Agent Washington (completelysane) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-02-07 19:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, agent washington, anna of arendelle |
Who: Wash and Anna
Where: Anna’s place
When: backdated to December, after they talked on the net
What: A pot of coffee and Dream Talk
Rating/Warnings: Low, some angst
Status: Complete when posted
Anna was true to her word about the pot of coffee. And she had really good stuff--expensive stuff. Whatever made for great coffee, Anna had it. Along with sweeteners and creamers and all that good stuff, too. They had a top-of-the-line Keurig machine in her house, but sometimes she wanted a full pot instead of cup by cup. So she had a French Press. Anna liked coffee. She preferred Red Bull, but coffee was much more social of a drink. She could share it with Lexi and Stefan, and make a pot for Wash, too.
She’d made a pot in the French Press, and it was sitting on a hot pad on the counter. Anna had her own cup (pretty much half sweetener and sugar, half coffee) in her hands. She sat on the bench by the front door, waiting for Wash to arrive.
Wash drank coffee every day. It was part of his very precious routine, but he had never really developed a taste for it. He didn’t know good expensive coffee from cheap sludge. He also had no idea what a french press was. The coffeemaker he had at the apartment was cheap, but it made a pot of coffee every morning like clockwork.
The coffee itself really didn’t matter. The cup was something physical he could wrap his hands around, unlike the Dreams. They were as confusing as ever. Wash was once again being used to further someone else’s agenda and he didn’t like it. He was torn between the loyalty he had for his commanding officer - back from the dead - and the ragtag bumbling group of sim soldiers who had saved his life.
It wasn’t something he could talk with Carolina about - being that someone dragging him and the Reds and Blues all over the place in her single-minded mission. And he wasn’t even sure if it was appropriate to even say anything to York, for a couple of different reasons.
Wash pulled up to Anna’s house. He finished his cigarette and snuffed out the butt and put it in the van’s ashtray before getting out and heading up the walk. A fresh dusting of snow covered the ground, making it truly seem like winter in otherwise Sunny Southern California He knocked on the Anna’s door.
Anna sprung from the bench by the door and pulled it open. Thankfully, she didn’t spill any of the coffee from her mug. “Hey.” She said, unable to suppress the total joy that lit up her features at the sight of him (It’d only grown worse now that things were official between them.) but she was trying to keep her voice calm. She knew that he wanted to talk about some serious stuff, so she didn’t want to detract from that. She stepped aside so he could come into her house. “Come in.”
Anna’s smiling face was one of the things that was currently keeping him sober. A few months ago Wash would have been drowning what was going on in his head in as much alcohol as he could. He returned her smile with a small one of his own. “Hey, Anna,” he greeted her in kind. She was always so happy to see him. It had been a long time since he’d seen anyone light up like that, just seeing him. In fact, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen that before Anna.
He stepped into the house, closing the door after him. He smelled slightly of cigarette smoke, but nothing overpowering and nothing Anna hadn’t smelled on him before. “Stefen or Lexi home, or do you have the house all to yourself?”
It wasn’t about to stop anytime soon. Anna was one of those people who lit up a whole room under the right circumstances, and having Wash nearby? It almost guaranteed the right circumstances. Now that things were official between them, and growing more comfortable, Anna found she wasn’t as hyper about these things. But that didn’t make her any less loving. She was just calmer about it all now. Her heart still sped up at his touch, her thoughts still drifted to him more often than not. That would probably never change.
Anna moved to the kitchen doorway and reached in to set her mug on the counter. Then she could properly greet him, wrap both arms around Wash and hug him in close. The height difference was just perfect so she could go on her toes and press her face into his neck. So what if he smelled like smoke? It was a little disgusting and a little sexy at the same time. Go figure. “I think Stefan’s working, and I’m not sure where Lexi is. We’ve got the place to ourselves. I made coffee, as promised.”
Wash’s arms wrapped around her comfortably and he stood there a moment holding her. It felt good to hold Anna. She was safe and warm and Wash felt bad for interrupting her afternoon with his seemingly endless baggage. Poor Anna. Did she have any idea what she was getting herself into when it came to dating a broken down marine?
She was strong, though. There was no doubt about that. Strong and determined. Wash let her go. “Thanks,” he said. “I really need a cup. These Dreams they…” he trailed and placed his hand to the back of his neck. “Just when I think they’re getting better, they throw a curve.”
“Of course.” Anna moved into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee for Wash. She knew that he liked hiss with cream and sugar, almost as much as she did. So she started to get everything ready. “You know I’m always here to listen.” She didn’t always understand his Dreams (not everyone had Dreams as cut and dry as a Disney Princess) but she wanted to. She tried to. To give him the support she knew he needed. “Even if I don’t always get it.”
Cream and sugar swirling in the mug of black, rich goodness, she turned around to face him again. “You want to go sit in the living room?”
Wash didn’t even understand his Dreams half the time, so it came as no surprise that others had a hard time following them as well. Having the support, though? That’s what mattered most. Sometimes all he needed were those small gestures, like Anna just knowing how he took his coffee.
He glanced towards the living room. For some reason sitting on the couch didn’t appeal to him. Too comfortable for what he was carrying with him. He shook his head and turned his attention back to Anna, “I think, I’d rather sit at the table, alright?” He took the mug from her and slid into one of the chairs at the table. He’d had a few serious conversations at this table with Stefan. It was a good table for that kind of thing.
“Yeah, okay,” Anna did her best to hide her disappointment and nerves as she followed him to the table and slipped into a chair. She spent so much of her life being separated--physically separated--from people that she put a huge emphasis on physical contact for support. So, cuddling, naturally, was her way of offering support, encouragement, love. She hoped that whatever she could say to him at the table would be enough.
“So, tell me what’s going on.” She offered him a hand to hold. Warm, sweet coffee, a warm hand to hold, and someone to listen to his troubles. That was about the best she could do. The rest was up to him.
Wash took that offered hand, interlacing his fingers with hers. He took a breath and started. “The Dream version of me thought Carolina was dead. The last time I - he - saw her, The Meta had ripped out her A.I. and threw her over the cliff. Everything within the project went to shit. It had been going to shit for a while, but once it actually happened, it all happened so fast. Everyone left - or was dead - except me. Then I met the Reds and the Blues and roped them in to my own revenge scheme, which, went horribly...I went to prison, broke out, went after them - stalked them, really - and in the end, they saved my life…”
Wash glanced up from his coffee at Anna seated next to him. “His life. They saved his life.” He amended as though that were a significant distinction to make, and for Wash it was. “When Carolina got that far in her Dreams, she told me that she didn’t die. When the Meta threw her over the cliff, at the last minute she was able to use her grappling hook to rescue herself.” He paused a moment trying to collect his thoughts. “He didn’t actually see her go over the cliff when it happened,” he amended his previous statement. “I mean Agent Washington saw the footage of it, but he was in the recovery bay when it actually happened. When it all happened. Kinda like here…” he trailed. “She’s caught up with me in the Dreams. Literally. She just showed up. Like out of nowhere. I don’t even know where she was or what she was doing, but there she was and it was like...like nothing had changed. She took over, and he follows her orders. Just like we’d always done. Just like here…” he smiled faintly, but fondly.
It was only a moment before that smile faltered and vanished. Wash’s eyes returned to the cup of coffee his other hand was wrapped around, but he hadn’t taken a drink of yet. “She’s different. In the Dreams, she’s different. I can’t really put my finger on it. Not at first. But...she wants revenge. Just like I did - like he did. Revenge on the Project for what it had done. It’s her driving force, as if...it’s her only reason for living. The only reason she survived. She doesn’t care how she does it. The Reds and Blues are…” he fumbled a moment looking for the right word. “Things. Like...necessary things to get what she wants and she doesn’t care what happens to them. It bothers me. A lot.”
Anna’s palm pressed against Wash’s, and she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Their twined fingers became a single unit, sitting still on the table between them. Anna could feel her pulse thumping where his fingers pinched hers. She lifted her coffee mug to sip from it, watching Wash carefully and listening intently as he explained his Dreams. It was strange to taste something so rich, warm, and sweet while Wash was talking about something so stressful. She lowered the mug again, so she wouldn’t be distracted from her boyfriend as he spoke. Boyfriend. Strange how that thought warmed her from the inside almost as much as the coffee did.
Then he corrected himself, referring to the Dream!Wash’s life as ‘his’ instead of ‘my.’ Anna let her eyes lock with his, then gave an encouraging nod. Go on, Wash. She was listening, and she wouldn’t interrupt. Even when the conversation moved to Carolina. When he smiled, she squeezed his fingers again in understanding. Things bled over from the Dreams, or the Dreams took after them. Real Life mirrored the Dream world. Like Art and Life.
“Have you talked to Carolina about any of this?” Anna asked. She thought she understood what Wash was talking about, but there were really no guarantees. She’d heard him talk about the “Reds and Blues” before, and sometimes it sounded like he was Dreaming some kind of video game.
Wash shook his head. “No,” he admitted. He felt bad about that, and the feeling was heavy in his voice. He and Carolina were not the best communicators, especially with each other. The lack of communication between them had ultimately resulted in him blowing up at her and her throwing him into a wall. Much of that fight could be attributed to the fact that Wash had been heavily drinking at the time, but not all of it.
“We’re still figuring this whole being siblings thing out and right now it’s still easier for us to fall into the roles of Commander and Subordinate,” he explained, “and a Subordinate just doesn’t question his Commander.” He paused for a moment. “I think he’s just relieved to have her back. I don’t know, maybe he feels guilty about not being there when she needed him. I know I do.” He took a breath, “and there’s something else. Carolina thought - believed - that Epsilon was the key for finding the Director. She had us - Agent Washington and the Reds and Blues - find him and bring him out of the memory unit. So…he’s back.” As he talked about Epsilon, Wash’s expression darkened.
He pulled his hand back from Anna’s. “He was distrustful of her at first, and I don’t blame him. The rest of the Reds and Blues were too and he was more...familiar with them. He was still Church to them. Their buddy. But something...happened. I don’t really know what, but something happened when he went off with her alone. They came back and suddenly it was Carolina and Epsilon. They were a team and the rest of us were...just kind of there.” And that bothered Wash even more. Epsilon had been his A.I., and it had ruined him. Seeing Epsilon again, carrying on as if nothing had happened between them, barely even acknowledging him, got under the Agent’s skin and it got under the Marine’s skin as well.
Anna frowned just slightly before she forced it away. Not talking to her sister (or, rather, her sister not talking to her) made a huge deal out of a big deal in her Dreams. But to each his or her own. She wouldn't ever tell Wash what to do, and wouldn't insult him by comparing his situation with her own. So she let that one go. Besides, maybe all Wash needed was to let some of this out. Let it out in a safe place where she wouldn't judge him for having these feelings.
"Epsilon," Anna asked, the frown returning to her brow. "Isn't that your AI?" She was a little confused about some of the details. They talked about things sometimes, but if only she could go into his Dreams with him, then maybe she could know. But that wasn't possible. Not really. Caroline could do it, but Anna couldn't.
When his hand retreated, she wrapped both of her own around her coffee mug. It almost sounded like he was... a little jealous of Epsilon. Assuming that Epsilon was separate from him. Should she point that out? Or mind her own business? Maybe the latter was the safer bet.
“Yeah,” Wash nodded. “Epsilon was mine.” He was quiet for a moment. He didn’t want to admit it, or maybe he didn’t realize it, but he was jealous of Epsilon. And he was angry. Very angry. “Epsilon ruined me. When he was in my mind, unraveling, I fought him, I begged him not to...kill himself, but he did it anyway and I suffered for it. He got to go and live his miserable existence in storage, but I was the one who actually had to deal with it all. All the pain and suffering. There were times I couldn’t even tell what were his thoughts, the ones he left behind, and what were mine. Even when I’m awake, I can hear him. Like some kind of ghost at the back of my mind.”
Wash’s hands flexed around the mug of coffee. He could have standed to have it spiked with whiskey, but he wouldn’t dare. Especially with Anna sitting there with him. “Epsilon always does whatever the fuck he wants. It was the same at Sidewinder. The Reds and the Blues, they had him, they let him out and I needed him. He was my only ticket out of the fucking shit I was in. I protected him from the Meta, so he wouldn’t be absorbed and the moment I went down, he went into that fucking storage unit. He knew he wasn’t coming out, but he didn’t care. He wanted Tex. It’s always been about Tex.” Wash laughed bitterly. “The real irony of that is she didn’t even want to exist. The Director, The Alpha, even Epsilon. None of them could let her go.”
Wash shook his head. “I was perfectly happy leaving him in that unit. The Reds and Blues had saved my ass. It meant I had to ‘die’ in as far as the UNSC was concerned, but fuck them anyway. And then...then Carolina showed up. Like out of nowhere. She said she needed Epsilon, so, we went and got him, because she’s my commanding officer and I owed her. I’d do anything for her…” Wash blinked realizing he’d long stopped distancing himself from the Freelancer in his Dreams. It wasn’t a lie though. Both the Agent and the Marine would do anything for Carolina. Both versions of her. Wash let out a breath. “He’s hers now. Her A.I. and it’s like everything that happened to me didn’t happen at all. Like it was some kind of...dream.” Another bitter chuckle at the choice of words. “They’re a better team, anyway. Want the same thing and the closer we get, the more...intense they are. Like Carolina’s drive has become Epsilon’s.”
Anna thought she could imagine that sort of thing. She’d seen it on television, and… sometimes even in her own life. Things would happen; big, important things, and then… they were just gone. Forgotten. Sometimes remembered, barely, but people moved on. Characters barely ever mentioned anymore after the actor leaves the show, or events that seemed so important at the time fading away until no one really cares anymore. No one… or maybe one. Maybe there was always that one person who remembered and cared and grew jealous and jaded that things changed. Things moved on with or without them, regardless as to whether or not it was right.
She wanted to rest a hand on his, to try and calm him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, hold him until he stopped shaking. But there was really nothing she could do except listen while he let it all out.
“Is that possible?” She asked tentatively. “Does an AI take on characteristics of their… host?”
“I don’t know,” Wash answered. “I don’t think so. Each of the A.I. fragments were a fragment of The Alpha. A piece of it’s personality. There was Theta, he was the Alpha’s trust. Omega was the Alpha’s rage, and so on. Each fragment was matched with the Freelancer The Director believed would it would work the best with. Like…” Wash tapped the side of his mug thoughtfully, if a bit anxiously. “Theta. Theta was very childlike. North had a caretaker’s personality, so the two of them were paired. At least, that’s what it seemed like at first. Now I’m not so sure if The Director really understood each fragment as well as he thought he did. I know he was experimenting on us, but I don’t know if he really understood what it was he had.” Except for when it came to Epsilon. Wash was fairly convinced The Director was very aware of what Epsilon was, especially after Wash’s botched implantation process. He just hadn’t cared until Agent Washington himself became a threat. However, when it came to Sigma, Wash still shuddered at the idea that he had implanted the A.I. into his own daughter knowing just what it was capable of. The thought also tapped that heavily chained rage with in.
Wash removed his hands from his mug and roughly rubbed his face, fingertips pressing against his eyes. “So, yeah. No, the A.I.’s, even though they were fragments were still very much their own entities. If anything they had the ability to take over us.” He lowered his hands back to his mug. “Carolina and Epsilon, I guess they just fit better. Both are chasing ghosts that don’t want to be caught.”
“And what about you?” Anna asked, watching Wash’s hands on the mug. The warmth felt good against her own, and she wondered if he was getting any comfort from it. She certainly was. As much as she longed to touch his hand with her own, to try and give him comfort that way, she didn’t. She let him talk, let him get it all out. “Do you think your AI took over you?”
There was some comfort to be had from the warmth of the mug. His hands tightened around it in response to Anna’s question, his knuckles paling to white. There was no easy answer to that question. “I - he - that is, Agent Washington was different after Epsilon was implanted and removed. And I guess I was different too. At the time, I don’t think Epsilon had the ability to take over anyone’s mind. He was so…broken. That’s the best way I can describe it. The only thing I remember clearly is screaming. His, mine, I don’t know whose, but it’s all I heard.” And Allison. Through all the din and chaos, he had heard Allison. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment. “I saw Sigma take over Maine. I didn’t know at the time that was happening. And once I did know...I couldn’t do anything about it.”
“It must have felt… helpless.” Anna said, trying to put words to it to really understand. It wasn’t as if she could empathize, but she could sympathize. This was as close as she’d get to knowing what it was like. To hear his words, interpret them, and try to understand what he went through. She was certainly trying. “Is it just you, Carolina, and York?” She asked. She only had Elsa from her Dream World, though any of the others could pop up at any moment, really. Wash had his sister and his friend, but he was here talking to Anna instead of them.
Anna had hit the nail on the head. She managed to put into words what Wash had been unable to. He opened his eyes and looked at her. “Yeah, that’s what it felt like.” He looked down at his coffee mug. It wasn’t as piping hot as it had been when Anna had given it to him and he had yet to still take a drink of it. He watched the light brown liquid inside for a moment before looking back at her. “Yeah, it’s just me, Carolina and York here. In the Dreams it’s just me and Carolina. York...died...in the Dreams. So I don’t know if he even should hear about any of this.”
“Oh, well I won’t say anything to him about any of this. You know that, right? I don’t tell anyone things that happen between us.” She blushed deeply at that, realizing the other things that happened between them that she kept quiet. There were definitely things that they did she wanted to keep just between the pair of them. But that was neither here nor there. “I mean,” she brought her hand over to rest on his arm. “You know what I mean.”
That brought a small smile to Wash’s face. He put his hand on hers. “Yeah.” He said. “I know what you mean.” He squeezed her hand. “Thank you, Anna. For listening to me, to all of this.”
Anna smiled. She squeezed his arm in return. “Anytime.”