Raven loves waffles more than life itself (ofevilsfire) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2017-01-15 14:20:00 |
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After the box of artifacts had arrived and she had checked the magic and done what was needed to ensure they would work, Raven had ended up placing it into her mirror until she figured out just who to give the items to. If she should split them up between people, or give to one person. Then of course, the question was still who would she entrust them with. Who could she trust to do the right thing if she lost control. However, a week of trying to answer those questions had left her no answers and so here she was.
With Zatanna saying they could discuss the matter over tea, Raven had gone to her room and into the mirror to retrieve the box so that she could show them to her aunt once she was home.
As was typical, there was a lot weighing on Raven. These artifacts showing up meant that there was a greater risk that they would be necessary. She had known it. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she was a good person, the risk was always there and now she needed the contingency plan and to then erase the plan so as not to sabotage it. So long as she figured out the answers to her questions.
Was it a good something or a bad something? Well wasn’t that all a matter of opinion? So for now it was sitting at the table, the box there, waiting.
Zatanna knew that Raven had been under the weather lately but she defaulted to her niece to decide what would be best - if she needed something in particular, from Zee’s arsenal or anything that was within her power to get, then she would have it, but all Zee could do was monitor the situation and trust that Raven would be honest about what was happening. She usually was, so that part wasn’t an issue. But Zatanna could only imagine what made an appearance from dreamland - they shared a universe, somewhat, though in Zee’s current climate the Raven she knew was much different. Then again, it was a different time and place entirely. A different, noir kind of era.
She arrived home from work and went to change clothes first, putting on yoga pants and a sweater, foregoing the shoes entirely, then headed to the kitchen to put on the kettle. She saw Raven at the table and offered a smile. Red tea would likely be the drink of choice for Zatanna, though did have a whole variety in her setup here. Gifts and teas she’d purchased for herself, all kinds, though nothing quite as expensive as some of the imports from China that went for thousands a gram.
Kettle on, she settled at the table. “Alright, you’ve got the floor.”
As Raven had suspected, the side effects of accessing the deadly sins power had gone away, it had just been annoying. And she still felt it was rude that despite the fact it had only happened in the dreams, she still had to deal with the feeling sick part here. Not like she had any plans to ever utilize those abilities here. No. That was too close to Trigon. Too close to the brothers she had in the dreams. Too close to potentially toeing that line. No, most of her attention had been on trying to figure out who to give the items to, and then getting used to a new quarter for classes.
Once Zatanna entered the kitchen, Raven watched her for a moment before turning her attention back to the box of artifacts. She still didn’t know what to say. It was one thing to be blunt and straight to the point when Caleb had asked what she was doing at the Guild when she first got them as she’d been making sure the magic was in place and everything prepared. This? This was more complicated.
So instead of words, Raven just opened the box and showed them to her aunt. While the exact purpose wouldn’t be known until she stated as much, the magic imbued within each of the items? Zatanna would be able to feel the magic, how old the items were. Sure. That seemed like a good place to start. No words. Because it was Raven.
Magic of the old-world kind was what pulsed with every beat of Zee’s heart, every breath she took; it flowed through her veins and created kind of a static in the air. It was something she was very much attuned to, and she could immediately sense it about the items in the box, of course. It was a power that had been around for eons, blood, bones, salt, flesh mingling with the earth. There was a certain darkness to it all.
But still, why Raven had all this? Well, that was probably a whole other story.
“Do you have plans for these?” Zatanna asked, lifting an eyebrow. She probably would not like where this was going, but Raven had a complicated lineage in any life - she was part demon, and with that came complications too.
And that was why Raven had been trying to figure out who to tell. Those she would tell all were complicated and wouldn’t like it, too many personal ties and other such issues. But she also knew that she had to figure out what to do with them, who to give them to. So here they were.
“Figure out who to hand them out to so that if I lose control, I can be stopped.”
Permanently. Only the Ramat Stone wouldn’t kill her. It already was infused with a segment of her pure essence that would fight back the demon if necessary. The rest were far more permanent in nature. But it was in the better interest of the world if she were stopped permanently if it came to it.
Ah, alright, and here was the complicated part. Zatanna was a very pragmatic person - she would often do what was necessary, no matter how she felt about it, because if it must be done then it must be done. End of. But this was her niece, her family - and she didn’t particularly have to like the idea that, if it came down to it, the only way to stop her was to end her life. And she didn’t think she was wrong there, to have a severe disdain for that.
But it was about pragmatism, yes, and also about trust. Zee wanted Raven to know that she could trust her aunt to do what needed to be done. “If that’s your wish, Raven, then I will take them and seal them off, for use later as a ‘just in case,” she offered - it would not be difficult to guard them magically, with a barrier and a sealing spell or two. She’d done it before, with demons and non-demons alike.
“You wouldn’t want to be trapped in a vessel, containing you. You’d just want it all to end.” It was similar, she thought, to granting someone’s wish to not be kept on life support. Kept alive solely by machines - if they had their affairs in order, and trusted their family to make the right decision if and when the time came, then it was up to the family to honor it.
This would have been easier had she never made friends or connections since joining the network. She could just disappear and no one would be the wiser. She could just disappear, find another dimension. Something. She had been willing to leave the Titans if they didn’t take the artifacts. In fact, that had been her condition on staying. Take the artifacts and be prepared to use them. But life didn’t work out that way. Despite her attempts to keep people at arm’s length, she had connections, strong ones, that made this sort of thing complicated.
At least Zatanna was pragmatic enough, and knew Raven well enough, to know exactly what she meant when she said she could be stopped. She didn’t need to add the permanently, it was hanging there in the air around them.
“It’s that or leave.”
Because Raven was also pragmatic. Ever since the first set of dreams, this had been one of Raven’s greatest fears. That somehow she would end up losing control, the demon would take control and there would be nothing left of her, the her who had grown up here and was always trying to make up for the curse of her lineage. So in being pragmatic, she knew that it was entrusting these items with those she could trust to use them, or leave everyone and everything behind.
“It’s a lot to leave, everything you’ve built here,” Zatanna pointed out. Getting up, because the kettle whistled at them, she procured two mugs from the cupboard and went for the rooibos. She needed something soothing to calm her down, since this was a heavy discussion they were having. And rooibos was the answer to that. “Perhaps too much of a gamble, since you are unsure that it’d be necessary - I can continue to turn the cards, if that would also help.”
She’d be able to feel the approach of that particular brand of darkness. It would not be something an expert in divination like her would miss - especially when it hit so close to home, and was so personal.
“What kind of tea can I get you?” she asked then; they both needed a hot cup of something right about now.
“It doesn’t matter if it’s a lot to leave or a gamble because it might not be necessary. I’d rather leave than have even the possibility of putting everyone in danger.” She’d sacrifice everything to keep everyone safe. And the world. If there was one thing she was ever certain of, it was that. But it also left few options. Either the items that could kill her would be handed to those who could actually use them, or she left. It wasn’t like she liked either option, but to protect those she cared for as well as humanity as a whole? She’d shoulder it along with everything else.
Would divination work? It had happened so fast in the dreams. Provoked by her brothers. Just the proper alignment of demonic ducks.
“I mean, I suppose t doesn’t hurt to try.” As for the question of tea? She contemplated for a moment, “The hibiscus base one?” It was a good blend, the hibiscus base with mint, cinnamon, lemon, orange, and ginger all blended into one.
Zatanna reached for the correct jar, unscrewing the top. She liked the hibiscus one too. John had given her another kind she’d drunk up very quickly, with hints of chocolate and cream. Very decadent. He seemed to know her tastes well, that she did enjoy the more ‘unique’ flavors. “I think it matters a little,” she said, the fragrance of cinnamon hitting her first, as she poured Raven’s tea and let it steep. “There’s also nothing concrete in terms of a guarantee that leaving prevents the domino effect of what begins here to cease to a complete stop. People continue to dream outside of the county lines, even.”
Perhaps not new ones, but the old continued - she also recalled Lina mentioning something about her former lover, and his transition into a monster. Lina tried to stop it, but he left before she could - and he still turned anyway, from what Zee knew. Raven wouldn’t be accomplishing anything, or solving any of her own problems, by leaving. Sometimes things just were, and there was no escaping that.
“I will continue to turn the cards, then.” She brought the mugs of tea to the table. “And it’s all entirely your decision, staying or going - but you can trust me to honor your wishes, Raven. It’s not about how I feel. It’s about what you want, what you believe is best.”
It wasn’t even running to stop the change if it happened. After all, it had happened in the dreams, and thankfully she had come up with the contingency plan with the Ramat stone so that she was able to be stopped. But if the plan in the dreams had been to leave if the others refused to take the items and learn how to use them, well, she had a greater understanding in the dreams. Different circumstances of course, but having connections with people despite all attempts to isolate herself for the greater good? That hadn’t changed regardless of what she dreamed each time.
“I know.”
She’d dreamt plenty of times in New York, new ones. Some people didn’t, others did. It was hard to tell who would and would not. But as leaving hadn’t been meant as a way to stop the dreams, that wasn’t exactly a concern for her. It was just…. Everything else. But if the box would be taken, the artifacts learned on how to be used, then it would be enough. So she just took the tea and nodded.
“Thank you.” For the tea. For the divination. For being willing to take the box. “The red stone is the Ramat stone, that one is the only one that is non-lethal but can only be used once.” Painful for her, but non-lethal. But given the complicated nature of her lineage, you could never be under prepared.
Zatanna added a bit of honey to her tea, stirring gently, the spoon clinking against the glass. “I will research all of this some more,” she spoke about the artifacts in the box. She planned to know there was to know about each thing, and not just tuck everything away for a stormy day, forgetting about it all. Should the time come (and she had to hope that it would not), then she’d be prepared.
“Have you told others?” she wanted to know, sipping from the mug. “Ed? Your friends?”
For Raven, she would need to forget. She would remove the memory of this conversation, of all she had done so that she wouldn’t manage to sabotage it herself. Because even if she lost control, she’d still remember what she had done. So taking those memories away would ensure that she couldn’t preemptively stop Zatanna.
So she took a sip of her tea and contemplated the question.
“Caleb knows because he showed up at the Guild while I was doing the necessary enchantments. Otherwise no.”
The main issue on that was that she couldn’t find the words. Then of course was the memory erasing aspect because the more people she told about this set of contingencies, the more memories she would need to erase. While dangerous, it was the inability to find the words that was the more complicated issue for her.
“Hm. It’s difficult,” Zee mused, humming thoughtfully. “Do you think Ed could handle something like this?” He was very unique, when it came to teenagers. Certainly smarter than most his age, in terms of facts and information you’d find in books - also an alchemical expert, to the point where even Zatanna liked learning things from him. But emotionally? She wasn’t sure how he’d react to knowing Raven was planning for her demise. Or if he even understood the gravity of the situation, what it meant to be part demon.
She also liked that he treated Raven well, seemed to really care and took her out on dates and things like that - that was obviously what was most important to the girl’s aunt, that she was treated as she deserved to be. Zee hoped that, if Raven did tell him, they wouldn’t focus on the negative and just would find a way to continue to focus on the positive, in their relationship.
That was the question, wasn’t it? Ed dreamt of being in the military. So in theory should understand this sort of planning. On the other hand, Ed and dealing with any sort of death? That he didn’t handle well. He was better about it but given this sort of situation? Raven just didn’t know. Nor did she want to put it on him, on any of them. She just knew she had to tell someone and Zatanna understood magic, she understood all the complications.
“I don’t know...”
Raven wasn’t good at looking at the positive. For her, she was much more focused on all the things that could go wrong, how to plan for them.
“I mean. I’d have to erase my memory of the conversation anyway. Just like I have to for this one and receiving the items and everything about it so that if it happens, I can’t sabotage it.”
Which was the other wrinkle. She knew the spell, she knew all of that. But it was still something she needed to consider. So it was something she was going to have to figure out.
Memory-erasing seemed dire, but then again, it was probably necessary. If that part of Raven that thirsted for power knew about the plans in place to stop everything, then all that prep was for nothing. Raven was just being cautious, was all.
“Personally, I think you can trust him with this. If something were to happen, him not knowing it was what you wanted might cause more complications,” she mused, her hands curling around the sides of her mug. It was time for a refill, and then maybe a sit-down with a good book. Something to unwind with and decompress a little after such a long day.
On the way to pour herself more tea, she stopped and pressed a kiss into Raven’s hair. “I am here if you need anything else.”
Raven nodded some. It was still a lot to think about, to figure out if she could put it into words, or if she should just write letters to those who would wonder and enchant them to be delivered if something happened. It was enough to give her a headache.
“Yeah…”
Staring into the now empty tea cup, the teen nodded as Zatanna said she was there if she needed anything.
“I know. Thank you.”