Who: Kenzi & Caleb What: Birkhoff's bff meets the girlfriend on a rare day that he's not being a homebody When: Sometime in April Where: Birkhoff's plaaaace Rating/Warnings: Ghost talk, that's about it Status: Complete
It had been awhile since Caleb last saw Birkhoff. He kind of missed his favorite hacker. The last time he saw the guy was not long after Birkhoff moved to the beach. Which, Caleb wouldn’t mind seeing that place again. Seemed like as good of an idea as any to head there straight after work. He didn’t bother to call or text first. The guy was usually home, he was a bit of a hermit if you asked Caleb.
Caleb left Stark Tower, got in his car, and drove directly to Birkhoff’s place. He decided to leave Techno at home this time. Birkhoff wasn’t exactly the biggest dog fan. Getting out of his car, he walked up to the front door and knocked, waiting to Birkhoff to answer.
Whoa. Birkhoff had a visitor? Kenzi could have died in shock - but then wondered if it was some Jesus freak wanting to spread the word about Da Looooooord roaming around so who knew. They also didn’t order any delivery, so. Huh. Color her stumped.
It wasn’t the scruffy hacker that greeted Caleb at the door, but a ballerina-boned lady with pitch-black hair, arctic eyes and dressed in corset-styled pants that criss-crossed on the side and a vintage Metallica shirt. “Uh, yo,” came her awkward greet and suspicious stare. “I’m a Buddhist. I worship the fat rolls of Buddha. Please preach your heavenly woes elsewhere, kay? Byeeeee.”
Caleb rose his eyebrows at the woman who answered the door. That certainly wasn’t Birkhoff. But then it dawned on him. Kenzi. The girlfriend. She matched the description Birkhoff had given, and well who the hell else would answer his door?
“Yeah, not here for that,” Caleb replied with a smirk. “Not exactly the religious type.” The closest he got when he celebrated Hanukkah with Hanna’s family. “Thanks for the info though,” he joked. He honestly wasn’t sure if it was true or not but either way he didn’t care what Kenzi worshipped. “Birkhoff home?” he questioned. “I’m Caleb. You must be Kenzi.”
“Oh haaaaay,” she sang, changing her tune to something a lot more pleasant once she realized Caleb wasn’t here to preach about the humping of the good book. “That’s me. You’re the other person he actually tolerates being around?” Her boyfriend wasn’t the most sociable, but she had heard tales of the dude that made it into the friend category for her hacker beau.
As for the actual boyfriend, err. He wasn’t home. For once. “B’s doing a work thing but you can come in and hang if you want,” she offered, jabbing her thumb towards the inside of the house. “I’m mostly taking advantage of his gaming system and Margarita Maker.”
“Thank god. That’d be super awkward if you were Birkhoff’s other girlfriend,” he joked. It was a miracle that Birkhoff had gotten one in the first place considering what a hermit he was. There was no way he would have a second. Plus he didn’t seem the type to cheat. And well from the way he talked about Kenzi, Caleb could tell he really cared about her. “It’s nice to officially meet you. I was beginning to think he made you up.” Another joke. With how Kenzi answered the door he was sure she could handle it.
“How convenient. That’s actually what I stopped by to do.” The gaming. Not so much the Magarita’s. He was trying not to drink so much anymore. It had been pretty bad for awhile there. Although he hadn’t stopped completely he was more of a social drinker now, which this qualified. “If you don’t mind some company.” He had manners after all.
“You joke but there was a ho with my face that tried to get into his pantaloons,” Kenzi whistled - ahhh, man. Good times. Sort of. That incident is what led Birkhoff to get this place, anyway. Less memories of taking a chainsaw to a rapey kitsune here. “But yeah, come in - I’m in the middle of saving the galaxy.”
Bioware’s latest RPG, Andromeda, was glitchy as fuuuudge but it was a hilarious playthrough - she’d been enjoying herself in Birkhoff’s absence, and she brought Caleb into the living room. The sofa was exceptionally comfortable (they spent enough time on it), and there were consoles and gadgets galore. “So whaddup, Caleb, what’cha do around here? You don’t stick your nose into Russia’s business with your computer skills, do you?”
“That… sounds like an OC thing.” The fact that Kenzi mentioned she had the same face was proof of that. “There was another Caleb running around a bit ago.” Although he had no idea of the whole kitsune experience or what that was like he did know a bit about having someone who looked exactly like you showing up.
“Awesome,” Caleb said as he walked into the house, over to the couch and plopping down. “I haven’t had a chance to play yet.” His girlfriend wasn’t into video games. She didn’t mind when Caleb played but he definitely played them less than when he was single. “I actually know Garrus.” Although he heard he wasn’t in the new game.
“Nah. I’ve kind of become an anti-hacker now,” he shrugged his shoulders. It was for the best though, less risk if he wanted to stay in one place. Which he did. He had a life here. “What about you?”
Totes an OC thing, it seemed. “Hope it didn’t end with bloodshed on your end,” Kenzi whistled, getting herself comfy again and picking up the controller. And of course video game characters were real, jesus - fairytale characters were. No source of fiction was safe.
“Safer that way probs, huh? But before I came here I used to sell exotic wares online.” Used panties, toe jam. That sort of thing. “I still do, but I mostly help my bro out with his PR business - turns out Captain Hook’s my older half bro. So I’m not surprised there’s a turian walking around here.”
Was his sperm as contagious to humans as the video game said? Huh.
“He was tame. Just looking for his lost love, which my girlfriend thought I had a thing with her in the dreams so it was awkward.” But that was all settled now. “Bloodshed?” he questioned with a raised brow. “I feel like there is a story there.” One which he was a little hurt Birkhoff hadn’t shared with him.
He preferred not to think or ask about Garrus’ sperm thanks. If Kenzi really wanted to know she could meet and ask him for herself.
“Whatever gets you money,” Caleb said with a shrug. He didn’t care nor was he going to judge. “If Captain Hook is your brother, what does that make you?”
“Well, nothing relevant to his dream stuff, sadly,” Kenzi sighed, oh so dramatically - but she had hit the ‘resume’ button and continued to casually finger-punch the controller buttons. Guns and biotics galore against aliens, and defying physics by driving up ridiculous mountain inclines in a Mako ripoff. “We dream of waaay different places, like - his stuff’s all fairytales and Disney and other stories? I just dream about being a human surrounded by a bunch of non-humans. My bestie’s a succubus in both worlds, so it’s definitely some kind of weird urban fantasy thing. What’d you end up with?”
“Succubus?” That was new to Caleb. He vaguely knew what it was, some type of sexual demon or something. But he had yet to meet one in real life. Or even hear of one existing, although it didn’t surprise him.
“Mine mostly revolve around my girlfriend and her friends getting stalked, blackmailed, and tortured,” he shrugged. “And there was this brief period where I moved to another town and had this weird death pact curse on me. Then I started talking to ghosts.” That shit was still weird. “Apparently it’s a popular TV show. Birkhoff is actually the one that told me about it.” Considering her brother was from Disney fairytales or whatever and she seemed fine with the fact he knew Garrus, the fact that his dreams were a TV show shouldn’t surprise her either.
Kenzi blinked her pretty pale eyes several times, because the show sounded familiar - or at least like one of the regular run-of-the-mill teenage angst school dramas that aired a lot. “Totally didn’t realize my bae was into chick dramas,” she mused, tucking that piece of teasing ammo aside for the future. “That other stuff sounds kinda cool. I mean, do you see dead people on a regular basis or something?”
Gasp. Was there one here?
Maybe Inari’s ghost was floating around, crying about all the jewelry she couldn’t eat.
“It was news to me too,” and it had obviously blown Caleb’s mind considering it was his life. Although he was pretty sure Birkhoff had stumbled across it online first and then watched. “Cool isn’t exactly the word I would use to describe it. But yeah. I see ghosts. Mostly just people I knew. Sometimes a random one will seek me out but that’s rare.”
Cool, but also creepy. “And how many people did you know that are dead?” Kenzi inquired, morbidly curious - somehow she was able to shoot aliens and make eye contact most of the time with him. Those gaming skills were hella honed due to lots of practice, dedication, and having no real productive life half of the time.
Productivity was for the birds.
“Uh, two.” Just his aunt and Darren. At least as far as he was aware. “Kind of surprising I don't know more with this place.”
“That’s awkward either way,” she grimaced. “Like, what if they watch you in the bathroom or when you’re rolling in bed with your ladyfriend?” Did ghosts do that? Kenzi would be a bored one watching people by their lonesome and probably counting the times they farted or picked their nose. Bonus points for eating boogers.
People were super gross, okay. “I have a buddy who communicates with spirits but it’s gotta be a summoning thing, I think. Definitely not just the whole ‘I see dead people walking around all day every day’ scenario.’
“I’m pretty sure they can see you whether or not you can see them,” Caleb replied with a smirk, giving Kenzi something to think about next time she was having some private time with Birkhoff. Which really he didn’t want to think about his friend’s sex life.
Moving on. “I have a friend that can summon too,” or he did. He hadn’t seen Chloe in a while. “But it’s not a skill I have.”
“Dude, you should so try - like, carrying a mini-ouija board and see what happens?” Kenzi’s brow waggled. Or maybe not, since that might be opening a whole can of spiritual worms but dude, if she had some kind of supernatural skill she’d be all about honing that shit. The most was the fae spark cream she had, giving her some kind of ‘firework’ skill that dazzled from her fingers - they zapped like electricity. “But maybe, I don’t know, you can do the whole thing where you summon them to scare the shit outta someone you don’t like or to help you out when the OC goes bananas.”
“I feel like you;d like this ability of mine more than I do.” He was not a fan of the whole seeing the dead thing. Hell he wasn’t a fan of a lot of the shit the OC threw at him. “If I could pass it on I would.”