Who: Ahsoka and Li, with a brief appearance from Yang What: Li dreams of betrayal and loss and she does not react well. When: Last week Where: Their apartment, then somewhere in the mountains Warnings: Mentions of demon possession, a touch of gore, and death
The joy over defeating Azmodan had been short-lived. Far too short-lived. Adria had claimed that rituals must be performed before destroying the Black Soulstone. Little did Li realize that something far, far darker was at work. In the time it took Li to collect the loot from Azmodan and the minions she’d killed and gotten back to Bastion’s Keep, all Hell had broken loose.
Literally.
She’d gone to the armory only to find blood and body parts absolutely everywhere. There was a giant smear of blood on the floor that Li followed up to the top of one of the towers of the keep. There, Adria revealed that she’d been working for Diablo the entire time, and that Leah’s true father was Diablo himself. Li had been too late to save Leah. Her and Tyriel were forced to watch as Adria used Leah to siphon Diablo’s soul into her body, effectively destroying Leah’s soul. Then Adria used the Black Soulstone to infuse Diablo’s new vessel with the souls of the six other Lords of Hell, and together the seven became one, they became the Prime Evil.
After telling Adria to leave until he was ready for her again, Diablo opened a portal to the High Heavens where he began his assault upon the angels themselves in his bid to end the Eternal Conflict.
Li woke up, this time in emotional uproar instead of physical pain. There was intense guilt and grief, but she buried it under burning anger. She was angry with several people. She was angry with Adria for betraying them all. She was angry at Cain for not passing on his theory of who Leah’s father truly was. She was angry at Kulle for being right about everything. But most of all, she was angry with herself for not acting on her first instinct about Adria. She never should have let Leah find her or bring her back to the camp. She should’ve killed Adria back then. If she had, none of this would have happened.
Slipping out of bed, Li grabbed some clothes and pulled them on. She didn’t want to disturb Ahsoka, and she needed to go somewhere not in a populated area. And also away from Ahsoka because the emotions would probably overload her. Slipping out of the bedroom, she went to the bathroom to grab a hair tie and quickly pulled her hair up into a high set ponytail. She’d been so blinded by her emotions and need to get out that she hadn’t noticed a new armor set had shown up.
Regardless of whether or not she wanted to disturb Ahsoka, her emotional turmoil had woken her. It was so strong that it brought back vivid memories of Ahsoka’s past. The Purging of the Jedi, the cries in the Force. Li was a person who felt strongly, despite hiding it well. She’d have made a good jedi. Or an excellent Sith.
She padded into the bathroom, naked as the day was long. “Li, what’s wrong?”
She should've known that Ashoka would wake up. She looked up at her girlfriend, a stark yet blank look on her face. The look would do nothing to mask the emotions from someone who could sense them. “Dream stuff.” She wasn't exactly wanting to talk about it, though she also knew Ahsoka wouldn't take that for an answer.
Obviously. Ahsoka stepped up to Li, resting her hand on her shoulder and rubbing it. “That’s a little vague for the despair and anger I sense in you. I don’t think you should keep this inside you. You need to talk about it.”
Li looked up at Ahsoka, her eyes growing hard, but not before a flicker of emotion ran through them. “I made a mistake and I unleashed an evil greater than anything the world has ever known. And it is going to tear the Heavens apart.” No matter what anyone might say, Li was partially responsible for what had happened.
“What mistake did you make?” Mistakes happened, they were a part of life. And death. There were corpses in Ahsoka’s wake too, for the things she’d done, or hadn’t done. Or in spite of what she’d done.
“I ignored my instincts, and now all of creation is going to pay for it.” Li pushed past Ahsoka, clenching a fist. Electricity crackled around her first momentarily. She wasn’t in danger of using her magic on Ahsoka, but Li felt a need to nuke something from orbit, which was why she wanted to get away from the apartment.
“How is that going to happen?” Ahsoka didn’t have enough information, and she knew most things tended to be more shades of grey than black and white,and that included impending apocalypses.
Li sighed, closing her eyes and keeping her back to Ahsoka. But when she closed her eyes, all she saw was Leah’s body with Diablo in control of it. A shudder ran through her and her eyes snapped open again. “Because I unleashed the ultimate evil, something far worse than anyone had ever imagined being possible.” She was reluctant to go into detail. She didn’t want to talk about Leah, not when she’d failed her so spectacularly.
“If you didn’t see it coming, you didn’t see it coming. That’s the thing about evil. Sometimes it’s right there in front of you and you just..miss all the signs. That’s not your fault.” Ahsoka knew she might be poking the bear, but she didn’t see she had any choice in the matter. She had to press.
“But I knew they were untrustworthy! I knew they were bad from the beginning, but I let them in anyways! I went against my gut instinct about them!” Li yelled, not caring if it would wake Yang up or not. Ahsoka was poking the bear. “And now all of creation is paying the price!”
“And what if you’d been wrong? Gut feelings can be wrong!” Ahsoka had been wrong about both Anakin and Asaaj, just in different ways. Barriss, too. She’d been wrong about so many people that if she let herself think about it too much she’d have a hard time functioning. But she still wanted to believe the best in people - and be willing to give a ‘bad’ guy a chance. “What makes us better than the bad guys is our willingness to give people chances. Don’t give them nothing but chances, but at least be willing to try!”
“No. There is no second chance for what Adria did! There is no redemption for her evil nor does she want it. If I survive the upcoming fight, I am going to find her and kill her.” There was venom in her words. Li meant to kill Adria once Diablo was dealt with. If she even survived. This had been what the prophecy of the End of Days had truly been about. The Prime Evil would rise, and if he wasn’t stopped, then all of creation would burn.
And now, the lives of every human on Sanctuary weren’t the only ones on her shoulders. Now the lives of the angels were as well. It was weighing her down, but she chose to hold onto the anger currently instead of losing herself to despair and grief. There was nothing she could do about any of it here, and it only added to her frustration. This time, fire sizzled around her fist before she squelched it.
Funny thing about prophecy. A lot of the time it couldn’t really be avoided. But then that was edging into Fate and Ahsoka never liked the idea of Fate. Ahsoka put her hand on Li’s. “I know it’s frustrating but you can’t do anything about it right now.”
Li was a staunch believer in prophecy. It was what made her so certain that she’d win this fight. Though at this moment in time, her belief was wavering. Could she really kill the Prime Evil? Before Adria had done what she’d done, she would’ve said yes without any hesitation. Now? She’d either not answer at all, or give an uncertain answer.
“No, there isn’t.” She affirmed, desperately trying to hold onto the anger. Li pulled her hand away from Ahsoka’s and headed for the door. She needed air and some open space where she could let herself detonate without fear of causing untold damage to their apartment.
“Li…!” Ahsoka huffed, then rushed into her room. Yang gave her a puzzled look from the hallway, but Ahsoka just shook her head before pulling on pants and a tank top and chasing barefoot after her girlfriend. “Let the anger go, there’s no one to blow up at. Unless you want to blow up at me. I can take it.”
Li shoved her hands into her pockets, intending on keeping them there until she got somewhere away from the city. Her head was lowered as she walked, but she was refusing to cry. Now was not the time for tears. Hearing Ahsoka, she immediately lifted her head and squared her shoulders, putting on a strong front. “I’m not going to blow up at you or anyone.” She kept walking, heading somewhere outside of the city.
“You can’t keep it in, either.” Ahsoka jogged to try to catch up. It was cold, dark and a little windy and it was starting to rain. Her shirt was already starting to stick to her body, but that didn’t stop her.
“That’s why I’m going out of the city.” Li didn’t intend to keep it in, but she wasn’t going to take it out on anyone else. She needed to use some of her more explosive spells, ones that could kill pretty much anything in just a couple hits.
“Don’t you think it would be easier to drive?” Ahsoka said. She swung her arms around in a circle. “You might lose it before you get somewhere safe just by walking.”
“Of course it would, but I’m not asking you to drive me and I’m not taking your car.” Li didn’t actually know how to drive. The driving age in China was eighteen, but her parents hadn’t allowed her to learn to drive. It was a headache and a half to go through car ownership, especially when they lived in an urban city with limited parking options.
“Fine.” Ahsoka ran her hand over her montrals, then turned and ran away. It seemed like she was leaving Li to her fate, only for a high pitched whining to approach a few moments later. Ahsoka descended in her starfighter, and popped the canopy. “You want to go blow something up? Lets go find a mountain.”
Once Ahsoka left, Li drew in a breath and let it out in a heavy sigh. She knew Ahsoka was just trying to help, but she didn’t want to be around her right now, not when she was so volatile. Her emotions were probably stifling to Ahsoka anyway. It was simply better for her to find her own way through this. Or at least for her to vent enough that she could not be as deafening to Ahsoka in the Force.
But then Ahsoka came back in her starfighter. Li stopped walking and looked at her, having half a mind to tell her to leave her alone. However, keeping hold of the fire wasn’t easy and she was losing the will to fight. She was even somewhat losing the will to blow something up. By not having the immediate push to follow Diablo through the portal and try to stop him, she didn’t have anything to keep the fire burning. The grief and guilt were starting to worm their way through to the forefront. She sighed again and just wordlessly got into the starfighter.
Ahsoka didn’t say anything else, worry and concern on her face as she set the Starfighter to leave atmosphere. It only took a minute for them to descend again, and they were weaving through mountains. She found a place that would have very little environmental impact and wasn’t sacred to anyone. It was silent for a moment. “Do you want me to leave you here?”
Li didn’t say anything either. She kept seeing Leah’s face flash through her mind, and it just drove the stake deeper into her heart. Leah had been so kind and gentle and full of life. Then Adria had come into the picture and now Leah was dead. What good were Li’s powers if she couldn’t help protect those she cared about?
At the question, Li pulled herself out of her thoughts and glanced over at Ahsoka. “Yes. It’s probably better for you that way.” She didn’t want to overload Ahsoka with her emotions anymore than she already had.
“If you’re sure.” Ahsoka ran her fingers over the controls, nervously. She felt a little (okay a lot) out of her element here. Like she couldn’t do for Li what Li needed, and that was just a little scary.
What Li needed was for Adria to be here so she could kill her, but since that was out of the question, she knew it was best if she just stayed away from people for a little while. “You don’t need to feel this.” She needed to find some way to get a grip on herself again, enough so that Ahsoka wouldn’t be assaulted by these emotions. “You can come check on me in a couple hours.”
Ahsoka blinked away sudden, unexpected tears. She looked down at the controls, then back at Li. Then she climbed out of the fighter and sat on the wing. “I’ll just wait here.”
She’d left Anakin. It was a guilt that still ate at her. She pretended it was fine, and much of the time it was. Yet it was still there. And look what happened to him, without her to pull him back? She wasn’t going to leave Li. “Go! Do your thing.”
That wasn’t precisely helping, but Li just gave a silent nod, and turned. Her shoulders slumped a bit and she lowered her head a bit as she walked off a safe distance. She didn’t want Ahsoka to get caught in her venting. Once she felt she was far enough away, though still within Ahsoka’s sight, Li closed her eyes. Leah’s face flashed across her mind’s eye again, along with another pang of pain. But she quickly drew Adria’s face up and focused on it. She let that image stoke her anger again, enough so that she could vent some of it out.
And when she was angry enough, Li clenched her fists and cast the Archon spell. There was an explosion, rocks shooting out in all directions as Li’s body was transformed. While her clothes and general appearance were the same, she was now a being of pure energy, purple in color, and she was hovering a couple feet off the ground. She let out a scream as she unleashed her incinerate beam and cut through any all rock around her. In this form, none of her Arcane power was consumed to cast spells. She could continue casting them as often as she wanted while she was in this form.
She didn’t even have to be in sight, Ahsoka just didn’t want to leave her. She’d have to explain herself, she knew. It wasn’t that she thought that Li would go all dark side evil. But she felt like Li needed someone. Even if Li maybe didn’t believe that right now.
Ahsoka absorbed that anger closing her eyes and letting it wash over her. She pulled her legs into a meditation position, taking that emotion and directing it elsewhere.
Li didn’t need Ahsoka to explain herself, she wasn’t going to question why Ahsoka didn’t leave. While she wanted to be alone, she didn’t have it in her to fight with her girlfriend about it. If anyone needed to explain themselves, it was Li, but she wasn’t ready to talk about it. She didn’t know if she ever would be ready to.
Before the Archon spell faded, Li hurled fireballs into the ground around her. Then once she was herself again, she started calling down meteors from the sky, making a molten impact on various areas. She cast spell after spell, pausing briefly now and then to let her Arcane power regenerate before she’d go on another rampage. All in all, she kept it up for a good couple hours. After which point, she just sat down on the ground, surrounded by scorch marks and other such signs of her destruction.
She pulled her legs in, and fell back on some of her Buddhist practices and began to meditate. She was letting herself wind down before she dared go back to Ahsoka.
Being alone was fine. Ahsoka just disagreed that this was a good time to leave anyone alone. She put herself elsewhere in her mind, elsewhen even, to give Li some privacy in her rampage. This was easier said than done, but at least she tried.
When the sounds of destruction passed and no more seemed to follow, Ahsoka opened her eyes, and let out a long breath. Li might have been a little right. Being around emotional people was exhausting.
Li sat in meditation for a while, getting a grip on herself and her emotions in the process. The worst of the anger was at least out now. At least for now. It was still there, simmering, but she’d vented enough that she wouldn’t be in danger of setting their apartment on fire or something. She opened her eyes and just looked out at the world, how innocent everything seemed to be. It was a bit like Sanctuary, the masses unsuspecting of the doom that Li had unleashed upon the world.
Finally, she felt she was ready to leave. She stood up and headed back to Ahsoka. “I’m ready to go back.” She said simply, putting her emotions back into a box and stuffing it inside for the time being. At least the worst of her emotions wouldn’t be bothering Ahsoka anymore currently after the venting.
She gave Li a dubious look, then nodded and climbed back into the cockpit. She waited for Li to get comfortable (it was a tight fit which had been a problem earlier), then wrapped her arms around her. “I wish I could tell you it’ll be okay.”
When she felt Ahsoka’s arms around her, Li closed her eyes, pressing her lips together at the surge of emotion came up within her. It was a wave of grief. “Me too,” she managed to say in an even tone, though there was some emotion behind it. She was trying not to cry, but she didn’t have the fight to focus on like her dream self did. Her dream self could push the grief aside and focus on fighting and trying to stop Diablo. Here? Li didn’t have that kind of thing to keep her grief held in check.
Arms tightening, Ahsoka pressed her face against the back of Li’s head, fluttering a kiss into her hair. She didn’t say anything else, or do anything but hug her tighter. Grief was not something to bury and be ignored, and she could feel it as clearly as if it were her own. “It’s okay to cry.”
It was harder to keep the tears inside when Ahsoka hugged her like that. Li wanted to say that now wasn’t the time to grieve, that there was a battle to be fought. But there was no battle to fight here. The only war being fought was Li fighting against her emotions. And she was starting to lose to the grief. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as tears threatened to spill over. Though it wasn’t just Ahsoka that she was apologizing to. She was apologizing to Leah as well.
At least Cain had had a body left that they could give the funeral pyre rite to. Leah...wouldn’t have a body once Diablo was done with it. There was nothing left to give her friend a proper funeral with.
“It’s okay,” Ahsoka said again. She kissed Li’s head, and crawled her against her. She didn’t know Leah, but she doubted Leah would be upset with Li or blame her. She didn’t see how many people could. And if Li asked, Ahsoka could come up with a few ways to honor her memory.
Perhaps no one blamed her, but Kulle had warned her, and what had she done? She’d simply killed him and took the Black Soulstone without giving heed to what he’d sensed in the soulstone itself that had caused him to warn her people were using her for their own ends. Tyriel, Adria, they both had their own agendas. Though Tyriel at least was more forthcoming and benevolent.
Of course, one would expect the Archangel of Justice to be just that when he was talking to innocents and people on the side of good.
Li leaned into Ahsoka, resting her head against her shoulder as a few tears slid down her cheeks. Now that she’d defused the anger, she could accept this embrace.
She squeezed again, rubbing Li’s back and then starting to rock her back and forth. She didn’t say anything else. There was nothing appropriate to say, that wouldn’t be wrong or a little selfish. But she loved Li and just felt a little helpless.
It didn’t precisely help matters that Li still wasn’t saying what exactly had happened in the dream, beyond what she’d already said. Even as she took comfort from Ahsoka’s embrace, she well knew this would be bothering her for a while. She wasn’t certain if she wanted her dreams to come one right after another right now or for them to leave her alone for a while. There were advantages and disadvantages to both.
But for now, she finally let herself start crying.