Who: Hades & Regina What: Hades brings over the baby's dream blanket, and Regina informs him about his fate in Storybrooke When: Today Where: Casa de Disney Evil Rating/Warnings: Language, mentions of death, typical things Status: Complete!
There was a lot of stuff going on lately, from the Golden Globes (the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat for all those other suckaaaaaaas - BAFTA shinies and Oscar gold coming shortly) to Nico’s foray into therapy to Hades discovering he had a niece to immortality, and then a baby blanket arrived via Dream ExpressMail.
Not just any blanket, but a pink-and-white checkered thing, soft and cottony and nothing that he had seen before. Except when he held the still-unnamed babe belonging to his supposed True Love and the dopey archer she’d creepily tricked into donating sperm. Hades there didn’t really care that the woman he adored had a baby with another man, he was just that enamored and only seemed to be focused on kick-starting a new white picket fence family, but he had to admit there these days he might get a little irritated if Meg date-raped a guy and had his baby.
Not that she’d do that. But it was just another reason for him to scoff and shake his head at his Lord of the Dead counterpart.
He didn’t know what to do with the cozy blanket besides give it to the actual baby who could use it. Who it really belonged to. Which was why he practiced his teleportation skills and ended up, in a puff of obsidian smoke, on the front doorstep of Regina’s place. She’d mentioned that her and the pirate guy adopted the same baby they all knew of in Underbrooke, and Hades wanted to do something nice. Killian had been the one to help Meg figure out the True Love’s Kiss riddle when the Hollywood director was in a coma. Besides, he held no ill will toward them here. Regina was the sister of his...paramour? And if Hades had learned anything lately, after figuring out Thalia was his brother’s illegitimate daughter he refused to acknowledge (the daughter Hades hadn’t known about for like, twenty years) it was that he couldn’t afford to fuck things up with any more family - blood or otherwise.
Things were going well in dream storytime. Too well. He had an ominous feeling of dread - maybe he’d learn something about that today - though he pushed it back and knocked on the door.
Oh, there was always something different in the air when magic happened - an unseen ripple, a tickle to the senses, and she was so tuned to her imprint of it all (she had a mausoleum glamoured, the main entrance to an entire lair of witchcrafty bits and bobs) that another’s presence was fairly detectable. Despite the distractions of childrearing, anyway, with how she was gently bouncing the milk-drunk Meara for another round of burping - cloth on mommy’s shoulder and all - to then ease her to the land of counting sheeps.
Well, no counting for a little person who was still figuring out how to roll over from back to tummy.
The first being to greet the Lord of Death was a charcoal-furred cat, eyes of gold, hopping up the steps and rubbing up against his ankles with a purr equivalent to a motorboat. Then her mistress’ once the door opened she did the finicky cat thing and trotted inside before any pets could be delivered (pet me with your eyes!!!).
“Oh,” she raised a brow, opening the door, and her hand then went to gingerly pat her daughter’s back to encourage that upward gas. “I didn’t expect to see you, come in. What do I owe the honor?”
The cat probably smelled both Cesare and Cerberus, the latter whom probably carried with him (and left on his master) the scent of fire and brimstone, smoke and musk, pine and cedar and a hell dimension. But Hades would definitely deliver the required pets once they were inside and he perchance had a purring pussy on his lap. Hey, he liked animals. Fuck knew he had plenty at his Laguna Beach Zoo.
“Just dreamed some more, was all,” he shrugged, stepping into the house. He had one hand behind his back, but he brought it forward and held out the pink-and-white baby blanket. “Got this when I woke up. I thought you might want it? For the little one.”
He glanced fondly at the baby in Regina’s arms, lips quirked up in semblance of a smile. There was a lot of shit on his mind, sure, but dropping off the otherworldly gift was why he’d shown up here.
Ah. What? Regina’s reaction was more of a wide-eyed blink, the sight of the blanket bringing a wave of deja vu - stirred feelings, that dull heartache that had carried from the dreams, a brief spike of anger. Hades wasn’t someone she thought she’d ever see here, much less allow in her home and have a amicable friendship of sorts with considering what had happened, what he’d done, but she knew the drill all too well. Things were different here, this was all a second chance, a lesson from their other lives, none of them could help what happened in these dreams. And sometimes it was easier to think that than feel that.
“I remember,” she said after a pause, the expression of her brows switching from curious to furrowed. Meara cooed and slobbered on the covered shoulder, snuffy sounds and a hiccup here and there. Regina took the blanket, adjusting her arm under the little one’s tush. “Thank you. For bringing this. I didn’t think I’d ever see it here.”
Must mean he dreamt of their arrival to the Underworld, then, to rescue Killian - Zelena, the baby. Soon he’d be at the end of it, which meant...
A kiss to the baby’s temple first, another soothing jiggle, and she went to settle her down in the mini-crib, specific to their living room. “Give me a second to let her settle down, and you should take a seat. I can get you a drink too if you’d like.”
That blanket looked right on the little girl - it was hers, and Regina was her mother in this world. Not Zelena. Hades still wasn’t sure how he felt about Zelena here, besides that he never met her and it probably wasn’t a good idea to have that happen. And anyway, he loved someone else. Whatever he had with Zelena elsewhere, it wasn’t healthy - it would probably end up poisoning them both. Like some tragic tale - but what else could the King of the Underworld expect? If there was darkness, he lived amidst its falsely comforting embrace after the rest of the universe turned on him.
Zelena hadn’t yet, but it was probably coming.
“Sure, go ahead. Hey Meara,” he said to the baby, gently shaking her tiny hand. Man, he loved tiny tots - it was a weakness, definitely. “I’ll just wait on the couch. Whatever you’re having to drink’s good with me,” he added, glancing at Regina.
Meara smiled, gurgling sounds galore, an adorable crocheted beanie (with a bow!) keep that mostly bald head warm. There was a little burp too - looks like mommy did her job, and she could now stay down without the whines.
Hm. Regina searched the cabinets for a nicely aged Cabernet Sauvignon since it was a conversation that needed it, definitely. It seemed like the trend these days, to have people over and offer them something alcoholic for them to process some kind of news. Except this wasn’t about family, not even close.
Foil removed, cork stabbed and pulled out, and the glasses were poured. Deep red, thick like blood. “You seem like the red-wine kind of guy,” she told him, dusky eyes cutting to the deity comfortable in her living room. “Any opinions you want to share about what you’ve seen so far?”
Hades did love him some red wine, and the bolder the better - the Cabernet Sauvignon was pretty bold, so it was good, and he liked the peppery flare to it whether it was bell pepper or black pepper. Something to give it a little kick. “I am, our wine cellar at the house is pretty substantial,” he chuckled. “Well - “
As for his opinion on the shit he’d just been so fortunate (or unfortunate?) to dream of? That was like opening Pandora’s Box and blindly sticking your hand inside, but maybe he did need to talk about it a little. “I’m now able to fix the Olympian crystal, since Zelena kissed me - like, really kissed me.” Obviously, Regina knew what he meant. “She restarted my heart. I can live amongst the mortals now, leave all that dreary stuff behind. I’ve been wishing she’d come and do that for the past however many years, and when she finally did it was the craziest thing, I actually felt hopeful - but I guess we don’t end up starting a family, do we?”
Guys like him didn’t get a happy ending. He didn’t in his last set either - instead, he got thrown into the abyss. Maybe he got what he deserved. Maybe at the very end, they would all get what they deserved. It still seemed sad to him though, he couldn’t put his finger on why.
Love between the Wicked Witch and the God of Death, that was a crossover she never thought would happen - but the feelings were genuine, otherwise the ‘true love’s kiss’ bullshit wouldn’t have worked. Zelena thought she’d get her happily ever after (fat chance, sis), and while Hades appeared to love her demented sister…
Well, that wasn’t enough, was it?
“You don’t,” she bluntly said because why sugarcoat it - there was nothing good for him in the horizon. Regina felt for him here, she really did, but she wasn’t going to deny that she was glad he was gone in Storybrooke. Beyond death, erased from existence itself, an equivalent exchange of what he’d done to the thief of the forests. Two filled glasses and an open bottle later, she joined him on the couch. “You end up trapping us and sending the two previous dark ones on a wild goose chase while you persuade my desperate sister to jump back into Storybrooke without us. You had a chance at something better, and you blew it.”
Before continuing, the queen took a hearty sip of her wine first and foremost. Remembering all that, how Robin had intervened between her and the crystal - erased, gone, all thanks to Zelena’s shit judgment required imbibing. Not too much, however. Responsible parenting and all that.
“I probably didn’t trust that ‘something better’ was actually possible, probably didn’t trust anyone - and, I don’t know, after eons of dealing with souls, collecting them like shinies, and forgetting you even had one? I wouldn’t even know what to do with that chance,” Hades shrugged. It was more casual than he felt - but how come everyone else got a goddamn redemption arc and he was probably just going to get shoved into the abyss again?
He could have been better. Maybe could have started coming around. Guess he wasn’t ever going to be given that opportunity, to make strides for a better future.
The wine was gulped. Sure, it didn’t really have much of an effect on him, but he liked the taste. “Not that it’s an excuse for anything, but it’s all bullshit, so why am I not surprised?” he snorted. “I really can’t stand that Rumpelstiltskin fucker and yet I’m sure he’s on his eightieth blown chance by now.”
Oh, Regina could sense he didn’t feel casual, not even a bit - she had honed senses for resentment and anger, it all had a scent. Killian had given it off before, so did she, and it’s not like they had all become ‘villains’ for the fuck of it. Understanding the root didn’t change the way she felt about it, at least towards the Hades she knew in Storybrooke. Emotions were a fickle thing, she wasn’t the best candidate for temper control (she did overreact a bit to Snow White being unable to keep a secret, after all), but the veil between this Regina and that Regina served as a diluting filter for it.
A brow sharply rose, but her reddish lips quirked into a smirk. “You’re not wrong about the imp; he’s had a bottomless pit of chances he’s blown time after time. I’m on your court about how unfair that’s been throughout this mess.” It all had to catch up to him, someday, and when it did she hoped it was beyond tenfold. Anything else would be too kind. “But it all comes to a showdown. You, Zelena. Robin, me. You two had the baby and - no offense to you as a father here - but you and my sister in that world wouldn’t be the best parents.”
As if it wasn’t annoying enough that he had always, without much variety, been designated to the universe’s toilet - but he had to be portrayed as a shitty father too (when it meant so much to him here). Alright, and maybe he wasn’t quite shitty according to what Hazel dreamed (at least in comparison to the other gods - Zeus, forever, was the worst) but he just didn’t understand why it had to be like that.
“Considering she raped the guy to have that kid,” he sighed, his tone disdainful. “Look, I know it doesn’t make a fucking difference, but I’m sorry. I don’t like seeing all of that when I close my eyes and I don’t intend to do here what I did there.”
Oh, wait, but how did that showdown end? Did he even want to know? More wine, please.
More wine, indeed. If it was getting low than Regina would do the hospitable host thing and assure him it was filled at all times, you’re welcome. But she knew his words were genuine, and his intentions weren’t anything like what he’d done in his other lifetimes - bringing him the baby blanket was a show of good faith too, and he’d done nothing to incite doubt in her.
Hades had too much to lose. Family, and a woman he loved - someone who wasn’t Zelena, and someone who would keep him grounded.
Which was why it bothered her to continue, but she was accustomed to being the bearer of shit news. It was a title that fit her hear more than the ‘evil queen’ mantle did.
“I know,” she said, exhaling a sigh, and leaning forward. Elbows on her knees, hands pressed together. “And that’s why I’m going to tell you this. I don’t know what’ll happen, if anything will transfer over. But the Olympian Crystal was complete - and you wanted to use it on me, eradicate me from existence. Except you didn’t, and not because for lack of trying. Robin, he -”
Regina drew in a deeper breath. “Robin stepped in the way. You got him instead.” As in, gone, beyond death. “I managed to knock you over, dropping the crystal. Zelena took it, and instead of using it on me like you urged her to, she used it on...you.”
Zelena had picked her life over Hades. Touching, wasn’t it? Except that decision came too late - because if she had made that choice before, than Robin wouldn’t have paid the price for it.
She used it on...him? Zelena did? Zelena. The same woman who was his supposed ‘True Love.’ Like, what the actual fuck was that? They didn’t even get ten minutes to be basking in the glory of their epic kiss! He hated everything, ever. Right now. He hated everything.
Sucking in a breath, all of a sudden his hair burst into flame - there came the startling blue fire, and oh, what was that? Eyebrows too. All until he forced himself to think happy thoughts - like an actual three-headed hellhound, Meg bent over his desk, chocolate truffles, stealing souls.
This felt like a fist of ice straight to the gut. Zelena couldn’t have just put down the Olympian Crystal and demanded that they all played nicely?
“She - “ He wasn’t much calmer, but at least his hair was back to normal. Hades checked to be sure, running his fingers through it. “You’re saying the woman I waited for, for so long, fucking murders me.” Yes, that was what Regina seemed to be saying. He guessed that he should have seen it coming. “Great,” he huffed sarcastically. “Well, hopefully it doesn’t cross over. I’d rather not die here, after I just got that immortality issue settled.”
Meara hadn’t wailed at the sudden outburst, thankfully, otherwise she would have made Hades ease the fussy infant in retribution - Regina had to peak over to check on her for reassurance and the little starfish had passed into a deep slumber. How miraculous.
“I appreciate the effort it just took for you to not burn down my house,” came her sardonic reply, finishing her glass and refilling it after his impressive show of azure flames. “I can’t pretend to understand Zelena. I anticipated her actions to involve fucking me over like she usually tends to do, but she did...love you. Don’t think it didn’t hurt her to do what she did, and I suppose at that time she thought she was doing what was best.”
It couldn’t have been easy on Zelena, she’d give the Wicked Witch at least that. Hades had been mourned, but what good did that do to someone who was not only murdered, but had his entire soul erased? There was no afterlife, no underworld for him to return to.
There was no way Hades would look back at this, even after he dreamed it, and think something akin to ‘well, can’t blame her, she did what she thought was best.’ If he had a tombstone (and he didn’t, because he was blasted from every plane of existence), what would it say? Murdered by True Love - She Did The Best She Could Do?
Yeah, he was bitter. Angry at Zelena, angry at himself. Angry at the rest of the world. Depressed as well, sorrowful, regretful that he wouldn’t ever see her again. Because he did love her, too.
Just not here. He loved someone who wouldn’t ever do that to him, which was comforting. “I guess there really wasn’t much of a choice anyway,” he grumbled. “Everything...snowballed. Then exploded in a fiery inferno. I tell you what though, if I see anyone not appreciating what they have here? I might lose my shit.” It definitely gave him a new appreciation for this life.
Anger was natural. Anger was expected. Regina couldn’t fault him for his reaction, for feeling utterly betrayed - she had never met someone so different than what she dreamed. Perhaps the same temper, perhaps the same quips, but that’s really where the similarities began and ended.
Strangely, her eyes softened. They weren’t so narrow or fierce. They didn’t hold pity, but they did hold some kind of understanding to what he meant. “I’d say most of us are dealt a better hand in this life. It certainly makes you want to fight and protect what you have here, and not take it for granted.” To lose Killian like she’d lost Robin and Daniel, permanently, it wasn’t something she could fathom. The only reason she was able to endure his death in the first place was because of their plan to get him back, but if she didn’t have that? This version of life could then officially go to hell. “I don’t think this place is cruel enough to make you disappear like that, not without a solution anyway - and I’m sure you don’t plan on using the Olympian Crystal or letting it fall in the wrong hands.”
“Nah. I don’t even have it here - at least not yet.” Hades wouldn’t jinx it, though if he knew anything about their particular vortex of hell, it was that shit always cropped up at inopportune times. Or cropped up even if you didn’t want it to. “If I do get it, it’s definitely going to be sealed away or something - I’ll only use it on Hazel’s boyfriends, if they make her cry,” he winked.
He totally wasn’t kidding either.
“I’m glad I came over though,” he continued, setting his now-empty wine glass down, hands rubbing over his thighs in kind of a nervous way. He wasn’t great with words, not really. Hades was better at giving direction and, you know, making those quips. Also fiery temper explosions, those too. “I just found out my brother has a kid he hasn’t ever acknowledged - we’re so out of touch that it took like, twenty years or however old the girl is for me to even know. It wasn’t even through Zeus, it was because of this dreaming bullshit. I just don’t want to be bad at family stuff anymore. Or set a bad example for my own kids.”
If there was anyone who’d even get the damn phallic thing, it’d be Hades alright - it was only a matter of time. Maybe he’d wake up to his own murder weapon after he dreamt of his death? That seemed poetic enough, and a kind of timing the OC deities wouldn’t give up.
But she already ruined his day enough with her little news, let’s not tease the poor god further, hm?
“That desire is what’s kept my head on straight sometimes - to not mess it up for the little ones we’ve sworn to care for and protect,” Regina chuckled, sparing a glance back at the sleeping one. Pink cheeks, tiny fist, a belly full of milk. That blanket was perfect for her. “I’m glad you stopped by, too. And it seems like everyone’s finding out all sorts of family ties they never thought they had. You’ll be fine, though - you’ve got people that need you, and love you. As obnoxiously sappy as that sounds, it’s the truth.”
Take it from one of the senior Storybrooke villains.
“I’m sure I will be too - just another thing to get through. I’m trying to learn to roll with the surprises, since after a few bumps I just said, fuck it. Life is for me to take a bite out of,” he chuckled. Or set on fire, either one.
And aw, wasn’t that a cute little bundle of joy. It had been forever since Bianca was that small - and he’d missed Hazel’s baby years entirely. Hades had to tell his godly loins that reproducing probably wasn’t in the cards right now - but that was okay, he was pretty good with the way things are.
Especially because he hadn’t been crystaled out of existence yet, and hey, you just couldn’t knock that sort of thing in the land they chose to call home.