki to find out about their feelings… that was not how they ever wanted it to go. And it did. “But I’ve missed all of you so much.”
They laughed at that and shook their head. “Alright, I guess cooking isn’t for everyone. But if you ever do want to try, I wouldn’t mind helping you. I might not have any clue what I’m doing, but that’s what books are for.”
***
“I wasn’t upset so much as...confused. I didn’t understand why you didn’t tell me that your feelings were changing. Or might have been changing.” Tamaki said softly, not looking up at Haruhi as he moved to scratching Antoinette’s side. “And then you didn’t want me to listen to the voicemail. It made me feel like you were trying to hide it from me.” He added, glancing up at her. “I missed you too.”
“I think...I’m one of those men that will have to hire a cook.”
***
“I wasn’t trying to hide it… well. I guess I was. I was embarrassed. By the way that it came out.” Haruhi murmured as they continued to pet the golden retriever. “It’s not the way that I ever would have wanted to tell you. And I was also embarrassed that I didn’t… have control of it?” They paused, looking up at Tamaki.
They groaned loudly at that and shook their head. “That’s such a waste of money… You could get a week’s worth of food for paying someone for a day.”
***
“I gave up a long time ago on having control of things. It’s simpler that way. Less frustrating. Less chance of me turning into my Father who has to be in control of everything.” Tamaki muttered, burying his face in Antoinette’s fur.
“Is it really that expensive to hire a cook?” He asked, raising his head up to look at Haruhi curiously. He’d never thought about how much the maids and the cook and...everyone who worked for them must cost.
***
Haruhi, to be honest, was afraid of not being in control of things. At least, things that they could personally help. Not being in control was scary. Not being in control was… how they felt as a child when their mom kept getting sicker and the medicine wasn’t working. “I’ve always had a hard time letting go of things, I guess. It’s… hard. Not being able to control the things around me. Things and situations, not people.”
They bit on their lip as they considered it. “I… wouldn’t know from experience? But you have to buy the food you’d be buying anyway. And then you have to pay someone. Minimum wage is $10.50 an hour here… and a personal cook would make a lot more since it’s a special skill set? So it’s a lot of money.”
***
“I...never got to be in control of things when I was little so I guess it just never mattered that much to me growing up. Father made the decisions until they divorced. And then Maman did.” Tamaki said shrugging slightly. He’d never thought much about it. His mother had his best interests at heart so he trusted her to do what was right for him. For their little family. “Father - always wanted to control everything. Things. Situations. Me.”
“I never thought about how much Maman’s parents paid to keep our house running in France. And here I guess Maman spends more than I realized.” He said, a little ashamed of himself for not realizing, for never having thought about it before now.
*** “I would never want to control you or anyone else. But… not being in control of my life…. The last time that happened was when Mom got sick. So, I guess that’s why I’m scared of feeling…. Helpless? I guess?” Haruhi shrugged, not knowing if they were explaining this right. “It just takes me back to the last time I couldn’t fix what was going on around me, and I just. Assume the worst.”
They shook their head. “More than our rent is a year, that’s for sure. I can’t imagine paying that out…”
***
Tamaki looked up at Haruhi over Antoinette, sympathy obvious on his face. He’d never heard his friend talk about her mother. He knew she’d passed away but Haruhi never seemed to want to discuss it and he hadn’t wanted to pry, figuring his friend would tell him when they were ready.”I know you wouldn’t try to control me. Or anyone else. And I’m sorry you had to go through that helpless feeling. I know how hard that is. Having to watch someone you love suffering and not being able to help them.” He gave Haruhi a soft smile. “I can understand that. I think I do the same sometimes. Just assume the worst when I don’t know the answer.”
Tamaki flushed slightly. “I’d never thought about how much it cost. All the people we have taking care of the house and us…”
***
Haruhi gave Tamaki a small smile back. “Thank you. And… I’m sorry. From now on I’ll try to keep you in the loop. So that you don’t assume the worst.”
They ran a hand back through their hair and shrugged at Tamaki. “You probably never had to think about it before. I guess it makes sense why you wouldn’t have. I mean… I’m sure that they make a good living, working for you guys. I just personally can’t imagine spending that much on something I can do myself.” They hoped they didn’t sound judgy about that. It was just… so far out of their life experience.
***
“And I’ll try to...remember to ask you things rather than just assuming. Maman keeps scolding me about that since I told her why you weren’t there for graduation.” Tamaki told Haruhi, blushing a bit more.
It didn’t sound judgemental to Tamaki at all. It was just - he was going to have to think about. Talk to his mother and find out how much it cost. It was probably past the time when he should have been wondering about that. Especially knowing that his father wasn’t always providing the way he should have been according to the courts. “We don’t have as many servants here in California as the house in France. And there - my father has more between his two houses than we do combined. I think it helps Maman though. Knowing there are people here to help her with the housework when she needs it. She’s had more good days than bad since we moved but - she still needs help.”
***
“I finally made it though, didn’t I? I really wanted to be there… And thank you.” Haruhi reached out, placing their hand near Tamaki’s and as they both kept petting Antoinette. “We both should probably work on that a bit more. Communicating.”
Tamaki’s mom, they understood, definitely did need the help. They knew she had some good days she could do anything anyone else could, just as well as they could. And she had some days that...weren't so good. “It probably wouldn’t hurt to find out. Either that or learn to cook.” Haruhi teased gently. “Is today one of her good days?”
***
Tamaki let his hand bump against Haruhi’s as they both pet the dog, grinning at the contented sound his dog made at all the attention. “Spoiled little girl aren’t you Antoinette?” he murmured to her in French, pulling his hand slightly away from Haruhi’s. “You did make it. And I was really glad when you did.” He nodded his head. “Probably. With one another especially.”
“Or - find a partner who can cook.” Tamaki teased back. He thought for a moment and then nodded. “Today is. She’d like to see you if you’ve finished getting dog love for now?”
*** Haruhi smiled as their hands bumped together and laid their fingers almost on top of his. They laughed at the sound Antoinette made. “She’s just eating this up, isn’t she?” They bit their lip softly when Tamaki pulled his hand away and nodded. “I was glad, too. And with each other especially.”
They flushed at that remark and gave him a shy look. “Luckily for you, I know some people that can cook….” They gave the dog one more pat before stretching and following Tamaki. “I’d really like to see her, too.”
***
Tamaki smiled over Antoinette’s back. “She is. I swear she tries to convince everyone who comes over that no one ever pays her any attention. Which is a lie. She’s the only dog I know who has her own pillow on her human’s bed.” He said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’ve spoiled her I know. But she deserves it. She’s been my best friend since she was born.” It was the truth. He’d decided that night - Antoinette was the one he wanted to keep for himself.
He stood up from the floor, holding his hand out to Haruhi. “Ready to go see her? She’s in the kitchen finishing dinner.”
***
Haruhi laughed at that and shook her head. “You are one spoiled little girl with your own pillow. Or do you let him have a pillow on your bed? Is that what it really is?” They murmured to Antoinette. One big bed for her, that she let her human share. “That’s… really sweet. Maybe one day I’ll be able to have a pet, too.”
They nodded as they shyly took Tamaki’s hand, heart beating a little faster. “I’m definitely ready.”