InsaneJournal

Who: Esmeralda and Peter
What: Peter actually gets Esmeralda to answer the question about if she’s okay
When: 5 July 2017, after fixing things up
Where: Roof of the Court of Miracles
Warnings: Low
Status: Log | Complete

Following everything with Kitty and her text conversations, Esmeralda had thrown herself back into clean up of the Court. After all, they weren’t about to let hatred and bigotry interfere with their lives. No, the Court of Miracles would open at the same time it always did in defiance of those who would try to scare them away. Madellaine had been the most freaked out, but given her pregnancy, who could really blame her? One thing was certain, in times like this, no matter what disagreements or tension was happening at the time between those in the Kumpania, those seemed to vanish to come together to get everything back in order as they all supported one another even when they wanted to strangle one another.

Between those who lived in the basement of the Court as well as Peter once he had shown up with boards and wood (it had been easier to ask him to pick it up on his way there as opposed to sending someone out to buy it), the basic clean up had been finished so that they would be able to open on time as they planned to. Seeing at how that was done and everyone was told to try and relax, which was easier said than done, Esmeralda made her way up to the roof to get away from walls and people. True it was only those she trusted but she just needed the air.

Once on the roof, she found the usual spot she would go to and sat down, arms around her knees as she pulled them up to her chest and just closed her eyes and turned her face to the sun in an attempt to drown out everything that had happened that day.

Peter hadn’t pressed too much about how Esmeralda was doing while they were getting things together and fixed. He just did the work that they needed him to do and brought what they needed him to bring. So he’d ignored the most of it and just reminded himself to find a good time to bring it up later.

The opportunity presented itself when she started off on her own. Without making it a big deal, he slipped away and followed her up, letting a little space between himself and her as he made his way to the roof. He made his way out onto the roof. “Hey.”

She supposed she shouldn’t have been so surprised that Peter would follow her up to the roof. He had said that he was going to expect an answer to the question she’d evaded after all. Yes, she had hoped that he would forget that particular detail but she hadn’t really expected it. So instead she just opened her eyes and looked over at Peter.

“Hey.”

To most people, she would appear as though she were fine. It was only those who truly knew her that it was clear there was more going on, that she wasn’t as okay as she would claim to be if asked. Honestly, she was used to all of it. The hatred, the attacks, the losing of friends. But it didn’t exactly make it any easier. Still, she was as relaxed as she could be all things considered.

Peter gave her a lopsided smile before settling himself next to her. “How’s it going?” It wasn’t a direct question about how she was doing or what was going on, but it was a simple starting point anyway. He had a feeling the pressing might take a moment, but maybe she’d talk to him about whatever it was she was dealing with. He wasn’t a mind reader, so he couldn’t for sure say what it was, but he knew it wasn’t just some trivial concern. She’d never really come off as a girl that worried too much about things that didn’t actually need worrying about.

A starting point was always a good place to start. Some things didn’t necessarily work if you jumped right into them, even as Esmeralda had said she would try to find the words for if asked. Still, she gave a small smile in response before looking back over the city, chin on her knees. Since it was Peter, she was more relaxed than she might otherwise be, so that was something at least.

“It’s….” What was a word that would fit. “Another day, with things that aren’t new.” Both the bigotry and hatred, as well as the eventual loss of a friend. Because even if Kitty said they were on the same side, she had made her stance clear, the stance of all at the Court of Miracles and if something was done that went against it, especially if it led to more attacks and making it so people who used the Court for their own needs of sanctuary…. “Nothing that hasn’t been dealt with before.”

“And yet something that is bothering you a considerable amount.” He studied her for a moment before staring out in front of himself. He didn’t know if looking directly at her would make things more difficult to talk about or not. Some people dealt with things differently. “Is this about what happened at the Court or something else?”

“It shouldn’t.” But it did, and it was frustrating. Then again, with everything that had happened, she supposed it made sense. And she was only human. No matter how much she dealt with, how much she made certain to push forward, sometimes things still did get to her. “Both.”

Sighing, Esmeralda folded some hair behind her ear.

“Kitty came by and saw what happened. And because of our argument on how to handle these things, I have lost a friend. Which...isn’t new, but she was the first friend I made here.” And that seemed to mean it was hitting her harder than it might otherwise have. That and the risks at hand. It was frustrating. But if there was anyone who Esmeralda might let her guard down enough around to open up, it seemed to be Peter.

Peter was quiet as she talked, listening to what she had to say. It made sense now that she’d been so upset. It also explained why she hadn’t been keen on talking about it. It was difficult to make friends, difficult to keep them. He hadn’t really made many in his life before now. He was happy enough to carry on the way he always had. It was people like Esmeralda and a couple of the other people around that kept him from leaving half the time. Also the need to know what was going to happen.

“Sorry about your friend. I’ve been told it’s difficult to lose a friend. Even when you’re used to it.” He glanced over at Esmeralda. “Anything I can do to make up for it?” A pause. “Or at least make it a little better?”

“You’re here, that’s enough.” And for her, it was. Even so, Esmeralda sighed, “I’m just… tired.” She supposed that was what she got for caring so much. The days when it all felt like a weight crushing down on her, yet always moving and trying and doing what she could. “She said she didn’t want to stand in my ashes… but hitting first would put us all at more risk. And those who come to us for help. We know what we’re doing and just…”

Shaking her head, Esmeralda pulled her knees closer to her chest.

“I guess it doesn’t matter in the end. I know what our choices are and if she does what she wants, she does it for herself because I told her not to because it would just lead to more violence.” It didn’t make her feel any better, and she didn’t appreciate feeling like she was being seen as weak or a coward or making the wrong choice. But it was what it was.

Peter frowned briefly before reaching out to take hold of her hand. It was meant to be an added gesture to show her that they were together and it was going to be okay. “What we do and how we handle things is the way that works for us. Yeah, I want to find the people that did this and hit them or fight back, but the police tend to vote in their favor.” He hated the way they were treated. “Plus, she doesn’t have to worry about the fake papers and way that things could get complicated. We don’t really have the funds to get everyone out of jail.”

He didn’t consider that cowardice. It wasn’t ideal, but it didn’t make sense for the lot of them to suffer just because assholes attacked them. There were other ways to fuck them over. Mostly because stealing from the rich assholes that came around was a way to right things. At least a little.

“She’s not one of us, so she doesn’t really get it. That method works for her and it’s not...I guess it isn’t wrong exactly. It’s just not how we handle problems.” He frowned. “Maybe after she’s had some time to calm down you can talk to her again. See if she’s willing to accept how you are choosing to do things or not. If not, that’s her problem.”

Feeling Peter take her hand, Esmeralda squeezed his hand in acknowledgement and thanks. It wasn’t even just being arrested. It was their papers being looked at more closely, of being deported back to a country which had been sued for how poorly they treated their Romani population. And yes, that was why Kitty had wanted to find the people responsible, since the police were not an option. But those people would have more recourse with the police than those from the Court, or people going to fight on behalf of the Court. There would always be people trying to hurt them and if one was knocked down, there would be ten more willing to fight back and do worse. “It’s not like we’d take it if anyone of us had been upstairs, we would have fought back. But there’s a difference between that and looking for them after. I’ve seen what happens when people do what she wants.”

No. It was far from ideal, but Esmeralda had seen how violence spiraled. She could see what would happen to the Court…

“I understand her anger. I know she is judged for who she is. But to say we are on the same side, to say that I don’t have to fight in a way that sounds like she still plans to….”

It meant Kitty was going to do what she wanted despite protest. And that was why Esmeralda had to draw the line. They were both stubborn. But to do that… no matter her intent, it wasn’t going to help. And it led to a good chance that Kitty would stand in her ashes after all by antagonizing to such an extent.

“Maybe…. I think it’s built too much for her to see it though.”

It wasn’t ever going to easy to be them. He didn’t have the same dangers of deportation as the rest of the Court, but he could still understand. He didn’t want to do anything to put them in danger. They were just as much family as his mom, Destiny, and his grandfather. There was family everywhere.

“It’ll work itself out. Not really sure how, but it will. If she does anything, then we’ll prepare ourselves for it. Even if I have to come stay or come earlier to check on things. Mom will understand.” He frowned a little. “But we gotta hope that she has someone to talk her out of doing something she’ll regret later.” At least he hoped so. Because otherwise they were going to have a lot more shit to deal with.

“Either way, I’m here.”

“Do we ever know how?” Because there were times when things probably shouldn’t work out, but somehow they did. Part of it was just the general way they handled things and made things work. But it wasn’t like there was ever a specific plan in place. Still, she nodded some as Peter said that they would need to prepare themselves before sighing softly.

“I hope so…” And she really did. Even if it wasn’t the threat of what might happen to those at the Court should Kitty act on what she had said, that sort of anger would fester within the other woman which was never healthy. But it was clear that she wasn’t the one to talk her out of it as she had too much to worry about with the Court and those who went to them for help.

Looking over to Peter, she gave a small smile.

“I know. Thank you.”

“Probably not,” he admitted. He wasn’t normally the optimist, preferring his job as the pessimist, but it seemed like she needed him to fill the role for now. Until she got back to her optimistic self again. “But it usually rights itself one way or another. Plus, people are assholes, what are you gonna do? Outside of hope they get a little less assholeish.”

He wasn’t sure if they needed to be prepared in case something happened and it backfired. But for tonight, he’d just try to focus on making sure Esmeralda didn’t worry too much. “You gonna stick around here tonight?”

“Since when are you the voice of hope? Though you’re right, it usually does.” Which was how Esmeralda kept going and believing. And how even if things weren’t as okay as her dream self had hoped in the 500+ years it had been since her dreams took place, they were still better in their own ways. But that was the question, wasn’t it? How to keep people from being assholes because they always would be, no matter how much you tried to scare them out of it.

“Probably. I mean, with everything as tense as it is, it’s probably best.” When things like this happened, the Court closed ranks. It wouldn’t help with Esmeralda’s perchance for worrying about everything, and things were going to be tense. But despite all the random bickering that took place between the Kumpania, they were still their own form of family and there for one another.

“Since you are stealing my job as the pessimist. Someone’s got to carry the weight of optimism.” He lightly bumped her shoulder with his, careful to make it a light bump. “I figure if you’re on that end of the spectrum, you need someone to pick up the slack until you’re back to your annoyingly optimistic self. Try not to make it last too long. I’m not sure how long I can go before I start to sound like a holiday greeting card.”

“All right. Well, then we can sit here until you’re ready to go inside and if you want me to stick around, I will, if not, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“It does take a certain skill set to not sound like a card. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I always am, right?” So that was probably debatable, but also at the end of the day, Esmeralda bounced back from whatever was thrown at her. It was her own version of a superpower given she was nothing more than human.

“We do have the extra room.” Not that they hadn’t shared a hammock or bed before from falling asleep talking, and it was in her own way saying that she wouldn’t mind him sticking around as Esmeralda wasn’t the best at actually asking for something for herself like that. “But sitting up here until we open sounds perfect for now.”