(ಠ_ಠ) (break_the_cycle) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-06-09 02:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, callisto, commander jane shepard, xena |
o I dare ask how many more songs like that you got in there
Who: Xena, Callisto and Shepard
What: Shepard comes to pick up Callisto, Xena teases them, then Shep and Callisto have SINGING
When: During the singing!
Where: Xena's place, then a motel
Rating: PG-13
It could be worse, Xena thought. The music wasn’t so bad and it was kind of fun. It reminded her of a few of her dreams (though the falling out with Gabrielle wasn’t one of the happier ones).
It could be worse, she repeated, opening her closet and seeing Terpsichore’s lyre just sitting there. She slammed the closet shut before she could burst into song, walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and took out an entire six pack of beer.
A knock at the door startled her, and she went to answer it.
Shepard leaned on a cane, grinning when she saw Xena. “Starting a party?”
“Just need to be braindead for the afternoon.”
Shepard nodded. “Callisto around?”
“You know, I ain’t sure.” Xena turned and shouted Callisto’s name. “You’re girl is here!”
She turned back to Shepard, “Just make sure to get her back before curfew.”
Singing. Why was it singing? She remembered that one dream with songs, but beyond that she didn’t sing. Not even in the shower. Callisto preferred to simply scream, not sing. As it was, she had the window in her room open and she was sitting on the sill, feet dangling outside. Hearing Xena call, she climbed back inside and closed the window before coming out of her room.
“Fuck you, I have no curfew,” Callisto chided Xena.
“I’m joking. Go have fun.” Xena shook her head and took her beer to her room before she burst into some awful song.
“And you still live with her because..?” Shepard grinned, waving at Xena’s ass before turning her attention back to Callisto. “How are you feeling?”
“Some days I ask myself that question,” Callisto responded after Xena was out of earshot. She shook her head and looked back at Jane. She was overcome with the need to sing a response. Callisto clamped a hand over her mouth to try and stop it. This time, she managed to fight it off.
“I’m alive.” Which was actually a weighty answer coming from Callisto. It probably wasn’t the answer Jane had wanted, but it was one that said a lot with two words.
Shepard grinned at her, and suddenly she spun her cane around and belted out, "Wipe out the problems of past society. Is that we can live together baby, unless you can feel the heat."
She grabbed Callisto by the hand and yanked her against her body. "We can love together, work together, sleep together. So why can't we live together? And shack up baby, shack up."
Callisto arched an eyebrow at Jane when she started singing. When she was yanked against her, Callisto’s hands came to rest on Jane’s shoulders. She blinked a bit and tilted her head. “You asking me to move in with you?” It was an odd thing to sing.
“Uh.” Well shit. While the idea had been on her mind it hadn’t actually been something she’d ever intended to ask. “You know what, yeah. I am.”
Because she was Commander Shepard and she’d be damned if she was going to back down now.
It certainly seemed that Callisto had caught Jane off-guard with that question. Though now she needed to give a response, and she hadn’t actually thought about it. But she supposed as long as Jane could handle the nightmares, the talking and potential screaming in her sleep on a daily basis.
“And what if I said yes?” It would be one hell of a change, and Callisto didn’t exactly always take change well. But she loved Jane, and maybe she should take this step.
Jane liked to think she’d handled it just fine those nights they were still together in the morning. She hadn’t let go of Callisto yet, and didn’t really plan to. To her knowledge, she’d never actually confessed her feelings to Callisto or vice versa. But maybe this was a start. “Then i’m going to need to clean out my closet.”
Xena might appreciate not having to listen to Callisto’s nightmares anymore. But that wasn’t a factor in Callisto’s decision. “And maybe add insulation to the walls of your apartment. I’m not exactly a peaceful sleeper, and I’m not quiet during sex either.”
Shepard could probably afford a house, but that was a conversation that she didn’t want to have today. No, instead, whatever evil monster was making people sing was inspired by Callisto’s words. “Let's talk about sex, baby, Let's talk about you and me, Let's talk about all the good things, And the bad things that may be.”
What was worse, the lyrics or the fact that Shepard flat out couldn’t sing?
Both were equally bad, if Callisto had anything to say about it. So instead, she grabbed Jane’s head and kissed her soundly for several moments. “I love you, but you’re a terrible singer,” she said.
“Not like I can help it,” Jane said, grinning deliriously. That was a hell of a kiss. Please ma’am, could she have some more. “I don’t remember why I’m here, I think I wanted to get …. “ She trailed off, staring at Callisto, then darting her eyes. “Okay. That was.. Kind of unexpected.”
“I know, but it still needed to be said.” Just in case Jane thought she could make it as a singer or something, Callisto would save them both some hardship there. Though she tilted her head a bit. “What’s unexpected?”
“The. Thing. You said.” She rubbed her arm. Something about it seemed familiar, but she couldn’t place what. Like she’d heard it before but she’d always thought it was some kind of dream.
Callisto looked at her for some moments. “You don’t remember, do you.” It wasn’t phrased as a question because it was obvious that Jane didn’t remember. And suddenly Callisto was wondering if it had been the wrong thing to say or if Jane didn’t actually feel love for her yet.
She shook her head, but tightened her grip on Callisto. “I thought it was a really nice dream.”
“It wasn’t a dream.” Maybe it seemed like it considering how potent the painkillers had been. Though for all Callisto knew, none of this was actually happening, she could still be in that cell in the Hydra facility and dreaming this because it was far better than the reality.
Shepard put her hand on Callisto’s cheek. “I love you too. And here I’ve been struggling to find a way to tell you and apparently we already had this conversation.”
She stroked her thumb along Callisto’s cheekbone. “I always thought that it was… something that you might have problems with.”
Of course, once the idea that this potentially wasn’t actually happening, that she was just making it up to deal with the shit being done to her, Callisto couldn’t quite shake it. “Emotions that aren’t anger or rage don’t come easy to me. I’d thought I didn’t have any other emotions until I met you.”
“I’m sure there’s words for that, but it doesn’t matter.” Jane finally started getting them moving. If her leg would cooperate she’d have picked her up, but she didn’t. “I realized I was falling for you. And I thought I’d just… deal with it. Pretend it wasn’t happening. All I really wanted was to see you find some kinda peace. Whatever peace means to you.”
Callisto moved along with Jane. She had also tried to resist feelings because they confused her. But in the end, when Jane had first said it, she knew she couldn’t ignore them anymore. “I was doing relatively well at that, until I got fucked up all over again.”
“Hey, you’re still here, and you’re holding my hands. That’s progress. I know it’s never everything and all things, but having something to hold on to is never terrible.”
“Until recently I would’ve laughed at having something to hang on to. I didn’t think in those terms, and Xena was really my only friend, the only person who actually understood why I am the way I am. And now I’m fucked up in a different way and I don’t have words to express what I went through.” Which irritated Xena to no end, they’d argued over it, but Callisto really couldn’t help the fact that she couldn’t accurately describe the way she felt or what was now part of her. Some things just went beyond description and simply needed to be experienced to be understood.
Shepard had grown to know what Callisto needed to hear and needed to do. And that those words might not come but they’re still there and they still mean things. Or something. She didn’t always have the words either.
“We’re both really fucked up. Maybe that’s why it works.”
“Probably. A normal person would’ve given up long ago.” Sometimes Callisto would say that Xena was normal, but Xena had a screw or two loose. Just in a completely different way than Callisto did.
Shepard though that Xena was crazier than Callisto. Callisto’s psychosis was easily explained and easy to see, and in a way that made it easier to deal with. But Xena, Xena was in some ways more unpredictable.
“Honestly babe, you require a lotta patience.”
“I probably require more than a lotta patience,” Callisto corrected. She knew she was a difficult person to get along with. She didn’t always talk about what was bothering her, and she didn’t deal with it normally. Callisto preferred to speak with her fists, or fireballs, when it came to venting. She really didn’t think anyone in the world other than Xena could really handle her.
“Remind me to tell you about Jack sometime.” Shrugging, Jane opened the door to the humvee and threw the cane in the back. Did she need the cane? Yes? No? Maybe? She liked to keep people guessing. (the answer was yes and she still didn’t know how long, but didn’t want to make Callisto even more pissed at herself).
“Alright,” she responded, wondering what this Jack had to do with anything. Callisto got in the car. She had a feeling that Jane still needed the cane, and wondered if that was because she came to rescue her. “So, where are we going? Or is that a surprise?”
“It’s a surprise.” Jane tilted her head back, and sang, "Like a river flows surely to the sea. Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you."
Of course it was a surprise, why did Callisto even ask? She looked at Jane as she burst into song again, and this time, Callisto responded with a song of her own. “You are the vision I’m looking for. Make me remember all I forgot. Watch me become just an animal, naked to nothing more than who we are. Feral hearts, in the night. Loving like we’ve been kept captive. Free to light, feral hearts come alive, loving like we’ve been kept captive.”
Shepard pulled over, then put her hand around the back of Callisto’s head and kissed her passionately. She broke the kiss and whisper-sang, "What is it to die.But to crumble in the sunshine naked in the wind? Let the earth reclaim, all that's mine. You and i are intertwined."
Callisto returned the passionate kiss. Then she just smirked a bit. “I like the sound of that, babe,” she whispered in response before she kissed Jane again.
Kissing Callisto again, Jane suddenly decided she had other plans for her. "I look and stare so deep in your eyes, I touch on you more and more every time, When you leave, I'm begging you not to go Call your name two or three times in a row, Such a funny thing for me to try to explain, How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame,'Cause I know I don't understand. Just how your love can do what no one else can"
God damn it, Jane knew how to get her going without even really trying. Though the whole singing thing, even if Jane was terrible, kind of helped set the tone. More or less. She pressed a hand to Jane’s cheek, caressing it with her thumb. “And I needed one more touch. Another taste of divine rush. And I believe, I believe it’s so.”
Moving her teeth to Callisto’s throat, Jane growled, "Wanna put my fingers through your hair, wrap me up in your legs, and love you till your eyes roll back. Then I’ma rock your body, turn you over. Love is war. I’m your soldier. Touchin you like it’s our first time."
She was about to shove her hand down Callisto’s pants when someone knocked on the window. Moving back to her seat, she rolled it down. “Afternoon, officer!”
The woman cleared her throat. “You know, there’s a perfectly good hotel nearby.”
Callisto groaned a bit, exposing more of her neck to Jane. She could totally go for some damn good sex. And then a knock at the window pulled Jane away and Callisto took a deep breath and leaned forward a little to get a better look at the cop. “Ah, yes. Thank you for the information, officer.”
Waiting for the cop to drive away, Jane rubbed her face. “That coulda gone worse.” She looked at Callisto. “Motel first, or food first?”
“I’d like to say both, but motel might be more pressing.” Especially after those kisses and the song Jane had last sung. Callisto kind of just wanted to jump her bones now, at least in a way that wouldn’t injure Jane further.
“Got it.” Shepard put pedal to the metal, screeching back onto the road and cutting off a semi-truck. The motel was a little farther away then she would have liked. "Tonight I’m gonna dance for you. Tonight I’m gonna put my body on your body. Boy I like it when you watch me. Tonight it’s going down."
Luckily Callisto didn’t mind Jane’s driving style. Besides, that motel was a little further away than she wanted it to be. Especially when Jane sang things like that. “Lights are low, so here we go, let’s get busy. Tic toc hands on the clock, time to make my body rock. Move with me, you get me so hot that I can’t stop.”
"Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I’ve got to find. Only you can set my heart on fire. Yeah, I’ll let you set the pace. ’Cause I’m not thinking straight. My head’s spinning around I can’t see clear no more. What are you waiting for? Love me like you do." Shepard was squirming in her seat. This wasn't the plan for the day, but who was she to argue with the county?
“Fuck,” Callisto cursed under her breath. She definitely was itching to get into that motel because she wanted to rip Jane’s clothes off and have her way with her. “Are we there yet?” She really hoped she didn’t burst into song about not being there yet.
Jane parked badly, jumping out of the vehicle and forgetting her cane. Her right leg gave out and she landed hard on the pavement. "Fuck."
Pulling herself up, she gave Callisto a slightly bloodied thumbs up, and reached for her cane.
Callisto got out of the car and she heard Jane hit the pavement. She came around the car quickly to see the thumbs up and she frowned a bit. “Are you okay?” Because that was important, she didn’t want Jane to have hurt herself with that fall.
“I’ll live,” Jane assured her, though she limped to and from the office a little slower than she would have otherwise. Once they were parked again and in the room, she disappeared into the bathroom in order to wash her hands. Then she came back out and grinned at Callisto.
“You’d better,” Callisto retorted. She didn’t think she could resurrect Jane if she died, so she’d be very cross with her if she did die on her. Once in the room, Callisto waited for Jane to wash her hands, then when she came back out, Callisto walked up to her, slipping her arms around her and pulling her close. “Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?”
"Touch my body. Put me on the floor. Wrestle me around. Play with me some more. Touch my body. Throw me on the bed. I just wanna make you feel. Like you never did." Jane wrapped her arms around Callisto, and ran her hands down her back. "When my body’s screaming out now. I know you hearin’ it, you got me moaning now. I got a secret that I wanna show you, oh. I got secrets imma drop em to the floor, oh. No teasing, you waited long enough. Go deep."
Callisto slid her hands up Jane’s arms to her shoulders, then she slid them down her sides and pulled her hips closer. “Mm don’t mind if I do,” she said as she kissed Jane passionately. It really didn’t take much for Jane to set Callisto on fire. It was almost frightening how little it took, actually.
Some of the songs coming out of their mouths were downright dirty. Shepard’s hands started to demonstrate as she sang, "Can you feel the magic in my hands, When I touch and rub you the right way, Stroke applied with tenderness, When I hold and rub you the right way"
She shivered as Jane’s hands moved over her body. She loved it when Jane touched her. “You make me feel the need to let out my inner whore. You make me feel the greed, the fire I can’t ignore.” Their songs were definitely getting more and more dirty, but it seemed to only add to the moment. Callisto’s hands moved along Jane’s body, keeping her close against her.
At that, Jane pushed Callisto to the bed until they both fell into it. The words got lewder and more carnal, the singing turning to wordless moans and gasps.
Jane ached at the end of it, but not just physically. No, her heart ached, and she stroked Callisto’s face in the afterglow and sang a not-half-bad rendition of Etta James’ At Last
The singing only made the experience more electric. It was quite the carnal experience as well, considering how lewd the singing got before all they were doing was moaning.
In the afterglow, Callisto snuggled up to Jane, the fingers of one hand lightly trailing along her skin. She couldn’t help but to smile at the song. She wasn’t completely the type to like romance, but right now she liked it. “Now you’re being romantic,” she murmured.
Tangling their legs together, Jane made a pleased, slightly breathy sound. “Do you want me to stop?”
She didn’t really want to stop. She could count on one hand the number of times she’d gotten to be like this with anyone and half of those were from her dreams.
“No,” she responded simply. Callisto was in the mood for some romance this time. She kept trailing her fingertips lightly along Jane’s skin, keeping her close. Before meeting Jane, she wasn’t the snuggling type. Now, however, she was changing her tune a bit. Callisto found that she craved touch.
Jane had maybe tried to help with that. She touched Callisto every chance she could. Gentle touches, strokes, the warmth of her hand and her skin. She’d tried to associate touch with something good. Another song welled up inside of her. Super sappy, super ridiculous, but she sang Eternal Flame to Callisto.
When Jane burst into Eternal Flame, she couldn’t help but to chuckle at it a bit. It was definitely sappy and ridiculous, but Callisto didn’t try to stop Jane. She just let the sappiness play out. “Do I dare ask how many more songs like that you got in there?”
“More than you can handle,” Shepard replied, before adding. “More than I can handle.”
She’d never expected to see Callisto like this, though, and she had no intention of calling attention to it. She knew her lover well enough to know that was the best way to just enjoy things.
She kissed her lightly. No singing, a little serious sappy, “I love you.”
These sorts of moments were rare for Callisto, and frankly she’d rather indulge in these than the bad moments she tended to suffer through. Especially lately with all the crap leftover from the experiments she’d been put through.
Callisto returned the kiss. “I love you, too.” And there, at least this time Jane wasn’t high as kite while saying it.
Shepard burst into a huge grin, nuzzling her face against Callisto’s. Her finger trailed across the Hind’s Blood Dagger wound. “This wasn’t my plan today. Not going to complain.”
She shivered a bit at Jane’s finger trailing across the scar under her breast. And then she couldn’t help but to laugh a bit. “Do we ever actually stick to plans?” That certainly seemed to be a running theme there.
“Not even my plans stick to the plan,” Shepard pointed out. Callisto hadn’t been in the plan. But she’d met her and been immediately taken with her. A little bit savior complex but not really. It had quickly become clear that ‘saving’ Callisto wasn’t going to happen. But she could at least give her a clear path.
“Then maybe you should just stop trying to make plans and go with whatever happens.” Callisto chuckled. And no, Callisto didn’t need, or want, to be saved. Well, she probably did need the saving, but she definitely didn’t want it. She was completely with who and what she’d become, at least until Hydra had experimented on her, and now she had to accept the monster thing all over again.
“Careful, words like that could lead to crazy spontaneous outcomes.” Like eloping, though Garrus would never forgive her.
“Yes, well, you already kind of do that when we never stick to plans to begin with,” Callisto pointed out.
“So lets do something crazy,” Jane suggested.
“Like what? Get matching tattoos?” Not something either of them were a stranger to, though Callisto had quite a few. She always had room for more.
“Wouldn’t those heal on you now?” Jane asked. Which wasn’t the crazy she had momentarily thought of.
Callisto blinked. “I don’t know, I hadn’t thought of that.” Really, she probably should’ve been used to that. Tattoos probably wouldn’t have worked when she’d been an immortal or a goddess either. But now with her healing ability, they probably wouldn’t stay either. “God damn it, and I liked getting tattoos.” Or probably more accurately, she liked the pain that came with them.
“Sure you just liked the ink?” Shepard sat him, and dragged her fingers down Callisto’s thigh, hard enough to leave marks with her dull nails. “Or did you like this part.”
Callisto shivered as Jane dragged her nails down her thigh. “Alright, so I liked the pain a little more.” Though she liked tattoos in general as well, otherwise she wouldn’t have such intricate ones.
Jane smiled to herself, leaning her head against Callisto’s breast and nuzzling. She hoped Callisto didn’t mind. She really needed a nap after that.
Right now, Callisto didn’t mind at all. She held Jane close, lightly stroking her hair. Hell, Callisto could probably use a nap herself. She didn’t exactly sleep well these days.
Jane hoped it would be a good sleep. After, she had plans. More naked with Callisto. A nice dinner. Playing with some new weapons in the desert. You know, date stuff!
It took a little while before Callisto actually fell asleep. But she didn’t sleep well. She slipped fitfully at best. Talking in her sleep, mutterings of demons and the whispers she heard in her head. Mutterings of the shadows and red eyes. She finally jerked away, sitting up and pressing a hand against her face, rubbing it a bit.
“Callisto?” Jane murmured the name, sitting up and rubbing a cramp out of her leg. “You okay?”
Of course she wasn’t okay. Jane got out of bed, limping carefully over to the mini-fridge. She had a network of new scars from that final battle and one or two from rescuing Callisto. Pulling two beers from the mini-fridge, she brought one over to her girlfriend. This would probably cost 5 bucks, but she didn’t really care.
Callisto took a couple slow, deep breaths to try and get herself under control. She took the beer that was handed to her. “Nightmares,” she responded, cracking the beer open and taking a drink of it. She knew it didn’t really answer the question, but that’s where she was starting with it.
“Figured.”Jane took a sip of her own beer, sitting on the bed and rubbing her hand up and down Callisto’s back. She had to find a good position that didn’t hurt too much, and wondered if she’d always hurt. Small price to pay.
She took some moments as Jane rubbed her back to try and get her thoughts in order. However, a song welled up instead and Callisto burst into a rather raw version of Linkin Park’s Crawling.
The only way to go more emo would probably to go Evanescence or The Birthday Massacre, so that was pretty impressive. She listened, her heart aching and her hand still and motionless on Callisto’s back. If she could go back there and personally torture that bitch, she would.
Luckily, Evanescence’s songs were far more emo than Callisto currently felt. Callisto’s problems were rooted in trauma, not something like heartbreak or whatever Evanescence’s songs were about. She took another drink of her beer and took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to better describe it than that. There’s shit in my head that I see, both awake and asleep, that I don’t have words for. I have powers that I don’t know the extent of. And I just have a feeling that I’m some walking time bomb that will go off and take everyone with me.”
“I wish you could show me it. Make me experience it too. That way I’d understand better. The closest I can think are the months after I came back from the dead. The nightmares I’d have.” Jane rubbed her neck. “Or what it feels like when a Reaper tries to get into your head.”
“Do you get those nightmares now?” Callisto didn’t like her problems being the focus. It made her feel uneasy and weak, like she should be strong enough to handle it without complaining. But that was the kind of thinking that made her button up about her family’s death for so long. But at least she was over her fear of fire. Though she’d traded that for a fear of small spaces. Sometimes she wondered if she was more afraid of small spaces now than she had been of fire for so many years.
“Sometimes,” Jane admitted. Probably more than she was willing to admit even to Callisto. “Though the nightmares I get now are a lot different.”
She dreamed of the Reapers on Earth, and winning. Of Orange County turning to ash, and the ghosts of the dead wandering the wastes. Even now, with the threat over, she sometimes still saw that.
And she didn’t have to be asleep for it. A glance out the window and maybe she’d see the ruins rather than what was really there.
But it had used to be a lot worse. “It’s not as bad now.”
Callisto nodded some understanding. Nightmares were common place for her. So many times she’d relived her family’s fiery death. Sometimes she’d dream that she’d also perished in those flames. Now she had demons and whatever the hell else added to it.
And voices.
“That’s at least some progress,” she commented.
Shepard understood voices too, though hers were whispers of the dead. Kaiden, Miranda, Legion and Mordin were the most common. Those in particular haunted her. “It’s some. I’d rather have mine than you have yours.” It would be a worthwhile sacrifice, in her opinion.
She was tired of Callisto suffering.
“It’s nothing I can’t adjust to. Having nightmares for twelve years straight kind of prepared me for this shit.” Obviously it was far different than dreaming of people dying in a fire, but it was still something that wasn’t completely different from it either. Nightmares were nightmares and the fear was still real regardless of what those nightmares entailed.
Was it really the same? Jane didn’t think so, but she also knew nothing she said would make any real difference in this case. It wasn’t a battle worth having. She took Callisto’s hand and leaned against her. “Just wish it was demons we could actually kill.”
“Yeah same here. It’s a lot easier to fight something that’s physically real.” Callisto rather preferred such things. She was more action, less talk when it came to these things. It was just how she was. She gave Jane’s hand a little squeeze.
“Come here.” Jane leaned in, kissing Callisto. There was no heat or fire in the motion. It was soft, gentle, purely made of caring and love. And she reveled in it.
She returned the kiss, leaning into Jane a bit. This kind of kiss was still rather new to her. It was almost unsettling, in a way, but Callisto settled into it. It at least was far better than a nightmare.
“You’re not going home tonight, or tomorrow,” Jane promised her. “I’m going to kidnap you for a few days until this singing mess if over. How does that sound?”
“That sounds good to me. Though is it really kidnapping when I’m willing to stay with you?” Besides, the singing thing was a bit embarrassing at times. It would be better to be confined to singing only around Jane, in Callisto’s opinion.