Cosima Niehaus doesn't talk about Clone Club (geekmonkey) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-11-30 14:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, cosima niehaus |
Who: Cosima
What: "Dealing" with dream fallout.
When: Early November
Where: Her apartment
Warnings: References to murder and a death wish of a sort
Status: Narrative, complete
It was difficult for her to move past what had happened to Kendall. While she hadn't seen the actual death, the simple fact that she'd been there still haunted her. Part of her still wondered why they hadn't killed her too. It would've been better for them to put a bullet in her head and toss her in the back of that burning van as well. No one would've known what had happened until much later, if they'd have even found out. Though she had little doubt that Sarah wouldn't have stopped looking for her and Kendall until she found the answers. Even so, these Neolutionists were extremely dangerous, and they were willing to kill them off as needed.
As it was, the trouble with her dreams had put her completely off her schedule for her dissertation. Cosima was far behind on it, and even when she was trying to work on it, she couldn't keep her focus for the extended periods of time she needed to. The dreams haunted her, and she wasn't sleeping well when she actually slept. It wasn't surprising considering how sensitive she was. She was highly emotional and blaming herself for Kendall's death.
Shaking her head, Cosima realized she'd been staring at nothing for the last little while. She looked down at the pen in her hand and the notes she'd stopped making, right in the middle of a word. She tried to re-read what she'd written and recall what she'd been trying to right. She even consulted the open book she had in front of her, but she couldn't remember what she was writing.
"Fucking great," she muttered as she set her pen down and slumped against the back of her chair. "Just get it together Cosima." She coached herself. She needed to somehow get back on track with her dissertation. That was something she couldn't fall so far behind on. Work at the Agency could be put on hold. Plus if she was spacing this badly while taking notes and such, she probably wasn't yet ready to handle being in a lab setting where spacing out could result in something going terribly wrong.
Getting up, she went to the kitchen to make herself some coffee. Perhaps the jolt of caffeine would allow her to focus for a while to get some sort of work done. But even then, her heart was breaking and she didn't know what to do. She couldn't change the dreams, even though she wished she could go back and die in Kendall's place. Or try to save her by stopping her and Sarah from going ahead with the plan they'd made for a potential cure.
"See Cosima, this is what happens when you act rashly." She chastised herself. While she didn't really trust Susan Duncan, the fact that it was the quickest way to potentially get a cure for the illness that was killing her had been the driving force. Cosima didn't want to die, not like that. She didn't want to waste away like Jennifer had. But now with Kendall gone, there was little other option for her. Death seemed to be inevitable, and that was weighing on her more and more as the dreams came and went. At least she wasn't still sick here, otherwise this situation would be made a million times worse.
She wished that she'd never started dreaming in the first place. There didn't seem to be any happy ending for them on the horizon. People around them kept dying. Cosima was dying. She could feel a noose around her neck, so to speak, and it was tightening further with each dream. Something really bad was coming, something worse than what had happened to Kendall. The dreams seemed to be heading for a collision course with whatever it was. She wasn't so certain that she or her sisters would be left standing once it was all said and done.
Taking a sip of her coffee once it was brewed and dressed to her taste, Cosima sighed. The only way she knew how to deal with something like this was to throw herself into her work. How did someone get past being a witness to a murder and having had a hand in it? She didn't have the answer, so she would just try to do some work on her dissertation. Though she suddenly understood why her dream self seemed to have dropped out of school. Handling the dream bullshit on top of school work was a recipe for disaster.
Cosima just hoped she could get through this without causing a disaster in her wake.