jem carstairs will be the light at your side (mizpah) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-10-20 21:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, jem carstairs, tessa gray, will herondale |
Who: Tessa Gray, Will Herondale and Jem Carstairs
When: Backdated: Mid September. Middle of the night
Where: Their place
What: Jem's dreams cause him to realize that Will and Tessa are the key to his humanity
Rating/Warnings: Low/None
Status: Complete
In their dreams Silent Brothers didn’t need to sleep and since becoming one, Jem had slept much less than he had before. In all honesty most of the time he didn’t sleep, but over the last month or so, there were times when he thought he had slept, but it was entirely possible that he could have simply zoned out. He didn’t know. Regardless of that fact, whether he’d slept or not, tonight he had his first dreams since becoming a Silent Brother. They had started when Will and Tessa, having gotten married, finally had a son and upon telling him that they had named him James, Jem had begun to cry; something Silent Brothers didn’t normally do as a result of the fact that they were somewhat removed from their humanity, but Jem had cried.
There had been other dreams that had spanned the length of quite a few years where Jem would assist Will, Tessa and the others where he could and it was clear that being around them, he wasn’t like other Silent Brothers. He was more connected to his humanity than the others were. This couldn't have been made more clear when Will died. He knew it would happen eventually, but he hadn’t been prepared for it and upon waking up or whatever the equivalent was in Jem’s case, he could feel wetness around his eyes and realized he was crying. Crying at the thought of losing Will and before he could think, he was on his feet and heading towards the guest room where Will had been sleeping since this had all happened.
It hadn’t been easy for Will or Tessa since Jem had turned into a silent brother, he’d been detached and quiet. They’d all carried on because what else was there to do but it hadn’t felt right. Will missed Jem, in a way more than Tessa because that parabatai bond they’d shared had been severed and yet Jem was still here. It was painful and Will tried to hide it as best he could.
He’d begun sleeping in Tessa’s room but after a few nights his restlessness had kept her awake and he’d moved to the spare room. She needed sleep, she still had a business to run and he didn’t want to tire her purely because he couldn’t rest. That was where he was now, laying on his stomach looking out of the window and wondering if sleep would claim him at some point.
Not knowing whether or not Will was sleeping, Jem turned the knob slowly and was glad that the hinges on the doors were mostly silent as he pushed it open a crack to take a look inside the room. From where he was standing all he saw was Will laying on his stomach facing the window so it was difficult to tell if he was sleeping or not. ”Will?” He was so focused on watching Will that he hadn’t even realized that he’d just spoken to him telepathically.
Tessa hadn’t been able to sleep easily that night. Worrying about a few things had kept her mind turning over and over, so instead of lying there fretting she had decided to make herself a late night hot chocolate in an attempt to soothe her. While idly stirring her drink, she gazed out the window at the nighttime skyline when she heard a noise coming from the bedrooms. Tapping her spoon on the side of her cup, she put it straight in the dishwasher and headed back to the bedroom with her drink. “Jem? Is that you?” she whispered quietly.
Hearing his own name in his head but with Jem’s voice startled him a little and he jumped and looked around, squinting in the darkened room, “Jem? Are you okay? Did something happen?” he asked sitting up in concern. Without the bond he was unsure what was going on with Jem now, if he was hurt or suffering Will wouldn't’ know without asking.
Jem hadn’t realized that Tessa was also up and he was caught off guard at the sound of her voice then turned his attention to Will. He supposed, after the dreams he’d just had, both of them being awake was a good thing, because he could talk to them both at the same time. “I’m okay, Will.” He glanced back towards Tessa and extended a hand towards her, “I’d like to talk to you both actually.” Sure, it was the middle of the night, but there was no way this was going to wait until the morning now that they were all awake.
“Ok, is here alright?” Tessa asked, coming to stand in the doorway next to Jem and gesturing to the bed in the room, glancing in at Will, then back at Jem beside her.
Hearing Jem reassure him allowed Will to relax a bit and he rolled his eyes, “Oh come on in the both of you, sitting on the bed isn’t going to kill us” he said, moving his legs so they could both sit. It wasn’t like it was a small bed.
Once Tessa was close enough, Jem reached out and took her hand, lacing their fingers together. It was the first time Jem had made any sort of physical move since he’d become a Silent Brother and he would be lying if he said that he hadn’t missed simply holding her hand.
After a moment of just savoring the feel of her hand in his, he guided her into the bedroom and only released it when he moved to sit, cross legged, on the bed beside Will, leaving plenty of room for Tessa to sit opposite them, “I suppose it would make sense that we were all up, huh?”
Tessa bit her lip when Jem took her hand. It felt amazing to have him reach out to her for the first time in a long time, a big step forward. Once Jem was settled on the bed, Tessa placed her mug down on the bedside table before moving to sit opposite her favourite boys. “I would say so. What is it you’d like to talk about?” she asked Jem, casting a quick, concerned look at Will as she did.
Will was watching everything closely, quietly observant for once rather than his usual cocky self. He’d been a little off himself lately even though he’d been trying not to show it, “You said everything is okay, you’re sure?” he checked.
“Everything is fine,” Jem looked at Will then Tessa, wanting to reassure them both that nothing was wrong. He wasn’t entirely sure where to begin, but he knew he needed to say something so that they would stop worrying, “I’ve come to realize that just because I am a Silent Brother, it doesn’t mean I have act exactly like one. All this time, I simply assumed that there was only one way to be, but it’s because of the two of you and Charlotte and Henry and the others that I was able to retain more of my humanity than other Silent Brothers, in the dreams.” He glanced at Will then Tessa again, “And it’s because of you both, here, that I should be able to do that again.” He wasn’t sure where they were in the dreams, so he didn’t want to say anything more that may spoil it. He especially didn’t want Will to know about his own death until he dreamt it.
Tessa gave him a watery smile and reached out to take his hand in hers again, hesitating only briefly. “That’s great,” she replied, looking at Will as excitement started to glow in her eyes. “What brought this on? Did you have another Dream? Is that why you’re up tonight?” she asked.
“That is great” Will said, some of the tension in his body leaving him when Jem spoke and explained. He listened to the reply when Tessa asked him more questions but he linked their hands and stroked his thumb over Jem’s knuckles.
Jem nodded in response to Tessa’s question, “I did. Unlike other Silent Brothers, I assisted you and the others quite often.” He glanced at Will, a fond smile crossing his lips, “You would get a papercut and insist I be called.” He squeezed Will’s hand.
Tessa grinned at him, rubbing her hand over the one she held in her other hand. “That sounds about right. I can just imagine Will throwing a tantrum until you arrived at the Institute,” she laughed, looking over at Will cheekily then back at Jem. “Did you Dream about this tonight? What happened?”
“I don’t throw tantrums” Will said but he was smiling because it was definitely something he’d do and he was glad to hear that Jem was still a part of their lives even after becoming a silent brother. He leaned close to press a kiss to Jem’s lips, “Tell us what happened” he added his own request to Tessa’s.
“I do think that’s debatable.” Jem couldn’t help but smirk at Will; it had been awhile since he’d teased him properly and now that he had come to his realization about the differences between him and other Silent Brothers, he had a lot of time to make up for. “I don’t want to go into too much detail and give anything away, but my dreams tonight spanned quite a few years.” He clenched his jaw a bit at the reminder of Will’s death and couldn’t help but give his hand a gentle squeeze again, “Suffice to say, the important thing is that I noticed how being around you all helped me to hold onto a piece of my humanity.”
Tessa grinned at the two of them, knowing exactly what William was like. Hearing Jem’s words allowed a small glimmer of hope to flare in her chest and she bit her lip. “That’s good Jem, I’m so happy to hear that, but, uh...what does this mean for...us?” she asked quietly. “You said things felt...different. Has that changed?” she asked, remembering the time they had all been together after he’d changed and she had kissed him.
Will had assumed it meant Jem was feeling more like his old self but Tessa was right, they needed to know exactly what these dreams and Jem’s subsequent revelation meant for them all as a trio. Getting back to some sense of normalcy would be welcome, they’d all had enough stress to last them all a lifetime.
“It did, but at the time I was thinking like a Silent Brother. Everything was new, but I’d like to give us a chance.” Jem had a feeling that things would be different now that he’d come to this realization about his connection with Will and Tessa, “I love the both of you and don’t want this to stand between us.”
Tessa smiled at Jem brilliantly and a sob caught in her throat. Shaking her head, she rose up on her knees and took Jem’s face between her hands. “I love you and I am so glad to have you back with us,” she said before leaning down and kissing him.
Will let himself smile properly, he and Tessa had their boyfriend back and that was such a relief. Deciding not to let this pass he wrapped his arms around both of them and tugged them until they were all laying on the bed, limbs tangled but smiles on faces. Things were looking up.