WHO: Elijah Mikaelson & William Laurence WHEN: Mid February-ish WHERE: The museum WHAT: Elijah talks to Laurence about the dreams and asks for a favor WARNINGS: Nah. STATUS: Complete
Elijah felt...overwhelmed. He wasn’t sure if that was even the right word to describe the way he felt at the moment. He wanted to feel like he was okay, but he didn’t know how. At least not without an audience. When he was around his siblings - even sometimes with Ezio or Katherine or anyone, really - he was able to put on a show of being together and unconcerned. He wanted to understand how he’d gotten to a place where he wanted to kill his brother. Niklaus wasn’t an easy person to get along with at the best of times, perhaps, but he’d never felt the desire to kill him. The feelings from the dreams had lingered and it was troubling enough. He wanted to feel worse about just killing strangers he didn’t know or breaking the glass and torturing multiple people or compelling someone to kill themselves, but it was the plan to kill Klaus that he felt.
It made being at work the easiest place to be. There was always someone around or someone about to be around. You couldn’t stare blankly at the wall the whole time and he felt a need to have it. As long as someone was watching him, he could keep up the facade and no one would need to know. Fortunately the Alphonse Mucha: The Spirit of Art Nouveau exhibit was particularly popular and he hadn’t had to spend too much of his time concerning himself with the whole thing.
Laurence knew how quickly humans could adjust to a new situation. He’d done it several time in the course of his career. Which is why it was so surprising to him that he still didn’t quite feel at home in the Orange County. Since he’d joined the Navy at sixteen, he’d never really stayed in one place, besides the cabin of his ship, long enough to feel at home. The adjustment was nicer, however, with the friends he had made. Becoming friends with Elijah had been especially nice, in that he felt as though he’d found a kindred spirit in the man.
Despite his restlessness, he was pleased that he was able to stay long enough for Elijah’s exhibit as well. In the normal course of things, he didn’t often have time to go to museum exhibits, or visit the theatre, or make plans for the ballet. He had taken his time exploring the exhibit before he’d come across Elijah. He stepped up beside the man, and flashed him an easy smile, offering his hand in greeting. “Elijah,” he said. “Good afternoon. This is quite the exhibit you’ve managed to put together.”
Elijah was glad to hear a familiar voice and see someone that he’d come to be friends with. His smile was instantaneous and, for a moment, he was free from the thoughts that plagued him. “Laurence,” he said as he took his hand and shook it. “Thank you. I can’t claim the entire exhibit for myself, though. The whole team worked particularly hard to get everything together and I really do think we’ve done a good job. They’ve also managed to memorize quite a lot of information for the school tours and just in case someone decides to ask questions about it.” He was particularly pleased and very proud of them.
“I’m glad to see that you could come. I hope that you’re enjoying yourself. It must be different from what you’re used to, but then I don’t know much about the navy.”
Laurence felt a rush of warmth for the man. A lesser man may have taken the credit for himself, but it said worlds about Elijah that he was willing to give credit where credit was due. It was a good man who didn’t look down upon his subordinates. “You’ve all done spectacularly,” he agreed.
“I’m enjoying myself quite well,” Laurence said. At least, he was enjoying the exhibit so far, though he wasn’t entirely sure if he could say that about much else. He was pleased that he was able to cultivate true friendships now that he was at home. The life of a naval captain was by necessity an isolated one. He tried to be friendly with his subordinates, but one couldn’t have a friendship of equal standing with the men and women they commanded, or discipline would undoubtedly suffer. “It’s something of an adjustment, but I believe that everyone who has moved to this place has found themselves needing to adjust in some way.” Which was the closest he’d come to complaining about the dreams.
There was a smile as he looked around again. He would have to congratulate them again. He had done so the first night, but likely it deserved multiple mentions. The more time the exhibit was there, the better it seemed to get. At least that was how he felt. “Thank you. I’ll be sure to pass your praise along.”
Elijah’s gaze dropped for a moment and he nodded, “I imagine that you are correct about that. I have been here for some time and it is still an adjustment.” He hadn’t complained about the dreams as much as he felt like he did. With his siblings, he kept things light and airy, not wishing to concern them too much. If they needed someone to talk to, he would listen, but he kept most of his distress with the dreams to himself. It seemed easier since Kol was already so excited about the fact that he would soon be a vampire himself. “I hope that the adjustment will not be too bad. Both with being on land and...the other parts of this place.”
“I hope not either,” Laurence said. He gazed at Elijah for a moment, considering. He himself could not imagine what he would do if he found himself drinking the blood of other humans in his dreams. Or if his dreams weren’t in some sort of linear order. It could not be easy, and Laurence was torn for a moment between his habit of not asking for information that wasn’t freely given, and concern for his friend. “And you?” he asked after a moment. “How have you been adjusting?”
Elijah stilled at the question, but looked over. “I am…” How could he explain how he was feeling? “Well, I’m…” He sighed after a moment. “Confused, but even that’s not the right word. Perplexed? Concerned? Frustrated.” There were a lot of emotions all thrown together. “It’s...complicated.” Which wasn’t a lie. The day wanting to kill his brother was not complicated was the day Elijah didn’t want to come to understand. “There’s a lot of death and a lot of complicated feelings toward my brother, Niklaus. I don’t entirely understand it.” He frowned again. “There is no understanding about that. I can understand being frustrated with my siblings, that is normal. It’s just...not this. I can’t understand what I am seeing now.”
Laurence’s heart clenched for Elijah, and his lips tugged down in a thoughtful smile. He was suddenly aware of the other people in the gallery, and while none of them seemed to be paying the two gentlemen any attention, he knew how some people loved to eavesdrop on the private conversations of others. “Perhaps you’d like to go somewhere with me to talk about it,” he suggested. “I find that oftentimes talking to a willing ear can help me make sense of the things that don’t make sense in my mind.”
Elijah looked around before nodding at Laurence’s words. There were a few places where he could disappear without it being a problem. So he excused himself to a few people before leading Laurence to a more secluded part of the museum. He doubted that Laurence would know how to respond to what he’d been seeing in the dreams. Which was why he was quiet for such a long time before saying, “I am planning to kill my brother, Niklaus.” He let out a sigh, carefully loosening his tie in the process. “I’m willing to sacrifice three people in order to do it.”
That wasn’t at all what Laurence had been expecting to hear, and he quickly had to school his face into one of indifference lest Elijah picked up on the quiet horror he experienced at hearing that. He tried to think of a situation where Laurence would try, in earnest, to kill either George or Charles. Sure, the thought had crossed his mind when he was a boy, but in the same, innocent way that most siblings did. Perhaps if it was absolutely vital for the safety of Britain and he had orders, but even then he wasn’t entirely sure if he could bring himself to do it without delegating the task to someone else. And sacrificing three presumably innocent people in order to do it. No, no didn’t think he could.
But then, Elijah was a vampire in his dreams, and Laurence had no idea what such a thing would be like. While he’d never been particularly fond of vampire-centred stories, he was given to understand that they experienced some degree of instinctual bloodlust. And they were supposed to live for an eternity. He realized that he was quickly approaching the time where his stunned silence would become awkward, and he pulled his mind away from the thoughts of committing fratricide himself. He wasn’t about to judge Elijah here, not for something his dream counterpart was planning, and he realized that he shouldn’t jump to hasty conclusions in regards to dream Elijah either. “I cannot even imagine what that must be like,” Laurence said. “Do you know why, or is that part of the information your dreams are keeping from you?”
Elijah wasn’t exactly surprised by the silence. It wasn’t like he’d just told Laurence that he’d expected to adopt a puppy and raise three orphan children out of the kindness of his heart. Not that he expected to do either of those things, but he assumed that would have been a much better alternative to killing your brother and sacrificing innocents. Elijah hadn’t been able to stop himself from judging his dream self. He couldn’t imagine himself doing it as he was now, but he couldn’t stop seeing that his dream self knew little of remorse.
“Apparently he is dangerous and mad, but I’m not entirely certain of the why so far. I know that Niklaus is...well, difficult, but I have no reason to kill him. At least not outside of the dreams.” With their father the man he was, it was difficult to expect Klaus to be a different person from the one that he was now. “It hurts my head to think about it too much, but yet, I cannot seem to stop thinking about it. It replays in my head. That and everything else. There are apparently also werewolves. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by that, however. I keep feeling like maybe I’ll stop being surprised altogether, but so far I’m still capable of surprise.”
Laurence frowned. He didn’t know Klaus, but he could assume that he was neither mad nor dangerous here. Nothing Elijah had said about his siblings gave Laurence that impression, at least. “I can understand not being able to stop thinking about such things,” Laurence said. He was no stranger to unwelcome thoughts, especially not after fourteen years in the Navy. “But I can only assume that your brother is a different man than he is in the dreams. Much like you are a different man in your dreams. I think the presence of werewolves and vampires can attest well enough to that.” He added the last as a bit of a lighthearted aside, before he became serious again. “The choices he makes are not necessarily the choices that you will make.”
He wondered if he was being helpful at all, or if he was making a hash of this whole thing.
Klaus was...messy in general, but Elijah had known that about him. Stability was not his brother’s strong point. Anger and lashing out were common habits, but even Kol showed those habits. All of them likely had at some point. He was, by no means, forgiving their behavior, but he was also not going to kill any of his siblings because of these things either.
“I am not entirely certain how different, but then I guess we cannot all be exactly the same as we are in the dreams. Otherwise I would be far more prone to ripping people’s hearts out. I cannot seem to stop doing that in the dreams.” It was ridiculous, honestly. How could so many people end up with their hearts ripped out without anyone questioning it? It seemed a little dramatic, but he was beginning to believe that he had a flair for the dramatics in the dreams. At least a little bit of one. Also more of a temper than he had outside of them, but he was to understand that emotions were more as a vampire.
There was a hint of a smile, but it didn’t stick. “That’s what I’ve been told. I do not have to make the same choices. I worry, though, that I will forget myself. I worry that it will become normal, that I will forget that I am not the same person. My brother Kol is happy to be a vampire. He is excited for the rest of us to be vampires.” He’d spoken to Ezio about this. He still couldn’t comprehend it. “I think I just worry I am not different. I could be like that one day. I could want my family to be monsters, something that has clearly done us no good in the dreams. But I hope not. The worst part is I know I can’t talk to them about it.”
Ripping out people’s hearts. He couldn’t imagine doing such a thing, or even how it was possible. Though he had to remind himself that vampires were supposed to be preternaturally strong. “I don’t think it is so easy to forget yourself,” Laurence mused. “Perhaps over hundreds of years, though I’m sure in this lifetime you needn’t.” Perhaps not the most comforting thing to say to one who might very well live for a hundreds of years.
Laurence could not imagine anyone wanting their loved ones to become vampires. Vampires were the things that haunted children’s dreams, and even in more modern interpretations, where they were supposed to have souls and consciences, it never seemed like a particularly easy life “I’m sorry,” he said. “It must be difficult being so at odds with family.” He seemed to remember that Elijah had mentioned having two vampire siblings. “And your other sibling, is he of the same mind as Kol?”
“Right now, perhaps not.” But who knew what would happen? He needed to stop fixating on it most likely, but what was there to do but fixate on it? He dreamt about it and it felt like it was a very slow collision course to the inevitable. He let out a long sigh. “I’ll just have to surround myself with people who are willing to tell me when I need to...check my behavior, I think.” He gave Laurence a quick glance before looking at a spot to the left of his shoe. “Perhaps you might be so good as to remind me of myself if I forget ever.” He would ask Ezio, too. Perhaps Rebekah as well. She could be blunt when she wanted to.
“The funny thing is, I’d be less surprised if it was Niklaus I was at odds with, but then he can make himself prickly.” He smiled wryly at that. “And Rebekah...well, we haven’t discussed it at length, but she had to give up her job after the change and move out of the place she was staying. I think perhaps she comprehends it a little better. But it’s possible I misunderstood Kol as well.” But he didn’t think that he had. And he still wouldn’t choose to turn any of his family. If they dreamt and they turned, that was one thing. If they did not, then they were safe. He would make certain of it.
“I am honoured you would ask me to,” Laurence said, genuinely pleased that Elijah trusted him so much. “Of course I will.” Of course, Laurence was hardly shy when it came to reprimanding people for their behaviour in general, so Elijah had hardly to ask.
He smiled wryly, but refrained from commenting about how even he could guess that being at odds with Niklaus would be a given. From all he heard of the dreams, they had some similarities to true life and one didn't attempt fratricide against a person whom one had no problems with. But Elijah didn't need the reminder. “My sympathies to your sister,” Laurence said, mentally revising the gender of the vampire sibling he had pictured in his head. “Perhaps discussing your feelings with her wouldn't be entirely impossible. She may understand how you're feeling.” He wasn't so sure about the Kol character. He couldn't picture Elijah jumping to such a conclusion if it had been at completely innocuous statement.
Elijah was a man of honor and once he decided that someone was worth his loyalty, he gave it to them. Laurence hadn't given him a reason to distrust him and, given that he seemed more sensible than some of the people he knew, it couldn't really hurt to have him to speak sense should he be lacking it. Especially considering the heightened emotions that came with it.
No, Elijah didn't need the reminder about him and Klaus. He understood what it was like to be frustrated with his brother. It happened more than he cared to admit, but he didn't desire to kill him anymore than he did Kol. He just wished Kol would be more sensible. Then again, this was someone who was a vampire. Perhaps emotions clouded his thoughts on occasion. Perhaps any number of things clouded his judgment. Elijah couldn't be sure. “Have you ever been entirely uncertain about how to talk to your siblings about things? I can understand how to talk to them when I am helping them, but not when I'm out of sorts with the way something is happening. It's like hitting my head against a wall.”
Laurence let out a wry laugh at Elijah’s question. “More often than I would care to admit,” Laurence said, trying not to sound too bitter about it.
He and his brothers were hardly what one would call close. He knew that he would do almost anything for his brothers, and he hoped that they felt the same, so long as ‘anything’ did not involve having some kind of meaningful conversation among themselves. Both of his brothers disapproved of Laurence’s defection from their father's wishes by joining the Navy instead of the Church. They hadn’t been especially close, even as children, but with each of them following their own path in life, the distance between them only increased. George dedicated his time to his wife, his five children, and preparing to inherit their father’s estate. Charles was devoted to his faith and his job as vicar. And Laurence was often at sea for six months at a time or longer, and refused shore leave as often as possible, especially once Edith had called off their engagement; she had been unhappy with the fact that he was never at home, something which he could hardly fault her for.
“I’m sorry, I wish I could be more help.” He understood Elijah’s position a little too well, having difficulties of his own about speaking of his problems. “Especially in the vampire question. I had no idea such a thing could be real up until recently, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine what you’re to expect if it happens.”
Elijah didn’t normally have an issue talking to his siblings. Perhaps he had an issue asking them for help, but he hadn’t had an issue with just talking to them. They were close and countless times Kol had told him that he was more of a father to them than their own father. Perhaps that was where the problem lie. Who knew? Anything was possible.
“You have helped. Sometimes I need other people outside of my family, I believe. To talk to. Which is easier than talking to my siblings. At least about these things. I’m not very good at asking for help when I need it, but even less so from my siblings. So I guess I will have to work on that.” He felt that he was doing well enough for having just asked for help...in a way. At least with the whole keeping from doing things he shouldn’t and behaving in a way that was unlike himself. “I’ll figure it out. I have to figure it out, in the end, don’t I?” It was what he would become. He was going to be a vampire and he just had to live with that.
Asking for help was something Laurence himself was almost incapable of, so he understood the sentiment now. “I’m glad you came to me,” he said earnestly. “You will have to figure it out, if it comes to that.” Which Laurence was still very much hoping wasn’t the case. “But I’d be happy to help you through it if it does. It’s not like you’ll have to do it on your own.”
“I am glad that you are here for me to come to,” he countered. And he was. He had very few people that he could really call friends. Caroline was there, of course, and now Katherine, but it was hard to say if there were too many others. It was mostly his own fault. But Laurence had proven himself to be a good friend. Even if it hadn’t been a very long friendship. Elijah figured if he could handle dragons, he could likely handle anything. Even if that was only the dreams. “Thank you. I really do appreciate that.” He gave him a small smile. “If there is ever anything you need, please don’t hesitate to ask. The offer is open.”