A tall ship and a star to steer her by (starwreck) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-12-19 17:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, clara oswald, james kirk |
Sometimes it’s like I’ve lived a thousand lives in a thousand places.
Who: Clara and Jim
What: Deep conversations and Renegade Mistletoe
When: Mistletoe plot
Where: Clara’s TARDIS
Rating: PG-13
Status: Log | Complete
To say that Clara felt slightly odd about the fact that she was officially done being a teacher (at least for now) would be an understatement. It had been so much a part of her, and also part of what had managed to keep her grounded for a long time. But something in the past year had changed. Well. She knew what had changed, she had. Clara Oswald had died and then been brought back to life, and now she was frozen in time, never aging, never changing. She had tried to hold onto her old life, which meant being a teacher. But as the year had gone on, Clara found herself more and more bored, and unable to focus. Then the failed alien invasion at the school and Clara had realized what she needed to do.
So with the semester over, Clara had tendered her resignation and now she was free to…. Do whatever. Investigate the strange things that happened. Travel. The options were endless.
For now it was having drinks with Jim. Poor Jim whom she could always drink under the table. Admittedly because of that whole frozen in time thing so alcohol no longer had an effect on her. But still.
Poor Jim, who didn’t know how Clara could do it, and would be very concerned if he knew. Very concerned. But right now he had a tequila in one hand and his friend across from him and he could consider himself happy. “So what are you gonna do now?” He gestured with his drink. “You know, being retired and all.”
Well it wasn’t like there was anything that could be done about it. And if she once again dreamt of Trap Street, Clara was pretty sure she would then die. For good this time. So best not to worry about it and instead just live her life. Perhaps more reckless than she’d be otherwise (which given Clara, that could be a bad thing) but still, one just never knew. Her current drink of choice was tequila as well, though who knew what would come later.
And that was the million dollar question, wasn’t it? What did she plan to do now that she wasn’t teaching.
“Explore. I mean, I have my TARDIS.” Shrugging, she took a sip of her drink, “There was a near alien invasion around Halloween. Made me miss the adventure from my dreams. Figure I can do something with that.” It was Orange County after all, there was always going to be something.
“Just pick up and leave?” Kirk asked. That did have a certain appeal. There was so much out there just waiting to be explored. Or seen and learned about. But Clara seemed laissez faire about it. “You don’t sound all that excited about the prospect.”
“I don’t know if just picking up and leaving is what I mean. Like. I’d come back, too many friends here. But I have the ability to explore and help and time it right, it would be like I never even left.” The joys of having a time machine. She paused at the comment on how she didn’t sound all that excited about the prospect, swirling her drink some as she tilted her head to the side. “I don’t know. I mean. It’s all my dreams are. Exploring. Adventure. I do miss it. I just never really thought about what I wanted to do next.” It wasn’t like she really needed to worry about paying rent or anything since her TARDIS had plenty of rooms.
The Tardis seemed to be something that was everywhere and everywhen at once when it wanted to be. Jim wouldn't be surprised if it was sentient somehow. Wouldn't be the first sentient machine he had experience with though most of them ended up needed to be... dealt with, eventually.
"Your dreams don't have to be everything," he pointed out, pointing his glass at her. "But I should take that advice myself."
That about summed it up, even if Clara sometimes still got weirded out by the sentient nature of the TARDIS, but she was nowhere near as bad as the Doctor in regards to that. The TARDIS could be wherever and whenever she needed it to be. After all, it was serving them a perfect location for hanging out and drinking without risk of her embarrassing him at a bar or anything like that. And less noise to talk over.
“No, they don’t. But I won’t lie and say that they didn’t point out the feeling of missing something and they gave me some insight into that.” They also had killed her. But hey, technicalities. “And oh? What advice might that be?”
“Not letting the dreams take over your waking life.” Jim knocked back his glass and poured another. “But I admit, I think they’ve made me a better person. Maybe even the person I was meant to be.”
Which was kind of deep for only one glass of Tequila but hey, there it was.
Hey, they were space friends. They could go deep sometimes even if both had a tendency to want to avoid those sorts of thoughts. So she just nodded some as it was something she could definitely understand. After all, she had just said that the dreams had opened her up to the insight, the ability to explore. Not to be so caught up in presenting the perfect image, of trying to control every tiny minute detail because she always felt out of control.
“I think there’s a balance. But yeah. It gives you that insight, things you might not otherwise recognize in yourself. Nothing wrong with that. Like you said, don’t let it take over but also don’t ignore it either.”
She had her mum’s book. 101 Places to See. A guide perhaps for what she could do now. Reaching over, Clara took the bottle once Jim had finished pouring his second glass so she could pour herself a new glass.
“I guess that was part of it. Both here and the dreams, I did the teaching thing but it was like I was sort of stuck I guess.” She wanted to feel alive again.
Space was deep. Big and dark and dangerous and filled with the temporarily hidden. Deep conversations could happen too.
"The insight is nice. Maybe a little jealous of myself." There was the pain too. Edith, his brother, Gary. So many that he'd lost. Edith still hurt. How could you love a person you'd never met? But the feelings were real. The grief was real.
He didn't know what he'd do if something happened to Spock or Bones.
"Maybe a different kind of teaching. Something more hands on. Teach yourself in the process."
Grief and loss were things Clara was intimately familiar with, both the dreams and real life. Her parents, being the girl who was too smart for her own good in the children’s home until a grumpy Scotsman adopted her, Samuel, her mum in the dreams, the Doctor, Danny, herself.
“Sometimes it’s like I’ve lived a thousand lives in a thousand places. I’m born, I live, I die...”
And just like the Doctor, she ran and avoided. Blinking, Clara shook her head before downing her tequila in one go. That got much deeper than she was prepared for at the moment, even though there was the deepness and darkness and danger which hid within space and all of them. Nope. No need for that. Just because the year anniversary of her death and being brought back was coming upon her…
So another glass because that second one had suddenly gone away (she forgot how much it burned on the way down, not like it had any other effect on her).
“That’s an idea though.”
Jim had learned to measure his drinks more slowly around Clara, not unlike around Spock. In some bizarre way she filled a similar niche in his life. It was an unexpected thought and one he didn’t know how to process.
“I know you’ll figure it out. And if there’s any way for me to help, I will.”
This was one of those times Clara really wished she could feel the effects of alcohol, and yet she had to make due with just drinking with friends and mocking them. Though she at least had been nice and suggested her TARDIS so as to keep Jim from making a complete fool of himself in public should she undoubtedly would happen.
“Thanks. I’ll make sure to let you know if I do need help.”
Meanwhile, a renegade mistletoe had seemed to float into the TARDIS (so much for security) and was heading over to the two as only a renegade mistletoe can do.
“Thanks. It’s hard to help when you won’t let someone.” Jim raised his glass to her, suddenly feeling the strangest urge to kiss her. While she was attractive and generally his type, she was also not on the kissing friend list like Meg or Anne.
“Touche.” Because Clara was pretty bad about letting people actually help her. She took things on and while she was used to helping others, letting others in and seeing that vulnerability, that she wasn’t as together as she put forth? That wasn’t a thing she had gotten any better about. So she raised her own glass before feeling the urge to kiss Jim.
It wasn’t the alcohol, that much Clara knew. Even so, as she was unaware of the renegade mistletoe that was now above them, the brunette instead just placed her glass down before closing the distance and kissing Jim rather intently, during which she somehow had ended up clutching his shirt in the process
Jim would just have to step in and help her whether she wanted to or not. She got close, and he let her close the distance before wrapping an arm around her and pulled her into his lap as he kissed her back. It felt like a thing he should do, and she was quite warm and soft so he kissed her like they were never going to get to kiss anyone ever again.
That worked. Clara was tactical by nature so once Jim had pulled her onto his lap, she shifted so that she was straddling him, arms going around his shoulders and fingers in his hair as she pressed against him and deepened the kiss. And given she really hadn’t been close to anyone like this in the waking world since before she moved to the States? Well, she was more than fine with seeing how things played out, unaware of the mistletoe or that it was leaving. No. She was a bit more focused on the proper snog session and being close to someone and feeling actually alive without it being tied to some reckless behavior since last Christmas.
Clara was tiny and firm, and Jim ran his hands up and down her back in comforting circles. It let him hold her closer, let the kissing deepen and if they were in a car the snogging would have fogged the windows already. Maybe it was something in Clara's posture or how she seemed to be craving affection and warmth but it tripped Jim's 'must comfort' feelings.
While part of Clara’s initial reasoning for thinking they should meet at her TARDIS was to keep from Jim inadvertently embarrassing himself should she drink him under the table again along with the fact that they wouldn’t have to contend with the loudness of such an environment, now that they were presently making out without abandon? All the better that they had chosen a far more private location to avoid getting kicked out.
However, especially now that the mistletoe had left, Clara had enough presence of mind to know that while she herself didn’t need to breathe, that wasn’t the same for Jim and so she pulled away slightly to give him that chance to breathe.
Some things were worth suffocating for.
It really wouldn't be the first time Kirk had gotten kicked out of a place for something like this and there would probably be other times. But an audience would have made this awkward.
He took in a ragged breath against her lips. It was like there'd been a spell but it hadn't quite broken yet. But he did wonder what had just happened. "I have something else for you for Christmas, but that was nice too."
It really would have been awkward had they been in public. While Clara had been in plenty of strange situations, getting kicked out for making out with someone because of surprise mistletoe? That would be new.
It definitely had been like a spell because of the suddenness of it all. Clara certainly wasn’t going to complain, it wasn’t like she minded what had transpired even if it hadn’t been on her radar. Yet she didn’t move and remained as she was, seeming to breathe though it was more a matter of instinct or unconscious than actual necessity.
“Mmm. Very nice.”
"I know I'm irresistible." Jim trailed his fingers up Clara's spine, a lazy grin on his face. He hadn't pulled much away and was content to let the moment linger.
Letting the moment linger was perfectly fine with Clara, who instead just shivered some as he trailed his fingers along her spine. Given the fact she tended to be impervious to feeling pain? She would take it even as she rolled her eyes at the comment.
“Oh yes, so very irresistible.”
Of course she would also tease him, no matter their current situation or position. It was who she was.
"You wound me." He feigned dramatic insult, but her shiver didn't go unnoticed and he traced his fingers across her shoulder. "And here I thought drink didn't get to you."
He liked to joke about her metabolism, be it food or drink.
“I’m cruel like that.” Briefly her eyes fluttered closed as he traced his fingers across her shoulder before she just quirked a brow at him as the sensations passed for the time, “And who said anything about the drink getting to me? I could drink the entire bottle and feel nothing.”
Well, it was true.
“Your ability to process that much is a natural wonder of the world and should be bottled and sold.” Jim hesitated, then leaned in to kiss her neck. He didn’t know why, but Clara always seemed to be a little cold and distant. Not in the talkative sense, but physically.
“I’m the Impossible Girl, it’s part of that, obviously.” Okay, no it wasn’t. But that was irrelevant. And Clara was like that. An enigma of sorts. She was tactical, she had no issue with hugging people or touching them on the arm or hand to reassure them. But physical closeness? It was something she hadn’t let herself have as she’d initially not wanted to put herself in that position of vulnerability again. She needed the control. Then there was the past year, the growing sense of no longer being grounded. Not at first, and it hadn’t been like that in the dreams but the longer it went on.
Still, she made an appreciative noise and tilted her head to the side, eyes closing again as she felt Jim kiss her neck.
“Right,” Jim murmured, not quite believing her. There was more to it, he just hadn’t put his finger on just what exactly it was yet. Dream related, probably. A side effect of the Tardis? Alien blood? Neither would really bother him. He kissed her neck again, slow and deliberate and lazy. Space wasn’t the only thing James Kirk liked to explore.
“Mm. I’m always right.” It could feasibly be tied into the Impossible Girl mythos that had surrounded her, though no, that was more the echoselves and the inability to now get drunk and being frozen between life and death, no pulse or breathing, well that was something else. Even so, she would sooner go with the Impossible Girl being why. It fit into the flirtation at any rate. That and she was a bit distracted by Jim’s current actions that she was intent to let continue for the time being.
Somewhere, the mistletoe was tittering to itself over a job well done. Kirk grinned against Clara's skin, nipping lightly near her pulse-point. "You've never been wrong, not even once?"
She'd say no, he'd bet on it. But that was what he liked about her.
Well that caused a slight jump, though not a bad one, just of shock even as she resettled. There was teasing and flirtation happening as it were, so she didn’t notice how close he was to what should have been a pulse point.
“Not even once.”
Complete lie. Everyone had been. But she stood by her decisions, even the ones that might have been ‘wrong’. Like what had had led to her dying in the first place.
He nipped again, enjoying the way she reacted. One hand repeated the spine tracing, though this time in the opposite direction.
"Not even a little bit? Bet on the wrong team?" He punctuated each question with either a nip or a kiss. "Bad date? Chose the wrong property in Monopoly?"
He was definitely good at getting reactions out of her, that much was certain. Part of it was undoubtedly just because she was hypersensitive to it given how long it had been, but she certainly wasn’t complaining.
“Whatever appeared wrong…or bad... always worked out in the end.” Each answer tended to end with a jolt from the accompanying nip, fingers tightening some in his hair. Because really, not the time to rehash those bad decisions that she claimed she never made.
Other questions came to mind, but Jim dismissed them. There were other, more important things to worry about. He lifted his head, lips just touching Clara's. "I'd really like to kiss you again."
There were always questions, and typically Clara was a fan of not answering them. Well, depending. Avoiding, distracting? She was good with that. “That’s a relief.” Whatever, she was caught up in the haze of the moment and so as he said he’d like to kiss her again, Clara was more than content to oblige him. After all, the night was theirs.