claire redfield (claireredfield) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-09-30 19:01:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, claire redfield, dean winchester |
Who: Claire and Dean
What: Talking about the baby
When: Late August
Where: Their home
Rating/Warnings: Low/Nothing really but light cursing and cuteness.
Status: Complete
After finishing up her morning shower, Claire stepped out and toweled off. She didn't feel as tired as she had over the last few months, and after their visit with the doctor she found that she was further along than she'd thought, and that was fine by her. She was just happy that the baby was healthy so far, and she? Well, she was still doing fine and would be doing fine once all of the morning sickness had passed.
She caught a glance of herself in the full length mirror that sat in the corner of their bathroom, and she smiled softly. Walking over to it, she turned to the side, and pulled her tank top up to rest just underneath her breasts. Her yoga pants rode low as it was, underneath her now growing bump.
Claire had always been a bit on the thin side, toned and trim, but her body was changing to fit the little one growing inside of her. Her bump was there, noticeable now at 13 weeks, and they were out of that danger zone as she entered her second trimester.
Claire ran her hand over her stomach, and then caught sight of Dean standing in the doorway. She turned to look at him with a light smile on her face, "So, question, do you want to know the sex of the baby when we have our next ultrasound?"
~*~
People learned in different ways. In the early '80s, Dean Winchester had grown up surrounded by teachers who thought kids learned the same way or they didn't learn at all. He'd been pushed aside as a result because he didn't learn the same way as those goody-goodies who could listen to the teacher prattle on about who-the-Hell-knew-what for an hour at a stretch before being given a written pop-quiz where he was supposed to remember all the prattling when all Dean could recall were the lyrics to the last AC/DC tape he'd fallen asleep to in his father's car.
Hands-on was the only way Dean had ever been able to learn anything well enough to retain it.
He wanted to put his hands on Claire's body every day. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day until she had their baby, Dean wanted to have his hands on her, learning her, learning their child, feeling their own miracle taking place. In a life filled up with evil, Dean could see nothing other than pure goodness when he looked at Claire. She was giving him something he'd never imagined having for himself: a family of his own.
Dean wouldn't ever be able to thank her for that.
"I don't want to know."
Death came for people of all ages. Old people died. Young people died. Babies died.
"I want to---keep it a surprise. What about you? You want to know? I wouldn't blame you if you did."
~*~
Giving a nod, Claire tugged down her tank top and made her way over to the sink. "No, that's fine. I understand." She didn't judge him, or want to pressure him into knowing what their baby was going to be. Honestly, the only things that mattered to Claire was that they had a healthy baby as its gender didn't matter to her one little bit.
Healthy. That's all she wanted.
"I'm fine either way to be honest." She glanced over at him as she grabbed her toothbrush from the holder, "Mostly? I just want our baby to be healthy. It doesn't matter one way or the other to me if it's a boy or a girl. Besides," Claire turned on the tap and ran her brush underneath the water, "we can always opt for gender neutral clothes and other things." She lifted a shoulder as she put toothpaste onto her toothbrush and then began to brush her teeth.
A few moments later she was finished, and she wiped her mouth off with the hand towel that sat next to the sink. "I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page, that way when they ask we can tell them." She moved over to him, arms draping around his neck as she smiled up at him.
"Also? We'll need to talk about names for when the time comes. You have anything in mind just yet?"
~*~
"I was thinking we might use Samantha for a girl---or just tell my brother that's what we're going with to see his face at least."
Dean couldn't help his hand went immediately to Claire's belly as she came over to him. He loved the feel of her skin getting tighter, harder. Sometimes he worried about what she'd think if she wound up with like marks, stretch marks, or whatever from getting pregnant. Would she hate him for changing her body that way? Would she resent their baby for marring her skin any more than it already had been by life? Other times all Dean could think about was how strong Claire was to be able to offer up the gift of life with a smile on her face.
He hadn't allowed himself to seriously consider names for the same reason he didn't want to know the baby's gender: death could come for anyone at any time. People who had names? They were people. They weren't strangers passing by on the sidewalk. Once he knew someone's name, Dean had a connection to them he couldn't shrug off. Resting his forehead against Claire's to steady himself, Dean sighed. They didn't have to make a definite decision, but they did have to talk about it, think about it, plan. This was happening. It was real.
Dean had to treat it as if it were real.
"If it's a boy? Not John. My old man did the best he could under the circumstances and with the limitations he had from his crap life. He passed a lot of his crap on to me with that name. I don't want our boy to have any of the bad stuff. Only the good stuff. I wouldn't mind Mary. For a girl. My mother was a good woman. I remember that every day. Every day."
~*~
Laughing, Claire gave a small sideways tip of her head. "We can do that. I'd like to see the look on his face too." She thought about Chris for a moment, and she wondered how he'd feel if they went with Christina if it was a girl.
She knew that Dean had his fears, his doubts and she tried to reassure him that things would be fine. Claire hoped that she was doing okay with that, and as his hands came to her stomach she couldn't help but smile. She didn't mind having his hands on her at any point and time, and even though her body was changing she was happy with the changes.
She watched him carefully as he rested his forehead against hers, hands sliding down to rub over the top of his shoulders. "That's fine." Claire knew how his dad was here, and in his dreams. His mother, however, was another story. "Hm, Mary Samantha? Mary Christina?" She smiled up at him, "I would be fine with Mary though. Christina for my brother though, since much like you? I'd like to see the look on his face." She chuckled softly and then took in a deep breath.
"What about Ronnie for a boy? You know after Ronnie Van Zant? I'm open to other suggestions, unless they have to do with classic cars. I draw the line at naming my kid after a car. Unless it is a really cool name." She gave him a teasing smile and a wink.
~*~
Cars had really cool names in Dean's opinion. He was soothed by being able to touch Claire. Tactile contact was something which did more for Dean than anything else. It was what he attributed to his failure in the torture chambers of Alastair. When the only contact he was allowed was pain? Dean broke. His father never had because John Winchester had been raised in a household where touch hadn't been withheld.
His old man hadn't been starved for physical affection; Dean would make sure his child wasn't either.
"I like really cool guy names. I think I like Christine better than Christina though. We'd get a two-for-one special. A hit at your brother and a really cool car name. It would guarantee she had the best chance to take care of herself. You gotta know both Mary and Christine were the ladies who didn't need protectors. Our girl is going to be like that."
Dean hesitated as he thought about male names. Most of the people in his life -this one and the one he survived in his Dreams- were men. There were so many of them who'd been lost over the years. He'd even been responsible for the loss of Death himself. Out of all those men he'd been helped by, saved by, loved by, which deserved to be remembered with the honor of his first-born son?
Carefully, Dean raised his head up to search Claire's face as he said, "Ronnie died too young in a plane crash. I want our boy to have---to have the best chance of survival. He needs a survivor's name. I like Robert. Bobby Singer lived to fight even after he was dead. That old man saved me. He's the reason I didn't wind up in the system being abused or tortured. He's the one who took care of me when my old man couldn't. Plus? Robert Plant will never die. It's a good name. I think anyway."
~*~
"Christine is fine with me." Honestly Claire wasn't extremely picky when it came to names, although she did want to honor the people that had made an impact in their lives. She knew that both of them had people in their lives that they wanted to honor. "Oh she's definitely going to kick ass first and take names later." Claire replied with a grin. She had absolutely no doubts that if they had a daughter that she'd be a badass.
A lot of death clung around Dean in his dreams, and here as well. She could understand his reluctance to name any of their children after people that had died. "Robert is a fine name, and I think that if we have a boy that'd be a great name to give him." Claire rubbed her hands up and down Dean's back, a soft smile gracing her lips.
"We can figure out the rest of it all later. I just thought that we might want to start thinking about it now." It wasn't as if they didn't have time to talk more about names, or things like that. Claire, however, thought it might not be best to push getting the nursery together until she was closer to her due date. For some reason she thought that might be too much for Dean at the moment, and even though she was out of the danger zone she knew that there were still risks.
Life in the OC wasn't as easy as some thought it would be, and there was great potential risk from her dreams.
That was something Claire didn't like to think about.
"Want to help me cook breakfast? Or at least keep me company while I do it?"
~*~
"Keep you company? I can do that though it might be a hardship. You may have to entice me with charming commentary and bacon."
Dean wasn't exactly joking so much as admitting he knew his limits. He could make a mean hamburger or the perfect grilled cheese, but most other things? They fell outside his realm of expertise. Sammy had grown up on diner food, cereal, and anything Dean could throw in a microwave. The guy ate sincerely better now while Dean tended to stay with what he knew best unless Claire chose to do something up.
They did nice dinners from time to time. They had simple patterns which made their lives work. It took a lot for Dean to trust someone with his routines; Claire had her own issues with trust and allowing someone in. There were a bunch of things wrong with them which should make them not work and an equal amount of things which did make them worse. Dean felt glad he had found someone who worked with him the way Claire did.
Considering Claire as they made their way from the kitchen, Dean offered up conversationally, "You know your ass is actually getting better. I didn't think that was possible. It was already perfect. Who knew you could improve on perfection? I hope our daughter gets your figure."
~*~
"Hardship huh?" Claire turned to look over at him with an amused smirk. "I think, however, I can keep you interested with my commentary, and bacon." Claire always tried to make sure that they had foods in their kitchen that both of them enjoyed. Some were quick and easy meals to prepare in the microwave, and others were a little more hands on. Claire didn't mind cooking, she wasn't great at it but she wasn't a bad cook either.
Claire's barefeet padded softly against the floor, and she laughed at Dean's remark. "My boobs have gotten bigger too. " Not by a lot, but if it was any indication on how much her figure was going to change? She was definitely going to have to invest in new bras. Her hand came down to rest on her stomach as they moved into the kitchen, "Our daughter huh? You've already decided?" She glanced over at him with a smile as she pulled the refrigerator door open to pull out a pack of bacon.
"A girl would be nice." She agreed with a nod, grabbing a frying pan from the dish drainer, "Honestly I'm, again, not picky about the gender. As long as they're happy and healthy." That was really all Claire could or would ask for.
They were doing everything that they could. Routine doctor visits, Claire was eating healthy and taking every step that she could to make sure that their baby would have the best chance out there.
Once the pan was hot, Claire placed a few strips into it. "Just you know, keep the positive praise coming about my figure. I think I'll need it once I'm as big as a whale toward the end." She turned, giving Dean a wink.
~*~
Dean hadn't intended to express a preference. It'd seemed to slip out of his mouth involuntarily as he was watching his pregnant girlfriend walk in front of him, leading him to their kitchen. He was supposed to say the same thing she was saying: all that mattered was their child was healthy and happy. Dean knew how it was supposed to go down; he'd been serious when he had said he didn't want to know the gender of their unborn child in advance.
He'd just---said it.
"I didn't mean---"
Swallowing, Dean forced a smile as he leaned against the kitchen island while Claire set up to cook, "I'll be happy either way. I just said it. So maybe I'm thinking we're having a girl. That's not going to mean I won't be happy to have a boy. I know more about guy things anyway. Cars and sports and girls. It just seems a little less terrifying when I think of a girl. She might have a better chance than me or Sam, you know?"
Winchester men didn't do so well. It was something Dean couldn't stop thinking about. Every time he thought he was over it, he'd fall asleep for the night to Dream about what kind of life he really lived. That was all it took to bring the fear back up close and personal. All he wanted was their baby to get more of Claire and less of him, as little of him as possible. This baby deserved a shot, a real shot at a good life.
Dean couldn't help feeling as if a daughter would get the best chance of that than a son.
"Does that make sense? I don't want you to think I'm not happy either way. I'm happy. I never thought I'd be happy like this. I just want our kid to have a shot. That's all I want."
~*~
The words surprised her, and Claire's brows furrowed slightly. They didn't talk much on his dreams, but she knew from what little they did talk about them, especially those nights that were rough, that things didn't turn out so well for him or his brother.
Claire hoped that one day maybe the nightmares he lived through would be pushed to the backburner. Even with her own dreams that was hard sometimes. Claire would, however, still be there in the morning when he woke up, or the middle of the night for that matter, to try and make them a distant memory.
Turning her head Claire looked over at him. With a smile, she shook her head. "I didn't think that you meant anything by it, Dean." She placed a few more pieces of bacon into the pan, and then moved to go wash her hands. "I know you're happy regardless of what gender our baby is." She dried her hands off on a dishtowel that sat off to the side.
"It makes sense though." She moved over to him, placing her hands on his sides. Tipping her head back, she looked up at him. "Our kid will have nothing, but the best. All the love in the world, and two parents that might bumble through things, but we'll be alright."
Claire had all the faith in the world that they would be alright, even if they did bumble through things with their first. They had to be, and she knew that Dean Winchester would put 110% of himself into helping raise their baby.
"At least we're set on a girl name, so if we do have girl then we won't have to try and figure out a middle name for a boy just yet." She teased lightly, leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips. Yes, they'd be just fine as far as she was concerned.