Jemma Simmons is a terrible liar (needanewplan) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-06-26 08:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, cosima niehaus, jemma simmons |
Who: Cosima and Jemma
What: Emotional conversations following rather troublesome dreams
When: 26 June 2017
Where: Their flat
Warnings: Dream related violence and injuries
Status: Log | Complete
And like usual, everything was a mess. Team members had been replaced by LMDs and now she and Fitz were trying to figure out who was real and who was not. Only… the warning light had come on and one of them was the missing LMD. It wasn’t her. She didn’t think it was her. She really hoped it wasn’t her. So it was holding a gun at him and he was so Fitz, but one of them was the LMD and she just…
“Well it’s one of us!”
God and it hurt so much and not knowing and then Fitz apologizing. She couldn’t let him make her feel bad for him. She didn’t want him to hurt her. Through tears and fear and sheer will to survive, she demanded he cut himself and …. Oh god that was a lot of blood. Still wary she went to help, to stop the blood only for him to turn the knife around and stab her in the leg and knock her out.
Everything was a blur, her head was attached to something and all she knew in the haze of drugs that the android was pushing through her was that she needed to get away before he put her mind in a LMD as well.
Marriage. Why was he talking about…. Why did it take him as an LMD to discuss marriage? But no. She needed to get away. She would find the real Fitz. Struggling and fighting. He claimed he was trying to save her all while he was strangling her. This was… but no. She had to.. She had…
Somehow despite Fitz’s screams (not Fitz. An LMD), she stabbed him and ran. She couldn’t even trust if Daisy was Daisy until she quaked her bones. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think and she couldn’t lose Daisy as well. Then it was taking back the base and going into the Framework and darkness and an inability to breathe.
Waking up, Jemma struggled for breath. Everything hurt and she could still feel the drugs coursing through her from the dreams. She was shaken, her mind a mess. Slowly she got out of bed to keep from waking Cosima and stumbled first to the bathroom to get a first aid kit and then to where the breakfast nook was. It was beginning to get light out and it would help as she started to tend her injuries, still in a daze.
The fact that Cosima’s dreams had not continued for quite some time was both a relief and worrisome. After all, she had left off at the part where she was suffering from hypothermia and had found Delphine alive. She definitely knew more dreams were coming, she just didn’t know when.
As it was, she tended to sleep a bit better lately. Especially since she and Jemma had moved in together. It had been a big step in their relationship, but it certainly seemed to be working. They both were adjusting to being around each other far more than they already had been. But the close proximity also lent itself to learning each other’s idiosyncrasies that much more. Which had both positives and negatives, as did most everything that came with a relationship.
When Jemma got up, Cosima didn’t wake up right away. The movement had pulled her into a lighter stage of sleep, but she remained asleep a little bit longer. Eventually, she did wake up, squinting to try and see the clock. She reached for her glasses on the nightstand and slid them on. It was still early. Early enough to roll over and go back to sleep. Except she noticed that Jemma wasn’t in bed, and she didn’t hear the shower. Frowning softly, she slipped out of bed and headed towards the kitchen area.
“Jemma?” She asked as she rubbed at one of her eyes before settling her glasses back on her nose.
It was true that Jemma did tend to wake early anyway, though between not doing her morning exercise routine nor was she in the shower, it was clear that something was off. Of course not hard to be off when you still had drugs coursing through your system thanks to dreams, a stabbed leg, bruising on her neck from the android trying to choke her as well as her temple which also had dried blood around the hairline from being knocked out. Which was why she’d been bandaging her thigh from where she’d been stabbed.
Looking up as she heard her name, Jemma tried to smile, but honestly it was too draining at the moment with everything that was happening in her mind with what had happened and the pain.
“Did I wake you? Sorry, I was trying to be quiet.”
Wincing as she straightened her leg, Jemma leaned against the wall, letting out a breath.
“No, it’s fine,” Cosima responded quickly. Though seeing the state Jemma was in, it suddenly didn’t even matter if she’d been woken up or not. All that mattered was helping Jemma if she could.
“What happened? Is there something I can do to help?” Cosima asked, moving closer. She didn’t dare try to help tend to Jemma’s wound until she got the okay to do so. Sometimes it could make things worse, and she definitely didn’t want to do it. And it was obvious that something had happened in Jemma’s dreams, it was just a matter of what exactly had happened.
She also didn’t quite know if Jemma would give the details easily or not. That was just something she’d have to gauge as they went.
“Fitz….” Which… wouldn’t make sense in the slightest. Even if it was clearly a dream related thing, Fitz attacking Jemma like this would make no sense. “Well, not Fitz, but an android copy of him.” At least Cosima was familiar enough with the LMD program thanks to the arrival of Aida’s head in the case and the brief confusion from that which had taken place about that.
God her dreams were a complete mess. Which yes, she already knew after dealing with these things for over two years now, but there were still times when the dreams reminded her of just how messed up they were.
“I’ll be fine. Just need the drugs to leave my body.” She’d at least managed to tend the other injuries, or the ones she could. Her throat was still raw and in pain from the attack, though that would pass.
In some ways, she was a bit more forthcoming than she usually would be, though that could also be the shock and drugs in her system talking as well.
The initial mention of Fitz didn’t tell Cosima much. Though it was enough to tell Cosima just how affected Jemma was. Though she hadn’t anticipated the precise response Jemma gave her. She knew about the LMD program after that little fright with the head. But at least that had gotten settled and Cosima didn’t mind it. Severed heads weren’t a new concept to her, after all.
“Do you want some water? A hug? All of the above?” Cosima offered, taking stock of Jemma’s injuries again. It looked like she’d tended to most of them. And she knew it could take a little while for drugs to clear someone’s system, depending on what drugs they actually were. And, well, she was more than ready to give what comfort she could to Jemma.
It was also a bit uncharacteristic at how forthcoming Jemma was, but it wasn’t unexpected considering the drugs and the shock. Seriously, dreams could be seriously fucked up. Cosima tended to wish that Jemma’s dreams would end sooner or later. And, well, she wishes her own dreams would also end sooner rather than later.
Even if she didn’t have the dream emotional crossover, Jemma did still feel that pull to Fitz as her best friend, so that he could do all of that, that some artificial version of him would hurt her in some twisted way to protect her… it was a lot to take in, as if her head wasn’t already swimming because of the drugs which made her slower to move and weak.
“All of the above?”
It had taken Daisy hugging her to prove they were both real, vibrating just enough to know that they were both real. She couldn’t think. They had managed to put forth a plan in the dreams, but here? Here there wasn’t the threat of an android army of their friends and trained agents who would think they were the threat. The adrenaline on that front wasn’t an issue and so she felt a jumbled mess.
Nodding, Cosima grabbed some water for Jemma. Getting that first was imperative because she had a feeling once she hugged Jemma, she wouldn’t be moving from that position for a while. She set the glass down on the table in front of Jemma before she sat next to her and pulled her into a hug.
“I’m so sorry, Jemma,” she said, though she knew the words wouldn’t exactly do much to fix the problem. However, it was still something she wanted to say, to acknowledge what Jemma had gone through in the dream while also providing her some comfort. Or at least she hoped the hug would be comforting.
Water first was a good thing because with everything that was going on, there was an actual chance that Cosima wouldn’t be moving for a bit. It wasn’t like Jemma would keep her there, but it wasn’t who Cosima was when someone was traumatized (no matter how many times it happened because her dreams really did like to constantly up the ante with trauma) and Jemma was still out of sorts.
Leaning into the hug, Jemma just closed her eyes and took a slow breath. She was still shaking and she doubted that would pass between adrenaline, drugs and trauma.
“Apparently Fitz wants to marry me in the dreams. But it took the android version of him to say it. While trying to scan my mind to be put into an android body. To save me.”
Cosima definitely had no objection to sitting there with Jemma for as long as it took. She’d totally sit there all day if that’s what Jemma needed. The Agency could survive without them. Besides, if something happened where they were needed, Natasha or someone would either call or show up at the door. But Cosima was going to hope that it would be a quiet day in Orange County so she could help her girlfriend.
She could feel her shaking, and she gently rubbed her arm comfortingly. Though Cosima was rather surprised by what Jemma had to say about Fitz. So he wanted to marry her, but the android version of him said it.
“That’s...I don’t even know. Learning that from an android version and not actually Fitz himself is definitely not the way to hear about it. I’m also going to assume that he didn’t succeed in turning you into an android?”
Jemma really did hope that today would just be a quiet day on the Agency front. Because yes, if needed she would obviously push past everything that had just happened to get to work. It was what she always did. But that didn’t mean she had to be happy about it. So if they could just… have this day to themselves even if she was the worst company ever….
“I know I’m rather obtuse when it comes to emotions or relationships, but that he was so afraid to even tell me and it took this android version of him to….” What did that say about any of them? Hell, while they had been best friends forever, in terms of an actual relationship it was much shorter than her and Cosima and beyond Natasha’s question, marriage had never even come up.
“No, it didn’t. I was able to…. Stop it.” As the android screamed in Fitz’s voice, looked like him and pleaded with her before suddenly going cold and choking her before she finally managed to short circuit it. Which explained the waver in her voice because even knowing on an intellectual level that it was nothing more than an android with Fitz’s brain scans to appear like him, that it was his thoughts and feelings…. To kill something that looked like her best friend was still a lot to take in no matter those particular factors.
“Daisy and I, after taking back the base, we’re going into the artificial reality that the team was placed in to bring them back. But what that reality entails, I have no idea. We’re going in blind.”
Cosima didn’t mind if Jemma would be terrible company, she just wanted to be here with her, to help her through this. Plus, coming down off the adrenaline high and the drugs in her system probably wasn’t going to be pretty. She was more than willing to do anything that Jemma needed. Hopefully the downside of the drugs wouldn’t be terrible, but she’d make tea later to help with that, if Jemma wanted.
She gave Jemma a little squeeze, knowing it must have been hard to hear that from an android. “That’s a shitty way to find out, but I hope that the real Fitz can actually bring it up to you.” Cosima at least would be upfront about it if she was thinking of marriage. It wasn’t quite on her radar yet, at least not as a serious consideration. Not that she didn’t want to marry Jemma, but they had just moved in together, she did wonder about taking things too fast in that respect.
Not that Cosima could say no if Jemma brought it up. But, well, now this was on her mind, floating around while she listened to Jemma.
“I’m glad you were able to stop it.” Even if it had probably happened in some traumatic way. Cosima had wished she could’ve been there to help Jemma in the dream, but it was what it was and she could at least be here for her now. “That sounds really dangerous, especially going in blind. But at least you aren’t alone, that Daisy’s there too. I hope you both are able to save everyone else.”
Marriage hadn’t been on Jemma’s mind, if only because of that whole obtuse to anything regarding emotions and relationships. Okay so she had choked on her drink when Natasha brought it up. And it wasn’t like they had only just gotten together. They’d been together for two years and after everything they’d been through thanks to the dreams, sometimes it seemed like longer. And that wasn’t a bad thing. Still, it was a lot and Jemma didn’t quite know what to think or do on the matter.
“I told the android I would tell Fitz himself when I find the real him.” But that was the simple reaction, Jemma knew from experience that things were never that easy in the dreams. Especially hers.
“Yeah…” And then she’d been unable to think or process anything. She kept losing people and losing Fitz who had always been by her side as best friend and then boyfriend, it was one thing after the other and the two had always been codependent in some regard. But yes. At least Daisy had been there.
“We have no other choice. Our team has been taken… and we have no idea how this reality was set up. But we have a backdoor planned and a place to meet up since we did find our avatars. Now it’s just….waiting for the next dream to see what that means.”
Sometimes it surprised Cosima that it had only been two years that she and Jemma had been together. It really did feel like longer thanks to the dreams and everything that just generally happened here in Orange County. This place definitely was one to give one the gambit of life experiences in a very short period of time.
Cosima nodded, well knowing that even such a simple reaction didn’t mean things would be easy. Everything was complicated, and who knew what could happen in Jemma’s dreams between then and when she found the real Fitz. Being the hopeless romantic she was, Cosima really did hope that things would work out for Jemma in the dreams. And okay, maybe she was a little jealous of Fitz, but she couldn’t help it. She was with Jemma here. Sometimes she wondered if Jemma felt the same about Delphine.
“Having a backdoor and a meeting place is good. I just wish I could be there to help you.” And, you know, she really just wanted to help. However, the thing about the dreams was that you quickly learned there was nothing you could do to help someone else’s dreams. All you could do was to help the aftermath of the dreams.
Time had a funny way of working in Orange County. Which made sense when people dreamt of living entirely different lives. Sometimes more than one. Add in the constant drama that came from the area because of things crossing over as well? It made for having a complicated relationship with time.
She never had really understood the concept of emotional bleed over in terms of relationships. Friendship and missing a person? Sure. She missed the friendship with Fitz, even in their codependant best friend way. But to be in love with someone in the dreams and have that crossover and hold onto it? No. So while it had hurt when Cosima had made her comment about her lab partner being dead, she wasn’t necessarily jealous. She would be suspicious of the woman if she ever showed up, but jealous? That was something else.
“Thank goodness for Daisy’s hacking abilities.” Looking to her girlfriend, Jemma smiled weakly and reached for her hand. “You help me here, where it’s real.”
Cosima had to wonder if she’d dream of multiple dream lives like some people here did. But she really seriously hoped she didn’t. After all, she wasn’t certain what an alternate version of her current dream life could be. And frankly, she didn’t want to know.
Taking Jemma’s hand in hers, Cosima smiled gently at her. “I’d glad for that. That I help you here. And we’re not going anywhere today, okay? I’ll stay here with you. I think you’ve more than earned a day to relax.” Especially when there were drugs in her system that needed to fade. Cosima wasn’t going to let Jemma go anywhere until she came off of them and was more herself.
Squeezing Cosima’s hand weakly, Jemma nodded and then rested her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.
“I think that is acceptable.”
There was of course the concern about obligations that she had in the lab, however she also knew she was in no state to work on them. Both physically as well as mentally. No. For now, spending the day with her girlfriend at home was the necessary action. There was always tomorrow.