InsaneJournal

Who: Sam and Mike
What: Talking about her death
When: Mid-September
Where: Mike's Place
Rating/Warnings: High/Talk about dream death, and other not niceness from Sam's dreams
Status: Complete



It'd taken Sam a day or two to process what had happened in her last dream. She'd just gone through the motions, going to school and then to work, and avoiding most people that were close to her. Plenty of people on the network had posted about dying in their dreams, but up until a few days ago Sam hadn't experienced it.

She hadn't known how to deal with it, and while a part of her was thankful that she had been alone the night that it happened, another part of her wished that she'd been curled up next to Mike. He always made things better, and so she texted him to see if it was okay if she came over to just hang one night.

Sam had grabbed food from an Italian restaurant for Mike, and then something for herself from a little hole in the wall vegan restaurant for herself. With bags in hand, she made her way toward his door, gave a soft knock at it although she didn't wait for an answer to go in. "Hey," she greeted with a half-hearted smile as she carried the food toward the kitchen, "you have a good day?"

~*~

Music played softly from a wireless speaker while Mike sanded a piece of driftwood by hand. It was a small piece which he planned to use for trim atop a driftwood shelving unit. There wasn't enough of it to use in a larger piece, but it was aged and weathered so beautifully Mike couldn't let it go to waste or be burned by beach people. The little branch would grace the top of someone's shelf which would go into someone's home who wanted to feel close to the ocean.

It would go on living, sharing its story for a long, long time when Mike was done with it.

"I didn't get any large pieces today so my trawling was a bust. I did find this little beauty. I'm hand-sanding it so I can use it for trim on a bigger piece. It's got a lot of weathering to it. Character, you know?"

Mike held the piece up for Sam to see. He was balanced on a bar stool in front of the kitchen's island, sanding over the trash can to keep the shavings from hitting the floor. He tracked enough dust, dirt, and debris home without being careless. Housekeeping was a necessary evil for Mike because he didn't want Sam to ever come over and think she was visiting a traditional 'bachelor pad' when Mike was serious about his life now. He was serious about her. That meant he had to be serious about keeping the place in shape at all times for someone other than himself.

"You sound a little down. Rough day?"

~*~

Sitting the bags down onto the counter, Sam began unpacking the food. She glanced up to look at the small piece of driftwood, a light smile dancing on the corners of her lips. "I think it looks good. Should be a great addition to anything that you make." She took in a deep breath, and turned to go grab a couple of plates for the two of them.

With a sigh, Sam turned her head to look over her shoulder at Mike. "Rough night." She moved back to the counter, and sat the plates down. Reaching up, she ran her fingers through her hair, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"You know, just when I think these dreams are done, that they've thrown everything that they possibly could at me and my friends? I get proven wrong." Her voice was thick with the tears she was holding back. Sam had tried to be strong for everyone, but with everything that had gone on and would go on in the future she knew that things were about to get worse.

"I died. Hannah, well, Wendigo Hannah killed me. She shoved her hand right through my chest." Sam reached up, placing a hand over the middle of her chest, and then swallowed hard. Her hand dropped back down, "I don't think all of this would bother me so much, but I know Hannah and Josh are going through it too and it's just hard."

Closing her eyes, Sam took in a steadying breath trying hard not to cry. She'd managed so far with her dreams, well, except when Hannah and Beth had died. That had been extremely rough for her, and she'd spent the day after crying randomly.

~*~

Death wasn't something Mike spent a lot of time thinking about. He'd lost people. People very close to him. He didn't think about his family often, but, when he did, he regretted the loss of his mother before he could make her proud, of his father before he'd even known the man's name, of the chance to be a brother to someone. Sam literally lived through Hell in her Dreams every night and now she was having to Dream about dying?

If anything less fair could be found in the world, Mike couldn't fucking find it.

"Hey, no, not this time. This time? You don't think about them. You died?"

Mike lay the fine piece of wood down, moving from the stool to stand beside Samantha. She was literally over a foot shorter than him which put her face right against his chest. It would have been awkward for Mike if he didn't like the idea of holding her against him so she could hear his heart beating in his chest. He held her hard because he knew she wasn't made of glass. Sam was from a whole other type of life than him in every possible way; Mike didn't underestimate her based on her size. He refused to be that guy who treated her different because she was small or a woman.

"This time it's about you, Sam. I don't know if you want to talk about it anymore. I don't know if you felt it or how real it was for you. All I know is it happened to you. That means you get to feel however you want to feel about it. I'm here for you no matter what. You need someone to cry on, hit, scream at, anything. I'll do anything for you."

Whatever it took for Sam to feel alive? To know she hadn't actually died? It was only the damn Dreams again? Mike was ready to do it, work for it, try to make it happen. He couldn't imagine how she'd gone through the motions of getting food or even getting dressed after experiencing her own death. Granted, it was a death which took place in another life, another dimension, or maybe even on another planet for all Mike knew of how the Dreams worked, but it was real enough to Sam. He'd been with her when she woke up from enough of them to know how real they were to her.

~*~

Her arms automatically went around Mike, fingers curling into the fabric of his t-shirt. Sam squeezed her eyes shut, and just took a moment to actually listen to his heart beat. She couldn't help but worry about Hannah and Josh. She worried that the day would come that they would hate her for what happened in the dreams, and she had tried to do everything that she could.

Sam had just done what she needed to to survive, and well, that had resulted in a lot of death.

The weight of that crashed down on her again, and she let the tears freely flow. Her small body shook with her sobs, tears staining the front of his shirt. Sam cried until she felt her body finally relaxing, sniffing she pulled back, and reached up with one of her hands to wipe away her tears.

"I know you would do anything for me." She sniffled, and then cleared her throat. "Thank you for that. I really appreciate it, Mike." She offered him a soft smile, her eyes searching his face for a moment. "I love you, in case you didn't know that. I haven't said it yet, but I think that you should know how I feel in case you had any doubts or questions." Sam knew how important it was to let people know how you felt because tomorrow wasn't promised.

"Might not be the best time, since I snotted all over your shirt," she laughed softly, "but yeah, I thought it was time to tell you."

~*~

"I love you, too. I hope you know I'm not saying it because you said it first. I mean, I am saying it while wearing a shirt soaked in your snot. If that doesn't say 'I love you', I don't know what does."

Humor was the best thing Mike could offer in the face of Sam's pain. He felt stronger for having been able to hold her up through her tears, but he was grateful she'd managed to cry it out. Mike wasn't sure he would have been able to take it much longer. Her pain felt tangible to him. Every time her body shuddered in his arms felt as if he were weathering bombs being dropped around them, destroying the whole world to fill it up with nothing more than blood, sweat, and tears.

He still hadn't discussed his Dreams with Sam. Mike wasn't sure how to tell someone who suffered as much as she did in her Dreams that his weren't exactly painful. What kind of trade-off could he really offer her by disclosing he was a stripper in another life? Sam didn't need to hear about that. She needed him to be the guy who listened to her, held her, kept her smiling even when the monsters had won in the nightmares.

Mike pulled his shirt off and balled it up to toss in the direction of the hall. The undershirt he had on was still clean if slightly damp from Sam's tears.

"He shoots, he scores! I figure it's not here with our food so I'm counting it as in the basket. No arguments. We don't have a ref to call me on it for cheating. How about you splash your face a little, I plate dinner, and we talk about anything at all other than dying?"

~*~

With a weak laugh, Sam nodded. "I understand, and yeah, that does say I love you." She sniffed again, and took in a deep breath. She didn't doubt him, or mind one bit that he'd used humor to defuse the situation. Sam needed that more than anything right now, and Mike, well, he was a good man.

She trusted him with her life, and everything in between.

Stepping back, she gave a nod. "I'm fine with counting it too, and don't worry. I won't tell anyone else otherwise. That sounds good though, I'll be right back." She gave him a wink and headed toward the bathroom. God, she was a right mess. Sam took a long look at herself in the mirror, and then let out a long sigh. She turned the water on, letting it warm up since fuck using cold water, and then splashed her face. Pulling the hand towel down, she wiped the water from her face and let out a long breath.

She was fine. She was here alive, and perfectly healthy. And she'd told Mike that she loved him.

Yeah, it had been time for her to do that.

After another few moments to compose herself in the bathroom, Sam turned the light off and went back out to the kitchen. "Again, sorry for snotting all over you, but I do feel some better." It would take time for her to get over the shock of what had happened, and what her friends would experience or had experienced in the dreams.

"I am, however, hungry so I say let's get to that."

~*~

Plating was easier than cooking though Mike wasn't necessarily a bad cook. He'd gotten pretty good at it from an early age because there was no way to eat healthy on his family's income without cooking at home. They couldn't afford what it cost to eat well out every day. Sam was the kind of woman who went to two different restaurants in order to make sure Mike got something he liked to eat even if she herself couldn't find anything on their menu to her tastes.

He plated her food first -vegan food always smelled good, but Mike had yet to develop a dedication to the taste or the restrictions necessary to swap over to the diet himself- taking care to make sure each portion was arranged neatly without touching any other serving. It was more Mike's preference to keep his food from touching than Sam's, but he liked the way it looked. He also liked it was still hot which meant she'd likely come straight to him after picking up their dinner.

Mike liked the idea Sam had come straight to him. He liked almost as much as he'd liked hearing her tell him she loved him.

Looking up from sliding his chicken florentine onto his own plate, Mike smiled, "You're looking better. That's good. Plates are ready. Dinner's still hot. What do you want to drink?"

Mike figured they'd eat at the island. His elemental bar stools were comfortable enough and they were tall which actually put Sam on the same level with him when they ate together around the island. He could get them drinks to try to make everything seem more normal. There was nothing normal about dreaming one's own death, but Mike? He was as average as they came in terms of lifestyle---or so he considered himself to be and he hoped it was some comfort to Sam.

~*~

"Good, I feel better." And she did. Sam had been in a haze for the last couple of days, wondering what she could've done differently in her dreams to make everyone have a happy ending. There really didn't feel like there could be a happy ending as far as their dream world was concerned though. Even if she managed to get out, the death of Hannah, Beth, and Josh going missing still hung heavy over her head.

Sam took a seat at the bar, and pursed her lips in thought. "Water's fine." She stated with a nod, moving her plate more in front of her before she picked up the pack that contained the plastic utensils.

She opened up the package, placing her fork and knife down onto the thin napkin that the restaurant had provided. Sam had no issues going to grab Mike food from another place. While she could've gotten herself a salad from any Italian place, Sam had been in the mood for something with a little more substance, which meant tofu. The tofu stuffed peppers, rice and black beans had been a good choice in her mind.

Glancing up at Mike, Sam smiled. She didn't know how she'd gotten so lucky in finding him, and she was grateful every single day that she'd agreed to go out with him. "Thank you. For everything Mike."

Even though nothing was normal in the OC, Sam was fine with things being normal here for now. It was exactly what she needed.

~*~

Mike retrieved two bottles of water from the fridge. They were both people who enjoyed a cold water after a workout or as a way to slake thirst better than any carbonated options. Soda was something only occasionally in the house for Mike. He and Sam were more likely to opt in for a juice over a soda at any time. It helped water was a nice neutral base to any meal so he didn't have to worry it wouldn't go well with whatever Sam chose to bring in for herself.

One of these days Mike would get good enough at doing the shopping to buy vegan products without having an exact list from Sam, but, for now, he was glad he had simple enough tastes to keep them on an even footing.

"No thanks needed. I'll do anything for someone I love and I love you. Anything you need? If I have it to give or I can get it to give? I'll get it for you. You'll have what you need with me as long as it's in my power to make it happen."

He wished his Dreams showed him being a man with better future options. Superpowers or a hidden source of endless wealth would have been nice so why couldn't he have wound up Dreaming about those things? Or anything close to those things? Mike only hoped he could offer Sam enough to keep her. She'd said the words. Told him she loved him. Maybe they'd make it because he was just some ordinary guy.

"We'll get through this. We can get through anything. I believe that. I have to believe that. Hope's important. It's the best thing we've got besides love."

Mike hoped maybe, in being absolutely normal, he was exactly what Sam needed. Hope was all either of them had which meant they were likely on the same page and not only eating at the same table.