Couple of screws loose (quite_vexing) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-05-01 16:09:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, blake belladonna, harley quinn |
Tryin’ to get out of that was like swimmin’ in rapids.
Who: Harley Quinn and Blake Belladonna
What: Random encounters and impromptu Therapy
When: Late April
Where: Out and about
Rating: PG-13 for discussions of abuse
Status: Complete
Blake had finally managed to find a job working in a bookstore. She liked it because it tended to be quiet more often than not, and she always did enjoy books. Her people skills still needed some work, but she at least tried to be nice and relatively social while at work. But at least it was money coming in now, and that was something she needed.
She was on her lunch break, heading to a nearby cafe to get a sandwich and some tea. Waiting at a corner for the light to change, she felt someone come up beside her. She didn’t pay them any attention and she took a step to the side. They were too close for her comfort.
“Oh, don’t be so shy, babe. I don’t bite!” The guy said with a smile, moving into her bubble again.
“No, please leave me alone,” she asked, stepping away again.
“I’m just trying to be friendly with you.” He moved to touch her and Blake recoiled.
“Don’t touch me.” She nearly hissed. “Please, leave me alone.” She then changed her mind, turned around and started heading back towards the bookstore. However, flashes of her ex-boyfriend were running through her mind and she felt herself starting to panic. She wrapped her arms around her middle and walked quickly, trying to find some place to duck into where she could be alone and calm down before returning to work.
But the guy was still following her.
Outside of work, Harley tended to reflect her dreamself more obviously. She liked showing off her body, and her tattoos. Many of which she'd had redone to eradicate any trace of Mr. J. She'd added vines for Red, and more than one design clearly reflecting her wifey. So she was a wild and somewhat strange looking woman. She left work for the day after changing out of her 'business' attire and letting her hair down, and had been on the way to get herself some food and possibly some kind of action.
Like Radar, her head turned in the direction of the commotion. She felt a moment of chilly fear that was quickly replaced by cold rage. Harley knew that kind of behaviour. It had hounded and haunted her for most of her adult life. And she wasn't about to stand back and let another woman be a victim. So she followed too, and when the man started to move in on Blake again, Harley hit him so hard with her fist that she broke his jaw. "When a lady says ta leave her alone, ya leave her alone."
The man scrambled to his feet, looking unsure on if to run or fight. Which was a little impressive considering she'd unhinged his face. Also a little scary, if he was still walking like that.
So Harley calmly reached into her purse and started pulling out a mallet. A mallet with a handle as long as she was tall, and a heavy head at the end painted with as smile face. She smacked it into her palm, swinging it around like it was nothing. "Hammer space. It's a thing. Ya seen Gallhager right? The guy who smashes watermelons? Wanna see what happens to the human skull? If you ever look at a woman again I'll find you and I'll give you a personal demonstration. Capiche?"
Blake hadn’t anticipated anyone trying to intervene on her behalf. It hadn’t exactly been something that had happened at all before. No one had tried to intervene or stop her ex from hitting her. At first, she couldn’t quite believe that a woman had jumped in to intervene. Blake blinked a couple times, then was a little unnerved by the jaw. Once the woman started pulling the mallet out, Blake decided she’d better make an exit. Maybe she’d just go sit in the back room of the bookstore for her lunch break. At least no one would try to come after her there.
The guy just stared at Harley, then just kind of high tailed it out of there. He didn’t want to contend with the mallet. And he had to tend to his jaw as well.
“Hey dollface, you … are totally runnin’ off, huh.” Harley returned her mallet to wence it came, then started to follow Blake. She wanted to make sure she was all right. All her instincts were telling her there was something up. Blake had bolted like the devil was after her. She took a shortcut and was waiting for Blake when she turned a corner.
“You okay, hon?”
Blake jumped a good foot or two when the woman was suddenly there when she turned a corner. “I’m fine,” she responded quickly, though more importantly it was an automatic response. She did look like she’d just seen a ghost, in a manner of speaking. “Thank you for stopping him.”
“It ain’t no thing. I’ve been on the receiving end of jerks like that. Resolved to look out for other girls.” Harley smiled at her. It wasn’t a crazed smile, but it was a big one. She held out her hand trying to generate a calming, happy aura.. “Harleen Quinzel-Wells. But you can call me Harley.”
“Some people need that.” And they did. Blake didn’t want to admit it, but she needed looking after in that respect, at least right now. One day she wouldn’t, but it would take time for her to get there. She’d just decided to shoulder it herself. Blake looked at Harley’s hand for a moment before she tentatively reached out and shook it. “Blake Belladonna. I hope I didn’t interrupt you from something important.”
“Just got off work,” Harley assured her. She leaned against the wall, giving Blake a kind of studious look. It was still friendly, but it was like she saw right through her. Like she’d seen some shit, too. “I needed it, once upon a time.”
Blake eyed Harley, not knowing what to make of her statement, aside from the obvious. She rubbed the back of her neck, anxiety and panic still gnawing at her. “I’m sorry. But you got through it?” She saw the tattoos, but she didn’t see anything else beyond that. So with luck Harley had made it out. The jury was still out on whether or not Blake had made it out.
“I got out. It took someone else to make me realize what I was doing.” Harley started to pace around, in that restless energy sort of way. “I ain’t gonna lie. Some days it’s harder than others. Self-blame and self-loathing. An’ I see people every day, just like you, just like me. An’ I can only tell them what I tell myself, an’ what I want to tell you.”
“You’re lucky.” Blake had only woken up because she’d been kicked out. If she hadn’t gotten into trouble with the Scientologists, she’d definitely still be there with her ex, and undoubtedly taking more abuse than she already had. She brushed some hair behind her ear and took a slow breath. “What is it?”
“I am lucky.” Harley nodded. “But what I want to say is that it ain't your fault. It's never, ever your fault. You didn’t deserve it, just like I didn’t deserve it. An’ I know that won’t make it better right away, an’ it won’t be a hundred percent right in your head, but it does get better. I’m married to a smart, beautiful woman. We got a gorgeous kid. Stickin’ through the bad times was worth it.”
Hearing what Harley said made Blake emotional. She pressed her lips together as she felt tears stinging her eyes. She couldn’t remember anyone saying anything like that to her during the ordeal with the auditing in Scientology and especially not with her ex boyfriend. Blake tried to hold the tears back as she sniffed. “Do you have any advice for dealing with realizing everything in your life was a lie?”
Glancing around, Harley gently took Blake’s arm and pulled her back into the alley a few feet, so she didn’t have to cry in public. She squeezed that arm reassuringly, then let go. “That’s a hard one. Mr. J, he… twisted my mind. He made me think and believe things that weren’t real and weren’t true and were really all kinds of awful. I wanted to please him, to make him happy, to make him love me the way I thought I loved him. An’ he knew what he was doing. Tryin’ to get out of that was like swimmin’ in rapids. Gettin’ turned around and bashed against the rocks. But I got to the shore, an’ I was willing to let someone take my hand and help me the rest of the way out.”
Harley smiled, it was almost hopeful. “Hardest part is realizin’ what was going on an’ taking that step.”
Blake was thankful when Harley pulled her into the alley, even though she did tense up at the contact. She leaned her back against the wall, listening as she wiped at a few tears on her cheeks. “People have offered to help me, but I’m so low on trust right now. I grew up in Scientology, and was recently kicked out of it, in a manner of speaking. I’m starting to realize just how much of my life and worldview was a lie.” It was traumatizing in and of itself. Blake was only twenty-one years old, but she’d already gone through so much in her life. She seemed far older than she actually was.
Look at that. Harley had unlocked this girl’s Tragic Backstory. She nodded, giving Blake her attention the same way she would for any patient. And being Harley, she tended to really feel and understand her patients, which had been what had gotten her into trouble with the Joker to begin with. “Learning to trust again ain’t easy either. But it’s… really worth it. There are a lot of people out there who are patient and understanding, but also firm enough to call us out on our shit when we’re doing something bad or unhealthy. You’ll find those people. It’s just real scary taking that hand.”
Blake didn’t really know why she’d revealed that, but it seemed easier to admit when Harley had already deduced the abuse she’d suffered. It wasn’t easy, and she already knew that she’d have a really bad night considering what had happened before Harley had intervened. “Maybe, maybe not. Not everyone can handle knowing this or handle dealing with my issues because of it. It’s just better to be alone while I’m trying to figure out the real world.”
And then it really hit her that she was talking to someone about all of this and suddenly felt terrible about it. “I’m sorry, I must be keeping you from something, and it’s not like you’re a therapist or something.” And it wasn’t like Blake could actually afford a therapist despite the fact she really did need one.
“Maybe. But keep an eye out. Sometimes someone will come by an’ you won’t realize it until it’s too late.” Harley knew what that was like, too. She winked at Blake, and reached into her corset to pull out a card. “Lucky for you, that’s exactly what I am. If you want, you can set up an appointment. And all you gotta pay me is in …. Donuts!”
Blake didn’t precisely believe Harley, but then she didn’t believe in a whole hell of a lot these days. It was exhausting, but it was what it was. Blinking, Blake took the card and looked at it before she looked back at her. “Literal donuts or the figurative donuts meaning nothing?”
“I never say no to frosted sugar,” Harley winked again. “Consider this payin’ it forward. Maybe if we can help you, you’ll be able to help someone else someday. We ladies gotta stick together.”
They really did. Sure, men could be fun and good, but so many of them were neither, and even the good ones didn’t really understand, or contributed to problems through inaction. The only way Harley thought they could get anywhere was to help each other.
“Are you sure?” She wasn’t the best at just taking help like this, especially when she knew therapists had a hard job and definitely earned the money they made. Even so, Blake knew she needed professional help, even if she was feeling skittish about it. But the fact that Harley had been in the same position she had? It made it easier.
“I’m positive, Blake.” She might be her own special brand of crazy and a little-loose-on-the-morals but when it came to abuse and victims Harley was on the right side. She’d just have to stop herself from finding this jackass and shooting him. “There’s light at the end of the tunnel if you’re willing to go through it.”
Blake studied Harley silently for some moments. She was weighing that choice in her head, on whether she could actually do this. She hadn’t actually planned on staying here in Orange County for very long, but she knew she needed help. Maybe she could stop running long enough to get that help. Or at least enough that could set her on a better path before she moved on.
“Alright. I’ll set up an appointment.” Blake said with a nod. It wasn’t easy to accept help like that, but Blake knew what she needed, and she really shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
Harley wanted to hug her. Sweep her up and spin her around, but she refrained. Instead she smiled like a spotlight. “You don’t really gotta bring me a donut, but if you do I’m always a slut for powdered sugar.”
“Can’t really go wrong with a powdered sugar donut.” Blake responded. She drew in a slow breath, trying to steady herself emotionally speaking. “Thank you, both for the help and for, well, the upcoming help.” It definitely wouldn’t be easy to wade through it all, but maybe she could get to a point where she didn’t feel like she was drowning.
“Need a ride some place?” Harley asked. She wouldn’t be put out of Blake said no, but she’d feel better knowing she was some place safe. She’d actually feel really good if she knew who she was staying with, actually.
“Oh, no thanks. I was on my lunch break, and I work at the nearby bookshop. But thank you for offering.” Even if Blake hadn’t needed to go back to work, she probably would’ve declined the ride. She liked walking, and it would’ve given her time to try and clear her head enough to pretend to be okay by the time she saw Logan again. If he was home, that was.
“It’s not a problem, dollface.” Harley tossed off a smart salute. She’d wait for Blake to leave the alleyway and keep an eye on her until she was out of sight. You know, just in case.
Blake gave her a nod, taking a few moments to compose herself. “I’ll see you later,” she said before she headed out of the alley. She looked both ways before she headed back to the bookshop. At least she felt relatively at home amongst the books there. Hopefully the rest of her shift would be relatively low key so she could attempt to calm down. If things were slow enough and she ran out of things to do, at least she could read a bit.