(ಠ_ಠ) (break_the_cycle) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-08-18 03:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, callisto, commander jane shepard, xena |
Are you even qualified to draw blood from people?
Who: Shepard, Xena and Callisto, also ft Callisto's sister.
When: After rescuing Cassandra, late july
Where: Shepard's place
Status: complete
Rating: PG-13
Somehow they’d made it out in one piece, and Cassandra didn’t know just how they’d managed that. She didn’t even really understand what the hell had even happened. So once they were apparently safe, Cassandra looked at Xena and Jane.
“Okay, what the hell was all that? Who are you people?” She demanded. For the moment, Cassandra wasn’t going to ask about the blonde woman. She needed other answers first.
Though meanwhile, Callisto was pretending to still be unconscious. She wasn’t in attack mode anymore, but she was trying to figure out a way to subtly break the bonds that held her wrists and ankles together and get out of there before Cassandra did ask about her. And before Xena and Jane could ask her what had happened.
Her fears had become reality and she knew she was a danger to them all, especially her sister. Callisto was going to run far away. Maybe she’d even throw herself into an active volcano. Or would the vacuum of space be a better choice? She didn’t really know just yet. Mostly because she didn’t know just what could actually kill her.
They’d parted ways with Garrus, Jane giving him too long a hug before she’d tossed Callisto over her shoulder to carry her into her house. Considering it could probably weather an attack better than Xena’s apartment, it seemed like the best course of action. Once Callisto was laid out in bed, Jane retrieved three beers and handed one to Cassandra. “You’re going to want one of these.”
“That’s Shepard,” Xena said. “She’s a friend of mine. Military.”
“The people shooting at us earlier are terrorists,” Shepard explained. “You came onto their radar because of your schooling. We were trying to get you somewhere safe with a new identity, but obviously that didn’t work out.”
Cassandra took the beer, but didn’t take a drink of it yet. She stared at Jane. “Terrorists? Why do they want me? I’m just a nobody! I’ve done nothing to get on anyone’s radar. Why terrorists?” It wasn’t like they could hold her for ransom, she didn’t exactly have family, and she doubted the government cared that much about her to try and negotiate her release if the terrorists had taken her.
After laying there long enough to determine the three others were in a different room, Callisto shifted on the bed and sat up. She broke the restraints around her wrists and ankles, then looked around. She cursed internally at the lack of windows in the room, which had an adverse effect on her. The room wasn’t tiny, but lacking windows, it made Callisto feel like she was in a cell again. Not wanting to draw attention to herself, Callisto moved near a wall and crouched down. She closed her eyes, pressing her hands into her hair and rocked back and forth. She was trying to imagine anything other than what had happened and being in an enclosed room.
“I’ve seen your work,” Jane said, leaning heavily against the back of the couch. “And there’s potential in the field you’re going into, where someone with your brains could be used to make bio weapons. Something this group of terrorists is very keen on getting their hands on.”
Xena thought she heard something, and edged towards the hallway a little. “We knew you were on their radar because they had intel on you when we raided a facility.”
Which was close enough to the truth not to be a lie.
Cassandra stared at Jane, then at Xena. “This is crazy, oh my God,” she commented. “They want me to make bio weapons for them? That goes against everything I believe in!” Which was almost the complete opposite of Callisto. If given the chance, Callisto probably would be happy to unleash a bio weapon on people. Though that had mostly been in her dreams and not in this life.
Callisto was trying to hold onto what was left of her sanity, but the whispers were getting to her. What that Hydra bitch had turned her into was getting to her. Her hatred for what she was was getting intensely strong again, and she tried to keep from losing it, even as she smacked her head a couple times as she rocked back and forth.
It was reassuring to hear. Xena glanced at Jane and nodded her head towards the bedroom, before she came over to Cassandra and sat down next to her. “I know. You’re a good person, I picked that up right off. But people like them have a way of making people do things they don’t wanna do. And I didn’t want to see anything happen to you or the people you care about.”
While Cassandra was distracted, Jane slipped out, and knelt next to Callisto. Gently, she caught the back of her head with her hand. “Hey. Look at me.”
Looking at Xena, Cassandra pressed her lips together tightly for a moment. “Thank you for stopping them. I don’t want to be made to do that sort of thing.”
The sudden presence of someone else beside her startled her. Callisto flinched back from Jane’s touch. “No, no no you should go. I’m too dangerous.” Callisto didn’t look at her, she still had her eyes shut tightly, her hands in her hair.
“You might have to hide out here for a few days. We have to change plans, I can’t trust the original relocation, but we’ll find you something just as good and important.” The last thing Xena wanted was Callisto’s sister never getting to stretch her wings and see what she could do.
“Nope.” Jane carefully started to untangle Callisto’s fingers, then pulled her head into her chest. “You were used. That wasn’t your fault. It’s something we can fix. I’m not letting anyone use you to hurt anyone else again.”
“But is anywhere actually safe from them? I mean, they found me once, what’s to stop them from finding me again?” She pressed. Cassandra wasn’t so sure about this, that they wouldn’t find her again at some point down the line.
“No, it was a trap. They were there for me, Jane.” She pulled back from Jane, finally looking at her. Her eyes were back to their normal brown. “I told you and Xena that I shouldn’t have been anywhere near there, and I was right!”
"Commander Shepard and a really big gun," Xena said, only half-joking. She was glad Callisto hadn't come up yet. She still wasn't sure how she'd tell Cassandra, only that she'd have to. "They won't rest, but neither will we."
"Maybe it was a trap. But if not then, then another time." Jane kept her hands on her lover's face. "They were always going to come after you, and they would have made a move on Cassandra eventually anyway. You know this."
“She does seem to know how to use a gun. As does that other guy in the weird armor.” She meant Garrus. She didn’t know why the guy had armor like that, or even why he needed armor at all.
“They will come back. They will keep coming back. She’s not safe, and you’re not safe. I’m putting you all in danger. And they fucked with my head so I can’t even trust myself anymore!” Not that Callisto’s mind had been sound before she’d been experimented on, but that was another matter entirely.
“Garrus is a funny fellow. Thinks he looks all big and tough. Has a squishy center on the inside.” Best to let her assume it was all armor. “I think he liked intimidating the bad guys. I can dig it.”
Jane drew her side-arm, putting it in Callisto’s hand, then holding the gun to her forehead. “I trust you.”
“Ah, he’s one of those.” Garrus definitely seemed to be big and tough from what she’d seen of him. Still, she wasn’t going to ask too much about it. Cassandra didn’t really want to know more than she needed to.
Callisto looked at Jane. “Only because I’m not under their control now.” But Jane had just put a weapon in Callisto’s hand, and considering she was less than sane and her deathwish was making a rather sudden resurgence, she was going to try and take advantage of it. Even if the bullet wouldn’t be enough to kill her, she’d still try. “I’m sorry, you deserve better.” Callisto then tried to pull the gun to her own head.
Xena put her hand on Cassandra’s knee. “It’ll be okay. Do you want something to eat?”
Jane’s fingers tightened on Callisto’s hand. Maybe she was stronger than her, maybe she wasn’t, but blue flared around her eyes as she tried to hold the gun in place. “I love you. Not some perfect angel. I love you and all your broken bits.”
“Yes, please,” Cassandra said. She then finally dove into the beer she’d been handed earlier.
Callisto was stronger, but she didn’t pull any harder once Jane pulled back on her hand. The bullet wouldn’t do anything to her anyways, not on a permanent level. Not to mention she really didn’t want her sister to hear the gunshot. She released her hold of the gun. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re crazier than me.”
Nodding, Xena got up. She took a peek in the hallway and tensed, before turning back to the kitchen. There were some sandwiches, she was pretty sure. Something quick and filling. Later she’d order take out, but right now she didn’t want Cassandra being alone too long and thinking too hard.
For a moment, Shepard’s grin matched some of Callisto’s crazier moments. “Maybe I am.” She pulled the trigger on the gun, and it clicked. “Or maybe not as crazy as you think.”
She sank onto the floor next to her. “What was it like? Like watching yourself? Or did you even feel a thing?”
Cassandra just sat there with her beer. She wasn’t certain about any of this, but she equally wasn’t certain that she wanted to find out what exactly was going on here.
Callisto sighed, shaking her head slightly before rubbing her hand against her face. “It was the same as normal, just without really feeling anything. I was just obeying what they wanted me to do. But it was me in control.” Which was the truth. It wasn’t like some evil entity had taken over her body and she’d been watching, powerless to stop herself from attacking Jane and Xena. She’d been in full control of herself, just under their control of what they wanted her to do.
After supplying Cassandra with a sandwich, Xena took a seat again. She wasn’t sure what else to say, so waited for any more questions.
“It wasn’t.” Shepard shook her head. “Not really. You were brainwashed. They put in commands, used you like a robot. That’s not the same thing as you being in control.”
She ate the sandwich in peace for a little while before she looked back at Xena. “Who’s the blonde woman? Is she working for the terrorists? Because she didn’t seem friendly.” And there was the golden question.
“It was still me, Jane. Brainwashed or not, it was me doing it. My body, my actions. I was fully aware. I shouldn’t have been anywhere near there. I could’ve hurt Cassandra. Or worse, I could’ve hurt you or Xena.”
“The terrorists hurt her,” Xena answered truthfully. “They did something to her mind, like brainwashing. We rescued her a few months ago, but they must have had a trigger word.”
“You didn’t. We handled it. If not today, it would have happened eventually. And now we know that it can happen, we can find a way to overcome it.” She wasn’t giving Callisto up without a fight. A literal one, if necessary.
“They can brainwash someone like that?” Cassandra was horrified by that. She knew people could be brainwashed, but this? This was something else entirely.
“How do you overcome brainwashing like that? And what if part of it is the shit they injected me with?” Callisto didn’t even know how many different things she’d been injected with during her captivity. She supposed anything was possible.
“They can.” Xena thought it was similar to her own dreams at times, which was fitting enough. In a disturbing fashion. “And it’s really terrible. She’s been a friend of mine for years.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Jane promised. “But you might need to be willing to let someone take some blood. I can do it, if that’ll make you more comfortable. But we need to study this. Figure out what’s causing it and if there’s some concoction we can create for ourselves.”
“I’m sorry, I hope that she’ll be okay, eventually.” Considering she didn’t know the entirety of Callisto’s story, she had no idea that the woman probably would never be okay.
Callisto folded her arms, a natural response to the whole people needing to take blood from her. “Who would study it?” She still didn’t like the thought of giving people access to her. She felt like she’d be turned into a lab rat again.
“Someday.” Xena doubted it, but she put on an optimistic face. Maybe it was better to deal with someone she might never see, than to be in Shepard’s shoes and love a woman like Callisto. It was hard enough being there as a friend. Didn’t mean she wouldn’t do it, but it was still hard. But thinking about Gabrielle was depressing and she knocked back her beer.
“Jemma, at the Agency. She’s a good person, and probably the only one there I’d trust with it. Since none of the people I’d trust from my dreams are here.” She squeezed Callisto’s hands. “You don’t even have to go in for this, I’ll bring the blood in. If they need x-rays or whatever, we can do that here too. Somehow.”
Cassandra nodded a bit. Something kept nagging at her, but she couldn’t place what it was, exactly, so she didn’t give voice to it. It was hard to talk about something when one didn’t understand what it even was.
“I don’t want to be a lab rat again.” Callisto would go apeshit if that happened. She didn’t really understand how someone could love her, she was crazy and she was an unapologetic psychopath. Being with her wasn’t easy, but she found herself starting to feel wrong when Jane wasn’t around. She liked being with Jane. Somehow, her girlfriend was a calming influence on her.
The silence was awkward, but Xena was still searching for when to tell Cassandra who the blonde woman was. Maybe it wouldn’t come up. Fat chance.
“Getting some blood drawn and having a few scans done doesn’t make you a labrat,” Jane pointed out. “I’m not going to let anyone put you through a physical. But we don’t know what they’ve injected, and we don’t know what they might have done to your mind either.”
Which meant a shrink, but that was a subject that Shepard was going to worry about later. There was a limit to what Callisto could deal with at once. For that matter, there was a limit to what Shepard could handle too. But she was stubborn. “Lets just take one step at a time.”
“Are you even qualified to draw blood from people?” Which was suddenly something that she definitely needed to know. Jane would be the better option to draw her blood if she wasn’t getting out of it. Callisto didn’t want a shrink, or really anyone poking around in her head.
Though that was one of her strongest fears, that she would hit Jane’s limit for handling Callisto and all of her shit, and that she’d leave. It would really only be fitting, and Callisto only had herself to blame for being as difficult as she was, but this is who and what she was.
“How hard can it be?” As long as Callisto stood still, anyway. “Tap a vein, go pokey pokey.”
Shepard no.
“You can’t even drive a car in a straight line,” Callisto countered, giving Jane a pointed look. “And that’s not how I want to find out if I’m capable of bleeding to death or if I just heal quickly.”
“That’s different.” Jane pulled Callisto in, and down, making her lay her head in her lap. At least this way it was harder to take off at a run, anyway. “It’s like shooting a bullet. Good aim.”
Callisto didn’t fight Jane as she was pulled in and her head went into Jane’s lap. The position did let her curl up into the fetal position, which is what she did, keeping her head on Jane’s lap. “Except a bullet is meant to wound and kill. A needle is supposed to inject or remove fluids on a small scale.”
“Accuracy is important either way,” Jane pointed out. She started to stroke Callisto’s hair. “Would you feel better if Xena did it?”
“And risk her stabbing me in the jugular because she’s in a mood where she’d prefer to kill me? Not precisely.” Xena, in the dreams, had medical knowledge. But that didn’t mean that Callisto trusted her to stick her with a needle.
“Anyone I suggest you’ll find a reason. And you won’t trust Simmons to do it because she’s a scientist. It’s why I suggested one of us do it, so you don’t have to go in.” Jemma would just have to deal with an ornery patient.
“Couldn’t I just cut myself and bleed into a vial or something? Wouldn’t that work?” Callisto would greatly prefer that method to anyone using a needle on her. She really didn’t want needles being involved at all if she could help it.
“Something about contaminating the sample, I’m pretty sure.” They could sterilize the knife, maybe. “...Or we could soak a knife in bleach or something like that. Not a bad idea!”
Callisto might be on the right track, and if it kept her calm, that was better. Shepard was exhausted and her leg was killing her. She just wanted a little bit to go right today.
“Bleach or get it super hot or something. But I’d prefer that method. Needles and I do not go together anymore.” They made her twitchy, and prone to taking it and jabbing it into the person coming at her with it.
“Okay. Just not the palm, or the wrist. Understood?” The palm was …. It had always bothered Jane. There were so many nerves in the palm, why would you slice there instead of a place that bled better and hurt less. And the wrist was self explanatory.
“I was planning on cutting the fleshy part of my arm.” That is, if anything could be considered fleshy on Callisto. She was kind of a stick with lean muscle. She didn’t exactly have much in the way of flabby, fleshy parts.
“You’re a stick, where’s the flesh?” Jane ran a hand down Callisto’s arm, then groped her chest. “Except for maybe here, which wouldn’t bleed enough. And I have an interest in keeping intact.”
Callisto was relaxing enough that she was pulling out of the fetal position. She shifted onto her back so she could look up at Jane, and she shivered a bit when Jane groped her chest. “How about a thigh? Should be enough blood moving through those muscles.” Next she’d suggest her ass, but she didn’t have much of an ass either.
“Your thighs are a little thicker. Biteable.” She’d reach down and grope them but they were a bit out of reach, so she settled by leaving her hand on that breast. “You could stand to put on a few pounds.”
“Believe me, I’ve tried. I have a high metabolism.” Callisto countered. She rested a hand over Jane’s that was on her breast. This was not the ideal ending to the day’s events, but she supposed it was better than some could have been.
“Then I’ll just have to introduce you to my aunt,” Jane suggested. “If anyone can fight your metabolism, it’ll be her.”
“Is your aunt Italian? Or does she just like to feed people until they burst?” It didn’t really occur to her that Jane’s statement was about meeting the family. After all, that sort of thing wasn’t something Callisto thought about. Dating wasn’t exactly something she did. Except where Jane was concerned because she actually caught Callisto’s attention and didn’t mind the entire crazytown package that was Callisto.
“A little of both.” Shepard grinned at her. She didn’t have much in the way of family. Her aunt, her cousin Tyra and her family, Garrus. That was literally it, she didn’t think it was that big a deal either.
“That sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen,” she commented. But hey, it would be a tasty way to go? Providing that Callisto could actually die. She didn’t know how well she could heal if her vital organs were damaged.
“Yeah, isn’t it great?” Shepard’s expression went from ecstatic to a little forlorn. “You’re not going to like it, but I think your sister needs to stay here for a little while.”
She knew Cassandra was a sore subject, especially today. And she wasn’t going to suggest Callisto talk to her. Not today. “But she’s safe.”
“It sounds like it.” At the news about her sister, Callisto sighed. “Guess I’ll be strictly staying in this room away from her until something’s figured out.” She turned her head. “You could seriously use a window in this room.”
“Windows mean weakness, I reinforced the walls here, too. This room would survive a medium sized bomb.” She stroked her fingers through Callisto’s hair. “Sure you don’t want to talk to her?”
“No windows means I go crazier. It’s claustrophobic in here.” To normal people, it wasn’t claustrophobic. But to Callisto, she needed windows, she needed to be able to see outside. “Yes, I’m sure. She doesn’t need to know who I am.” And Callisto was sticking to that belief. She was only a danger to her sister, and she needed to stay far, far away from her.
And on the off-chance Cassandra actually did remember her, Callisto would rather she remember the little girl Callisto used to be, the one that was dead and never coming back. She didn’t want to destroy that memory for Cassandra. She wanted someone to be able to remember how she used to be without it being tainted by what she was now. Not that Xena or Jane knew how she’d been before the fire, but still.
Shepard sighed, and chose not to argue the point. “I’ll take you to the other bedroom later. Cass can sleep in here, that fair? You’re not allowed to escape through the window. Front door or nothing, got it?
The situation with Cassandra was depressing, but Jane could understand what was bothering Callisto so much. A clean memory, an untainted one, was a precious thing. But Jane also thought Callisto was worth getting to know now, and that she wasn’t the monster she professed to being.
Callisto sighed herself. “Even if it would be safer for Cassandra if I wasn’t here?” She was uncomfortable with knowing her sister was in the other room. But she supposed the fact that Cassandra hadn’t come in here yet meant that she didn’t remember her.
Which was for the best, really.
“I think they might be less likely to make a move with you here,” Jane pointed out. “They’ll want to wait and see. Jokes on them, you never want to give me time to prepare.”
“Why? They obviously can easily control me and turn me against you. It would seem like the better move for them to make a move with me here when they know they can flip my on switch or whatever the fuck you wanna call it.” Callisto really hated that she could be so easily controlled. She was dangerous when under her own power, but when under Hydra’s control? She was even more dangerous.
“We don’t have a landline, so they can’t call to trigger you. Don’t answer unknown numbers. And I’ll shoot you if I have to, you’ll get better.” Speaking of… Jane touched Callisto’s head. “I’m sure Xena is sorry she had to clock you.”
“They can just barge in and yell out out the trigger.” Callisto countered. There were a thousand different ways that she could be triggered that didn’t involve phones, and she was going to be paranoid about it. “It doesn’t matter if she is or not, that’s not the point.”
“I don’t know. Maybe they could. I don’t care, I won’t abandon you.” Callisto had had too many people abandon her. It wasn’t always her fault either. Jane couldn’t fault her for feeling that way though. “Besides, if we can get through this, we can get through anything.”
Callisto looked up at Jane. Emotions were hard, and she still didn’t always feel much, but when she did, it tended to be when Jane was around. She had a way of making her feel even if she didn’t want to. “What did I do to deserve you?” Callisto still tended to believe Jane could do a lot better than her in the relationship department and tended to think she was a far better person.
Shepard shrugged. She didn’t have an answer and emotions were something that couldn’t be explained. She only knew what she felt, and how strongly she felt it. She’d never set out to fix Callisto, and knew no one could. But she wanted to help Callisto find that equilibrium. They’d had it, for a little while.
Shepard was too stubborn to think it was impossible to get back. “You deserve more than you’ve been given. Maybe it’s just the fates equalizing things out a bit.”
“Don’t talk about the fates. They’re very real in my dreams. Or, well, were considering my dreams ended.” In her dreams, it was very much even breathe the name of the gods and they’d appear. “When in doubt, point at that mistletoe or whatever the fuck it was.” Had it not been for that, Callisto and Jane most likely wouldn’t even be together now.
Jane had almost forgotten about that, and the memory brought a smile to her face. “If I recall we didn’t leave the bedroom for two days.” She couldn’t remember who’s, and it didn’t matter. Jane had been attracted to a lot of people in her life, but that kind of draw was rare.
“It was something like that. Definitely quite the time.” It had been intense, and even saying that was a vast understatement for what that had been. Callisto had never felt that kind of spark or attraction to anyone, especially not that quickly. It was strange to her that it was still that strong now.
Callisto sat up so she could better look Jane in the eye, lifting a hand and trailing her fingers along her cheek. “You are amazing.”
Green eyes regarded blue, and Jane leaned her cheek into Callisto’s fingers. “I love you, Callisto.”
Simple and plain and yet filled with incredible emotion.
“I love you too, Jane,” she responded. Her brown eyes were deep with emotion, but currently were more focused on her feelings for Jane. Callisto leaned in and kissed her, needing that feeling to help calm and center her after the whirlwind that was the day’s events.
Jane returned the kiss with unusual gentleness and a deep undercurrent of emotion. She wanted Callisto to not just hear her words but feel them, and so she tried to kiss them into Callisto’s soul.
The gentleness of the kiss only enhanced the emotion Jane put into the kiss, and it cut through Callisto like nothing else ever had. She returned the kiss, putting her own emotion into the kiss. It was overwhelming and intense, but Callisto didn’t shy away from it.
This couldn’t fix everything, but sometimes just knowing that someone cared that much, that intensely, could at least make the pain easier to bear. And if all Shepard could do was that much, it would have to be enough.
It wouldn’t fix everything, not by a long shot, but it was still something. It was something good that Callisto hadn’t managed to ruin yet. She feared fucking it up eventually, but she wanted to take as much as she could before that happened.