moralsandsass (moralsandsass) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-03-14 00:09:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, elijah mikaelson, kol mikaelson |
WHO: Elijah & Kol Mikaelson
WHEN: Early March, but after Elijah & Kat
WHERE: Elijah's plaaace
WHAT: Elijah has been avoiding Kol and so Kol came down the chimney. ho ho ho breaks into his apartment and confronts him about it
WARNINGS: Feels? But it's mostly vampire feels
STATUS: Complete
For the past few days, any and all texts that Kol had sent to his brother had thus far gone unanswered. Normally, this wouldn’t bother Kol (much), but Elijah was still paranoid that Kol would shatter and break over the loss of Mary Alice, and would never ignore picture messages of his niece.
Elijah being back here also meant that his brother had started dreaming again, and dreaming lead to only one thing for the Mikaelson family…vampirism. It would be the only reason why Elijah was avoiding him, the only one that made sense, anyway.
So, Kol let himself into Elijah’s apartment and made himself at home on the couch. While he appreciated Elijah staying away from Mareena while he was still learning to control himself, he would not allow Elijah to ignore him. He could help. He’d done this before.
Elijah had been trying to get himself together, get all his cards in order. He needed to be in control. That was the whole point of everything. He really didn’t think being around an infant was a good idea in his condition and he wasn’t sure how to be around Kol or Rebekah in his condition. He’d had Ezio and now he had Katherine. He couldn’t say that his body count was exactly low, but he didn’t think it was incredibly high either. It was less than his body count in the dreams, so that was...reasonable. Sort of.
He’d actually had one of his more successful feedings when he came back to his apartment. He stared for a moment at his brother sitting on his couch and looked between him and the door. “How did you get in here?”
He was in his usual suit, but the easiest give away (if you knew what you were looking for and he had a feeling Kol did) was the daylight ring on his middle finger. If nothing else gave him away, that would. “And why are you here?”
“So I was right in my suspicious, you did turn into a vampire,” Kol said as he leaned forward to stare at his brother. He wanted to punch Elijah in his self righteous face. Kol could help him! He could! But Elijah had chosen to closet himself away from the problem and avoid his family.
He got up, fists clenched, and walked up to his brother, circling around him, staring for something, anything, before punching him in the face, and just as swiftly pulling him into a strong hug.
“You can’t do this on your own,” he mumbled.
Elijah would have dodged the hit if he’d been expecting it. He stayed still during the hug that followed and stared at the wall for a moment. “I haven’t been on my own. Exactly.” He just hadn’t been with them. But that was...a different matter. “Ezio was here when it happened,” he said after a moment. “I wasn’t sure how…” He sighed. He wasn’t happy about it and he didn’t want to be a vampire, but this was his life now.
He kept his expression from showing any of his discomfort when he stepped back from the hug, however. “But yes. I’m a...vampire.” He studied Kol’s face for a moment. “I’m fine, though. Really.”
“You’re about as fine as I was when Mary Alice died,” Kol said disgustedly. “You don’t have to lie to me, you know. You think this is what I wanted? What Beks wanted? None of us want this. None of us want these dreams, this life, the bloodlust, the hunger, the heightened emotions. It fucking sucks, Elijah. But this IS our life now, and as much as you have helped me through everything, I thought maybe, just maybe, you’d fucking trust me enough to help you through this!”
“Ezio doesn’t know what this life is, what it means. You could have killed him, but fine, chose your new lover over your fucking family who KNOW what this is like. By all means!” Kol snarled, not sure why he was so angry and hurt, but he was. He wanted to help his brother through this, but couldn’t if Elijah wouldn’t let him.
Elijah almost winced and the guilt hit him the way it had when Katherine confronted him. “I know it’s our life.” He looked down at the ground, frowning. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Kol. I don’t trust myself. I’ve been trying to figure it out, to get myself in order.” But he didn’t want to fight about it. Especially not with his brother.
“I could have killed him,” he agreed. “And I almost did. But I didn’t.” He let out a sigh. “And I’m not choosing anyone over you. It’s just that he was there and he’s been trying to help. Even though I almost killed him. Even though I did kill someone.” More than one someone at this point. “I didn’t know how to tell you about it. I know that I have you both. I just…” He moved to sit on the arm of the chair. “You sounded so excited about it. About my time being almost here, that I couldn’t...I didn’t want to deal with the possibility that it was something anyone was even a little happy about.” He turned to look at Kol. “I needed a couple days to process it.” He paused. “And for someone who doesn’t know what this life means, Ezio is handling it remarkably well.”
Probably not going to help his brother be less angry, however. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
“I was excited that Rebekah and I wouldn’t be alone. That you’d be with us. That, you know, I wouldn’t have to watch you grow old and die. That the brother H have considered to be more of a father to me than, you know, our actual father won’t die!” He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep shaky breath.
“You can’t handle things on your own all the time, Elijah. Not with this. I mean, I’m grateful you decided to stay away from Mareena, but not from me. I already lost my wife, am I supposed to just shrug and say ‘oh well’ and let you just walk away too?”
“I’m sure we could have handled that if it came down to it.” Of course then he wouldn’t be around to make sure they were okay. He wasn’t sure he could live with that. It was...perhaps a part of who he was. He was always worried about looking after others and uncertain how to ask for help when it came to himself. He’d felt guilt before, but none of it had ever felt like this. It had never made his chest feel like it was being crushed.
“I wasn’t going to stay away forever. I just...wanted to figure it out.” He’d needed to deal with it and grieve for the life that he wasn’t going to be able to have. It was difficult to explain himself and how he was attempting to deal with things. “I don’t know what to say. You know I’m not good at asking for help. Especially not from you and Rebekah. I’m supposed to have it all together. It’s my job.” It was a fact of life. Elijah rarely asked for help and he rarely let people help him. He was good at control and he usually had it.
“We are still trying to figure it out too, you know,” Kol told his brother stiffly. “You don’t think I’ve thought of the fact that unless they start dreaming that I have to watch Freya, Finn, Nik and Henrik die? That I’ll have to watch my own daughter die? You’re not the only one suffering a loss here,” Kol yelled. “Stop being a pious sanctimonious prick and learn that it’s okay to ask your siblings for help every now and then. I suppose you didn’t even consider the fact that you don’t have to feed on people, did you?”
Elijah stayed quiet. He wasn’t sure that saying anything was helping the situation. Frustration bubbled up inside of him along with the guilt. Even Katherine hadn’t yelled this much. When he did speak, he kept his voice even. “I know that I might have to watch them die, but if that is their choice, then I will watch them die.” The truth was that he’d been grieving himself and the loss of humanity. “I did consider that fact,” he countered. “But I chose not to. To gain control. I had blood bags just in case. I just decided it might be easier to learn without them.”
“That’s the thing though, Elijah, if they start dreaming, they don’t have a choice, they are stuck in this life. Unlike Damon and Enzo, we can’t be killed. I don’t know if you’ve gotten to that lovely little part of our families history yet, but Father and Mother made sure that no matter what, we couldn’t be taken down. There is only one thing that can take us down, and I’m not exactly sure it’s around. White Oak. So the only way to save them from this is for them to never come home. Hell, a visit could start the dreams, and you already know where that leads us.”
“Of course they don’t have a choice if they start dreaming. I’m not entirely dense. I understand that. But we can’t keep them away. People have a habit of doing precisely what you don’t wish for them to do.” Even he did. He shut people out because it was easier not to let them in. Except that it seemed that it wasn’t working out so well for him. “I might have figured out something about that. I mean, I was impaled for a while and I’m currently a prisoner in Damon’s basement with a dagger in my heart.” A pause. “In the dreams, I mean.”
“Oh, those,” Kol snorted, “ya, well, in the dreams, our brother is a major dick and uses those to put us down and out for a couple hundred years whenever we displease him. My last count was over 100 years. Of course, you helped him dagger me. You always helped him temporarily kill me,” he whispered quietly. He didn’t really want to think what that meant. Would Elijah and Niklaus grow to hate Kol like they apparently did in the dream world? Would they dagger him and leave him somewhere alone? He had Mareena to think about now, he hoped his brothers wouldn’t do that to him.
Elijah’s brow furrowed at that news. He had done that to Kol. He had helped Niklaus. At least he assumed it was Niklaus. He couldn’t picture Finn or Henrik as the sort that would dagger people on a whim. “I won’t do that to you here. Not for any reason. You know that, right?” Because he had no reason to cause his brothers harm. He had no reason to be the person he was in the dreams. He would harm neither Kol nor Katherine. Not if he could help it.
“I do know that, Elijah. We aren’t the same people we are in those dreams, with the exception of our parents being major dicks. I know you’d never hurt me, I know Nik would never hurt me,” he sighed. “Look, I’m sorry I came in here and lost my temper, but, I’ve already lost my wife. I was afraid I’d lose you too. That you’d shut yourself off and away from me. And I can’t take that. Not right now. Just...trust me to help you through this. Please?”
Elijah let out a slow breath before nodding. He took that moment to walk over and hug his brother. “We’ll get through this and I’m not going anywhere. Just don’t do anything I can’t forgive you for, though. Otherwise I may have to do something rash and neither of us would like it.” He forced his voice into something more teasing at the end. “Which is a lie, but do try not to all the same.” A pause and he pulled back. “And next time call before you come over. I could have been doing anything.” Except he hadn’t been. He’d been out. “Would you like a drink?”