Azula burns bright (bornoffire) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-09-21 15:49:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, azula, ty lee |
"Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. For you, for us."
Who: Azula and Ty Lee
What: Azula sneaks in to visit, Ty Lee puts her foot down about being left out of things
Where: Hospital
When: Last night
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete
The one person in the world she wanted to see most. The one person who truly understood her. Who saw her and knew her and knew her pain. This one person was in the hospital, and Azula was unable to see her, or comfort her, or give back to her all the things that Ty Lee had given her.
So she used her powers to fly up to Ty Lee's window, and climbed in. The room was dark, and the sound of the machines beeping was anything but comforting.
"Ty Lee?" she whispered, approaching the only occupied bed. "Is that you?"
The woman in the bed looked a little thinner than usual, and fragile. She'd spent most of that day in tears, in fact. Her parents still wouldn't let her see Azula, even though she'd asked and asked. Iroh's efforts on their behalf weren't getting them anywhere, either.
She almost wished they'd run off somewhere to get married, because then Azula would have had the right to see her, and could have told her parents to get lost.
Ty Lee had been sleeping when Azula entered the room, and hearing Azula's voice was almost like a dream come true. So much so, that when she opened her eyes, she whispered, "Pinch me..."
"Is there any place that isn't already bruised?" Azula carefully sat on the edge of the bed, terrified of jarring the woman. She had caused this. She had caused this. All of her willpower went into keeping her voice steady. Ty Lee had been so strong for her for so long, it was time for Azula to give something back.
Even like this, Ty Lee was beautiful. Azula almost thought she'd give up her fire bending to make her better, "I'm sorry I couldn't see you sooner..."
"It's not your fault that my parents are... so..." Ty Lee didn't finish the sentence. It wouldn't have been anything nice, that she said, and since they were willing to pretend she was her daughter at the moment - at least long enough to cover these medical expenses - she didn't want to rock the boat too heavily.
Instead, she groaned a bit as she moved off to one side to give Azula enough space to crawl into bed with her, "There are plenty of places that aren't bruised. Like this whole hand here."
The hand in question took Azula's, and squeezed.
Azula slid closer, laying out slowly until she was on her back and stretched out next to Ty Lee. She stroked her knuckles, then rolled onto her side and hugged that arm against her chest, "I should have seen it coming."
The hand in Azula's squeezed again, and Ty Lee shook her head, "No one would have seen that coming, it was driving really fast..."
She snuggled in against Azula, and flopped her head onto the woman's shoulder. She didn't want Azula blaming herself for this. There were enough difficulties already, with her girlfriend's life. Things no one talked to her about, but that she knew was going on. She'd had plenty of time to think about the situation while lying there in bed.
"I should have," Azula repeated. She hated the smell of the hospital, but Ty Lee still smelled like Ty Lee. She hoped she herself smelled of something other than burning. Scent was comforting, and more than once she'd heard Ty Lee inhale deeply, when she was half-asleep.
There were things she should have told Ty Lee. Things she was going to have to. Just a few more minutes of peace...
The smell of Azula was nothing close to burning, Ty Lee could have assured her. Azula smelled wonderful, and she found herself inhaling the smell for comfort. Some part of her wanted a piece of her clothing to stay with her in the hospital after Azula would be forced to leave, but she didn't ask.
"You aren't talking about seeing the car coming, are you?" She asked Azula, in a whisper. The painkillers she was on really only made her more observant for some reason.
Jaw working, grinding a bit, Azula nodded her head against Ty Lee's shoulder, "I...We...Ozai must go. This is my fault, that you're like this. He did it to get to me. He's practically sold me to another crime lord as a wife, just like they did to Mai. He tried to kill another friend of mine, and he won't stop until he gets everything he wants. We want a council. Me, Zu Zu and Uncle. It's all I can do not to burn everything."
Her voice cracked, "I can't keep killing people, Ty..I don't want to be her any more." She took a deep breath, then propped herself up, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. For you, for us."
"Azula..." Ty Lee trailed off, then frowned and squeezed her hand, "This isn't your fault. It's Ozai's fault. He... he doesn't value any life but his own. He only wants power. You think I don't know, but I pay attention... you know."
She didn't want Mai trapped in a marriage like that. She didn't want Azula trapped in a marriage like that, either. And she really didn't want Azula to kill anyone, "You say he has to go, but I'm worried about how that happens. You all need to stop killing people. It's not the way to win."
Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. Those were strong words.
"... I want you to include me. I'm tired of sitting in the background while you all fight for your lives and leave me out of it."
Azula already had. The man who hurt Ty Lee. The men who hurt Rarity. The people on that boat who hurt Mai. The man her father had tricked her into murdering. She'd killed people, and there was no going back from that. She was only really beginning to let all that sink in.
Pressing her lips against Ty Lee's shoulder, "We don't leave you out of it. We just...you're not like us..That's all. We don't want you to become us."
"You do. You leave me out of it. You protect me from it, like I'm fragile and made of glass. If you three are old enough and tough enough to be involved, then so am I..." Ty Lee trailed off, and sighed.
It was hard to put words to what she meant, especially on the drugs she was on right now. She spent a few minutes trying to search for the right ones, "It belittles me that you think that I'm not strong enough to stand beside you."
"It does not! You're not fragile. You're...you..you have a purer soul. I didn't want to blacken it, not like I did there. I thought you deserved a chance to be innocent."
But maybe she should have asked her, first.
"That's my choice, not yours!" Ty Lee raised her voice, then winced heavily and hissed. The broken ribs and various parts of internal damage to her person rebelled against her, and she spent a few minutes in silence, trying to calm herself.
The gymnast didn't want to get too calm, however, because having decisions made for her was one of many reasons she'd left the comfort of her home and family. It was the reason Azula had ended up the way she had, and Ty Lee fought internally with the anger she felt over the irony of that. Mai and Azula and Zuko were all the last people she would have expected to decide her destiny for her.
After another few moments, she whispered, "My soul wasn't black in that place. I chose to answer your call. I chose to fight the way I did so it wouldn't hurt anyone too much, or kill them, but I still ... I still chose to fight. It was still my choice."
"Shhh..." Azula didn't want to get kicked out. As long as she was here in her arms she wasn't dying or out of reach. She closed her eyes and waited for whatever came next. She listened, and she hurt, and she deserved the hurt.
"I don't even want the fight anymore. I'm only acting because now there's too much at stake. Because I was too selfish and self-centered to see how wrong it was before."
She shifted, sitting up and raking her fingers through her hair. In that so familiar tone of voice she said, "The sheer irony is I've always wanted you to make your decisions for yourself. I just didn't give you that chance. I guess I haven't changed as much as I thought I had."
Ty Lee pulled her back down against her, "You're trying... but I think old habits die hard, especially ... well especially when people don't tell you that you're doing it. And I didn't. I just wanted to bury my head in the sand."
"Whatever you need me to do now, I'll do it," She whispered, repeating her words from earlier and burying her head in the crook of Ty Lee's neck. She didn't know, right now, how to help Ty Lee with her desire. "I'll stand by you."
"I need you to let me make my own decisions," Ty Lee whispered in answer, and curled against her, "And I want you to ... I don't want you to marry anyone but me."
"Is that your decision? To marry me?" Azula turned Ty Lee's face towards hers, "I'm sorry. I know I assumed."
"You're mine, and no one else's," The other woman whispered in answer, and hugged onto Azula possessively.
"I like it when you wear the pants," Azula replied, her voice choking up. It had to mean something that they were so close in both places. That they'd been given those dreams, seen those mistakes, could fix them.
"Well I'm not going to wear any to the wedding, if that's okay. I want to wear a nice dress. Maybe Rarity can design us some to wear." Ty Lee smiles a bit, then yawned sleepily and snuggled in against Azula.
"Don't leave. Stay here, please..."
"Appropriate dresses," Azula whispered. She nuzzled a bit and held her closely, "I love you. I'll stay until they come to check on you in the morning, okay?"
Ty Lee mumbled something in the affirmative and let her eyes sink shut. Now that Azula was here, she could sleep peacefully.
“We’re already married,” Azula said, to the silence. “In our hearts.”
~fin~