Who: Kasumi, Shepard, Wrex and Wade What: Shenanigans! When: Last Sunday night Where: JoeyRay's Ratings/Warnings: PG-13. Trigger warning for Shepard's dancing Status: Complete
Shepard got there first, and made her way behind the bar like it was something she was used to. She really wasn’t, at least not professionally, but how hard was it to stand there, cleaning glasses, and occasionally slinging drinks?
And if anyone started something she’d shoot them. She squinted at a man down at the end of the bar. He seemed familiar, but she couldn’t place where. As long as he didn’t start trouble...
Maybe they didn't need to go shooting anyone while they were in Jimmy's bar. That's what Wrex would say if she drew her pistol. Thankfully he didn't know about her intentions to do that.
He walked into the bar and waved at her, "Why is it that we're babysitting the bar again? Doesn't Jimmy have people he pays to do this shit?"
“We’re giving her a break. I don’t know if you remember Kasumi. But she’s a good person." Shepard waved him over, "Come on Wrex, we'll have a good time. Maybe you'll get to break a head!"
"Haven't had any dreams with her in them, if that's what you're asking," Wrex grunted, and walked behind the bar. This was one of the more ridiculous things he'd ever done, but hey. He quickly familiarized himself with the layout of the place, and then got himself a beer.
"Sure. We're going to have a blast."
"Thief. Best one there is," She replied, sliding a glass down to the man at the other end of the bar. He caught it, and raised it in toast before downing it.
Shepard waved her hand at him, "We'll have you dancing on the bar before you know it."
"I'm not dancing on the bar, Shepard."
Wrex sounded grumpy, but he was grinning. He toasted her with the beer he'd found, before popping the top off it and taking a swig. It wasn't that professional, but he didn't figure that Jimmy cared about that shit. He had way bigger problems.
"You'd have to give me way more than a beer."
"Would you do it for a klondike bar?"
“I would!” The man at the bar sat up straight, pushing a hood back. Wade grinned a wide grin.
Sunday nights weren’t especially busy, but Kasumi wasn’t the sort to look a gift horse in the mouth. When Shepard volunteered to give her a break, she’d taken it. There were a few phone calls she needed to make.
But she wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to see Shepard scare up some trouble, either. Maybe she was a bit too suspicious of Raynor’s friends, but she had a feeling that this would be fun to watch. So, after her short break, Kasumi slipped back in and took a seat at one of the tables.
She grinned when Shepard found an unexpected volunteer for dancing. She was getting started early with the shenanigans!
Shepard was locating a Klondike bar, to see if Wade would actually do it. It was Wade, of course he would, and she wanted to record it for posterity. Because Wade dancing on the bar would be entertainment for a lot of people they knew.
She held up the Klondike bar, "Okay Wade. Get up on the bar."
Wade lept up gracefully and took an elaborate bow.
Then he began to dance like a Russian.
No way in hell was Wrex ever getting up on that bar. Not even for a delicious ice cream treat. He was old enough to buy his own klondike bar without having to get up on a bar like an idiot and dance like one, too.
He smacked his face against his palm audibly when Wade started to dance, and declared, "I am not drunk enough for this."
Come hell or high water, Wrex would be on that bar. So say we all Shepard.
Kasumi tsk’ed, shaking her head. That Klondike bar was clearly labeled ‘Kasumi’. Well, she supposed she would trade a treat for this. It was worth the entertainment.
Well, almost worth. Kasumi whistled loudly. “Off with the shirt!” she called.
Shepard winked at Kasumi, "I'll buy you some more." She turned to Wade, "You heard the woman, off with your shirt!"
Glancing at Wrex, she plotted. Then started a tab for herself and slid a drink down towards the Kroger.
The Kroger in question was leaning back against the shelves behind him with a beer in his hand, praying that Wade didn't take his shirt off. His facial expression clearly read in no uncertain terms, 'do not want'.
He did, however, want that drink. So he knocked back the rest of his beer and picked up the new drink, toasted Shepard with it, and knocked back that one, too, "Here's to Shepard, who had a quad and several breeding requests."
Kasumi rose a brow at the odd toast. That made very little sense.
“You’re forgetting someone, Shepard,” Kasumi called, lifting an empty hand.
Laughing, Shepard slid a glass down to Kasumi, "Unfortunately none of the breeding requests were blue and female."
She doubted that would make much sense to Kasumi, but she had to counter Wrex somehow, "And you know damn well I have more balls than half the people you know, Wrex."
Wade pulled his shirt off. He looked like he'd been through a ringer, including several bullet wound scars. He was also looking a little pale and thin. None of this seemed to bother him as he started gyrating and singing about pink pies.
Shepard didn't want to know.
Kasumi took the beer, raising it to the nonsense that was this toast and taking a drink. “I’ll drink to whatever the hell you two are talking about. Why not?”
Wrex added, while turning his eyes away from the nightmare-inducing spectacle that was Wade's shirtless dancing, "Shepard, you don't just have more balls than half the people I know, you've got the most balls. To hell with one quad, you've got two."
He glanced at Kasumi then, and added, "A quad is basically four balls instead of two. So what I'm saying is, she's got... eight. Eight balls. 4 pairs, as it were."
He tossed a 50 dollar bill into Raynor's till, and poured them all another round.
Shepard leaned against the bar as Wrex attempted to explain what a quad was, "Metaphorical quads, mind you. Of course, Wrex here is the only one that doesn't panic at the sight of me driving, so I'd say he has a couple quads too."
Wade skipped down the bar and sat down, tapping his fingers on it, "Okay, what did I win?"
"The Klondike bar," Shep said, tossing it to him. "Now put your shirt back on before you put something out."
Wade slapped his hands on his chest, "You know you want it, baby! Yes. I know we're sexy. Dead sexy. I don't know what crisco has to do with anything, brain."
Kasumi made a face at the description of quads. That certainly was an image. “Seems like that would make walking difficult,” she commented lightly.
She grinned at Wade’s display, shaking her head a bit. It was probably for the best that Raynor wasn’t here tonight.
"You'd think it would," Shepard replied, pouring Wade another drink while he greedily nommed on the Klondike bar. Because it's Wade, so it's nomming.
"You wanna know who has balls?" Wade asked. "I'll tell you who has balls. My friend Neena has balls."
"Who... what. Neena? That woman tried to set me up with Moira for the Gala." Wrex looked a little confused. It didn't really take balls to play matchmaker, nor did it take balls to donate that much money to anything if you had it to spare. In his book, it would have been a better show of balls to actually volunteer to help.
The thought made him grouchy, "And I don't want to know what crisco has to do with this."
He knocked back the drink he poured, and poured himself another one, before sending a few drinks out to various customers. This wasn't a bad job to have. It would have been a nice career change, and he could see why Jimmy liked it.
“Oh?” Kasumi perked up. “Who’s Moira?” So many new people tonight. Maybe she could steer the talk away from balls. What an interesting atmosphere Shepard and her friends inspired...
"Crisco is for greasing things up," Wade explained. He quickly launched into a description of the lubricating specifics of Crisco. Shepard shoved a beer into his hands to shut him up.
"Moira's a doctor who's helping Wrex out with some things. She's also someone he has a thing for. How WAS that date, anyway?" Shepard's eyebrows rose up and she grinned, "Tell me you went back to her place."
"She gave me a kiss goodnight before driving back to her lab to treat a friend of hers that was getting some kind of radiation poisoning off some device she was wearing." Wrex rumbled as he spoke, and it was obvious that he was a little annoyed by how the evening had ended.
He glanced at Shepard, "I wasn't expecting the kiss, though. But me and that woman. I don't think it's ever happening."
Maybe he should try to ask Elena on a date sometime... but she was obviously still hung up - with good reason - on her dead husband. He wasn't sure that was even appropriate.
“Ooh,” Kasumi said, listening closely to the story, even though she didn’t know all of the players. “Well, maybe you need to give it a second chance,” she said. “Maybe she’s not always so busy.” But then, her experience with doctors was that they tended to have a hard time letting their work go. She tsk’d. They would figure something out.
"See? Kasumi has the right idea." Shepard turned to the other woman, and said in a stage whisper, "They're absolutely adorable together. You just want to squish them together and make them kiss."
"She's one of them," Wade clarified, suddenly.
"She, who?" Wrex blinked. He'd poured his fourth drink, and stopped in the middle of lifting the glass to his lips.
This was, of course, after shooting a glare at Shepard for ever saying the words 'adorable' while referring to him in any context.
“Moira MacTaggert,” Wade said, taking a knock back of his beer. “She’s one of them. One of us.”
“One of who, Wade?” Shepard pressed.
“The X-men. Duh.”
Kasumi was thoroughly lost. But, as always, she enjoyed a good show. She wasn’t especially good with crazy people, but they were fun to watch. She sipped on her beer, letting the two barsitters figure this one out.
Wrex glanced at Shepard, then over to Wade. He knew Moira was included already - Dani was a mutant, and the device had had something to do with her powers. He just didn't know what that had to do with him dating her, or anything at all.
"Thanks for the information, Wade. Now get off the bar."
Wade fell off the bar, landing on his face. He held up a hand, speaking muffled, "I'm okay!"
Shepard snorted, then laughed, "If I hadn't seen you shoot, Wade, I'd never believe it." To Kasumi, she added, "We all did some missions back in the day, for the military. Wade's special, but one of the best shots I've ever seen. Genius with explosives, too."
"Taco...grande..." Wade whispered.
Kasumi winced at the fall. Well, if they wanted to get Wrex and the doctor back together, that was one way to get her here. “Maybe one too many explosions...” she said. “Still, get the boy a tan and he’s not half bad.” Kasumi had a bad habit of making comments like that in earshot of said boys. Wade had nice arms, but he looked a little sickly.
Shepard raised an eyebrow, "Maybe if you like that sort of thing. I prefer them with more curves and less parts sticking out funnily."
Wade rolled onto his back and grinned up at Kasumi, "Had a tan once! Well more like a sunburn. Okay maybe it was fire." He sat up, leaning forward and staring at her intently, "Have you heard of Weapon X?"
Kasumi grinned, shrugging to Shepard. “To each her own.” She shook her head to Wade, an eyebrow raised. “Can’t say I have. Something to do with fire?”
"They kinda..pick you apart and put you back together again. Then they own you, and you gotta do what they say." Wade pulled himself back up to the bar and tapped his glass for more, "Sometimes the money isn't worth the blood on your conscience."
Amen, Shepard thought, but she didn't say it out loud, instead, she slapped her hand onto the bar, and pointed at Wrex, "Okay. I've got fifty bucks that says I can outdance either you or Kasumi on this bar."
Wrex poured Wade a refill, then poured himself another one. He wasn't sure why he was even drinking this heavily at this point. Maybe he was more upset about this girl situation he was in than he realised.
He arched a brow at Shepard, then looked at Kasumi, "I don't know if I'm drunk enough to try to outdance a marine on a bar, Shepard. But I DO want fifty bucks..."
It would cover the money he put in Raynor's till for the drinks after all, "Maybe Kasumi could be a judge."
Kasumi looked a little worried about Wade, but he seemed to have recovered quickly, and was drinking again. So much for Sunday being a quiet night.
Kasumi wolf-whistled at the suggestion, and Wrex’s relatively quick acceptance of Shepard’s challenge. “I’ll throw in another Klondike bar if it’ll get you out of your shirt,” she told them, grinning.
On the one hand, Wrex wasn't really one to enjoy ice cream treats.
On the other hand, a woman was coaxing him out of his shirt, and he hadn't heard anyone say anything along those lines for about 8 years. He glanced at Shepard and arched a brow, then knocked back the drink he'd poured and glanced at Kasumi.
Then back to Shepard, like 'save me from doing this'.
"Get your ass up on the bar, Kroger."
They were going to let Shepard dance. Did any of them really understand the horror they were about to unleash? Shepard unbuttoned most of the buttons on her shirt, and hopped up onto the bar, "Sure you don't want to join us, Kasumi?"
She then tugged the shirt off. She wore only a black sports bra underneath, and clearly was very physically fit, as a Marine ought to be. Marine Tattoos (and a very recent N7 tattoo on her left arm) included, "I like Klondike bars."
Kasumi grinned, shrugging. “Then who will be the judge?” she asked. She was usually more content watching the madness, though she could be tempted to participate.
"Dance the winner," Shepard challenged. She was engaged, not dead, and pointed to Wade, "Turn on the music, Wade."
Wade? Turned on the techno.
“Deal,” Kasumi said, laughing.
Wrex was just glad that neither Moira, Jimmy, nor Alma were here to see this. Because what followed was that he unbuttoned his own shirt and pulled it off, then leaped up onto the bar with... more ease than one might expect from a man of his general age and build.
It wasn't a bad sight to see at all. Wrex kept in shape, after all. However, it was pretty horrific when he started to dance.
Clearly, no one ever asked the Krogers to dance for a reason.
There are few things in the world that can put terror into the heart of men like Wade, and as Shepard danced, he realized that was one of them.
"Oh... god... why... god why?"
“Oh my god,” Kasumi said, laughing almost too hard to speak.”They’re both so bad!” she told Wade, doubling over.
"This is the second most horrible thing I've ever seen," Wade exclaimed! He couldn't look at Shepard, he just couldn't. "That's not dancing, that's a crime against humanity!"
And his brain agreed.
"You're going to need to eat the Klondike bar as therapy," Wrex advised, still dancing on the bar.
He had to give Jimmy some credit here - it was a hell of a strong bar to be handling their weight like this.
Shepard laughed, trying to move to the music and instead doing the dance of the dying walrus. She was glad Liara wasn't here. She wasn't sure she could look her lover in the eyes after dancing like this.
"So who's winning?"
“Nobody!” Kasumi cried, peeking at the atrocity through her fingers. “Nobody’s winning!” Everybody loses when those two dance. This must never be allowed to happen again. They both looked pretty hot shirtless, but not when they were moving. She was still laughing, though.
"Shepard wins by losing," Wade declared!
"Fair enough." She hopped off the bar, "Off with your shirt and up on that bar, Kasumi!"
"Oh no,” Kasumi groaned. She chugged down the rest of her beer, needing to be drunker for this. “Shirtless?” Well, she’d been the one to start down that road, after all. Only seemed fair. Kasumi peeled off her t-shirt and reached out to Wrex for a hand up.
Shepard catcalled.
This was an odd situation Wrex found himself in, and he was just drunk enough to consider enjoying it, honestly. Kasumi was attractive and had this voice, and he realised as he helped her up onto the bar, that he had some kind of type for exotic women with exotic voices.
Then Shepard had to go catcalling of course, and that was just embarrassing. His face took on a nice red flush while he continued to dance badly on the bar. With Kasumi.
Life was so confusing.
Like everything else she was wearing, Kasumi’s bra was black. As much as she tried to distance herself from her parents’ frilly lifestyle, she still enjoyed pretty things. As such, the bra was trimmed with lacey-bits.
“First, stop... whatever that is,” Kasumi said, placing her hand on either side of Wrex’s hips to stop the haphazard craziness. She was swaying slightly, trying to set a rhythm for him. Honestly, he could stay still as far as she was concerned. She could handle this. “Your hands can go here,” she said, reaching up to grab his wrists and guide them down to her waist. “And mine will go...” wherever she pleased “Let’s start here,” she said, running her fingers up his muscled arms to rest on his shoulders.
Wrex was too big of a gentleman to upset a lady like that, especially one wearing black lacy bits. He was also still single and most especially not dead, and he wasn't about to say no to her putting her hands just about anywhere. Not at that point in time anyway.
Some part of him felt guilty about Moira, but they weren't even dating regularly.
And Kasumi's hands were nice, and he was definitely going to put them on her waist if that's where he was allowed to put them. So he did so, while trying to sway his hips in time to hers. It almost wasn't horrible or awkward.
Kasumi had been forced into ballet lessons when she was young. She’d never particularly enjoyed it, but she had a certain grace about her that lingered from those days. Though, her old ballet teacher might be a bit scandalized by how close she was to Wrex now. She slipped downward, dancing on Wrex a bit like he was a human pole.
Shepard watched this with a detached amusement. Kasumi was sexy and in a high class way. She was mildly jealous of the attention that Wrex was getting, as she slid some peanuts over to Wade. But she was also pleased with the situation. The man needed female attention like a dying plant needed water.
Wade cracked one open and popped it into his mouth, the very model of popcorn.gif. He opened his mouth to say something inappropriate, only to shut it again when Shepard kicked him in the shin, like the good wingman she is. Instead, he scribbled something on a napkin and passed it to Shepard.
7/10
She shook her head, and scribbled something, before passing it back.
9/10 for human pole
Wade tilted his head, then conceded defeat and passed over a peanut with the note.
remind me to take taco princess dancing.
Shepard smirked.
What's keeping you?
Wade eye darted.
I'd have to talk to her about THINGS
Shepard took a swig of her drink, as the note passing continued furiously, If you care about her, you will
Wade nodded his head. Shepard was right. Of course Shepard was right, look at those abs! Those abs are truth telling abs, for serious reals. He nodded his head in agreement with himself and his assessment of Shepard's abs.
And really, who wouldn't agree about Shepard's abs?
Not that Wrex could pay attention to anything right now but the woman he was dancing with. He used the term loosely - more as a comment of his own dancing than hers, mainly because he'd almost stopped moving by the time she'd decided to slide around on him like that.
Scandalized wasn't the word he wanted, but he was just about as shocked as her ballet teachers would have been. Ever the gentleman, however, he kept his hands planted firmly on her waist, even though he had the sudden urge to go rubbing them up her sides or over her shoulders.
This was ... well it wasn't the type of drunken dancing on a bar he did in his youth, that was for sure. He didn't really mind, though.
Kasumi turned, her back against Wrex's chest now. She normally preferred staying out of the spotlight, but she was enjoying the attention. Shame the Davenports weren't around for this. She did so enjoy shocking her parents' friends.
"So," Kasumi purred, turning back to face Wrex. "If this is what you'll do for a Klondike bar, I wonder how far I could get with a cupcake."
"The kind with the sprinkles," she added.
"Well..." Wrex's mouth was starting to dry out. It was hard to brain the kind of words that a guy might have to say in a conversation like this. He wasn't witty, and he was a horrible flirt. He wasn't stupid enough to be oblivious about the fact that she seemed to be flirting with him, either.
His hands were still on Kasumi's hips, and the fingers on those hands enjoyed a few caresses, though they stayed in place. No one had ever bribed him with cupcakes before, but they were kind of his favorite treat, "...I am a big fan of cupcakes, especially with sprinkles."
His voice was a bit of a gruff whisper, and he'd pretty much forgotten about the dancing at that point.
Shepard found herself grinning. It was like Wrex was an awkward teenager and the mental image of awkward Krogan was priceless.
She rubbed at her jaw, thinking losing 50 bucks was worth it.
Kasumi grinned. Wrex didn't seem like a man of many words, but Kasumi didn't require a lot of extra encouragement. Her lips brushed over his neck. "Sounds like fun."
But, if this went much further she might have difficulty showing her face in her own bar, which would complicate things. She pouted at the thought, but she had no doubt this was the last time she would see Wrex. "Well, you know where to find me."
He worked his throat for a few seconds after the neck kiss and stared at her, like a man who'd been starved for years might look at food, or a thirsty man might look at water. He only allowed that for a few seconds, though, because no man should look at a woman like that. It wasn't fair. They weren't objects.
It was true, he did know where to find her. And he could find her if he wanted to. Did he want to? Oh he wanted to, but how did someone go about saying that kind of thing in this day and age?
"...To be clear, if I did find you, it wouldn't be for cupcakes," He whispered gruffly, before jumping down off the bar.
Wade lifted his hands and applauded.
For her part Shepard just handed Wrex fifty bucks, "You win."
Kasumi grinned, climbing down to the back of the bar. 'Mission Accomplished', as they said. She didn't know how much more she expected from him--they had just been talking about another woman, after all--but that had been fun.
"God, his muscles," she murmured in an aside to Shepard. "I just want to oil him up and work out all the knots."