Lily Evans (doealily) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-11-13 18:15:00 |
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To say that Hanna was falling apart mentally would be an understatement. As was her way, she was doing everything possible not to think about what she had gone through. Because it didn’t matter because it was just from stupid dreams. Not to mention she was pretty sure Spencer was pissed off at her because oh no, she hadn’t mentioned the network nevermind she explained why she hadn’t. Between that and the latest onslaught of dreams, waking up with the scars from being electrocuted, the trauma…. Then school work? How she hadn’t completely snapped was something short of a miracle.
Even though she didn’t have anymore classes for the day, Hanna had decided that she was going to study in the library. As much as she loved Caleb, she was feeling suffocated. Undoubtedly the trauma. So long as she didn’t go the route she did in the dreams where she straight up ended her engagement to Jordan in them as she spiraled, she considered it a win. She just needed the space and not to feel like she was being watched with worried looks as if she might break.
Even if she might be. Groaning in frustration, Hanna rubbed forehead. Focus. She needed to focus.
Lily was weaving her way through the aisles of books and tried to figure out exactly where she wanted to sit. There was a small sized pile, at least to her, in her arms and she darted around a couple lost looking freshman. She caught a snippet of their conversation and doubled back to explain what they were looking for was located. Gotta do at least one good deed a day, right? She felt a little happier with herself as she made her way towards where more of the tables were and could get down to studying.
As she walked by one table she heard a groan of frustration and she turned back around. It looked like this poor girl was going to break something in half. She didn’t have a habit of sitting down and bothering strangers, but she really felt bad for the girl. So, instead of just walking by she made her way back over and stood by the table that Hanna was at, “You okay? That poor book of yours didn’t do anything bad to you, did it?”
Most people walked by, it was human nature. But apparently this was just not Hanna’s day, though part of her would be thankful. It wasn’t like she was planning to divulge all the horrors that happened in the dreams, the torture by AD, killing Rollins…. The constant jumping at sounds of electric current, the coldness in her bones, but even a distraction might be welcomed.
As such, she just looked up to the red head and shrugged.
“Beyond the words blurring together and making absolutely no sense?”
Because really. That was just annoying. She was trying to read but nothing was processing and what she supposed to do about that? Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it was the stress of the dreams and Spencer being mad at her and just all of it. Somewhere she had a handout from a political science course about the effects stress could have on someone, like on processing information, but she didn’t really care right now.
There was an open chair across from the girl and Lily moved effortlessly into the chair. Her stack of books were set on the table and there was a frown gracing her features when the girl explained that the words were all blurring together and nothing was really clicking. Sounded like someone had reached their fill of functioning and they needed to take a mental health day, which was incredibly hard when you were a college student.
“That’s awful. I’m really sorry about that,” Lily expressed with a note of sympathy in her voice, “You wanna chat about it? I know I’m just a random person, but sometimes it helps to get someone with a fresh perspective. But in all honestly, I think you’re too far gone to gain anything from the books. I would suggest a stiff drink, ice cream, and curling up in bed or something along those lines.” Mental health days were important and Lily had needed quite a few when she went through the death in her dreams.
Oh. Okay, they were doing this. Not that Hanna typically minded, she was just… really tetchy about personal space at the moment. But open library. It was fine. So instead she just gave a slight nod. Sympathy. Pity. They almost felt the same right now, which was why she’d been trying to study in the library, away from dreams and the looks that came from knowing something had happened in them. She just wanted to move on.
Which was a lot harder when she was still constantly aware of the currents of electricity around her, when she felt cold despite the aggravating heat of Southern California.
“You’re probably right about that.” She was too far gone at the moment to get anything from the books. No matter how many times someone tries to focus on school work, if it’s too much, then it’s too much.
“All of those sound really good, though I don’t know.” Maybe just having a sleepover at her mom’s would help. Mostly because her mom knew nothing of the dreams and it would just be bonding time since she had moved in with Caleb. “Maybe though.”
Lily didn’t want to invade her space, which was why she had picked a seat across from the girl and scooted back just a little. She watched her with a concerned purse of her lips and those green eyes caught the look of tired desperation on the girl’s face, “Trust me, it’ll really help. I had these awful dreams about dying and I couldn’t handle things for a couple days. I realized that I just needed to process what was going on and ice cream and vodka really helped with that.”
It also didn’t hurt that Sirius had been around to help get her mind off focusing obsessively on those dreams, but she didn’t know the girl’s situation, “If you ever need someone to listen to you then you can feel free to contact me. I know it helps to have someone that isn’t directly involved in your life to vent to.” It was the least she could do for someone who looked this upset.
Hanna nodded slowly. She could technically talk to Caleb about the dreams, of course she could. Be he’d already felt so guilty about not checking the floorboards. That and she’d been distracted by the whole killing Rollins’ thing…. And just not wanting to talk about it. And with Spencer being Spencer and Emily not really wanting to be spoiled and the fact the two were so far behind in the dreams……
“I was tortured in mine…. Then killed the person I think did it in a car accident but now….” She shrugged, because she didn’t know and she didn’t like talking about it. She wanted to just move on and forward but it wasn’t working. “But yeah. Maybe going to my mom’s for the night and just watching movies with her will help.” And convincing said mom to let her have wine despite being under aged…. Technicalities.
Though clearly Lily was right in that maybe it helped to have someone not so connected to the dreams since she had actually said (briefly as it was) what had happened.
“But thanks. I might do that.”
Because talk of dreams meant Valar, and while it could have just been oh yeah totally a weird and realistic dream, there seemed to be a general understanding of those on the network the differences, even if they didn’t straight up say ‘hey, I’m on this network’ or things like that.
Oh no. Torture. No wonder the girl looked so worn out. That was not something Lily wished even her worst enemy to dream about. It was hard enough knowing that James died, dying herself, and leaving her poor son to grow up by himself. It didn’t sound like she was convinced that the person who tortured her was dead though and the guilt of possibly killing someone was weighing on her.
“I’m sorry,” Lily then realized she hadn’t properly introduced herself, “I’m Lily, by the way. Those aren’t dreams you should have to live through. I think you should definitely get away for the evening. I hope that it helps you out and you’re able to relax and forget about things. I shouldn’t keep you for too long.” Hopefully this would help the girl out and Lily could feel like she did a little good in the world today.
The only good thing Hanna could take from the torture aspect was the fact that the others hadn’t gone through it. Well, with Ali locked up somewhere she shouldn’t and being driven insane…. But she had made her choice to protect the others so at least there was that. It wasn’t the psychological torture of the Dollhouse either. Even so.
“Oh. Right. I’m Hanna. And yeah, no one should live through these dreams. But I think you’re right. Thanks.”
Even if she couldn’t tell her mom what had happened, just getting away and having a movie night with ice cream with her mom might be just what she needed. Or at least a step in the right direction.