Who: Bo & Kenzi What: Besties making up after some dream weirdness When: Before the Diablo Plot Where: The Nightcrawler Rating/Warnings: Feels, language, mentions of death Status: Complete!
There were a lot of things Kenzi felt for Bo but none, ever, would be hate - no matter what went on between them.
But things had been tense with them in the dreams. Real tense. So much that it had carried over here too, and it required her to take some space away from the succubus and sort out what made up her cocktail of emotions. Hale was dead. His funeral had been a surreal experience, and she woke up to his fedora on her pillow (was it strange that it smelled like him?) and all she could think about was how it was all swept under the rug when some weirdo decided to, of course, crash the mourning event and bend the knee to Bo.
Everything with Massimo, the prophecy that seemed to give everyone but her a role in Bo’s life. Everyone was there, everyone, even Lauren, but not the weak little human that was essentially useless to all - until Tamsin translated one of the passages and all of a sudden, it clicked.
And things were being set into motion.
Now all she could do was watch herself spiral down in the toilet of depression and quasi-suicidal intentions. Now she felt useful in the dreams, not a side character there to be bent and fucked over. It meant she could save her friends and save Bo and maybe there was a chance, a teeny chance, that she could see Hale again on the other side.
It all snowballed to her taking steps to prepare for a scenario that could bleed over. There was nothing she could do if that stupid portal showed itself here but whatever happened, she had no plans to die period. Her brother was getting married, she had a niece to be there for, she had Bo and Lara and Ruby and all her friends. This was home.
Weeks had passed since she’d seen the succubus. Kenzi even appreciated the distance her best friend had given, but now she felt the need to close it and see her. The Nightcrawler was where she went wearing pants too wonderfully tight, boots with heels too amazingly high, and fishnet shirt.
When she approached the bar, she smiled, albeit sheepishly. “Hi,” was her awkward greet. “A shot of Dirty Panties, please?”
There was a lot of tension in the dreams, and Bo really didn’t like what she saw. She hadn’t liked herself in the dreams, how distant she seemed to be and preoccupied with herself. Sometimes she really hated being the ‘chosen one.’ Or Queen, as it seemed to be now. Seriously, if Buffy the Vampire Slayer were here, they could have serious talks over that hole thing.
Bo had given Kenzi some space, for one she knew her bestie didn’t take emotion crap well and decided it was better to give Kenzi time to sort things out for herself. The other part of it was for Bo herself to get her emotional crap in order. She hadn’t taken Hale’s death well at all in this world. Both Logan and Lara had forced her to take time off work so she could actually mourn like a normal person. Or as normal of a person as Bo could get.
Then there was the whole Rainer thing. Which made her crazy in a bad way to think about. She wanted to smack her dream self over that. Whenever someone called someone else their ‘destiny’ it tended to send red flags up. Bo had seemingly missed those in her dreams, but in this life? She had them going off with blazing sirens and blinking neon signs. While she loved Lara and would do anything for her, she would never call her her destiny. Bo liked to think she aspired to more in life than just being someone’s lover. Lara had also echoed that sentiment, which was a relief.
She was washing a glass when she heard footsteps approach. When she heard Kenzi’s voice, Bo’s head snapped up, not having expected Kenzi to come waltzing in, and she was hit by a wave of emotion which she barely got ahold of before she made a scene.
“An oldie but a goodie,” she responded with a smile, setting the glass aside. She was assuming it was a good sign that Kenzi was both here and smiling. Hopefully they could avoid the friend break-up scene. Bo went to work on making the shot for Kenzi before sliding it across the bar to her. “It’s good to see you, Kenz,” she added. “How are you?”
There was a knot in Kenzi’s throat she forcefully swallowed. Nerves, probably, and her thoughts were a little disorganized with how she wanted to word things - where to start, what to say. It was good to see Bo. It always was, really, and seeing her face echoed that nagging sentiment of having had missed her something fierce.
“Sober,” she quipped and slid into a barstool. Her fingers nervously flexed before taking the shot glass. “Way too sober and I need to fix that. Turns out I know this really hot bartender. I mean, totally not my type, but if I had a lady boner for the ladies I’d think about it, y’know?”
Maybe saying it’s good to see you too was the better route, but it was her nature to be cheeky and resort to humor during the strangest times. This was one of them.
Bo had known that when she and Kenzi came face to face again, it would be emotional. The turn the dreams had taken was horrific and Bo wasn’t a fan of that by any means. But having not seen Kenzi for the past couple weeks had hurt. She missed her, but she respected that sometimes one needed space.
“If you want to fix the being sober, I have it on good authority that that hot bartender will pick up the tab for you.” Bo returned. She well knew Kenzi’s tendency towards humor at seemingly strange times. She certainly took it as Kenzi having missed her, otherwise Bo felt Kenzi’s greeting would have been very different if this was going to be a friend break-up. “Would you like shots lined up or a drink?” Bo could do either, and she definitely meant it that she’d pay for whatever Kenzi drank tonight.
The succubus felt that it was the least she could do. She could use a good drink herself, but she was working. She couldn’t drink on the job.
Shots or a regular drink, hrmmm. The choices. But first thing’s first, and that was downing the first shot Bo mixed in one throwback of her head - liquid courage, all that good stuff. It was always super easy to talk to her bestie, though with everything that happened things seemed disjointed. Cracks here and there, pieces not fitting right. It needed to be fixed.
“Actually,” she started, wiping her mouth oh so daintily. “Do you think you can take a break? To talk. About things.” Dream things. Important dream things. Kenzi needed to hash things out and clarify that she loved her, she really did, but it’d been a lot to handle and things weren’t going to get any better.
And if something happened to her - something permanent - then she couldn’t let things be sour between them. That’d be shitty.
When Kenzi asked to talk, Bo didn’t need to ask what about. She knew Kenzi meant the dreams and everything that stemmed from them. It was a conversation that Bo knew would come sooner or later, and now it was time to see where they stood.
“Yeah, definitely,” Bo said. She told her co-worker behind the bar that she was taking her break before turning back to Kenzi. “We can go in the back and talk in the office, if you want. Somewhere more private where we won’t be interrupted.” Bo didn’t think Logan would mind. He tended to be a fan of people working things out and all of that.
Besides, this wasn’t the type of conversation that should be interrupted or overheard by others. It was private, something between the two of them and no one else.
People could overhear, she guessed, but it wasn’t anything that’d make sense to them anyway - but Kenzi also preferred privacy. Somewhere quieter with less distractions. “Totes up for that,” she nodded and circled around the bar, waiting for Bo to lead the way. “You’re not gonna get in trouble or anything, right?”
She may have seen Logan once or twice on her visits here (duh, she was the biggest lush ever) but as for actually knowing the dude? Not so much. And, you know, last thing she wanted was Bo getting the stink-eye because some personal laundry was dropped off at the bar that needed assortment.
“No, definitely not. Logan doesn’t mind. I’ve used his office to talk before.” Well, sort of. She’d used it once to work off emotional crap by sparring with Logan, which ended with her breaking her hand on his metal jaw. The other, uh, well, involved sexy times with Lara because people with sexually charged auras and lots of flirting had been in the bar and were setting Bo’s succubus nature off. Sometimes she really did hate her biology and how easily her switch could be flipped.
Bo slid out from behind the bar and led Kenzi into the back. It was quiet, the noise of the front of the bar being very muffled back here. She went into the office and closed the door behind them. There was a desk and a couple places to sit. “Okay, we shouldn’t be disturbed here.” Bo didn’t think Logan was around currently, and she didn’t anticipate him coming back any time soon.
Goody, then! But did his office have drinks, was the question. Kenzi could use another one right now, maybe something to sip on as they talked. Instead of an actual chair, she chose the edge of the desk to sit her cutie-buttootie on. “Okay, sooo…”
There was a bit of a lull there as she chose her words and nibbled her lip. But she couldn’t decide, and then opted for Option B: word vomit. Hopefully it’d make sense.
“Look, I’m - I’m sorry. Things got weird, okay? Things got super weird in the dreams, with Hale and Massimo and how no one would let me kill him and damnit, that should have been my right, you know? And then that stupid prophecy where it’s got everyone but me and the whole unclaiming thing…”
A sharp intake of air was sucked in, and then she exhaled. “It’s just the more I dream, the more I realize you and everyone are going in one direction, and I’m not part of it. But I know it’s different here. I know we have more control of where we go, and I just...needed time to keep the butthurt, mourning Kenzi separated from this Kenzi. The one who knows she has a home here, with you and everyone else, even if it’s not one hundred percent the same.”
Bo didn’t sit down either, instead opting for leaning against a chair. It would probably do her good to sit down considering she was on her feet for her job, and she was wearing heeled knee-high boots currently. Seriously, why didn’t she invest in sensible footwear for work?
She was patient and waited for Kenzi to start talking. And when she did, she listened. Actually listened. She’d felt listening was something she’d stopped doing in the dreams, and that went for pretty much everyone around her, not just Kenzi. As soon as she’d found Rainer again, it was like tunnel vision and god only knew what else was going on in her head. Bo in this waking world didn’t completely understand it, and quite frankly she was horrified by it.
“First of all, you don’t have to apologize. I understand, and I’m not upset or anything. I know it was a lot of emotional stuff dumped on you in the dreams, and I know you don’t handle it well.” She had felt that it had been a better choice for Kenzi to come to her. Bo well knew that in the dreams, she was kind of the very thing she hated. Fae crap and all of that. So Bo decided to wait while also sorting out her own feelings and emotions out.
“And you’re right. Killing Massimo should have been your right. That was my mistake, and I am sorry I took that from you. I wish I could go in and change it, to let you do that, but I can’t.” It was what should have happened. Bo should have let Kenzi kill Massimo, plain and simple. “I get that, the fae crap has a way of overtaking everything else. And I understand the whole being the odd one out, more than you might think.” It was becoming increasingly more obvious to Bo that she was the lost fae in a human world here. She also was trying to come to grips with the fact that one day Kenzi and Lara would die and leave her behind. But her feelings on that, she was keeping them silent and she was just trying to enjoy what time she did have with them.
“I just need to say that I owe you the biggest apology in the history of ever. Things got bad between us in the dreams, and that’s completely my fault. I’m sorry that I was a bad friend, and a bad everything. I want to not be that way here. I still want to be the best friend that I can be to you. I mean, if you don’t hate me and want that, of course.” And there was some word vomit in response to Kenzi’s.
“I don’t hate you, not here and not there, not ever,” she emphasized quickly, needing to make it a point - they weren’t treated by blood but they were sisters, and sisters loved each other and then also got a habit of getting on each other’s nerves and periods of tension but that didn’t change how she felt. “You’ve just got this big destiny going on. You’re basically the chosen one, and you have a court of supernaturals all around you and you have shit to take care of and I want to help. I want to be someone that can battle next to you and not be saved all the time.”
There were times Kenzi was capable of taking care of herself and sometimes she couldn’t. She was human. Fragile, short life, broke bones easily. But she was a fighter too, and when she could fight she would fight. And she was getting what she was asking for in a way neither of them expected.
The daughter’s heart will close the portal.
Kenzi moved from the desk and closed the distance between her and the succubus, and grabbed her by the arms to squeeze gently. “I love you, Bo. And maybe I don’t belong with you in a fae world there, but we’ve got it easier here to figure things out and just be us. Separately and together.”
And there was that destiny thing again. Bo really did hate having a destiny to the extent that she did. “Guess I know what Buffy felt like with the whole chosen one thing. Complete with the not wanting to be the chosen one.” Bo had so badly wanted someone else to be the chosen one when the Garuda was coming. She still didn’t really want to be the chosen one. She just wanted to live the life that she chose, not what was chosen for her by some stupid prophecy or destiny or anything.
When Kenzi came up to her and grabbed her by the arms, she drew in a slow breath. Maybe she hadn’t dealt with the emotional crap from the dreams as well as she’d thought she had because she felt a lot of emotion welling up just then.
“I love you too, Kenz. And I want you to be safe, but I also know you don’t back down from a fight. If something happened to you, I don’t think I could handle it. Sometimes I think it would’ve been easier had I managed to sneak out of the crackhouse and not woken you when we first met. You never would have gotten sucked into the crapfest that is the fae world.” Of course, Bo also never would have learned just what she was, but a lot of shit could have been avoided had neither of them been sucked into the fae world.
“But at least we have this life where we’re not surrounded by fae shit, and we’re not controlled by some stupid destiny crap either. Here, we can be us and choose how we want to live.” Which was Bo’s main focus in all of this, wanting to live a life she chose, both in the dreams and here. And frankly, she was doing a far better job of it here.
It wasn’t like Bo asked for all the crap cards that got handed to her in the dreams. All she’d wanted to do is get naughty and do naughty things to her boyfriend at the time, not kill him, and then it snowballed into discovering her succubus nature and finding out that a species of supernaturals masqueraded around humans. It wasn’t Kenzi’s world to be in, but she didn’t care what Bo was - she was a person, her sister of the heart, she wasn’t about to leave her.
But things there were changing, and Kenzi had been realizing she needed to something else. For herself. Figure out her own path while Bo went down hers.
It wasn’t a chance she thought she’d get, though, with the way things were going. “If I hadn’t met you I wouldn’t have met Trick, Dyson, Tammy-pants, Fae Doc, and -” Another deep breath. “Hale. I don’t think there’d be much for us to dream if we hadn’t stuck together. And I learned a lot from you, and everyone - thinks I wouldn’t have learned otherwise even if it feels like it came at a price. But no matter what happens, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you here, and...nothing I wouldn’t do for you there.”
Like her life, for one. How far had Bo dreamt?
Things were definitely changing in the dreams, and Bo didn’t like where it was all going. The whole handprint on her chest had been the first real ‘oh shit’ moment in her more recent dreams, and things had just gone downhill from there. Bo didn’t want to walk the path that was in front of her because it scared her, and she didn’t think she could walk it without Kenzi. But as the dreams had showed, and the whole unclaiming thing, it seemed that she would be walking it without her. Of course Dyson, Tamsin and Lauren were still there, but none of them were Kenzi.
“I feel the same. I would do anything for you. I’d walk through Hell itself if it meant helping you. You’re my heart, my sister, and without you I would’ve just kept on running in the dreams. I don’t think I would have ever stopped. You make me feel normal, human, and I love that. And frankly I need that with everyone else telling me I have to do this or that or the other thing because I’m fae. I just really seriously wish I could’ve changed the path the dreams took so things didn’t get so bad between us.”
Emotions were being stirred up, but Bo was trying to keep it cool so they could actually talk it out without becoming blubbering messes. She then decided that alcohol was needed. Luckily Logan did have a stash of liquor in the office.
“Hold that thought,” she said, moving away from Kenzi to raid Logan’s stash, then coming back and holding the bottle out to Kenzi. “Sharsies. I’ll replace it when we’re done. But it just seems both of us could use some with the shit the dreams are throwing our way. Though I’d say you’ve had the worst of it thrown your way.”
Oh, yeah, totes filled up to the brim with feels at the moment - it was all just a rush of emotional word vomit from the two of them, but it was good to hear Bo say those words. And likely, good for Bo to hear all this from her too, that no matter how shitty things got they were there for one another. Kenzi agreed on the boozies, though. It seemed like the opportune moment to imbibe.
“Maybe,” she winced, crossing her arms. “I don’t - I don’t know, Bo. That other Kenzi’s got a wild hair up her bum about this passage Tamsin translated. How the daughter’s heart will close the portal?” No, she hadn’t told anyone about it in the dreams. She was done, numb, ready to go out and maybe be reunited with Hale on the other side. It was her one chance to be useful. Her one chance to save everyone, for once. “I think I’m about to do something stupid in these things, Bodacious. And I don’t know how it’ll end up.”
It wasn’t easy to handle the emotions from their dreams. Bo was an emotional person by nature, so the added stress of them from the dreams only made it worse. But hearing Kenzi say what she did was good. It was a relief that Kenzi didn’t hate her in either life. Bo had been legitimately worried that she’d made Kenzi actually hate her in the dreams. Things had gotten out of control, and after Hale’s death Bo really didn’t know how she could fix things. But death couldn’t be fixed, even if Bo had the power to bring people back to life. It was one she really didn’t like to use because it came from the dark side of herself, the side she couldn’t control.
“Do you know what she thinks she’ll do? I mean, I will totally cut my own heart out of my chest if it meant closing the portal. You know, as long as I’m not Darth Succubus, Sith Lady of the Fae or whatever.” Meaning that she wasn’t under control of that dark side of herself. “More importantly, how do you feel about what dream you is thinking on that whole prophecy thing?”
“I wish I could slap myself silly,” sighed the shadow thief, finally taking a swig from the bottle and passing it back - could she just take a drunken nap here until the end of Bo’s shift? That’d be nice. “But I think I - she - wants to go out with a bang. Feeling like she’s part of something and that she can help, and that she’ll...see Hale again.”
It was suicide. Plain and simple. Kenzi wasn’t going to sugarcoat it. After everything that happened she spiraled into a dark, dank place and hey, what a way go. Saving her friends so they could do their thing and stick with Bo while she saved everyone else.
There were worst ways to die. Look at what happened to her siren fiance - or almost fiance. “I just don’t know what’ll happen, how it’ll happen, or if it’ll happen here. I’ve gotten in touch with someone that could help. If I, y’know, actually die.”
“I can understand the whole seeing Hale again. But do you think that’s correct? That she can save the day?” Bo could never be certain about much of anything where fae and prophecy were concerned. Everything was so convoluted that most of the time she just wanted it all to stop. And stop in a way where no one had to die.
Bo didn’t want to lose anyone. Hale’s death was the first death, outside of Kyle, that she’d experienced. She didn’t take it well in this life, and Bo wasn’t handling anything well in the dreams of late. Basically ever since that stupid train shit, Bo hadn’t been right in the head. Or right in any sense of the matter.
Though the simple thought of Kenzi dying here was enough to shake her, and Bo took a swig of alcohol in response when she was handed the bottle. “Good, that’s good because I definitely don’t want you to die here. Or, you know, die at all anywhere at any time.” That was hitting on a cord with her, rubbing up against some issues she’d been stuffing down because there was nothing they could do about them.
“She believes it,” Kenzi shrugged - and there wasn’t any way to change her mind about it, either. Maybe she could help out and, y’know, not give her life in the process? But it didn’t seem likely; she could feel it in her gut, the weight of certainty and dread. Bo passed the bottle back at a good time because she knocked it back for a sip.
Or five.
Glub. Glub. Glub. Glub.
A little excessive but considering she could wake up dead in bed in a pile of her own shit (because that’s what dead bodies did, apparently) then the time was now. There was a shudder that trembled her bones and as seasoned in the art of drinking as she was, Kenzi cringed while it seared down her throat and into her bones. “I just - you know, in case something happens and it can’t be fixed I don’t want our last moments together to be shitty because of scenarios we had no control over?”
Bo nodded a bit. She had a bad feeling about all of this, but then again she’d had a bad feeling about the dreams for a very long time. It left her feeling uneasy, but there wasn’t much she could do except to wait and see what the dreams held.
“I totally get that. I don’t want them to be shitty either. Regardless of anything, I love you, both here and in the dreams. Nothing could ever change that, even if it seems otherwise.” Bo pressed her lips together as she contemplated something. Then finally decided on just saying it. “I know it’s raw and complicated, but I want you to know that had more people been there when Hale died, I would have tried to save him. And if something happened to your boy here, you bet your ass I’d try to save him to if I could.”
And she would. Not that she could control that dark side of her, but it wouldn’t stop her from trying to tap into it if she needed to. She’d go to any length for Kenzi, and she was bound and determined to not let things here go the same way they had in the dreams.
A softness came over her eyes, and the gap between them closed when Kenzi crossed the room and embraced her - bottle in hand still, like it was life support - with a fierce tightness. “I know,” she whispered. “I know, I know. I know you would have, or tried to.” Here she had the clarity that other version of her didn’t. Now, anyway, considering how blurry it all was at first. “Let’s just try and enjoy the night, at least? I know you’re working but I’ll be the prettiest patron at the bar you’ll ever have. Uh, besides Muscles.”
It was a good night to get sloshed. Might as well live it up before she couldn’t, presumably.
Hugging. Hugging was good, and definitely something they both needed. Bo wrapped her arms around Kenzi tightly. She was relieved that Kenzi knew that. It was something that had needed to be said, something that had been nagging at Bo. She drew in a slow breath, before giving Kenzi a smile. “I’ll serve you whatever you want to drink. And when I get off, I’ll join you in the drinking, how about that?” Lara was off on a quick trip for work, it wasn’t like Bo needed to rush home. “And you are one of the prettiest patrons I’ll ever have.” Because yes, Kenzi was gorgeous, but Bo would be forever biased towards her wife.
The biceps did her in. But for now, it was work and ensuring that Kenzi got happily plastered without some sleaze trying to give her a roofie. That was never happening on Bo’s watch in either life.