Helen Magnus (britishcharm) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-09-15 21:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, helen magnus, varric tethras |
“She was brave. You might have liked her.”
Who: Helen and Varric
What: Helen has a dream, with interesting results.
When: Thursday
Where: Helen’s House
Status: Complete!
Rating: R. Sex happens. Sort of.
It felt a little like she was cheating, the memory of the woman's lips, warm against hers.
She was being ridiculous. It had been a kiss, nothing more. But she knew where it had been leading, and she had wanted it desperately.
The hand resting on her stomach drifted lower.
When she closed her eyes, she saw the young woman's face, imagined long, unfamiliar fingers roughly teasing. She drew her lip between her teeth, trying to stay quiet, trying not to wake the man sleeping beside her.
Her touch gentled, two damp fingers slipping beneath thin material, sinking deeper for the briefest of moments. Then they strayed higher, eliciting a faint whimper.
She needed this.
The gentle teasing quickly became maddening, and she settled into long, languid strokes, unable to help the short little gasp every time her fingers found that spot.
If she could just...
Her breath caught, something like a sob escaping, and she collapsed back against the sheets trembling.
Only when her breathing evened did she relent, finally opening her eyes and wiping her fingers on her thigh, trailing a wet line over her hip.
She shifted, sighing heavily. Bloody dreams.
Varric tended to sleep pretty heavily, but despite that he woke. He could almost hear the pounding of Helen's heart and certainly the ragged way she was breathing. Other things quickly became apparent. His eyebrows went way, way up, and after she was done he rolled over, sliding an arm across her stomach and murmuring sleepily, "Now that's not fair, keeping me out of the loop."
She froze, eyes widening. What was she meant to tell him? How could she possibly explain? She had been fantasizing about another woman while he slept in her bed.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Obviously.” He didn't sound irritated, too sleepy to really care and too open minded to be upset. Really, it had been rather....fun to listen to. Besides, the opportunity to tease her was impossible to resist, "I think I'd like tickets to an encore."
Her cheeks flushed a deeper red, and she fought the urge to flee. Knowing he had been watching, listening at the very least, left her feeling incredibly exposed. She loved him, trusted him. She had no reason to be embarrassed. It would be far from their first intimate encounter, but this seemed more personal, more terrifying.
And there was still the fact she had been imagining the touch of another. Even knowing nothing had actually occurred, it felt like an act of betrayal.
Varric stroked her stomach soothingly, like he was trying to calm a frightened animal. Perhaps in a way he was. He wondered what had prompted it. A dream, perhaps, or not wanting to wake him. Maybe even both. He didn't ask, preferring to let her come to the point where she was willing to speak.
It helped to focus on his touch, the warm familiarity comforting her even as she struggled not to cry. She didn’t deserve him. Turning her head to see him, she managed a soft, “I’m sorry.”
She couldn’t quite keep her voice from shaking.
"For what, Rabbit?" Varric's hand drifted up her body, over a breast, to rest against her cheek. "Doing what comes natural?"
Why had she been apologizing? Was she apologizing for fantasizing about another woman? Or for not being able to give what he had requested? She couldn’t answer that, instead, whispering, “I like it when you call me ‘Rabbit.’”
Now she was just changing the subject, and deflection. Varric decided to let her get away with it - for now. He'll touch back on things when he saw an opening.
"You're not quite as timid as when we first met, though."
She smiled faintly. “I like it anyway.”
"I suppose some rabbits have to be brave. I seem to recall an old children's story about a rabbit and a farm..."
“Are you going to tell it?”
"I'd have to find a copy," Varric replied, with a soft laugh. "I can't even remember the title!" Farmer something? Or maybe it was named after the rabbit..perhaps he ought to make something up.
“Perhaps another time, then.”
"I promise," He replied, his mind already forming the basis for a full fledged story. It actually appealed to him, this idea and he silently thanked Helen for the inspiration.
She nodded, shifting so that she was facing him. Lightly running her thumb across his bottom lip, she studied him quietly, expression turning almost guilty when she reclaimed her hand.
"I love you."
"I love you too," He replied, stroking a finger through her hair. "Are you going to tell me why you're acting like you stole someone's cabbage?"
She started to answer, then shook her head, but she couldn't bring herself to look away from him.
"Is it worse?" He asked, seriously. "Was it the carrots?"
She thought she might cry again, nodding as she reached for him.
He pulled her against him, rubbing his hand in big circles around her lower back. He made soothing sounds, but said nothing else. She would tell him in her own time. Even if he could be impatient.
"There was a woman."
Varric's eyebrows went way up, "A woman? What sort of woman, and what were you doing with her?" Like he needed to ask, his imagination was already putting the pieces together.
She shook her head, pressing closer, but she answered anyway, burying her face against his neck.
"She kissed me." She hesitated, eventually whispering, "I kissed her back."
Varric shifted, sitting up a bit and pulling her head into his lap, "Did you? Is this from your dream world, Helen?"
Closing her eyes, she nodded wordlessly.
“So your dream self kissed a woman. What is it that bothers you? You didn’t cheat. On me at least, and as for it being a woman that doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”
Her eyes opened slowly, and she gave him a look that suggested she thought otherwise. Then her attention strayed elsewhere as she idly toyed with the band of his boxers.
“I was thinking about her.”
"Mm," Varric replied. "And you feel guilty because it was not me, or because it was a woman?"
She looked up at him again, voice soft. “Because it wasn’t you.”
"Mm." Varric stroked her hair gently, and gave her a playful wink, "As long as you're not thinking about her when we make love, I'm not too worried." Really, he was having a hard time taking this seriously.
“I should have woke you.”
"Well, you did," He replied, fingers trailing across her throat. "You don't need to feel guilty about this, Helen. If something upsets me, believe me, you'd know."
This generally wasn't a betrayal.
“You truly aren’t upset?”
"If you had really done something, here, in this world? I would be. Of course I would be. But you haven't." Maybe he'd need to worry about the woman if she suddenly showed up, but he trusted Helen.
It might take time yet for her to believe she hadn’t done anything wrong; relationships were still difficult for her to navigate. But she was finally realizing she wasn’t going to lose him.
“I barely knew her.”
"That's good, then, if she showed up," Varric replied lightly, letting his fingers caress the bare skin of her collar bone. "I won't have to riddle her full of holes."
The touch was soothing, and slowly, she felt herself relaxing.
“She was brave. You might have liked her.”
"I do like the brave ones, Rabbit. I think you do too." Maybe Kirkwall wouldn't have ruined Helen. He couldn't be sure.
Her hand slid up his side, her thumb brushing across his stomach. “I like you.”
"Really? I don't see why you would," He retorted, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.
Shifting closer, she leaned up to kiss his chest, settling against him.
"You're gentle."
“Lies and more lies!”
She shook her head, not to be easily deterred. "And kind," she continued, kissing his shoulder.
"And wonderful," she finished, snuggling closer.
Varric laughed, wrapping his arms around her, "Now I know you're lying!"
"I never lie."
"When you put it that way," He replied, shifting and pulling her even closer. "I'll have to believe you."
She kissed his jaw, hand resting lightly on his stomach. "You should."
“I always do,” He said softly. Varric shifted, kissing at her cheek, and her face, and then her hair, “Lets go back to sleep, I promise I’ll keep the lesbians away.”