A tall ship and a star to steer her by (starwreck) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-03-09 17:31:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, anne mauricia, james kirk |
Who: Anne and Jim
What: Continuing to talk
Where: Anne’s place
When: After this
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete when posted
Anne checked her phone again, once again doubting herself for inviting Jim over to talk. Could she hold her nerve and only talk with him when he arrived? Putting her phone down on the kitchen counter, she chewed on the side of her thumb and did another lap of the couch until she heard a knock on the door. Looking up, she dashed over to the door quickly, resisting the urge to check her appearance in the mirror by the door before opening it. “Hi,” she smiled up at him.
“Hey.” Jim smiled easily at her, though his shoulders were set in a more serious manner than one would normally expect from him. He expected a serious talk, and only hoped they could get through it as friends. He really did appreciate talking to her.
Anne smiled and stood back from the door to allow him in. “Come in,” she told him, closing the door behind him as he did. “How have you been?” she asked, leaning back against the door almost as if she were afraid that if she got too close she wouldn’t be able to stop herself.
“Thanks.” He stepped in, shrugging his coat off to hang it up. Jim smiled at her, deliberately giving her the space she needed. “I feel pretty good. Been a good week for me. How are you feeling?”
Anne paused for a second, licking her lips as she thought about her response. “A good week…? With work…?” Anne trailed off, not wanting to ask if it meant that he'd accomplished his new year's resolution. “I'm...ok, I suppose. Confused, I suppose,” she admitted with a little shrug.
“Work, and life in general. No major disasters.” Other things had been less than great, but Jim didn’t want to talk about politics right now. He leaned against the wall, studying her. “Confused?”
Anne shrugged, still leaning back against the door as her eyes dropped from Jim when he asked her about being confused. “About a lot of things, politics, life...you, this,” she admitted, chancing a quick look up at him.
“Politics can be less confusing than you’d think. Life on the other hand, is nothing but confusing.” He gave her an easy smile, putting his hands in his pockets. Then his expression fell. “I’m sorry. For confusing you.”
“No, it's me. I...I want to be as...free and as happy as you are when it comes to...sex,” Anne explained, blushing as she forced the words out. She wasn't used to speaking about it so freely. “I'm torn...between my own upbringing about the whole thing, y’know, being exclusive and...wanting you regardless,” she looked up at him shyly and waited for his response.
Why was Anne so adorable? Especially when she blushed? It could lead to Jim making decisions that weren't in her best interests. Like sweeping her into his arms and kissing her. "Some people just aren't wired for casual. I should have been more upfront."
While Jim could do not-casual, and he liked Anne, he wasn't sure that's what he wanted with her. Or wanted in his life right now for that matter. And if he met someone who turned his head around, like Edith had in his dreams, that would only hurt Anne more.
He came over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, rubbing his thumbs over them. "I don't know if what we want right now is compatible. I care about you, I don't want to hurt you any more than I have already."
Anne sighed and tilted her head as she regarded him. “I guess...I don't think I mean for anything serious between us? Just that...I've never known anything else,” she explained. “I've been brought up with only a conventional relationship model I guess. Never even considered anything else,” she shrugged, raising her hands to his arms as they caged her in. “I'm just so...confused. I spoke to Constance and she said I should stay away from you. Go cold turkey as it were,” she bit her lip and tipped him a little smile as she lightly banged her head back on the door. “And I know I probably should stay away, but...I just…” she sighed heavily, curling her fingers against his biceps as she trailed off.
“As they say, there’s a lot more out there than most people dream of,” Jim replied, before pulling her in against him and stroking his fingers through her hair. “Everyone has a line. You need to find yours. Nothing wrong if your line is more traditional.”
Sighing against his chest, Anne closed her eyes and let him hold her for a little while. “Thank you Jim,” she told him quietly, laying her cheek against him. “For understanding. For coming over to talk about things,” she sighed. “Sorry I’m not ready yet.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Jim kissed the top of her head, holding her steady in his arms. He started to rub Anne’s back in slow circles. “And you don’t need to thank me… I should be apologizing to you.”
Anne pulled away slightly to look up at him, frowning slightly. Her arms were wound around his waist, her thumb idly rubbing against the material of his shirt on his back. “Are you ok?” she asked quietly, hyper aware of his proximity.
“Might be feeling a little guilty, but that’s not on you.” Jim made sure to clarify that point. That Anne wasn’t at fault or that her feelings weren’t wrong. “If you wanted to slap me it wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened.” Even if he might have mellowed out somewhat since the dreams started.
Anne shook her head at him. “Jim, I’m not angry at you. You were honest about your relationships and that you weren’t looking for more. If anything, I’m angry at myself for not being able to stay away,” she gave a breathy little laugh. “For my own sanity, and Constance’s, I shouldn’t have invited you here, but I...wanted to nonetheless,” she admitted, unable to help her eyes flickering down to his lips from his eyes. “God, she’d kill me if she knew you were here now,” she shook her head and bit her lip.
“Sure she wouldn’t kill me,” he joked, lifting his hand to Anne’s cheek and brushing his fingers across it. He’d wanted to come, and god, he still wanted her. That lip bite was too attractive and Jim wanted to comfort her. But he knew better. He knew giving in would only lead to heartache for both of them.
Closing her eyes, Anne leant into the touch, feeling almost drunk on the feel of his skin against hers. His heat against her, his rumbling voice in her ears. “No, she’d torture you, a far worse fate,” she joked back quietly, opening her eyes slightly to look up at him dreamily, a hand drifting up to gently hold his hand against her cheek.
“Unbeknownst to her, I’m into that kind of thing.” Was he joking? Maybe he was joking. Maybe. He put his hand over hers. “Anne…”
Anne smiled indulgently at his joke. “Jim…”
“Well. We could do the smart thing. Have a nice lunch. Talk some more. Watch a movie.” His hand squeezed hers. “Or we could do the stupid thing one more time.”
Anne couldn't help but grin at him, a little laugh escaping her at the gentle pressure of his hand on hers. “Has anyone told you before, that you are very…very persuasive,” she replied quietly, briefly brushing her nose against his as her eyes drifted down to his lips.
“All the time.” Jim put his fingers beneath Anne’s chin, lifting her face up to kiss her. A slow, almost sweet kiss, the kind that could mean good bye or sometimes hello. Really, he was leaving that up to her.
“Hmm...such sweet forbidden fruit,” Anne grinned against his lips and pushed up on her toes to kiss him properly again. The hand behind his back slowly started pulling his shirt up from his waistband as she pressed closer to him. This was such a very good bad idea.