InsaneJournal

Who: Obi-Wan and Meetra
What: Meeting to discuss Obi's major stress issues...
When: Monday Morning
Where: A Forest, Somewheres
Rating: PG-13, because of Meeta's advice to get laid
Status: Complete




Obi-Wan probably looked about as good as he felt, though the fresh air was helping to put some color back in his face. Lately, the bulk of his work had been tunneling underground for Baggins’ secret lair “hobbit” hole. The lack of sunlight was probably beginning to affect his already depressed mood. Lack of vitamin D... or something like that...

The forest was quiet. Obi-Wan didn’t care for too much silence. That was probably part of his problem at the moment.

There was the sudden hum of a saber as Meetra dropped down onto him from above. She'd been laying in wait for him to show up - and a little too eager to get into the fight.

Had she been cloaking herself somehow, Obi-Wani wondered, as he lept back to clear the way. Anything as possible and he was 'off his game', as it were. "How long have you been up there?" But he sound of the hum had doubled. He looked at his hand, and saw he was at least cognizant enough to ignite his own saber.

"Thirty minutes," She said, spinning her saber around and coming in for a quick parry. Meetra had a bit of a joyous look on her face, as she did so, like this was the most fun she'd had in a very, very long time.

It was the first time Obi-Wan had heard two lightsabers cross. The sound was beautiful and nostalgic and terrifying all at once. He held Meetra there for a moment and returned with a trust of his own. His technique was not a clean as hers, but he was no neophyte. A smile very quickly appeared on his face.

Meetra flipped back, darting around a tree. She couldn't rely on the force as much as she might have liked, so she relied more on her training and her memories.

She came out from the other side of the tree.

He was there to meet her, though he was still looking a little clumsy. By now, Obi-Wan's heart was thumping against his ribcage. He could feel his pulse in his ears. He was engaging in a playful duel with Meetra Surik! Next to Masters Yoda or Qui-Gon, he couldn't think of anyone who could top that for him. "It's not fair that you have training in both worlds."

"Fencing was like therapy for me," She explained, parrying a clumsy thrust and pointing her saber at his throat. "It makes me feel alive."

She shut the saber down, and gestured for him to follow her, "I found a spot. We can see out pretty far. There's a waterfall about a mile from it you can barely make out. The view is fantastic for meditation."

Had it been a real duel, Obi-Wan realized he would have been dead on the spot. His ears turns a little pink from embarrassment, but he rolled his shoulders and shrugged it off, retracting his saber, as well. “Lead on then,” he said, gesturing that she should take them on their way.

It took several minutes but Meetra eventually led Obi to this spot. It was a breathtaking view, and she knelt in the grass, shifting and crossed her legs. She patted the grass next to her, "Have a seat. Your calm seems disturbed."

Obi-Wan lifted his hands to his hips and took in the horizon, breathing deeply, as if it was possible to pull the beauty in through his lungs. He lowered himself slowly, taking a seat beside Meetra with one knee bent heavenward and his arm resting across it. “I am troubled,” he said, beginning slowly. “I am... struggling. I have many friends who are suffering, in one way or another. As soon as one thing reaches a resolution, another crisis takes its place. And I feel selfish for wishing it was more peaceful.”

"If things were more peaceful, they would not suffer, right?" Meetra glanced at him, "That's not selfish. You need to try to relax. You can't help your friends if you can't help yourself. If you're wound up you're no good to anyone. Have you been meditating?"

His chin fell closer to his chest with a short sigh. If Obi-Wan said he had attempted to meditate, it wouldn’t have been lying, but an attempt was not what she was asking about. He shook his head. “Essentially, no.”

"I see. Have you done anything to try to relax?" Meetra shook her head, shifting into a kneeling position, and stretched a bit before getting comfortable. She rested her hands on her knees.

Obi-Wan’s eyes lost their focus for a moment, as he looked out towards the waterfall. He struggled for an answer. “...Well, I’ve been throwing myself into work, and that clears my head.”

"That doesn't count," Meetra replied. She glanced at him, her hair falling into her eyes a bit. "How are things with Danielle?"

Dani sounded too informal. Danielle was a much prettier name.

Of course, she was aware this would disturb his calm.

He made a funny little face as his eyelids fluttered, and he felt his shoulder tighten. For what purpose would Meetra want to bring up Dani? When he looked at her, he was scowling just a bit. He looked more upset than confused... which probably meant she was onto something. "Why?"

Maybe it was a test. And maybe he was failing that test. She turned her head entirely to watch him as she answered, "Because I think that's a large part of your distress."

"I don't understand," he said. It might have been more accurate to say he was fighting understanding.

"You're not trying hard enough, Obi-wan." Meetra said, a smile curling one corner of her lips, "Understand harder."

He shook his head, trying to figure out what Meetra wanted to hear, which was probably the wrong way to begin a response. Obi-Wan continued to scowl. "Things with Dani are good right now. They're steadily getting better since... Well, she was using this device to suppress her powers, but since she got rid of it, it's been one less thing to worry about. Really, I'm not sure what you're looking for here, Meetra."

"The truth. I'm looking for the truth. You're frustrated, almost angry. You know what they say about anger." She smirked a bit, "They like to teach that things like emotion are bad, when it's letting yourself get lost in the emotion that is. But how can we have compassion if we don't know love?"

The scowl that seemed rather pasted on Obi-Wan's face began to break down: his jaw softening first, his eyes and then his forehead. He knew better than to fight a woman making a good point, and he had lately made promises to be less defensive; he just kept forgetting about them.

"You're right, I am getting caught up in myself," he bobbed his head with a little nod. "But I was taught that love can be as dangerous as anger. I don't know if I believe it, but it's planted in my brain like a virus. ...And I know that is where the bulk of my problems stem from. I have nowhere to channel these emotion. I feel things too deeply and they stay trapped inside me."

The way his face broke down was endearing, and Meetra had to force back a grin, "Then let them out. Channel them elsewhere. Out. Into a rock a tree, channel them into her. Believe me, discovering love-making was one of the best things I ever learned."

At this, his jaw dropped and Obi-Wan clenched his teeth to bring it back up. His ears went red again, and flush extended into his cheeks and down the back of his neck. "I, uh..." God, he had no idea what to say. "I'll admit, that has been a problem for me... and Dani. We haven't... I mean, I haven't been able to... I mean that I keep talking myself out of it. But for you, it was different. You weren't forbidden." He was passing the buck back to her.

He was turning as red as a beet, and Meetra shook her head, a little ruefully. Not that long ago she was about as easily embarrassed.

A lot of the time she still was, particularly when Haruka or Michiru were at their most teasing.

"Don't pass the buck! It wasn't forbidden because there weren't any of us left! And it was still frowned upon. You should heard the talk about Revan and Bastila." A few from herself, before she learned to master her jealousy. That would have been a very dark path to tread.

“They’re aren’t any of us now,” he replied. The red in his face was only growing stronger. “But that’s really not the problem I’m facing here. I’m fully capable of making love to her, I just obsess over whether or not it’s right.”

"You can't mentally wrap your head around the fact that it's happening and that it's some how not wrong?" Meetra suggested. She shifted, turning so she was facing Obi, "Love is a strong emotion and like the force, it's nuetral. It's what you do with it that matters. I've seen the dark side of love, and I've seen the other side. I died for it, and I would do it again."

"I've seen both sides as well," he said. With Anakin, it had been both. He could not deny that. "...You think.... it would help? I'm not sure it wouldn't create more stress, knowing I was breaking the rules." God, he felt so emasculated putting it that way.

“There are no rules. That’s the best way to think of it. We’re making up our own, we’re fixing our mistakes and righting what wrongs we’re able to. Celibacy is not going into the rule-book. I really think denying that part of ourselves will only lead to bad things.” Meetra rubbed at her knees thoughtfully, “They wanted us to never place any one person’s good over another’s. To not form attachments. But that’s not the natural order of the galaxy. And it’s impossible, anyway. You can only save one planet, and two are in danger. Which do you choose and which do you sentence to death? Or do you find a way? The Jedi Code doesn’t give us the answer or even the leeway to find it. That’s a bit of hyperbole, but you can shrink it down. Do you find the third way?”

His face was pointed to the ground. Obi-Wan plucked a few blades of grass and watched the wind carry them away. "I've seen the problems with what the counsel set it place first hand." His voice was sad, but stable. "And I lost someone of my own. If anyone should be able to reject some of these inhumane ideals, it's I. But.. I hold it so dear to myself at this point. Still, you raise some very good questions. I will have to consider them seriously. I don't have any answers just yet."

But he had begun to notice there was a growing warmth within his chest. Of course, if anyone was equipt to soothe his fears about finding his place among the Jedi, it was another Jedi. His impulse to douse the warmth was still there, but that may have been due more to his innate stubbornness, that ever-present need to control everything...

Obi-Wan tilted his head, and asked himself, objectively, if that was a good thing. The answer came immediately. No. It wasn’t. He followed the line of logic... “...Although... if I’m being completely honest, it’s possible that I’m using the restrictions of the order as an excuse. I had fears about getting close to Dani before the Counsel even entered my head. Here, the Counsel and the Order don’t exist. So... it’s possible I am... creating a problem for myself, in order to avoid something else.”

“Perhaps you are afraid,” She replied. “Afraid of what it might mean, of getting yourself and her hurt. The sad fact is that’s a fear everyone has in a relationship.”

He nodded, but he was frowning. “It’s an all of the above situation...”

Obi-Wan folded his legs beneath him, “Indian-style”, and closed his eyes. He asked his mind to clear, to empty itself out. Why would it not obey?

"You can be paralyzed with fear, or you can be the brave man I know you are and accept the fear, and move past it. Another failing of the code is denying fear. It's there, it's healthy to be afraid. We just need to accept it and move past it."

The masters of the rebuilt order hadn't particularly been happy with her. There had been enough who wanted to cling to the old ways, and she hadn't wanted to remain in charge. Maybe she should have, but someone had to go find Revan.

Obi-Wan could sense the residual frustration flicker beside him. He opened his eyes. “The trick is learning to walk beside it, rather than have it lead you around by the nose.” A small smile appeared.

"Precisely!" Meetra nodded her head, "It is easy to let it lead you, I admit."

The smile lingered. Obi-Wan rose to his feet and brushed the grass from his knees. “I should get to work,” he said. He blinked at Meetra a few times, and then lowered himself with a bow. “Thank you for meeting me today.”

She stood, bowing as well, "Any time I'm available, Obi. It's a pleasure. I feel like a part of myself returns."

“That is a tremendous compliment,” he said. “And one day, you will not be able to fool me by hiding in the trees.”

"Then I will have to hide somewhere else."