Who: Eomer and Eothain What: In this episode, Eomer and Eothain have a early morning bro moment before Eomer goes to his JOB (hint hint Eothain) and they make plans to go to Meh-ee-co. Cracktastical fun mentions of Family Guy chicken fights, candles, and who's the most like a horse. And other stuffs. When: Uhh...earlier today-ish? Where: Eomer's. Rating: PG13 for language and dude, you put your weed in it. It = Eothain. Status: Complete!
Eothain had a good night's worth of weeded out sleep on a couch that smelled of old lady, at Eomer's place. Of course, before leaving Placentia....or Placenta, whatever...he had ordered 'the leafy green special' that wasn't on the menu, and got a little something extra on the side. That being a big old baggie of weed, and THEN he bummed money off Eomer for the cost of the taco, which he didn't have money for.
Because that's how Eothain rolls. The bum.
So it was a lot of watching Adult Swim that night and laughing like a tard at the tv, before passing out. And waking up in a stupor, which is the usual way he wakes up when everything's worn out of his system. Sobriety sucks. And that's why, after taking a raging wizz, Eothain went looking for Eomer. Because that weed? Is not going to last like...two days, at the rate he tokes it up.
Eomer had joined in for some of the adult swim fest. After all Family Guy was good no matter how many times you watched it, but eventually he'd had to retire to bed, leaving Eothain on the old lady smelling couch, since he had a lesson to be ready for the next day. Right now, he was finishing up with getting dressed and was about to pop his brace back on his leg. Today was a better motion day, thank whatever God liked him. The smell of pot made him glance up and into the hallway.
"Hey." He nodded at Eothain. "Enjoying Placenta's offerings?"
Eothain took one last hit off his pipe and nodded, with a barely suppressed cough as he tried to hold the smoke in for longer. He very promptly gave Eomer a thumbs up and a nod like hells to the yes.
Also? C'mon. Family Guy is, like, the best show ever. Don't even try to debate it with him. Peter Griffin is his hero, especially during chicken fights.
"Placenta..." Eothain said as he blew out a slow stream of smoke, "...has been epic win, my friend. You know what else would be epic win? Meh-ee-co. For tequila, women, and picking up more leafy green specials. You in?"
The Chicken Fights? Completely amazing. Probably the second best episodes ever, since everybody knew the ones with musical numbers were the ACTUAL best. Hell yeah.
"Well hey, that makes it worth it." He said, not letting the Placenta thing die yet. Why would he? It had been hilarious. And then Eothain was mentioning... "Oh my GOD, that sounds completely awesome. You have that thing on your license? Cause I do." He beamed. "You bet I'm in. It's been a while since I've had GOOD Tequilla." Or good sex.
Oh the best musical one was the song ABOUT weed. Hands down. Best. Thing. Ever.
"We are makin' a run for the border, maybe they'll have more placenta." Let it die? WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT. They were going to get royally smaaaaaashed. "Hells yes. When, where, and will you let me drive?"
Thing on his license, what? Eothain just whipped out his ID card wherevers, mostly at liquor stores. Other than that? He didn't pay attention.
They totally were. They'd end up somewhere talking loudly about Placenta and how delicious it was. Maybe they should really find some. Eomer was game for that . ...And probably high on contact fumes, he realized when he had that thought, but hey, who cared right now.
"ASAP, Wherever's the closest way point and sure, you can drive. The truck's already a little dented so it's not a big deal if worse happens." It would only be a problem if the trailer was attached.
"Pffft like you think I'd run into stuff." And last week, he'd ran into a bike rack. Just sayin'. "You going to the stable? I'll go."
So says mister taking another hit off the pipe, and cough nodding. He'll probably contact high the horses, at this rate. And he won't even have to smoke anything at the stable. Sad fact. "Unless you think I'll scare some kids, then hell with it. I'll watch cartoons and raid your fridge."
Because Eothain helps, okay? That's helpful. He's staying out of people's ways. Helpfully.
"I've got a lesson in a little bit." Eomer nodded. "You're totally welcome to come hang out, say hi to my best girl and all." He added, getting a stupid sappy look on his face. "She's missed crazy Uncle Eothain I think. And hell, if *I* haven't scared them off by now, you're probably fine." It'd be funny to see the teenaged girl snobs freaking out about him actually.
"I'd steal your girl but...I know she'd just kick me anyway if I tried." Was it the guyliner, the faded manic panic in his hair, the disheveled guitar hero with chipped black nailpolish or the miasma of skunkweed smell that followed him around, making them cringe? The vote would probably be for 'all of the above.' "You just want to watch me saying 'don't do that' before they get knocked off the horses and stuff. I'm onto you, dude."
"You bet I do." Eomer snickered. "That's always fun." he'd missed watching things like that after all. Eothain had always had the knack of exactly pinning it down to when a horse had had enough. "The best part is watching them stare at you stupidly after they land in the dirt."
Considering the source, it was even better. Eomer liked that idea, really.
Eothain was really good at sitting on railings and making those random observations, when snot-nosed teenaged rich girls always thought they knew what they were doing when they really didn't know what they were doing. If he had one other thing other than dealing drugs that he was good at (guitar wasn't one of those things, seriously), it was being horse-observational. Otherwise, he let Eomer get cranky at them, and tried not to fall off his perches, while laughing.
"I like the part where they're all...screw you, stoner...and I'm like, hey, whatever, but you might want to roll over to the left if you don't want the horse stomping on you. Then they roll like their lives depend on it, right into horse shit."
Because that was hilarious.
"And it totally ruins the expensive riding sets they think it's a good idea to ride to regular lessons." Eomer shook his head. He didn't get the point of that himself. These days, he dressed for it because he worked there, but generally, he wasn't doing much more than putting on the right pair of pants for riding. Because really, you got messy. It was just a fact of life. "You KNOW their horses are secretly laughing too," he added.
"Yeah, I like it when they cry. I feed off their tears. And the horses kinda get that look on their face, like........." Eothain stared off at nothing in particular, blank-faced, like he was thinking about some complex puzzle, and the inside of his head pretty much echoing with the sounds of crickets chirping, for at least a full minute. ".....like....something's satisfied."
Eomer looked a the face. Eothain DID look a lot like a bored horse. Maybe a little too much. That was kind of creepy. "I swear, you're part horse," he told him.
"...I swear that...yeah that'd be awesome." Whatever that first thought was? It was gone. Into thin air. Or regular air. Flittering off on weed-lifted wings, like a fluttering butterfly of intoxication and high-a-tudes. "Maybe YOU'RE part horse."
"Could be." Eomer tossed his head a bit, and tried to let out a whinny, then stomped the ground with his good leg. "What do you think? Do I pass as one? I bet I'd be a palamino."
"Hey that's pretty good. You looked like one of those...uhh...counting horses, that're...counting. So yeah, you pass." Maybe they should get a horse costume for Halloween and go to a party, only...Eomer would have to be the head part because he's got the brains, and Eothain would be the butt part, because that's right where he belongs. And there'd have to be a no toking rule while the costume was on. Good luck. "I'd be like...a wild...jackass."
Would they survive a no toking rule for that long? Eomer kind of had his doubts about that. On the other hand? Smoke coming out of a horse's ass? That would be pretty fucking hilarious. "Counting horses then. Good I've got a new skill."
Blowing smoke out of his ass is kinda like lighting farts on fire, when it came to Eothain. Where there's a will? There's a way.
"Yeah, then kick the rich girls. They like it, that's why they don't listen." Eothain was already dressed and stuff anyway, because he was wearing what he had on for the past...three or four days. But, hey, at least he got some stuff done. Spell check was working on his phone again! Speaking of things working, someone was about to go colon blow, because nature decided to call. "How long we got? I might have to take a dump before we go."
And probably smoke more pot while he was on the pot. Yeah.
Lighting farts was still funny to Eomer, well sometimes. Usually when he was drunk. Actually, come to think of it, that was probably the only way he'd be that close to Eothain for that long.
"A little while." Eomer told him. "Half an hour or so. You should have time if you don't try to catch up on too much reading." Unless he'd forgotten his picture books!
Hey, at least here, Eothain has a rudimentary ability to read. Sometimes if he sounds out the big, long words, and then looks them up on his phone. When he remembers what Google is, okay?
"You got any of those national geographic magazines with topless chicks in them?" he asked Eomer, but then waved a hand around because forget that, he has something better. "Nevermind, I got redtube. Be out in twenty. Unless you need to gargle or some shit, then you'd better do it now and not complain about the smell of a mondo dump I'm gonna take."
"I'll grab a candle." Eomer told him. Yeah, he owned them. Man candles. In scents like "Leather" and "Football Season". Football Season seemed like the best one to use today, so he'd pop it in there for a while before they left to cut down on the smell. "No National Geos, no." He said. "No real porn either. I just don't have the time."
"You have candles." Oh, it's on now. Eothain was staring at his buddy like...Martha Stewart had just materialized in front of him and was demonstrating how to arrange an autumnal floral centerpiece for the holidays. And with the amount of stuff he's taken over the course of his lifetime? He might actually hallucinate about that. For real. "Hey. Eomer. You need to just buy some spray to cover up the stank."
Eothain began to walk backwards while staring at Eomer, funny-like. Not just because...candles...but...who doesn't have time for PORN?
"Man candles." Eomer confirmed, showing off Football Season, which was poured into its own jar and had a nice label and everything. "Smells like pigskin, and fall air and nylon uniforms. I kinda like it. They've got a bunch of scents for normal people instead of flowers these days. "
"They're still candles. Those are candles, Eomer. Only chicks keep candles at home." Okay, fine, he stopped at the mention of pigskin. "So it smells like football?"
Suddenly maybe that made it alright to have those.
"I guess I can still hang out with you." If Eomer wanted to ever get rid of Eothain? Buy candles that smell like stuff girls powder themselves with and flowers, and he'd be gone in a flash. Because that's weird.
"I've also got a bacon one." Eomer said, pleased at such a thing actually existing. "It's sort of amazing." He was kind of proud of his candles actually, as weird as that sounded. They were just strange enough to be really awesome instead of Crazy Horse Dude. You know, the male equine equivalent of the crazy cat lady who'd owned this place last.
"Everything's better if it's bacon." Because Eothain's a guy and all guys know that to be true. "All right. Taking a dump now. Bust out that bacon candle. You're gonna need it."
And if he's high enough and hungry enough, then Eothain might eat it.
Well, at least if that happened, the bathroom smell would maybe be a little more palatable. For now, Eomer went to grab it, and then to stay far away from the bathroom area. He wasn't suicidal after all.